


All That You Leave Behind

by HPFandom_archivist



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Drama, Explicit Language, F/M, Heterosexual Sex, M/M, Mystery, Romance, Sexual Content, Slash sex, Suspense, Tragedy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-10-11
Updated: 2009-05-06
Packaged: 2018-09-30 05:02:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 61
Words: 108,773
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10154261
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HPFandom_archivist/pseuds/HPFandom_archivist
Summary: Post DH. Imagine Severus was found in time. What impact would this have on Harry and Ginny?





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Note from SeparatriX, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [HP Fandom](http://fanlore.org/wiki/HP_Fandom_\(archive\)), which was closed for health and financial reasons. To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in August 2016. I e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [HP Fandom collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/hpfandom/profile).

Queens(Q): I hope you enjoy this experiment with the canon! The story is intensely complicated and thoroughly plotted by my anally retentive partner-in-crime: Angst(A)

Angst(A): We've worked hard to keep the canon parts right, and to keep characters in character! Feedback and comments are always appreciated. Please bear with us, as I'm American and Q is British. This makes daily updates fairly unlikely, however we'll do our best to make timely updates. Great Minds Think Alike, but time doesn't always co-operate to enable us to think at the same time!

Q: Now sit back and enjoy this little teaser! The story will begin properly with chapter one!

 

**********************

 

Prologue

 

"Bye, Al," said Harry as his son hugged him. 'Don't forget Hagrid's invited you to tea next Friday. Don't mess with Peeves. Don't duel anyone until you learn how. And don't let James wind you up."

"What if I'm in Slytherin?"

The whisper was for his father alone, and Harry knew that only the moment of departure could have forced Albus to reveal how great and sincere that fear was.

Harry crouched down so that Albus' face was slightly above his own. Alone of Harry's three children, Albus had inherited Lily's eyes.

Looking into them, Harry couldn't help thinking back along the path to what had led them to this moment. Lily's eyes. To Harry they would always mean something more than just a link to his mother. Suddenly, he was swept back to that moment that had impacted on his own life so very much.

That moment when Severus had looked into his mother’s eyes...into Harry’s eyes…

_Look...at...me…_


	2. Chapter 1

We do not own anything Harry Potter. We do not make any money from this story.

 

 

Chapter One.

Although exhausted from the final battle and its terrible consequences, there was one last thing Harry wanted acknowledged. He stood in the Headmaster’s office and turned his steady green eyes to Dumbledore's picture.

"Snape....Professor Snape. He was a real hero, wasn't he?"

Dumbledore's painted blue eyes filled with tears. "Yes, my boy, he was. If ever a boy was mis-sorted, it was Severus Snape."

Harry shook his head. "No," he disagreed, feeling his hair shift around his sweaty face. "Professor Snape would never have fitted in in Gryffindor. He would never have been comfortable there. Slytherin was the right place for him."

"But had he been sorted into Gryffindor he might never have been..."

Harry shook his head again. "You can't think like that. He made bad choices, yes, but then so did I." He rubbed his stinging eyes with dirty hands. Harry spoke quietly, but there was no mistaking the intensity of his feeling. "He shouldn't have died like that. So alone. So undramatically. He, of all of us, deserved the right to a grand death."

Albus was reassuring. "Severus was never one for grand gestures," he said, a tiny, sad smile just beginning to show on his face. "Tell us what happened."

Harry did.

When he had finished, he looked at his shoes, biting his lip to keep his tears in. He wouldn’t cry yet, not whilst he still had to be strong, that would come later. His gaze stayed fixed on his dirty and bloody trainers. He just couldn’t trust himself to speak or look at anyone, not after re-telling Snape’s death; and certainly not after saying how wrong they had all been about the man. 

Next to him he heard Ron say softly, "Blimey...he was in love with your mum?...That was his patronus...the doe...?"

Harry nodded slowly, finally looking up to meet Ron’s eyes. He stood there with a disbelieving look on his face. Hermione stood next to him, a sorrowful look on her face, her eyes bright with tears. Harry took a deep breath as he looked up at Dumbledore's portrait, and then frowned. Something wasn't right, but it took a moment for his exhausted mind to process it.

"Harry?" Dumbledore asked.

"He...he's dead," Harry said slowly, "he's dead so...where's his portrait?"

"Harry," Dumbledore said gently, "Professor Snape abandoned his post as Headmaster. I'm afraid his portrait cannot...."

"Abandoned?!” Harry shrieked. “What choice did he have?! Voldemort called and he had to answer! He worked so hard to protect us all, to protect me and now you say he can never have his role acknowledged? YOU did that to him! You held my mother over his head and you made him swear to protect me! You made him a spy, you made him risk his life, and then YOU made him a murderer!! And now, after everything he did for every last one of us, you're going to say he isn't good enough to have his portrait with yours?!" He was furious, his hands clenched into fists by his side, shaking as he glared at Dumbledore.

"Harry," Dumbledore began, "please.."

"NO!" Harry bellowed. All at once, he was exhausted. It was too much. He stood there, finally beaten; beaten not by Voldemort or his Death Eaters, but beaten by a man he had respected and loved, who just didn’t see what Harry saw – that Snape had earned his place as a hero. Feeling defeated after all, fighting tears, he closed his eyes, not hearing Hermione's tiny gasp of surprise, nor seeing Ron's frown.

There was a tense moment of silence before Harry spoke, a new note in his voice.

"That's it," he muttered, "that's it." He suddenly turned on his heel and went striding towards the door, flinging it open and stomping down the stairs, ignoring Ron hurrying after him calling "Harry! Wait...". Harry was fuming to himself, determined that he would at least make sure that Severus Snape received a decent burial. 

Harry reached the lower corridor, Ron on his heels, Hermione a moment later. Harry had covered a great deal of ground in his fury and both of his friends were panting from keeping up. He glowered threateningly at them and began to move off again, but he didn’t get far. Hermione suddenly stopped outside a girls' bathroom. "I just need...," she paused delicately, "you go on. I'll catch you."

Ron touched her shoulder, nodding towards Harry and said, "We'll wait." 

Hermione looked as if she wanted to say something, but closed her mouth with a small nod and went off in the direction of the girls’ bathroom. Ron turned to Harry to voice his commiseration at the injustice done to Snape. Before he could say anything, however, a loud BANG! rang out. They rushed in the direction of the noise. 

A group of students was looking at the large tapestry that had been tugged to the floor. Nearby Peeves was singing one of his victory songs:

"Voldy's gone mouldy, Hooray! Hooray!  
Potty wee Potter has saved the day!"  
The pupils gave weary laughs and crowded around Harry. Ron tried to hold them off, but soon his friend was surrounded by grateful children.

"Wow", said Hermione from behind them. "It's lucky no one was under it." She looked red in the face and her hair was wilder than ever, her eyes rapidly filling with tears. A deep weariness showed in her eyes, mixing with the tears.

"It'll be alright, Hermione," Ron said reassuringly, and Hermione suddenly flung herself at him, burying her face against his neck and hugging him tightly. The crowd oohed and ahhed as the two clung together. Harry took advantage of the opportunity to slip away unnoticed, and left Ron to comfort his girlfriend.

Harry made his way through the mostly empty corridors. Almost everyone was down in the Great Hall helping tend to the wounded, mourning the dead, or reuniting with family and friends, relieved at knowing their loved ones had survived. He stepped in to the Entrance Hall, glancing towards the Great Hall then turning away quickly to avoid the row of shrouded bodies, focusing his mind on another body instead, his anger overriding his exhaustion. He slipped out of the Entrance Hall and set off across the debris-littered grounds toward the Whomping Willow.

Ginny Weasley looked up from her contemplation of her dead brother's face and wiped away her tears. Movement in the Entrance Hall caught her eye, and she left her parents holding each other in their grief to follow the only person she wanted to be near now. Her heart had stopped beating at the sight of Hagrid carrying Harry's limp form out of the Forbidden Forest, and had begun pounding madly when she saw Harry was still alive after all. Now that he had vanquished Voldemort, fulfilled the prophecy they had fought so hard for, done everything he had to do, Ginny was determined not to let Harry go again. Silently she followed him across the grounds, wondering what he could possibly be doing now. 

Harry reached the Whomping Willow, drew his wand, and cast the immobilising spell. When the branches, with which he had past experience, stilled, he headed for the opening of the tunnel that he and Hermione had squeezed into what seemed a lifetime ago. As he crawled along, the shaking in his hands seemed to spread through the rest of him, and his nose was filled with an acrid smell. 

Harry paused momentarily thinking he'd heard noise behind him. He twisted as much as he could in the cramped space to peer into the gloom behind him. He shook his head to clear the weariness and exhaustion threatening to take hold, and crawled on determined not to succumb until, now that Voldemort was gone, this most difficult of all his tasks had been completed.

As the dim light from the entrance to the Shrieking Shack came into view, the acrid smell became stronger, and Harry hurried along as fast as he could towards it. At last he reached the point where he could stand and crawl up into the opening, and frowned at seeing the sky looming overhead. He stuck his head up into the opening and gaped in disbelief at what he saw. It was gone. 

The Shrieking Shack was....gone. 

Harry stared stupidly at the smoking ruins of what had once been Remus Lupin's hideout, the place he had first encountered his godfather Sirius, the place where he himself had once attacked Severus Snape. The place where Snape had paid the ultimate price on Harry's behalf. Gone, all of it, including the thing he had come here for. 

Harry looked about wildly, his mind refusing to believe what his eyes were seeing. Somebody had burned the Shrieking Shack to the ground and along with it Severus Snape's body, leaving nothing but the smouldering remains now surrounding him. This was the final injustice, Harry thought, for both himself and the man who had died protecting him, both pawns in Dumbledore's power game. Suddenly Harry felt hollow, as devastated as the wreck surrounding him. It was too much, too unfair, the cost too high. He felt utterly and finally defeated. Unaware of his own actions, he sank back out of the trap door, coming to his knees on the floor of the tunnel, drained completely, not knowing what to do.

Ginny crawled along the cramped and stinking tunnel after Harry, wondering what in the world he could possibly be after now. She finally caught up with him just as he dropped down from what looked like an opening leading up out of the tunnel. He sat there, motionless on his knees, and as she neared him the blank, expressionless look on his face frightened her. "Harry?", she said questioningly. 

He appeared not to have heard her, appeared not to be aware of her, or anything else, at all. 

"Harry!" she said sharply, and after a moment he slowly turned his head in her direction, his eyes, duller than their usual bright green, following even more slowly. He was looking in her direction, but she wasn't sure he was actually seeing her, and worry joined her fear. Obviously he was in a state of shock, and she wondered what was above them that could have caused it. Frowning, she slid herself alongside him and then pulled herself up into the opening above them. She looked around at the smoking ruins and the landscape surrounding it, Hogsmeade a ways off in the distance, and realised she was in the midst of what had, until recently, been the Shrieking Shack. What in Merlin's name had Harry come here for? He obviously hadn't known it had burned, perhaps a casualty of the battle, so evidently the fact that it had had caused his present state? But what could he have wanted here? She considered it as she took one last look around before retreating back into the tunnel. "Harry?" she said once again, "What's happened? What did you come here for?" 

"It's gone," Harry said tonelessly, "it's all gone. He's gone." Before she could ask, Harry continued on in that same dreadfully emotionless voice, his face deadpan and expressionless as he spoke. "It's so unfair. He just used him, because of me, and he sacrificed everything, for me. Just because he loved her. It's not right. And even after he died, after he was turned into a murderer and was murdered, it isn't over. Everything he did, everything he gave up for me, his own life, and I ...I...this too. I can't even give him this. We were pawns...just...pawns. It was just a power game. They were on the same level. It's not ....fair....it's...loving somebody shouldn't cost that much. It's not right. And all he did, and I never knew, and I was wrong, and it's too late to make it right, and this one little thing, it doesn't make up for all he did, but....it...it was something I could do and...now....now...I can't even do that. Everything's been taken."

"Harry...," Ginny said hesitantly. She had no idea of who or what he was talking about. "What....what's happened?" she asked again, gently.

Now Harry turned to look at her, seeing her this time, his large green eyes filling with tears. "Ginny...," he gasped.

"It'll be alright, Harry," she said, trying to sound reassuring through her worry and fright. He looked as if he were about to breakdown. "I promise," she said, "I promise, everything's going to be alright."

"No it won't!" He shouted suddenly, voice cracking. "It isn't alright, it'll NEVER be right!!” Angrily he swiped his shaking hands under his glasses, wiping his tears, and heaved a great, gasping sigh before turning to her again. "You don't know...nobody knows, ....and nobody will now."

Ginny needed to get Harry out of the Shack and back to Hogwarts as quickly as possible. She doubted that the Ministry would object too much to an unlicensed apparition amidst such chaos. She only hoped she could manage, she’d never tried a side along apparition, and had only recently really begun to apparate properly herself.

"Hang on tight, Harry," Ginny muttered, wand held tightly in her slippery palm.

\---

Poppy Pomfrey uttered a surprised shriek and dropped the bottle of Skele-Gro she'd returned to the Hospital Wing to find. It crashed to the floor as she stuttered, "Wha...How...? Miss Weasley!!" 

Taking in the Hogwarts infirmary and the outraged medi-witch, Ginny smiled to herself and opened her eyes. It had worked then.

"Sorry Madam Pomfrey", she said hastily, "but...it's Harry. I think it's all become too much."

She reached down and pulled Harry’s head up to face her.

"It's okay, Harry," she said gently, "it'll be alright."

Madam Pomfrey took one look at the vacant expression on his face and the way he clung to the girl and said, businesslike as ever, "Over there," pointing to an empty bed. 

Ginny led Harry over and made him sit. "He's had a shock..." she began.

"Of course he's had a shock!" Madam Pomfrey erupted, "He's vanquished the Dark Lord, not fallen off his broom!"

"But...I mean...some other sort of shock," Ginny protested, "he...well, he was...babbling, really...not making much sense. He...it seems Dumbledore's death has finally sunk in, I think, but...for some reason he'd gone to the Shrieking Shack, as if he expected him to be there."

Madam Pomfrey threw her a disparaging look and said sharply, "Mr. Potter...Mr. Potter!"

"He's stopped talking," Ginny said worriedly.

"Obviously," Madam Pomfrey said, "he's catatonic, and no wonder after all this boy has been through. He needs peace and quiet and plenty of bed rest. You may go, Miss Weasley. I will make sure he gets the care he needs."

"But...," Ginny protested. 

But Madam Pomfrey, who was bustling about getting out pyjamas interrupted saying briskly, "You may visit him later, Miss Weasley. I'm sure your family is wondering where you are."

"They're fine," Ginny said, "and...Harry is my family."

*********************************

Please review! We'd love to know what you think!


	3. Chapter 2

We own nothing Harry Potter. We make no money from this story.

 

Thanks to those who reviewed!

 

Chapter Two

Harry lay on his back staring at the ceiling. Around him was the muted hustle and bustle of the school. Everyone had been affected by the final battle - had lost a friend, a relative, had seen death and destruction or awful cruelty and stupid bravery. In the Hospital Wing the silence was absolute - no noise reached Harry, even if he had been aware enough of his surroundings to take an interest. His green eyes rarely blinked as he gazed uncaringly at the white surface above him. What did anything matter? What had been the point in him fighting? In _Snape_ fighting? No one cared. No one had wanted to get to know their prickly vicious Potions master. Everyone - Harry included - had accepted the world's estimate of Snape, and no one - Harry included - had taken the time to get to know the real man.

And now he was dead.

Dead. And destroyed. Harry's mind revolted at the thought of Snape's body casually burnt as if it were rubbish. Snape hadn't deserved that, not even had the world been right about him. And they hadn't been: they'd been WRONG. Harry had been wrong, and now he had no way of ever making it right.

Harry thought about the seven years he had known and loathed Snape - seven years to get to know him, but instead he had judged him, had never given him a chance, had always assumed the worst of the man, and had never once believed the only person to know Snape - Dumbledore. Dumbledore had told anyone who would listen time and time again that Snape was a good man, but no one had wanted to believe him. Harry hadn't wanted to believe him. He had been so sure in his convictions: that Snape was a liar and a coward and a murderer. The foundations of his world were crumbling, and all because he had misjudged one person so badly.

He felt a single hot tear slide from the corner of his eye. He could feel the aching lump in his throat. His heart feeling like a dead weight in his chest. He closed his eyes, struggling to contain the enormous sob he felt building, inside. He would give anything, he thought, to have Snape come stalking into the infirmary, scowl firmly in place, and growl at him. Harry bit his lip, trying to keep in his anguish at knowing that would never happen again. Finally, remembering his utter devastation at seeing the charred ruins of the Shrieking Shack smoking around him, Harry could no longer keep his pain inside, and turned to bury his head in his pillow, silent, relentless tears of anguish and regret dripping off his cheeks and soaking the white cotton beneath him. A half sob broke from him as he finally realised what it was he had lost. The dead weight of his heart had become unbearable, and he wished that he'd stayed in the train station with Dumbledore rather than face the nothing he'd become. This was more than he could take and… A sudden vision flashed through his mind: a soft voice telling him everything would be alright, and his heart ached with a different pain. Ginny. He wanted Ginny. He made to scramble out of bed, intent on finding her, and found himself looking into a pair of bright brown eyes. Ginny. As if she'd heard him call out for her, she was there.

"Harry," she sighed in relief, gathering him up, "you're awake."

He closed his eyes, clinging to the only person who really saw him for who he was.

She held him tightly for a moment and then said, "Harry...Ron and Hermione are right behind me." 

Her words made him want to cling to her all the more, to cry out his pain on her shoulder, because she understood him, and knew he wouldn't want them to see him so weak and crying and upset. He pulled away, giving her a grateful look as he took a deep breath and leaned back into this pillows, gripping her hand tightly for strength.

"I'm glad you're awake," she said, with a smile, "Hermione's been driving me mad."

Harry gave a smile, feeling his heart lighten. Ginny returned his smile, and squeezed his hand. She took a deep breath and turned to face the door, waiting for the onslaught of her brother and his girlfriend.

"Harry!" Hermione shrieked, coming through the door, "You're awake!" That brought Madam Pomfrey bustling out of her office. Harry rolled his eyes at Ginny, who smiled and squeezed his hand again.

“Mr. Potter," Madam Pomfrey said, beating Hermione to his bedside with a nasty looking potion in her hand and a frown and his and Ginny's clasped hands. "Now, we mustn't go exciting you too much, you've just woken up." Harry stifled his laughter at Ginny, who moved to sit on the edge of his bed and fluffed his pillow for him smiling cheekily at the medi-witch.

"Take this," Madam Pomfrey, said, rolling her eyes and shoving a dose of potion at him. She looked at his friends, sighed, and said, "Don't excite him. And don't stay too long," before sweeping off back to her office.

Hermione said gently, "Harry....Ginny told us what happened in the tunnel…"

"Yeah..." Harry said, looking away. Trust Hermione to bring that up now, he couldn't help thinking a bit grimly, just when he had started feeling happier. He looked at Ron, saw the lines of grief on his face and felt guilt smite him - how had he forgotten Fred? Harry looked from Ron to Ginny, appalled at his own thoughtlessness

"Gin, Ron, how are you holding up with Fred and everything?"

Ron looked away, a muscle twitching in his jaw, and Harry just wanted to sink into his bed and disappear, but Ginny nodded once and squeezed his hand again. Somehow, it made him feel worse.

"I'd... I'd like to say goodbye. When's the funeral?"

"It was last week," Ginny said softly. "You've been comatose for eight days."

Harry was thunderstruck, and again struggled to fight off tears. In his head he had been aware of time passing, but he hadn't dreamed it had been anything like that long. How had it been so long? The hopeless feeling was creeping back in. Another one he couldn't say goodbye to. Another one he couldn’t say sorry to.

"George.." Harry rasped, "...how...how is he holding up?"

Unable to hold back his grief a moment longer Ron exploded, "How do you think, Harry? He lost an ear thanks to that guy you say is a hero, and his twin was murdered too. How do you think he's holding up?"

"Yeah, well, we'd ALL be dead if it weren’t for that guy I call a hero!!"

They glared at each other in angry silence for a few moments. It was Hermione who finally broke the impasse.

“We…we should go.” She pulled on Ron’s arm and turned away. 

Harry wanted to call out to them, to apologise, to say _something_ but what could he say? Snape had been responsible for George’s injury, but he was a hero too. He turned worried eyes to Ginny – how would she react? Would she go to?

“I’m staying right here, Harry,” she said, with a sad smile. “I miss Fred, I do, but I can’t help him now, but I can help you.”

Harry swallowed past the lump in his throat. What had he ever done to deserve Ginny? He hadn’t been especially clever at school. In fact he had cribbed from Hermione and been stupid and foolish at times. He had put himself and others in danger.

Harry could now see his own immaturity, and see it through Snape's eyes, could see how annoying and precocious and downright irritating he'd been. No wonder the other man had snarked and snapped and taken house points. Harry had deserved it


	4. Chapter 3

We own nothing Harry Potter. We make no money from this story.

 

Chapter Three

Harry spent much of his next two weeks of consciousness trying to deal with what had happened, but there were just too many ramifications, too many “What Ifs” and “If Onlys” to contend with. 

Ginny stayed by his side as much as possible. He appreciated her being there, needed her there, as she understood. She had seen him at his worst and hadn’t walked away from him. He couldn’t help feeling some bitterness well up in him at Ron’s behaviour (he still hadn’t returned to see Harry, although Hermione had). They’d all lost loved ones in the war – what on earth gave Ron the right to make Snape a focal point of his hatred? Why couldn’t he blame the actual culprit – Voldemort?

Harry sighed. Even now, dead and gone, the creepy bastard was infecting their world. He thought about some of the news articles Ginny read out. He knew she carefully selected which ones to read to him, and the fact that it took her only five minutes to cover all appropriate stories told him that the Wizarding World was still desperately fractured.

The problem was he was bored. He was bored of staying in bed, but couldn’t bear the thought of going out into the world and being held up as some sort of hero. How was he a hero? It wasn’t as if he’d chosen to face Voldemort, the snake faced shit had picked him. He hated the adulation – had always hated it. He wasn’t a hero, wasn’t anything special, he was just Harry. No one seemed to get that. He thought for a moment and amended his ideas: Ginny seemed to get that, but no one else did. Not even Ron and Hermione, as close as they were to him, had ever been able to forget that he was Harry Potter: The Boy Who Lived, the Chosen One, or whatever it was he was being called now that it was all over.

He understood what had driven Snape to hide in the dungeons all those years; what had made him angry and bitter at a world that had hated and feared him; what had made him despise Harry.

Harry wanted to hide in the dungeons himself. Just stay there until the world had forgotten him, but, as peaceful as that thought made him, his over riding anger that Snape was to be denied recognition for his part in the war drove him. Harry would go out into the world and make everyone see that Snape had been the hero, not him.

Another few days crawled past, and Harry was ready to scream with frustration. He wanted to get up and start making people see the truth about Snape but he was still weak. His collapse had weakened him, made him susceptible to all manner of colds and complaints, and Madam Pomfrey wasn’t prepared to allow him to leave until at least another week had passed.

At his side was Ginny, as usual. She had a copy of the Prophet and had carefully folded it so that Harry couldn’t read any of the headlines. She read aloud to him, her pleasant voice exactly what Harry needed to calm the riot in his mind.

“Erm, Kingsley Shacklebolt remains hopeful that the last few Death Eaters will be caught soon.” She stopped and scanned the page. “Azkaban has been re-built and new guards are in place. Also new security measures have been put in place to prevent a break out in future.”

She put down the paper before smiling softly at Harry, “Teddy is with his grand mother. He seems to have settled down now. She’s caring for him, and she’s said to my Mum that we can visit whenever we want.” Ginny grinned, “Poor Mrs Tonks, she won’t know what’s hit her if my Mum takes her up on that offer!”

Harry met her smile, thinking about how keen Mrs Weasley would be to ensure Teddy felt part of the Weasley family. He leant back on the pillow, almost content. 

Madam Pomfrey entered the room, her starched clothing crackling. “Miss Weasley, I’m afraid you’re needed at once.”

Ginny went rather pale, but managed to smile at Harry and squeeze his hand before following the medi-witch into her office.

The two women emerged a short time later and Ginny hurried over to Harry’s bed, looking distracted.

“There’s a problem with George,” she said breathlessly, “I think he’ll be ok, but the staff at St Mungo’s want us all there in case.” She gulped.

Harry felt terrible. Ginny had been careful to only give him the barest details of George’s recuperation, but he had read between the lines and worked out that the older Weasley was struggling to cope with his twin’s death on top of everything else.

“Go on,” Harry said gently, “George needs you. I’ll be fine.”

She gave him a grateful smile and headed for the fireplace. Moments later she was gone in a swirl of green flames. 

At once Harry felt lonely.

To busy himself he tidied up. Usually Ginny did so before she left, but obviously she hadn’t today. He closed his hand over the Daily Prophet, frowning. Ginny had worked hard to keep him safe from the true news out there. Should he risk his recovery by reading something that might anger or hurt him?

He already knew he would. Just as he had had to find out the truth about Dumbledore, even at the cost of his own opinion of the man, Harry knew he would have to read the newspaper, now that it had been left.

_The Truth About Severus Snape_

_As was revealed last week to readers of the Prophet, some magical folk are claiming that Snape was a loyal member of the Light Side at the end. Our investigative journalist, Rita Skeeter, went to find out more…_

_Rita Writes:_

_I have always been intrigued by the person of Snape. Can any man be as black as he’s painted? I researched his past thoroughly and was saddened, but not surprised, by what I found._

_As a child, Severus Snape caused fights and arguments that broke his parents’ marriage apart. By the age of eleven, he had already befriended a key figure in our World – Lily Evans (later Lily Potter). We can see that Snape was already interested in being involved in key events – perhaps he hoped to twist Lily’s mind and loyalties to join his side?_

_At school, Snape was hard working, and, as might be expected, knew more about the Dark Arts than any one else his age. He despised the father of our Hero and frequently began fights with James Potter for no reason. During many of these fights, Snape’s use of illegal Dark Magic was evident._

_It would therefore appear that Severus Snape was a prime candidate to join the Defeated One’s ranks. We know that he did join the Death Eaters as a teenager, but little is known of exactly what he did. Presumably, use was made of his knowledge of Dark Arts and his skill as a potion maker. Certainly, many Aurors credit Snape’s intervention as the reason for The Week of Torment that was undertaken famously by his master._

_He is known to have been associated with werewolves and other dark creatures. And even, as an adult, made Wolfsbane potion to keep one werewolf from harm during his transformations!_

_Dumbledore claimed that Snape came to him before the Potters’ deaths. It seems likely, therefore, that he was ordered to do so by his true master, and then spent the next decade learning all he could about his master’s greatest enemy. Of course, that enemy changed with the arrival of Harry Potter at Hogwarts._

_Many of Harry’s problems at school can be traced back to the abusive relationships he had. Dumbledore was not the benevolent father most think him, and certainly Snape would hardly be nurturing to the son of the man he had tormented at school, a boy, moreover, who had once defeated his master! No wonder then, that Harry Potter’s days at Hogwarts were rife with trouble and danger!_

_And now we come to Dumbledore’s death and Snape’s role in it. Dumbledore may not have been as pure as some have led us to believe, but did he really deserve to be murdered by one he had long defended and trusted?_

_Anecdotal evidence from that night (lately given by known Death Eaters) suggests that Snape hated and was revolted by Dumbledore’s weakened state. Certainly as he lifted his wand he “had such a look of revulsion on his face I was surprised he could bring himself to even stare at Dumbledore” as our eye witness put it._

_Perhaps the most telling fact of all is that the Dark Lord, before his defeat, personally killed Snape. Surely this indicates what a risk You-Know-Who felt him to be? Who else might challenge the Defeated One? Who else knew as much about the Dark Arts? Only Severus Snape._

_Therefore, it seems clear that, whatever certain deluded members of our community say, Severus Snape was always a traitor and a coward._

Harry tore the paper into tiny pieces. Fury filled every inch of his being. He didn’t hear Hermione enter over the rushing in his ears.

“Harry?” she began tentatively, “There’s something I have to tell you…”


	5. Chapter 4

We own nothing Harry Potter. We make no money from this story.

 

 

Chapter 4

 

Harry turned a wary face to her. What was it now? Was she going to tell him that she had discovered that Snape had lied? That he had only shown Harry those memories he wished? That Snape had manipulated him and Snape had been lying all this time? After all, he had apparently fooled Voldemort, there was nothing to say that he had really fooled Dumbledore. That he had been Voldemort’s servant the whole time.

_NO_! Harry’s mind screamed. _He was a good man. If nothing else, I **am** sure of that_.

"Harry," she repeated, twisting the hem of her t-shirt nervously between her fingers. "I think maybe it's time I told you what actually happened..."

Harry looked at her warily. He didn't want to hear anything bad about Snape.

"Well, you know after Vol - Voldemort was defeated? We - we went to speak to Dumbledore's picture?"

Harry nodded, face slightly irritated. He knew all of this.

She went on, still not quite meeting his eyes. "Harry, I had to do something. I couldn't just leave him there, all alone. Especially after what you said in Dumbledore's offfice. I mean...well...it _wasn't_ right, Harry. He _shouldn't_ have died like that. He deserved better. So... so... I went back... to the Shrieking Shack. And... and he wasn't dead after all. Not quite."

"What do you mean?" Harry asked, confused, "what do you mean you went back?"

Her eyes filled with tears. "Harry," she whispered, "I've lied to you all these years. I kept a time turner. The only one in existence, since we ruined the rest of them 5th year. I ...I used it to go back, to just after Voldemort left and...and you and I took Snape's memories. I w-watched us leave, and then I went to him. In...in Dumbledore's office...when you pointed out his portrait w-wasn't there. I...D-Dumbledore didn't tell you the truth, Harry, a-about why Snape's portrait wasn't there." 

Harry frowned at her and said sharply, "What are you talking about? What do you mean Dumbledore didn't tell me the truth?!"

"It...it dawned on me, there, when you asked about his portrait," she said nervously, "and when...when Dumbledore sort of n-nodded to me...I knew I was right, so, so...I used the time turner and went back, and wh-when I got there...h-he...he was bleeding and his body was still, but...I found a pulse, and...he...well, he opened his eyes a little..." She faltered as Harry's green eyes bored into her, wide with disbelief.

She took a deep breath. "He's not dead."

Harry stared at her. What the hell was she on about? Hermione often said things he didn't get, but this was in a whole new league. Alive? Snape was ALIVE? She had kept that fact a secret from him? He had grieved for a man he had never really known, a man who was his last link to his mother, and Hermione had kept him a SECRET?

He felt fury swell within him.

How many MORE people would make decisions without asking him? How many MORE times was he going to be the helpless pawn on someone else's chessboard? What the fuck was WRONG with everyone?

No more. This. was. _the_. line. He was _through_ being a pawn. A symbol. A sacrifice.

"I've been conscious for two weeks, Hermione," he ground out through clenched teeth, "two bloody _weeks_! Grieving and agonising over a man I thought was dead! A man I owe _everything_ to! A man I thought I'd never be able to thank enough..."

"H-Harry...," Hermione stuttered, "I..."

"You KNEW how I felt!" Harry exploded, "I thought he was dead, and now you're telling me he's ALIVE and you kept this a SECRET from me?! When the _hell_ were you going to tell me, Hermione?! Were you EVER??"

"Harry, please," she whimpered tearfully.

"Where is he?" he ground out, furious.

"Harry, I don't think you.."

"WHERE IS HE?!" he screamed.

Madam Pomfrey hurried over to the bed. She had been standing a discreet distance away, giving Harry the illusion of privacy. He gritted his teeth as yet again his needs were ignored.

Now dear," she said soothingly, "Let's try and stay calm."

"Fuck that." Harry snapped. "Hermione, I'll ask you once more before I start hexing. WHERE. IS. SEVERUS. SNAPE?"

Hermione sobbed. "I can't tell you. I promised him I'd keep it quiet until he was well enough." 

She looked genuinely distressed, and opened her mouth as if trying to speak. "Harry, I'm sorry. I CAN'T."

Harry flung the covers of his bed back, throwing a venomous glare at Pomfrey when she tutted and tried to put them back in place. "Take me there." he ordered.

"Harry, I..."

"Take me there. NOW."


	6. Chapter 5

We own nothing Harry Potter. We make no money from this story.

 

 

We hope you like this next chapter. Reviews, whether you like it or don't like it, are always welcome! Tell us what you think!

 

Chapter 5 

 

After Ginny's sudden appearance into the Hogwarts infirmary, the anti-apparition wards had been restored, resulting in Harry and Hermione having to floo to the Hogs Head pub in Hogsmeade before being able to apparate to wherever Hermione was keeping Snape. Hermione had protested the entire way, but knowing Harry was determined and not wanting to anger him further, she'd grasped his arm and took him along with her as they apparated out of Hogsmeade. They were now standing in a grim looking little street Harry had no idea where.

"Where are we?" he asked, momentarily forgetting his anger. He looked at the rows of grimy little houses, frowning at one at the end that looked as if it had exploded from the inside. 

Hermione pulled a piece of parchment from the pocket of her jeans and held it out to Harry.

"What's this?" he asked, taking it from her.

"He's not going to like this," Hermione sighed. "Read it and memorise it, Harry"

Harry looked at the piece of paper, a feeling of deja vu spreading through him. In Hermione's handwriting he read:

_Number 21, Spinner's End, Manchester_

He looked back at her, but before he could speak, she asked, "Have you memorised it?" and not waiting for an answer snatched the piece of parchment back, igniting it with the tip of her wand. 

Harry looked back at the row of houses and noticed that the bombed out one at the end now looked whole again, although still as small and grimy as the others along the row.

"Where is this?" he asked, thoroughly confused now. Hermione only turned and started off towards the restored house on the end. Harry followed, nearly running into her as she stopped on the doorstep and turned towards him.

"This is where he is," she whispered, glancing up and down the street. "He didn't want me to bring him to Hogwarts or to St. Mungo's. He wanted to come here. I think this is his house. He made me promise not to tell anyone that he was alive, or where he was, so he isn't going to be happy about this, Harry."

"Too bad," Harry shrugged, "I can't just not do anything now that I know he's alive, Hermione. I wouldn't be alive if it weren't for him. He spent his whole life in love with my mum, and then the rest of it protecting her only son. Now it's my turn to repay that. He needs my help."

"Harry," she whispered, "I understand how you feel, but...he thought he was dying. He wasn't very happy with me for saving him..."

"Come on, Hermione, " Harry scoffed, "you aren't telling me he isn't glad to be alive? Voldemort's gone. He's free now. He won't have to risk his life anymore, and he won't have to look after me. It's my turn to look after him now."

"Harry," Hermione hissed, grabbing hold of his arm, "I know how you feel, but...this isn't about you. It's about him, Harry, and he didn't want anyone to know. And it's..it's not as if he can just...just go about having a normal life now! Don't you understand? Even if Voldemort is gone, even if we know he was always on the side of the Light, Harry, he still killed Dumbledore! Once the Aurors know he's alive, they'll be coming for him! To take him to Azkaban!"

"Hermione," Harry said patiently, as if he were talking to a child, "didn't you hear what I said in Dumbledore's office? Dumbledore and Snape had an agreement, he was acting on Dumbldore's **orders**."

"But they don't know that, do they?" she pointed out, "and..."

"But they will," Harry insisted stubbornly, "I'll see to it. He's the real hero, Hermione, not me, and I'm going to tell everyone and clear his name. And if it's the last thing I do, I'll get Rita Skeeter too. Once and for all."

"Harry, listen to me!" Hermione hissed furiously, grabbing hold of his shoulders and making him look at her. "You said it youself! You and he were both pawns in someone elses game, and all along, ever since I've known you, you've said you were tired of everyone else deciding your life for you, deciding what's best for you, and never asking what you wanted! And now you're trying to do the same thing to him!"

"But..." Harry began to protest.

"No, Harry," Hermione said flatly, "I understand how you feel, and I understand that you need to apologise to him, and I understand you need to thank him. Okay. But he's been through so much, Harry, he's weak and ill, and all he wants right now is to rest and recuperate. Don't you think he deserves that much?"

"Yeah...of course," Harry said.

"Right," she nodded, cutting him off again, "I wasn't supposed to tell anyone, but ...I knew you'd be angry after seeing the paper, and...well, don't think that I enjoyed seeing you lying there in pain and grief, that's why I finally did tell you. But Harry, I promise, if you go in there and start upsetting him, I swear I'll obliviate you! I mean it!"

Looking into her fierce brown gaze, he had no doubt that she would. Slowly he nodded his head, acknowledging his understanding of it.

"Okay," she sighed, and turned and knocked on the grimy little door. After a few moments, it slowly creaked opened, and Harry expected to see the familiar scowl of his former Professor. He had to adjust his gaze downward several feet, and gasped in shock when he had.

Harry stared in amazement at the figure in front of him. How was this possible? His mind couldn't begin to assimilate what it was seeing.

"What? How?" he gibbered.

The figure spoke. "Master Harry?"

Hermione spoke up suddenly saying, "I called him here. I didn't think you'd mind, Harry"

"Mind?" Harry repeated weakly, not sure whether to laugh or sob. His heart was beating fit to break free of his chest, and he was staring at KREACHER for Merlin's sake! In that moment, Harry realised he wasn't ready to see Snape yet. He needed a bit more time to steady himself. "Erm...no...no I don't mind at all."

Kreacher stepped back and Hermione pulled Harry inside with her. He stood looking at a dingy little sitting room. Bookshelves lined every wall, crammed full of ancient looking leather covered books, and the furniture looked old and threadbare. Harry suddenly had no doubt this was Snape's home. He had no trouble at all picturing the black clad former Potions Master sitting here brooding over all those grim looking books.

"Kreacher has been helping me look after Professor Snape," Hermione spoke up. "It took a long time to get the wounds to begin healing. Like with Mr. Weasley, when that filthy snake bit him in the Ministry of Magic."

"You didn't try stitching him, did you?" Harry joked, trying to relieve his nerves a bit.

"Of course not," Hermione replied humourlessly, "That wouldn't have worked. Those are magical bites, Muggle remedies won't work on them, just as they didn't on Mr. Weasley. I had all those books I took with us when we were looking for the Horcruxes, and I got some help from Madam Pomfrey..."

"What?!" Harry yelped sharply, "Madam Pomfrey knows? You could tell her but not me?!"

"Harry," Hermione sighed loudly, "I'm not a Medi-witch, am I? I had to ask someone, and Professor Snape trusts her. She told me which potions to use, and he told me how to brew them. Kreacher helped get supplies, and helped me with the brewing. He stays with the Professor when I'm not here, makes sure he takes the potions on time and changes his bandages. Obviously I can't be here all the time. Ron would wonder where I am." She flushed pink as she realised what she'd said. 

"So you haven't told him," Harry stated, surprised.

"No," she said, shaking her head, "he's...well, he doesn't want to hear about Professor Snape right now."

"Yeah," Harry said bitterly, "he made that clear."

"What do you expect, Harry?" Hermione sighed, "he's lost his brother, had another one turned part wolf...this war changed everything for everyone, Harry. Not just you."

He should have expected that, Harry thought. Of course she'd take Ron's side, her was her boyfriend now. He bit back on saying so and and asked instead, "So...Snape, where is he?"

"He's upstairs," she replied, "in bed, resting. He's still very weak. He wakes occaisionally, but only for tiny amounts of time. Mostly sleeps, which is good. He needs to regain his strength. We're still giving him Blood Replenishing Potion, among all the others. He lost much more blood than Mr. Weasley did. Nagini knew where to bite." She shuddered slightly at the memory of it.

"He will be alright, won't he?" Harry asked worriedly.

"Yes, but he's going to need looking after for some time," Hermione said, her face reflecting his worry. "He's still too weak to do much. We sit him up in bed to eat, but it's exhausting for him. He can only take small amounts at a time. Porridge, and soup, easy things like that. Kreacher has been a great help with that. He's a wonderful cook." She smiled briefly at the wrinkled old elf.

"Kreacher is happy to be of service," he wheezed, dipping his head.

"Thank you, Kreacher," Harry said, "it's lucky you're here."

"Kreacher would have been at Master Harry's side at Hogwarts, but the harridan in the infirmary would not allow him," Kreacher said aggrievedly. He brightened at little when he said,"Miss Granger was very kind and understanding to Kreacher, and told Kreacher that Master Harry would like him to help his Professor get well again."

"That's right, Kreacher," Harry said, supressing a smile, "and I appreciate that."

Kreacher nodded again said, "Kreacher is happy to see Master Harry is well again. Allow Kreacher to get Master Harry and Miss Granger some tea," and shuffled off towards one of the bookcases, revealing a hidden door presumably leading to the kitchen.

Harry sat down on a worn armchair and watched as Hermione sighed and took a seat on the sofa. Her face was still screwed up in a worried frown, and she seemed somewhat preoccupied, chewing the inside of her lip.

"What's wrong?" Harry asked.

"Nothing," she sighed again, looking away. After another heavy sigh she said forlornly, "I miss my parents."

Harry started again, guilt sweeping through him at his thoughtlessness, remembering she'd modified their memories and hid them in Australia. "They're still in Australia then?"

"Yeah," she said, "still not knowing they have a daughter...or even that I exist at all."

"But you can change all that back, right? Harry said, "you can go get them and lift the memory charm, right? Bring them home?"

"Yes, but I haven't had the time, have I?" she said rather crossly, "I've been a bit busy."

"I'm sorry, Hermione," Harry said earnestly, "I...I really appreciate all you've done for me. All the help you've given me since...well, since I met you, actually. If I hadn't met you and ...Ron...I...well, I don't know what would have happened to me. You guys have always been there for me." He sat there silently thinking about how, even though he was annoyed with Ron blaming Snape for everything, he still had missed him when he'd stopped visiting. 

Kreacher brought the tea in and then excused himself to go check in on Snape. Harry and Hermione sat drinking their tea, lost in their own thoughts, Harry glad to put off seeing Snape just a bit longer, until he got his head straight and a grip on his feelings. Finally, however, he could put it off no longer. Didn't want to. His conscience was prickling at him to go and try to make things right with the man to whom he owed so much. He also felt a need to try and do something for Hermione, her earlier words about her parents still making him feel guilty.

"You know, Hermione," he said, "I'm well now, I don't need to stay in the infirmary any longer. Can't stand to, actually. I'll stay here and look after Snape. You need to go get your parents. Bring them home and introduce them to your boyfriend."

She looked up, the frown still on her face, and he felt some annoyance at not seeing the smile he expected. "I won't upset him," he said irritably, "I just need to do this, Hermione, it's the least I can do. I just need to talk to him, tell him that I was wrong about him. Apologise for not believing in him, and thank him for everything he's done for me. I need to do this, and you need to go get your parents. You can't leave them in Australia forever, not knowing about you. And you need them. You've done your part, as has Ron, and I appreciate it all. But now that you two are finally together, you need to be together, just the two of you."

"What about you and Ginny?", she countered, "don't you want to spend time with her? You are back together, aren't you? You aren't going to walk away from her again?"

"Of course not," he said a bit more belligerently than he intended, "she's the only...only girl for me." He couldn't help smiling at knowing the truth of that.

"Well I'm glad to hear you've finally realised what's been perfectly obvious all along," Hermione said archly, "about time too."

"Well you're one to talk, aren't you?" Harry laughed, "speaking of the perfectly obvious."

" **I** always knew," she sniffed, "it's you men that have trouble seeing what's right in front of your faces."

Kreacher appeared out of another hidden door, announced, "Kreacher has given Master Snape his latest dose of potions. Master Snape is awake, but still very weak and tired. Kreacher has also changed Master Snape's bandages, and made certain he is comfortable. Master Snape wished to know if Miss Granger had returned yet. Kreacher informed him that she had, but did not mention that his Master Harry was with her. Kreacher will let Miss Granger tell Master Snape herself," and held open the doorway, gesturing for them to follow.

Kreacher led the way to Snape's room, Harry and Hermione following, both nervous. Harry stopped in front of the door to Snape's room, taking a deep breath to calm himself before nodding to Kreacher, and then following him inside.

Harry gasped softly upon seeing the figure in the bed. There was a white streak at the front of the man's hair, and a collar of white bandaging swathed about his neck. To Harry, who had never seen the man in anything other than his customary head to toe black, the white of the bandages and his hair was shocking and repulsive and made him feel afraid. To imagine Snape without his usual black was like imagining a Weasley without red hair, or a Malfoy without his sneer – impossible and _wrong_.

This man had always been a constant in Harry's life -he had always seemed so invulnerable; a solid, intimidating presence, that to see him lacking such a crucial part of himself; so diminished, so weak, so vulnerable... it shook the very core of Harry's world. To see Snape like this was truly frightening: the man wore his black robes like an armour, as if they would protect him from a world that neither understood nor cared for him, and now that protection was gone. 

Unbidden, the memory of that terrible snake came into Harry’s mind, the image of the man lying there with his life gushing out of him, the desperate look in his eyes when he'd pulled Harry forward. Tears stung Harry's eyes, and he silently thanked Hermione for what she'd done. He could never begin to repay this man for all that he'd done for him, all that he'd given up to keep him safe, but he could make sure that the life he led from here on out would be a better one than the one he'd lost. He swore to himself he would do whatever it took to ensure that.

He swallowed his tears along with his fear, and took a step forward into the room, wondering if the man would have lasting damage from the vicious bite to his neck. He would have given anything in that moment to have the his professor sit up and growl at him in that voice Harry had grown to both hate and respect.

"G-Granger..." Severus Snape croaked disgustedly.

Hermione squeaked, flushed, and made a hasty retreat with Kreacher, leaving Harry and Snape staring silently at one another.

Snape broke the silence, the silken voice harsh and broken.

"..in-insufferable...girl..."


	7. Chapter 6

We own nothing Harry Potter. We make no money from this story.

 

Thank you to our lovely reviewers - you are making us so happy! Please do let us know what you think.

 

Chapter Six

 

Severus Snape looked at the bright green eyes staring into his and silently cursed that damned girl to Merlin and back. WHY couldn't she, just this once, have listened?! The last thing he wanted at this moment was to have this annoying boy, the very boy he'd died for in the first place, mucking up THIS life for him too.

He sighed through his wounded throat and closed his eyes, hoping that when he opened them the other would be gone, instead he heard Albus' voice in his head "He needs you Severus"...

_"Well, Severus my boy, you've finally reached the place you wanted to be. Somewhere quiet. Now, before I have to say goodbye to you for the last time, I'd like to say how proud I am of you. No one could have done more for Harry. You were just what he needed - his protector and keeper..."_

_"Cut out the crap, Albus, I don't have to listen any more. I'm dead, aren't I?"_

_"Well, yes and no. You can make a choice, Severus, a choice to return, or a choice to stay..."_

_"Why would I choose to return?" Severus asked mockingly "I'm a Death Eater, a murderer to them. Here I can be quiet."_

_"Yes, well, you wouldn't stay HERE, but would go on to the next adventure. Are you sure you wouldn't prefer to go back?"_

_"No, and I don't want you interfering, do you understand?" Severus growled. "You spent years manipulating me, but I won't have it anymore. If I choose to die, do you PROMISE to not interfere, to make me stay?"_

_Albus looked mildly hurt. "My dear boy," he began._

_"Promise me," Severus commanded._

_Albus nodded his head. "Severus, I have only ever wanted what was best. I am sorry if, at times that has meant sacrificing my friends, but I did mean well."_

_"You're stalling." Severus said._

_"Not at all," Albus responded, "merely giving you the opportunity to understand my motives. I had a frightening responsibility - to the Wizarding World and to one young boy in my care. Severus, what could I have done but what I did?" He paused before going on, "You were superb. And yes, if you wish to move on I shall not interfere. I promise to you that I shall not stop you from dying. But," he looked serious, "are you sure?"_

_"Am I sure?!" Snape suddenly shouted. "I spent Merlin knows how many years caught between two equally demanding masters! I did EVERYTHING you asked, regardless of what it cost me! I followed your instructions faithfully, whatever they were! I had to fight off werewolves and mad dogs to save an infuriating brat who was NOTHING to do with me! Had to try and teach him enough to survive! Had to somehow get the sodding sword of Gryffindor to him! Had to sacrifice everything for him and two demented fools! Yes, Albus, I am ABSOLUTELY sure!"_

_"You can't go back," Albus said softly. "It's not a decision you can ever change."_

_Severus didn't even answer the older man. He looked at him derisively and made his way steadily towards the waiting train._

_"Professor Snape?" the voice was distant, but it was coming from behind him, not in front._

“Professor Snape?”

" _Professor Snape?" louder this time, more insistent_. 

“Professor Snape?” louder this time, more insistent.

_He tried to ignore it, but he felt something tugging him from the entrance to the train. No matter how he fought against it, the force increased, pulling him back, back to the world he longed to leave. In desperation he turned to glare at Dumbledore. "Albus!" he ground out, "What are you doing?"_

_"Nothing," Albus said, humming pleasantly, "I promised not to interfere, and I haven't. All I had to do was delay you for a little while."_

_"PROFESSOR SNAPE!" The voice was a scream - or was that the whistle of the train?_

_Severus opened his tired eyes, focusing again on a world of greys and browns, the voice of Albus lingering, ghostlike, "I only had to delay you for a little while..._

_Severus saw the fuzzy outline of Hermione Granger leaning over him in concern and knew that, once again, he had been out manoeuvred. Slowly, the brown eyes of the girl swam, became green ... The past and the present mingled for a moment - was it Lily? - then he focused._

Harry _Bloody_ Potter

The boy who was the bane of his existence, past AND present.

"Fucking Gryffindors!" he snarled, then gasped, "G-get OUT!"

***************************

Please review!


	8. Chapter 7

We own nothing Harry Potter. We make no money from this story.

 

Chapter Seven

 

Automatically, without thinking, Harry turned to obey, then he stopped. Snape wasn't his teacher any longer; instead, he was now just a very sick man. 

"No!" He said over-loudly, embarrassed about his earlier obedience. "I'm not going anywhere.” He glowered at the weaker man before adding, a touch defiantly, “You can't tell me what to do anymore, Se- Se- Severus." 

Snape glared back. Despite his illness, his glare was significantly more threatening than Harry's. He wouldn't allow this BOY to see how concerned he was at the use of his first name. Names were power - the Dark Lord had understood that, and he, Severus Snape, understood that too.

Harry felt himself beginning to glare, and fought the urge. He had decided to help Snape, and he was going to do so.  
“How are you feeling?” He asked softly, moving closer to the bed.

"Like a ... dirty ... great ... snake .... bit me." he rasped, his black eyes showing the effort those words had cost him.

Harry smiled to hide his shock at hearing the other sound so weak and responded, “Well, we’ll just have to do our best to get you all better, won’t we?” 

Snape’s upper lip curled, " _Y-your_ help...is the l-last ....thing I need....P-Potter!"

“So,” Harry went on when he realised the other wouldn’t continue, pretty much because he couldn’t, “What have we got here?” He began picking up the potion bottles at the side of Snape’s bed and reading the labels carefully.

Severus glowered. The boy was barely able to hold a ladle properly, how on earth could he help with the potions and spells Snape needed almost hourly?

And who said he _wanted_ his help anyway?!

Severus made a derisive grunt. Oh, he could see it now. The boy thought he was going to stay and "help" him get well? Over his dead body!

Goddamn Albus to all seven levels of hell!

He suppressed an amused snort - maybe he should let the boy stay, after all, he had wanted death hadn't he?

What was he _saying_?!, he thought to himself, his anger and frustration taking hold of him again. _MERLIN DAMN_ Albus to all seven levels of hell _and_ back! Promised not to interfere! He should have known better. Now he was going to be stuck with the brat again, as if Granger wasn't enough! How the hell was he supposed to recuperate with the two biggest annoyances in this or any other life present??

"Take G-Granger....and...GO!" he managed to rasp out, "L-leave...the elf.....just....GO!"

Harry felt his blood boil. "Don't be stupid. Hermione has been caring for you for TWO weeks and you're just going to kick her out?! I don't think so, Snape! You might think you're the big bad, but you're not. Remember I faced Voldemort AND defeated him, so what makes you think I'm scared of you?!" Harry was shouting fit to burst the time he finished. 

Snape and he stared at one another, both a little shocked. Then Hermione burst through the door, looking frantic.

"Harry!" she hissed, "What are you DOING?!!"

She grasped his arm and began hauling him out the door, saying shakily to the man on the bed, a big fake smile plastered across her face, “You...you rest, Professor. We'll just go downstairs..."

"Take ... as ... long ...as ... you ... like." Severus replied wearily. " _Please_."

Hermione shut the door, and her smile immediately escaped her face. "You promised!" she hissed again, and proceeded to haul Harry down the stairs with her, and out into the sitting room. "What is WRONG with you?!" she exploded.

"He started it." Harry mumbled.

"The man has literally returned from the dead, Harry, and you're up there SHOUTING at him?? Have you no compassion at ALL?? What about all that you said about making the world treat him differently? Or was that just talk? You're a hypocrite, Harry! How on earth do you expect others to see him differently when YOU can't?! And you KNOW what he's done for you! You said you were going to make the world treat him as he deserved....is this what he DESERVES then??"

Harry looked down at the tattered carpet, feeling his face burn. He _was_ being a hypocrite. Hermione was right.

Really, had he actually expected Snape to be happy to see him? After all the man had suffered because of him? What was wrong with him? Wasn't this what he had wanted? A chance to make things right with Snape? But could things BE made right? He glanced up at Hermione, thinking. Not with her there. She wouldn't let them air their problems; give them the chance to work past their differences...

And they did need to work past their differences, Harry realised, to be able to make things right. And if that meant that they'd have to row it out, then that was what they'd have to do. But not with Hermione there nagging at him constantly and at Snape constantly. She'd just get both of their backs up. He loved her, was grateful for everything she had done for Snape and for him over the years; she was one of his best friends, but.... she had to go.

"You're right, Hermione," he mumbled, hanging his head, "I shouldn't have shouted at him. And I _am_ being a hypocrite. If I want the world to see him differently, it has to start with me. I'm sorry."

"You need to tell _him_ that, not me," she said, heaving another heavy sigh.

"I know, and I will," Harry said, feeling a bit guilty for what he was about to do. He put on his best concerned face, and putting a hand on her shoulder, turned the full effect of the green eyes everybody was always talking about on her. "You look tired, Hermione," he said sympathetically, "and I know you're missing Ron...and your parents. I'm sure Mrs. Weasley would welcome you at the Burrow, and I know Ron would. Why don't you go there and rest? Take a few days? I'll bet you haven't taken a break since you rescued Snape. Have you?"

"Well..." she said uncertainly, "but Harry..."

"And when you're feeling a bit more rested, you can go get your parents back from Australia. You miss them too...and after all we've been through," Harry said, shamelessly playing on her overwrought emotions, "...well...I know I'd want my mother if I were you. I...I _would_...if I had a mother." Seeing the tears spring up in her eyes, he put on a brave smile, as fake as hers to Snape had been, and added hastily, "but as I never have, I can only _imagine_ how you must feel. It can't have been easy for you to have to obliviate your own parents. Course, you only modified their memories...just the part about you...their daughter..."

That did it.

"Harry, I..." she began with a stricken look.

"It's fine, Hermione," he said quickly, squeezing her shoulder, "I'll stay and take care of him. You go get your parents, and give Ron a big kiss and hug. He'll be glad to see you turn up."

" _Harry_!", she said, pink creeping into her cheeks.

"Hey, you waited long enough for him to come round, right?" Harry said with a smile. "Now you've got him, so...go be with him. And your parents. Kreacher can show me what to do to take care of Snape, and I promise to behave myself."

"Well..." she said with a doubtful look, "...I...I guess...I mean...he's still very ill...but he is out of the danger zone...just make sure he takes the potions on time, and if _anything_ happens, firecall Madam Pomfrey immediately, Harry."

"I will," he promised, nodding his head, "I will, no problem."

She glanced about uncertainly for a moment, her weariness showing in her face. 

"Go on, Hermione," Harry gently urged, "Everything will be fine."

"Alright," she sighed at last, "I am feeling a bit tired. I'll let you know when I'm back from Australia then."

Harry nodded, not wanting to distract her from leaving. She gathered up a few things and was ready to go when something occurred to him.

"Erm...Hermione...don't tell Ginny where I am, will you?" he said feeling strangely unsettled. He didn't like keeping secrets from Ginny.

Hermione nodded and said, "What should I tell her?"

"Tell her I'll contact her soon," Harry said, sheepishly. 

"You know, Harry," Hermione said quietly, "Ginny probably would wait forever for you, but...you shouldn't take advantage of that. No girl likes being taken for granted. Believe me...I know."

With that she turned and finally was gone, leaving Harry to chew over her parting words. He sighed and looked towards the bookcase-hidden stairwell, thinking that Hermione just didn't understand. Harry wasn't Ron, and Ginny, thankfully, wasn't Hermione. He didn't think counting on Ginny's understanding was the same as taking her for granted, and he felt sure Ginny would say the same. Having assured himself of that, he started for the bookcase, to apologise to the man upstairs.

****************************

Please review!


	9. Chapter 8

We own nothing Harry Potter. We make no money from this story.

 

Chapter 8

Slowly Harry climbed the stairs towards Snape's room, Ginny still on his mind. _Damn_ Hermione anyway! He knew he was going to have to contact Ginny somehow, maybe send her an owl, and soon. An owl. He felt a sharp pang at the memory of Hedwig, his ever-faithful owl. He really missed her. She'd been his first real friend. He knew he should go to Eeylop’s to replace her, but, how could he replace Hedwig? She had been with him faithfully for six years. How could he just ‘get another’? His thoughts led him to Snape – Snape had been faithful for six years, longer, in fact. Could Harry make things right with the man?

His pace slowed as he moved up the stairs – he wasn’t ready yet, not ready to take over Snape’s care. He had imagined the older man as maybe having the wound, but otherwise being himself. He hadn’t envisaged the weak helpless figure slumping on the pillows who had glowered but been unable to even leave the bed to force Harry out. He was stirred out of his thoughts by the sight of Kreacher coming slowly out of Snape's room, one knarled hand closing the door quietly. 

"Is he all right, Kreacher?" Harry whispered.

"Master Snape is resting, Master Harry, but he is not happy," Kreacher croaked, his ears flopping about as he shook his head, "he wishes for Master Harry to leave his house."

Harry sighed and said, "Well, he isn't going to get his wish, Kreacher. Hermione isn't here anymore. She left to get some rest and then to go to Australia, so he's going to have to make do with me."

"Kreacher is pleased Master Harry is here," the ancient elf wheezed, his wrinkled face contorting into a crooked smile.

Harry shrugged slightly. How in Merlin’s name could he care for Snape?

"Yeah," Harry sighed again and muttered, "at least someone is happy to see me. You're going to have to tell me which potions are what, and when Snape needs them. Help me look after him, like you helped Hermione, Kreacher."

'Kreacher is more than happy to help Master Harry however Master Harry requires, Master Harry," Kreacher nodded.

"Right," Harry frowned. He wished the elf wouldn't insist on calling him "Master Harry", but also knew that Kreacher would be offended if Harry insisted he stop. "I'll...just go check on him then, Kreacher. Erm...carry on with whatever you usually do, okay?"

"Very well, Master Harry," Kreacher nodded and disappeared with a small pop.

Shaking his head, Harry went to Snape's door and listened a moment. Hearing nothing, he took a deep breath, steeling himself for the moment to come and cautiously opened the door a crack and peered in. 

He thought the still form on the bed was asleep until he was startled by the man rasping out, "P-Potter!...are you...still ...here?" The annoyance was clear in his tone.

Telling himself that he would not let the man goad him into losing his temper again today, Harry stepped fully into the room and walked over to the bed. Although more prepared for it, the white streak in Snape’s hair and the bandages swathing his throat shocked him all over again, but he managed to hide it as he said, "Yes...Sev...Severus, I'm still here, and I'm staying here."

" **No** ," Snape expelled quite clearly, "I...do **not**...."

"Yes." Harry answered firmly. Then realising he was already becoming irritated he deliberately used a calmer tone, "You do need my help. Hermione isn't here anymore. I sent her to the Burrow to rest, and then to fetch her parents from hiding, so it looks like you're stuck with me."

Snape muttered something that sounded like "infernal....brat." Harry wasn't sure, so decided to ignore it. 

"Look," he said instead, "I want to apologise for shouting at you earlier. I shouldn't have lost my temper like that. I guess...well, I guess I was a little scared...seeing you again. I mean, well...I saw you die, and then Hermione told me that you weren't dead. It was just a shock, because..." He faltered here, not wanting to admit how hysterical he'd been at finding the Shrieking Shack a charred ruin and Snape's body gone. Even now he couldn’t explain why it had affected him so deeply. "...only...I thought you were dead," he finished lamely.

"I _was_...dead," the man growled, " _peacefully_ so...until...G-Granger had...to inter...interfere...". Snape wheezed a bit and then spat, "the nerve...” he gasped for breath and Harry came closer, a look of concern on his face.

“What do you need?” he asked, voice anxious, “How can I help?”

Snape’s lip moved, but no sound came out. Exhausted he seemed to sink still further into his pillows.

Harry felt panic growing in him. He couldn’t do this! “Kreacher!” he cried, feeling hysteria welling in him, “Kreacher!”

The elf appeared, took one look at Harry, then turned his attention to the figure on the bed. As he doctored the other, he explained what he was doing for Harry’s benefit. At last, some ten minutes later, a faint flush of colour showed itself on Severus’ drawn face.

“Oh yes …” he croaked, “You’ll be …. a _great_ help ….”

Even recovering from what should have been a fatal wound, Snape could still make Harry feel like he was in his first potions lesson. The boy felt his face flame.

“I will.” He retorted. “I’ll learn from Kreacher.” He felt determination grow in him. He could help Severus, and he **would**.

The house elf was picking up the empty bottles and glanced up at his owner. Harry looked down at the other, glad that he had been here. He opened his mouth to express his gratitude but Snape beat him to it, “Th-Thank you, Kreacher,” he panted.

The elf bowed. “Master Snape,” he acknowledged, and left with the used vials.

Harry frowned. It rankled; that simple act of beating him to thank Kreacher rankled.

“Do you have to be so…so insufferable?!” Harry snapped.

A lazily risen eyebrow was his response.

“I’m serious. This isn’t exactly easy for me, you know. I see you die, and then learn about how you felt for my Mum, then, I grieve for you, and the lost chances I had, and THEN I find actually you aren’t dead but you are still a git!” Harry glared, panting with rage.

“Oh yes,” Snape rasped, “Your life … is so … difficult. Famous ….Harry Potter …winging about …how unfair his …life is… Excuse me …. whilst I … vomit.” He coughed painfully.

At once Harry felt guilt smite him. “Shit! I’m … oh bollocks!” He flushed in embarrassment.

Trapped on the bed, Severus enjoyed watching Harry’s face change from white to red with predictable regularity. It amused him that as incapacitated as he was, he still held more power than the Saviour of the Wizarding World. The thought entertained him greatly, and he even felt a small smile stretch his lips.

Harry saw the tiny smile and drew in a sharp breath. When was the last time Snape had smiled? He thought back over the years he had been at Hogwarts – nope, Severus had never smiled then. He wondered at the expression. What had caused the other enjoyment such as he had not experienced in the past six years?

Harry felt paranoid. “Am I amusing you?” he asked, angered and hurt a little.

Severus shrugged his shoulders. “A little,” he admitted whispering.

“Great!” Harry muttered to himself, “That’s just fucking perfect!” He turned away, fuming, but a cough from the bed drew his attention back.

“Pass…pass me that,” Severus choked out, pointing a shaking finger at a tear drop shaped container. His face was flaming, Harry noticed.

The younger man passed the item and looked confused at Snape’s irritated expression.

“Go … away!” He ground out venomously.

“Why?” 

“I need … a piss … you ignorant shit!” Severus answered, now almost purple with embarrassment. 

“Oooooh.” Harry finally understood what the container was for. Then, when Snape continued to glare at him, “Oh.” He left the room.

**********************

Let us know what you think, please. Reviews are nice! Q and A.


	10. Chapter 9

We own nothing Harry Potter. We make no money from this story.

 

Chapter Nine

Harry reached the bottom of the stairs and sighed. His shoulders relaxed suddenly, and his arms fell loose. He couldn't believe how tense and awkward he had felt around Snape. He had known the man for over six years, and yet, had never, really, in all that time, actually spoken to him; come to know the real man. And now he was stuck here, looking after the other because of some stupid notion he had that he owed it to Severus. He frowned at himself. He DID owe it to Severus. The whole damned wizarding world owed it to Severus, and by Merlin, Harry was going to make sure the other got the recognition he deserved. 

Feeling drained, he made his way slowly to the cramped kitchen. His feet felt almost too heavy to lift from the floor. What was wrong with him? Why was he feeling like this?

He hadn't realised what he was letting himself in for; the care that Snape would require. He wasn't sure he was up to it. No wonder Hermione had looked so tired and worn out! Not only had she had to put up with Snape's inherent grimness, but just the level of care she had to give him! Harry still felt a bit guilty at the manipulating he'd done to get her to go, but at the same time, he was also relieved she was gone, and would get a break. He sighed heavily. Still, the task before him was daunting, but.....He made up his mind firmly....if Hermione could do it, HE could do it. After all, he _did_ owe Snape that much.

Whether the man wanted to admit it or not.

With that in mind, Harry called, "Kreacher?" and watched the ancient elf appear out of thin air.

"What can Kreacher do for Master Harry?" the elf wheezed.

"Kreacher, I need you to tell me exactly what all is involved with caring for Professor Snape. _All_ of it." Harry said determinedly.

As Kreacher’s voice began, detailing item after item that Snape required, and explaining how to give it to the man, Harry felt a wave of panic crush him. He struggled violently inside. The elf’s voice was fading as he fought for breath, his heart pounding against his ribs, his eyes glazed with the terror of the responsibility he had so thoughtlessly undertaken. This was utterly beyond him. Utterly, totally, completely.

What the hell had he been thinking?? He couldn't do this! He was no mediwizard, or a healer!!

_Neither is Hermione_ a voice said in his head.

_Yeah, but she's brilliant, and I'm just_....Harry he thought. He was a boy who hadn't even finished school. WHAT was he doing? What was he trying to prove by being here?

_That this man saved your life countless times, and this is the least you can do, no matter how difficult the task the voice said. You certainly can't just go off and leave him now. He needs you, no matter how much he says he doesn't. You knew this wouldn't be easy. And you knew he wouldn't be exactly pleased to be brought back. How could he be? His life was an unending cycle of pain and death. Because of you. YOU need to fix that The voice in his head added, in a tone suspiciously like Hermione's And whining about it won't make it any easier! Why not try being a man?_

Harry squared his shoulders. Yes, be a man, he thought, after all, you're 17 now, that's what you're supposed to be. Show him you've grown up and aren't the whinging little brat he sees you as. And you're NOT your father, out to torture him as he did!

"Be a man," Harry said aloud to himself. 

"Master Harry?" Kreacher asked, bringing Harry out of his reverie. 

"Nothing, Kreacher," Harry said, feeling more determined. "Show me again what each potion does and when he has to take it, will you? And when does he eat? And what food does he like? And how to change his bandages...."

After long minutes, he made his way back up the stairs, determined to start helping. Kreacher followed, wheezing. The elf pushed the door open and saw the used bed pan. He stretched out a knarled hand to take it, but Harry stopped him quietly but resolutely. "It's fine, Kreacher, I'll deal with it." He picked up the container, not glancing down at the contents and turned to leave the room.

Behind him Severus' voice croaked out, "Stop!" Harry turned and saw the irritation on the older man's face. Snape, obviously annoyed and embarrassed rasped out, "You need....to analyse...a sample....check I'm...making progress" At Harry's look of rude surprise, he sneered, "Don't you know...the _f-first_ thing...about medical care?"

Harry's face flamed. How could he be expected to pick up everything straight away? He felt anger rise in him and swallowed it down. He gulped, "Right ... I'll do that."

"Are you....sure...you can....handle that....P-Potter?" The man on the bed, said evilly, "After all....you....weren't the....best student.....were you?" He had pushed himself off the pillows to taunt the boy, now he fell back, a small satisfied smile on his face. 

Harry gritted his teeth. he WOULD NOT let the other annoy him! Still, he couldn't let the other walk all over him ... "Are you supposed to be talking so much, SIR? Isn't that bad for your throat?"

The man scowled mightily and Harry smiled to himself gleefully

In the bathroom, as Harry gingerly bottled a sample, he chastised himself for his temporary lapse in goading the other. "Be the bigger man, Harry," he encouraged. "You can do it. Just don't let him push your buttons. He knows where it hurts, but you're above all that now. School is over. He's just someone who needs your help."

He glanced up. His reflection looked back at him, one eyebrow trying to quirk. He again turned his attention to the sample. What was he meant to do with it? What was he looking for? He knew what he would have to do, and sighed.

He returned to the bedroom, feeling sure Snape's eyes would gleam evilly once he admitted his ignorance, but this gave him a chance to show Severus he was at least TRYING.

"Erm.....Severus....you have to tell me what test to run," he said gritting his teeth against the bite of inevitable sarcasm.

As if on cue, the man's eyes lit up, the eyebrow shot skyward, and Harry told himself _You will NOT react!_

Severus opened his mouth to speak, but then to Harry's surprise, he shut it again, rolled his eyes, and beckoned him over. He pulled a spare bit of parchment towards him, picked up a quill in slightly trembling hands, and in spiky, spider-like script, wrote out instructions for the test.

“S-see if...you can....f-follow these....simple instructions....Potter" the man croaked tiredly, letting the quill fall onto the bedside table. "If...it doesn't....explode.....you're succeeding.” He closed his eyes, looking grey.

Harry took the piece of parchment, thinking he'd gotten off lightly, and looked at the instructions. He'd seen this writing probably millions of times, mostly in sarcastic comments on his potions essays, but this wasn't quite as bold and damning. Suddenly his heart ached with longing for Hogwarts, and the familiar comfort of the commons room with it's squashy chairs and roaring fire. Fred and George trying out their latest wheezes, and knowing its beloved corridors were safe from harm with Snape patrolling and Dumbledore pacing about his office.

But there was no more "Gred and Forge", no more Dumbledore, and Snape was this ghost of his former self. Harry was annoyed to feel a tightness at the back of his throat. He wouldn't cry. He wouldn't.

_That was all an illusion_ , the voice inside prodded him, _you were safe, but at what cost?_

What cost indeed, Harry thought grimly. The lives ruined. The lives lost. Teddy Lupin without parents. Anger welled up inside him. And Snape. Snape was paying a far higher price than Harry. Than any of them. For the first time Harry wondered if Hermione had been right in bringing the man back. She'd done it for Harry, and wasn't Harry _always_ the root of this man's suffering? 

Harry became aware that he was clenching the parchment in his fist, and looked at the man on the bed, biting back his grief and tears. Snape appeared to have fallen asleep, so Harry turned to go, saying quietly, "I'll do my best, Sir." 

****************************

Let us know what you think!


	11. Chapter 10

We own nothing Harry Potter. We make no money from this story.

 

 

Chapter 10

 

 

A week of emptying bedpans and running tests on the contents wasn't exactly how Harry had envisioned his post-Voldemort life. Now he threw himself into one of the worn armchairs downstairs and again asked himself why he was doing this.

 

_Because he needs your help and you owe him that help_ the damned voice said yet again.

 

"I know," Harry sighed, "I KNOW! Shut it!" He was DAMNED tired of that voice! 

 

"Master Harry?" Kreacher inquired, appearing out of nowhere. 

 

"Nothing, Kreacher," Harry sighed again, "just talking to myself." 

 

"Perhaps Master Harry would like a cup of tea?" Kreacher asked and then didn't wait for an answer, instead disappearing again.

 

Harry thought about life outside this grim little house. Hermione surely would have gone to get her parent's by now. Ron had probably been so relieved to have her about again he wasn't angry anymore. Mrs. Weasley was surely working through the loss of Fred in her kitchen. And Ginny...

 

"Ginny," Harry said softly.

 

He missed Ginny.

 

Missed her terribly. He wondered what she was doing now. Was she missing him too? Was she angry at him for just taking off like he'd done? Probably not, he thought, she would understand once Hermione explained that he was off doing something he couldn't tell her about. An unpleasant thought occurred to him then, along with Hermione's parting words. _Was_ he taking advantage of Ginny's understanding? Of her feelings for him?

 

No, he decided firmly, he wasn't. Him counting on her understanding wasn't the same as taking advantage of it, no matter what Hermione thought or said. She didn't know Ginny the way that Harry did. She'd never looked into her eyes and seen what he'd seen. Ginny understood him. He'd known that from Dumbledore's funeral. The way she hadn't tried to stop him from doing what he had had to do, even though she had wanted him there with her, and even though she hadn't known where he was going or how dangerous it would be. He remembered that he had broken up with her, trying to do the right thing, and thought about how miserable they had both been. She hadn't tried to stop him, hadn't cried and whinged, and in that moment he'd known that Ginny wasn't like all the other girls he knew.

 

Wasn't like _any_ other girl he knew

 

No, Ginny would understand, would be happier that she knew Harry was doing something important, and she would trust Harry enough to know he would tell her when he could, and that he would come back to her.

 

Harry couldn't bear to keep Ginny in the dark, and scanned the room excitedly for some parchment. Even though he couldn't share what was really happening, he knew he could tell her a little. Let her know he was thinking of her, and missing her.

 

He found a piece and settled back into his chair. He had snagged a quill on his way back to his seat, and now sat, the feather brushing his cheek as he pondered what to put.

 

_Dear Ginny_ , he wrote, and stopped, completely stumped.

 

He looked about the shabby room trying to gather his thoughts and work out what he wanted to say. Finally, he just decided to go with his heart.

 

_I really miss you._

_I'm sure by now you've seen Hermione, and I don't want you to be angry with me, but I wouldn't let her tell you where I am. It's something I have to do, Gin, on my own, and I know you'll understand that_. 

 

He stopped, and worried. Was he taking her for granted? He magically erased 'know' and replaced it with 'hope'. 

He continued:

_It has to do with a lot of things, a lot of unresolved things, but mostly it's just something I have to do._

_I don't want you to worry about me. I'm fine, and I'm not in any danger, well, at least not like before, and I will tell you what I'm up to, but I just can't right now_.

 

He felt bad and chewed his lip. He wanted to tell her, wanted someone to share this with, someone who wasn't gifted like Hermione, someone like him. God, he needed to tell Ginny how much he wanted her here. 

 

_I really want to tell you, but it's not just my secret. I will tell you, one day, and **soon**. I promise. Please trust me_.

 

He stopped again. Was he coming off as needy and desperate?

 

No, he finally decided, it was Ginny after all.

 

_Please trust me, and know that if I could be there with you, I would be. I do miss you. More than you know. If I had a Marauder's Map of the Burrow, I'd be watching you on it day and night_.

 

Wait, he thought ... that was a bit creepy. He magically erased that and chewed thoughtfully on the end of the quill. 

 

_I wonder what you're doing there at the Burrow, and I wonder if you're missing me like I miss you_. 

Hmmm. He considered that a moment and then erased it. He knew what he wanted to say, what he felt, but it just wasn't coming out right.

 

He tried again. 

 

_It feels so strange not seeing your smile, or seeing you threatening to hex one of your brothers. All the time I was away, your smile was what kept me going, and all the time I was in the infirmary, waking up to see your smile and feel your hand in mine made everything worth it. And now, I can't wait until I can see that smile again. So, don't worry Gin, because I will be back. I can't be with you right now, but in my heart I am, and always will be_. 

 

Harry read through what he had just written and couldn't help feeling rather pleased with himself.

 

_I can't wait to hear from you soon. Let me know how everyone is. I feel so out of things where I am, and I miss everyone. You most of all._

_Love,_

_Harry_

 

Harry cast his eyes back over the completed letter, pleased with what he had written. Satisfied, he folded it up, addressed it, and magically sealed it. He smiled as he imagined it arriving at the Weasleys’, Ginny taking it out of the owl's claws. 

 

"Hedwig," he called out absently.

 

Instantly, a pang of pain smote him. Hedwig. She would never again deliver letters for him. He felt frustration well up in him - how many more things were going to be taken from him? His parents, Sirius, Dumbledore, Hedwig, and, at the moment, Ginny too. He felt weariness overcome him. Exhaustion at the load he was carrying. Alone.

 

Setting his mouth, he determined to not wallow in self-pity. He was lucky in lots of ways; luckier than the man upstairs certainly. Still, this lack of owl was a real problem. How was he meant to send a letter to Ginny? He gazed about the room, as if expecting to see an owl politely waiting for him.

 

"Shit!" he muttered when no bird was forthcoming.

 

"Typical!" Harry growled, pacing the room. One stupid letter! And he wouldn't be able to send it. He wished Remus had had the time to teach him how to send messages with his patronus. Or Tonks. But it was too late for that now, and the man upstairs certainly wasn't up to it.

 

"Bloody fucking hell!" Harry swore in rage and grief.

 

He collapsed back into the chair, biting his lip and threw the letter onto the table. He would not let himself cry, even though that was exactly what he felt like doing. But there was no way he was going to let Snape wake up and hear him wailing like a baby over one letter. That would only be adding fuel to Snape's fire over him looking after him, he'd sneer and call him an immature brat or something equally insulting. Harry used his anger to will away the tears. 

_Think, Harry, think_.

 

But nothing came.

 

At last he rose from his chair and opened the letter, re-reading it, trying to imagine Ginny's reactions. He felt bad knowing she wouldn't read it, yet somehow closer to her. And then, he had the solution!

 

He would write letters to her, every day, and keep them all. Then he would be able to feel close to her when he needed, and, when he finally was able to tell Ginny everything, he could hand her the letters, to show her how much he'd been thinking of her.

 

It was perfect! Well, as perfect as this miserable situation could be.

 

Of course, at that moment, there was a loud THUMP from upstairs.

 

"Dammit!" Harry cried, jumping up. He shoved the letter into a pocket and raced to Snape's bedroom. 

 

The other man had deliberately knocked over the chair by his bed, and was now glaring at Harry as he rushed into the small room.

 

"Sorry to ... inconvenience .. you," he whispered, a sneer firmly in place, "But I believe .. it is time .. for my next potion?"

 

"I was just downstairs," Harry said sullenly. He was in no mood to put up with Snape's crap right now. 

 

"Be that...as it ...may...." the man rasped evilly, "I have...been...calling you.....re- repeatedly." 

 

Harry stared at him, feeling somewhat ashamed, but a part of him couldn't help wondering if that were actually true or not. Surely Kreacher would have heard him then? He decided not to press the issue, and set about opening and mixing the two vials that together made up Snape's medicine.

 

"And just .... _what_... was so important ... that you forget ... your stupid ... self imposed ... martyrdom?" Snape goaded.

 

Harry snapped, "None of your business" before he could stop himself.

 

"It IS...my business....what you are...doing...in MY...house!" the man rasped angrily. 

 

Harry just glared at him hatefully. 

 

Severus raised an eyebrow, "Oh...touched a nerve...P-Potter? Is your...romantic ‘rescue’...not going...to plan?" 

 

"Never mind my romantic _anything_!" Harry growled furiously.

 

The man on the bed regarded him with those black eyes, and then a light appeared in them.

 

"Oh....I see..." he began, a cruel smile twisting his face,"...let me see...” he added with relish, "…Miss Weasley...doesn't know...where you are...does she?" 

 

"Shut up!" Harry snapped. He didn't need his pain stroked by this bastard. 

 

"Oh...my..." Snape wheezed, "...did you...have a... _lover's_...quarrel?" 

 

"Fuck you!" Harry shouted. He shoved the potion at the evil git, and slammed out of the room. 

 

His fury carried him back down to the living room where he pulled the letter to Ginny from his pocket. Clutching the crumpled parchment, he felt a sob rise in his throat, and bit his lip to keep it in. It was too much. This was all too much. His lower lip quivered, his vision blurred suddenly, and he clenched both hands tightly, holding on to his one precious link with Ginny with all his might. He threw himself into the chair and smoothed the letter out on the tabletop, running his finger over her name. His heart aching, he bit his lip again, and pressed the letter to his chest, against his wildly pounding heart. Tears chased silently down his face. 

 

Harry couldn't bear the awful feeling building inside him any longer. A choked cry broke from his lips. Everything that had happened in the last few weeks finally caught up with him. His head sank onto his arms, and miserable, _alone_ , he began to sob. 

******************************

Please review!


	12. Chapter 11

We own nothing Harry Potter. We make no money from this story.

 

Chapter 11

 

_Dear Ginny,_

_I can’t believe I’ve been here nearly a month already! I’m finding it really difficult knowing how to cope with Snape’s moods, but knowing I can tell you all this now, even though you can’t read it, is such a comfort to me. Honestly, Gin, I don’t know **what** I’d do if I didn’t have you to write to._

_Life here is pretty much the same every day. I run tests, get glared at, give him medicine, get glared at, make some kind of mistake, get complained at. It’s like this all the time! And I’m trying so hard not to let it bother me, cos I know he’s really ill, and, well, we both know what he’s like, but it’s so difficult! He’s just so horrible **all** the time._

_He is getting slightly better. You can remember what it was like for your Dad after he got bit can’t you? Well, for some reason it’s been even worse for Snape. Maybe because we haven’t been able to care for him like St Mungo’s did for your Dad. Whatever the reason, the wound has only just really started healing – which I am **deeply** thankful for! I was so sick of changing that bandage every two hours!_

_Sorry, I’m going on about myself again. I really miss you, and can’t wait until I can see you and hold you again. Talking to Kreacher isn’t quite the same! I can’t discuss Quidditch with him, or hold him, or reminisce on happier times._

_Please, Ginny, keep waiting for me. I promise I will be there for you one day. I promise._

_Harry_

Harry slowly made his way upstairs, sighing. It was time to once again face Severus and give him his potions. Familiarity seemed to have bred more than contempt, it seemed to Harry, that Severus, whilst never being fond of Harry, now _loathed_ the sight of him. Every time he went into the other’s room, the older man seemed to steel himself for an onslaught. It annoyed Harry, he tried so hard to help, but because Severus was so unpleasant all the time, it made him fumble. He again, as he had many times in the past, felt sorry for Neville. This must have been how he had felt in Potions. Harry didn’t fear Severus, but the other’s relentless gaze, watching him for the least mistake, was definitely wearing.

“Ah…” Severus said softly, voice still injured, yet able to slash at Harry with just a few syllables, “and what _new_ level … of incompetence … will you demonstrate … today?”

"Okay!" Harry finally snapped, his last nerve broken, "This has gone on long enough! There's no one here to impress with your snarky git routine, so just drop it, ok?!"

"Why...Mr. P-Potter...whatever do....you mean?" Snape said with evil innocence.

"Shut up!" Harry screamed. "Just shut up! You're so rude all the time! Can't you ever be grateful? I'm trying my best and all you do is be sarcastic and cruel and..." Harry stopped, horrified to discover he was close to tears.

"Oh...feeling...put upon...are we?" the man rasped, "are we...feeling...s-sorry...for ourself...Mr. Potter? Are you...going to ...cry?"

"No! Damn you!" Harry shrieked. "Look! I'm grateful for everything you did when I was at school, I _am_ , and this is why I'm helping you now, well, that and..." he trailed off, not sure how the other would react.

"I assure you...Potter, I...do not...need nor...do I appreciate...your pity!" Snape growled, his black eyes flashing.

_Pity_?! Harry's mind yelled the word. "It's not pity," he said, striving for calm, "It's that you've been treated badly by pretty much everyone, me included, and well, I wanted this chance to make things better for you. To try and make things right between us ... somehow."

"In other words...your pity…" the man spat the words, "How…how this world...has treated me...is none of…your concern, Potter...I did not....ask...for your help....I do not want it...and I certainly.....did not ask you...to come here! …Whining to me...about making things...right! If you...are so concerned...about making things....right, leave!!! That will......I assure you.....make everything right!" 

“I’m not going anywhere!” Harry felt his anger rising again. “God! This isn't about pity! And you DO need my help, whether you admit it or not. Tell me, Se-Severus," he tripped over the name but hurried on, "what scares you so much about asking for help?"

"I am not...scared to ask...for anything!.....Haven't I...been asking you to...leave...for weeks?! Ob-obviously to...no avail!" Snape shouted, his voice straining. "I have faced more ...horrors than ...your feeble little mind ...can imagine, Potter! Vanquishing... the Dark Lord was a ...walk in the park ...compared to the things I have ...been forced to do. ...To keep your ...miserable skin ...intact! How dare you ...intimate... I am scared of ...anything!" The man screamed.

Harry stared at the other in shock. He knew, obviously, that Severus had been a Death Eater at one point - not a spy, but a willing follower of Voldemort's, which meant he must have done some horrible things. Still, Harry wondered, why was Snape so touchy about being called a coward? He remembered back in his 6th year, the other's face contorting into uncontrolled fury at the accusation. It was the only time Harry had ever seen the Potions Master lose his temper utterly. But why?

"Not a coward, eh?" Harry began slowly, “Braver than me? Then why did you never tell my mother how you felt? You keep getting mad about being called a coward Snape, and I know why, it's because you know you ARE one! You never spoke out to my Mother when you had the chance! You let my Dad win! You just gave up! So, yeah, you ARE a coward!"

"I am NOT a coward!!" the man screamed, lunging up from the bed, the same look of uncontrollable rage as before contorting his face. He fell forward on his weak legs, grabbing hold of Harry's shirt as he did, dragging him down with him, forcing him to the floor under him, his face pushed into Harry's. "You miserable little monster!!!... How dare you!!!... How DARE you!!! ...You are the coward, Potter! You and your... filthy father!!! You are EXACTLY alike! Incapable of making a move unless your _sycophants_ are ...by your side, ...incapable of an original thought! You are the coward, Potter, ...throwing your mother in my face! How dare you! I begged for her life, ...on my knees to Dumbledore and again ...on my knees to the Dark Lord! I MURDERED for you, Potter! I begged to be ...allowed to find you, in that ...filthy den of Lupin's where ...you once cursed me, I begged the Dark Lord to be allowed... to find you to save your ...pitiful life and then... I DIED for you, Potter!!” The man, his hands clutched on Harry's shirt was shaking him wildly, banging his head on the floor in his rage. "I DIED for YOU, ...Lily's son, ...because I couldn't save HER, ...I died for YOU!! And you have ...the gall... to throw her in my face? To call ME a coward!!!! HOW DARE YOU?!!"

Harry lay on his back, dazed. Whether from the blows to his head, or to his soul, he couldn't have said. Snape had been frighteningly accurate. He had screamed out all of the things he had done that Harry hadn't even known about, and what had Harry done? Thrown it in Snape's face! Called him a coward. He lay there, eyes wide and staring, not sure what to say to make this right.

Gasping frantically, Snape slumped forward heavily onto Harry. The man was shaking violently all over, his body a dead weight, unable to move himself. "Lily..." he rasped faintly, ".....should have....been ours...."

Harry tugged at the other man, somehow manhandling him back to his bed. Severus was slender, but surprisingly heavy. Or was it just Harry feeling weak after the barrage he had taken? He got an arm around the older man's chest and felt wetness splash onto his bare skin. He frowned. He glanced up at the ceiling, but there was no leak. Another splash on his arm. It trickled around and off. Was this ... Severus? Crying?

Harry felt so lost. Weeks of caring for this man had told him almost nothing about him, but ten minutes of yelling had revealed more than he was comfortable with. And what the hell had Snape's last comment meant? _What_ should have been theirs? And who the hell was Snape on about?

Harry pretended he couldn't see the Potion Master's distress, and instead settled him back down comfortably. The silence between them had stretched to breaking point, and Harry had to speak. "I'm ...sorry," he mumbled, and then it dawned on him who Snape was on about. Lily. His mother. Lily..........should have.........been ours The man was crying over Harry's dead mother, he'd loved her.......and the life they'd never had? Harry looked at the man, recalling what he'd seen in the pensieve: Snape's patronus in the forest. A doe. His mother's doe. He'd loved her all these years, still mourned her, and a life they'd never had together. Harry realised he could understand that. He'd never really known his mother, but he still wished for the life he hadn't had with her. 

Grieved for it.

Slowly, almost fearfully, Harry reached forward and pulled the weeping man to himself, his own grief over the same woman welling up. 

And held him while they both cried. 

 

************************************

Review? Please?


	13. Chapter 12

We own nothing Harry Potter. We make no money from this story.

 

Chapter 12

 

Harry felt Severus' sobs subside somewhat and knew now would be a good time to leave. He gently disentangled himself from his patient and went into the bathroom. He had still not quite recovered from his crying fit, but he splashed cold water on his face, spattering his glasses in the process. He removed them and bathed his swollen eyes. He wanted to go back to Snape, to ask him to talk about Lily, to tell Harry _something_ about eh woman who had been his mother. A woman he had no memory of ever seeing in reality. He wanted to, but couldn't do it. Snape would be annoyed enough that Harry had witnessed his breakdown. Now was definitely not the time to bring up painful memories. He sighed, wondering when life had become so complicated.

He was lost in his meditations when the squawk of a bird disturbed him. He sniffled and turned, rubbing his nose on his sleeve. Kreacher was wheezing, standing by the door, clutching a letter. Silently, he held it out. Harry nodded his thanks and took it frowning. The only people who could contact him were Hermione and Madam Pomfrey, no one else knew where he was. He unfurled it and read.

In the mirror, his face registered shock, bewilderment, and joy. 

Three hours later, Harry sat downstairs by the fire, the letter still in his hand. What should he do? He glanced up, as noise arrested him. "Pig!" he gasped, seeing the tiny owl pecking at the window. He let the animal in, took the letter, hoping it was somehow from Ginny, and began to read:

_Dear Harry,_

_Ron says that Kingsley Shacklebolt has asked you and him to join the Aurors’ Office at the Ministry of Magic. Harry! You're only 17! I mean, I know it's a great honour, and obviously Kingsley wouldn't have written to ask you if he didn't think you were up to the training, but it's so dangerous! And Harry, you've just saved the wizarding world. You're a hero, well...you were always a hero to me, but haven't you had enough danger in your life? I don't want you to do this. I want you to come to the Burrow and so does Mum._

_I've hardly seen you at all this summer, and you won't tell me where you are! I know Hermione knows where you are and what you're doing but she won't say either. What is going on that you can share with her but not tell me?_

_I don't mean to sound like a whinging nag, but Harry, I'm worried about you! You're not secretly already an Auror, are you? Off again doing something incredibly stupid but noble? I just miss you, Harry. It's hard having a boyfriend who's never around._

_Please come to the Burrow._

_Love,  
Ginny_

Harry sighed as he re-read the letter Pig had delivered earlier. He couldn't really blame Ginny for her feelings. She'd been more than patient with him for far longer than she should have had to be. It wasn't that he _didn'_ t want to tell her where he was and what he was doing. He did, he felt that she above anyone else would understand _why_ he was doing this, why he _had_ to do this. But Severus had made him promise to tell no one. Especially not any of the Weasleys. Not Ginny. Not Ron. None of them.

Ginny. 

He let his mind wander back to the kiss she'd given him on his last birthday. That kiss had sustained him through the horrors that followed, given him strength and a reason to persevere in what he'd had to do. He felt a familiar pang in his heart. 

She missed him.

And he missed her, too. Very much.

Harry suddenly got up and went to Severus' door, opening it just a tiny crack, and peeked in. The man was still on his bed, fast asleep. Harry quietly closed the door and went back into the living room, saying quietly, "Kreacher?"

Instantly the wizened elf appeared from the kitchen saying, "Yes, Master Harry? You called?"

"Yeah, Kreacher," he replied, "I have to go out for a bit, and I want you to look after Professor Snape for me. He's still sleeping, but he's going to need another dose of his potions when he wakes. Can you be sure he takes them? And reassure him I’ll be back soon?" Harry’s mouth twitched at Snape’s likely comment to finding out Harry would be returning.

"Certainly, Master Harry," the elf wheezed, "Kreacher will take best care of Master Snape for you."

"Thank you, Kreacher," Harry smiled, "I'll be back in a couple of hours."

Once outside at the apparition point Harry, with the image of the Burrow firmly in his head, turned on the spot and vanished.

Harry walked up the lane towards his favourite place in the world, and paused at the door, looking through the open top half and spotting Mrs. Weasley moving about her kitchen. He could only see her back, but, even as distracted as he was by thoughts of Ginny, he spotted the defeated slump of her shoulders. He cleared his throat to make her aware of his presence and she turned around, with a sad and distracted look on her face, which changed to a half-hearted smile at seeing him.

"Harry!" she said, "What a nice surprise! Come in, dear. Would you like some tea?"

"No thanks, Mrs. Weasley," he began, just eager to see Ginny, to hold her.

"Ron's not here, dear, " she said, "he's having tea with Hermione and her parents."

"I didn't come to see Ron," Harry replied, snickering to himself at the thought of Ron stuttering through tea with Hermione's muggle dentist parents, "I came to see Ginny."

Mrs. Weasley brightened instantly, a genuine smile blossoming over her careworn face. "She's upstairs, dear," she said warmly, flicking her wand and producing a pot of tea, the sugar bowl, a flowery cup and saucer, and a small pitcher of milk. "You sit, and I'll go get her."

"Erm....okay," Harry agreed with some amusement. Mrs. Weasley smiled at him affectionately and fairly sailed out of the kitchen.

A few moments later Harry could hear the sound of footsteps hurrying down the many flights of stairs overhead and stood up, his heart skipping crazily in anticipation. There was a flurry of auburn hair through the kitchen door and then suddenly his arms were full of Ginny. 

He had missed her, keenly, but until that moment he hadn't realised just _how_ keenly. She felt so good in his arms and he hugged her tightly, breathing in the flowery scent of her perfume, his head spinning pleasantly. His mind was suddenly transported back to his 6th year, his first day in Potions with Slughorn. The sensual smells coming from the simmering cauldron. Wooden broomstick handles, treacle tart, and......Ginny, his surprised mind realised. That pleasant realisation made him tighten his arms around her even more. 

"Oh Harry," she breathed, her breath soft and warm against his neck. "I've missed you so much."

"I've missed you too," he murmured into her hair, "... _really_ missed you, Ginny."

They stood there in their own little world, quietly revelling in being able to hold one another again until a contented sigh from the doorway broke through their reverie. They both turned, slightly surprised, and saw Mrs. Weasley standing with clasped hands beaming at them, her eyes suspiciously bright. 

Harry relaxed his grip on Ginny, although he kept an arm around her slender waist. She turned towards her mother, a _please leave!_ look on her face. Mrs. Weasley ignored that and said, "Harry dear, you must stay for dinner. Congratulations are in order after all, for both you and Ron."

"Oh...erm...thanks, Mrs. Weasley," Harry answered uneasily, feeling the girl tense at his side, and remembering why he was there, "but I really can't. I have to be getting back soon." Seeing Ginny's frown he added, "I just wanted to see Ginny and maybe take a walk." He nudged Ginny with his hip as he said it.

"Yes, let's," she said immediately, "a walk would be nice."

Mrs. Weasley smiled knowingly and said, "Of course. You'll want to catch up...."

Before she could say more Ginny had fairly hauled Harry out the door and across the garden.   
Once they were out of earshot she turned to him and said, "I am happy to see you, Harry, more than you know, but I also want you to tell me the truth about where you've been and what you've been doing!"

Harry smiled down at her affectionately. He was so happy to be with her even her annoyance at him was wonderful. "You know, it's true," he said attempting to pull her into his arms again, "you _are_ beautiful when you're angry."

"Harry!" she spluttered, pushing away, "I'm _worried_ about you! You have joined the Aurors already, haven't you? You're off risking your life again, trying to save the world! You've already _done_ it, Harry! You've fulfilled the prophecy, _done_ your duty! You don't owe them anything else!" 

Her fast-filling eyes and trembling lip both touched him deeply and made him feel guilty, and, truth be told, gave him a sort of satisfaction at knowing she cared so much. Ginny wasn't the sort of girl easily given to tears. 

"Ginny, Ginny, hey..." he soothed, gathering her to himself. "Kingsley's written to ask me to join the Aurors, but I haven't done it yet..."

" _Yet?!_ " She shrieked, looking up at him, "Harry!"

"Ginny," he said, "I haven't joined yet, no, but...it's what I've wanted to do ever since I found out what an Auror was. I know I'm only 17, but I'll be 18 soon, and I won't be going out on missions right away, there's a further three years training to get through first. They don't send you out if you aren't properly trained and prepared, and I'm lucky, Gin, to be asked by Kingsley himself, at my age, and especially since I didn't finish my 7th year."

"You defeated Voldemort," she sniffed, "I would hope that would carry more weight than finishing your 7th year would!"

He smiled and said, "Well, so you can see then, can't you? Especially as it's what I've always wanted to do."

She pulled away from him with a large sigh, and stood looking out over the garden, her arms crossed over herself.

"Come on, Gin," Harry cajoled, reaching out to gently rub her tense shoulders, "Don't be angry..." 

She looked back at him, sighed pointedly, and said, "You're going to do this anyway, aren't you? Even if I don't want you to."

"I don't want you to be angry with me," he responded, sidestepping the question.

She gave him an exasperated look and shook her head. "You are. I know you are, because I know you. It’s something you feel you should do. And I won't stop you, because I would never stop you from doing something you really want to do, and _you_ know _that_."

"If you _really_ don't want me to, Gin, I won't," Harry said, meaning what he said, but he also knew what her reaction would be.

"Oh absolutely," she sneered sarcastically, "and then I can go the rest of my life knowing that _I_ kept you from the only thing you ever really wanted to do. Yes, I'll be able to live with _that_ hanging over my head alright! No thanks!"

"That's not the _only_ thing I've ever wanted to do," Harry murmured, pulling her back into his arms and kissing her. When they broke for air, she turned her warm brown eyes up to fix upon him.

"This _is_ one of those stupid, noble things you have to do......and I'm going to worry about you every step of the way," she said reproachfully, but her expression softened when she added, "but I won't stop you, Harry. I want you to be happy, and if this is what will make you happy, I'll be behind you all the way."

"Well then I can't go wrong, can I?" Harry smiled, kissing her again. "What would I do without you, Gin?"

"Good question, Harry," she countered, "I don't know. What _have_ you been doing without me?"

Harry sighed, knowing this had been coming. It was, after all, what he'd come to talk to her about. He felt bad, knowing he’d promised Snape, but Ginny had the right to know. He owed her that much.

He clasped her hand and led her through the hedges and into the orchard, further from the house and any prying eyes or extendable ears. He found a comfortable spot under one of the trees and tugged her down to sit next to him.

Still clutching her hand, he took a deep breath and admitted, "Snape...Professor Snape. He's alive, Ginny."

Her brown eyes wide, she gasped, "What? But....I thought he died in the Shrieking Shack. That's what you went there for; why I found you there! How could he be alive?! You and Hermione said you saw him die; bleed to death when that hideous snake bit him! And the Shrieking Shack was burnt to the ground! That's what shocked you so badly!"

"I know," Harry replied, face full of remembered pain, "and at that time I did think he was dead and his body burned. After I woke up, Hermione told me the truth. After she and I saw Nagini bite him, and Voldemort leave him to die, we went to him, but it was too late. He was bleeding to death..." Harry shuddered at the horrific memory, "and…his thoughts and memories were pouring out of him along with his blood. He said to take them, and Hermione conjured a flask to catch them. Then...he grabbed my shirtfront and made me look at him, and then...he died." 

Harry paused to get a grip on himself. 

"I took the flask to the Head's office and put his memories into Dumbledore's pensieve, and that's how I found out he'd been in love with my mother, and that all these years he was on our side, spying for Dumbledore and reporting to the Order about Voldemort. All that was true. And he was protecting me all these years, making sure I stayed alive, sacrificing everything for me, Dumbledore, and because he loved my mother. The things Dumbledore made him do, Ginny!!”

She interrupted quickly, seeing his growing distress. “I know, Harry. Remember Ron and Hermione told me all about it, about Dumbledore begging so that Malfoy wouldn’t be a murderer, about you being tricked to see what you were meant to so that Snape was protected if the Dark Lord invaded your mind. I know all about everything, Harry.” She stroked his arm softly. 

"Hermione didn't tell you all of it," Harry said and took a deep breath. "After the battle, the three of us went to the Head's office to talk to Dumbledore's portrait, and I told him everything, including what I saw in the pensieve, about Snape being in love with my mother his whole life. I noticed that Snape's portrait wasn't hanging in there, which it should have been, because he was dead, and I asked Dumbledore why it wasn't. He told me it was because Snape had abandoned his post as Headmaster, and I just got so angry. I'm _still_ angry about it.”

Ginny tried to calm him, concerned at the growing fury she saw on his face. She understood his resentment, but could do nothing but let him speak, so she did, knowing it would help him.

“After all he did, everything he sacrificed, and they refused to let his portrait hang next to them because he abandoned his post when he didn't have a choice? Voldemort called, he had to go, to keep the side up, his cover, and that was Dumbledore's doing! It was so unfair, and I made up my mind that I had to do something for Snape, that I'd go and get his body and see him decently buried before the Death Eaters got hold of his body, and make sure everybody knew that he was the real hero, not me. And that's when you found me…” he stopped as Ginny finished for him:

“In the tunnel, without Snape’s body, and with the Shrieking Shack completely destroyed.” She nodded in understanding, “No wonder you were so upset.” 

Harry agreed, letting his forehead touch hers for a moment. He loved this about Ginny, loved that they understood one another. He went on, “I didn't know then what Hermione had done. She has a time turner, Ginny, and when we were in the Head's office talking to Dumbledore, something he said or did made her remember she had it. See, we'd used it once before to go back in time and save Sirus and Buckbeak, and Hermione thought she could do the same for Snape, so she did. She went back to just after she and I had left the Shrieking Shack, and found Snape barely alive. He came to long enough to tell her to take her to his house in Spinner's End, near Manchester, rather than the infirmary, and so she did.” 

A small smile lifted one corner of his mouth. “You know Hermione, she had loads of books with her when we were looking for the horcruxes, and she got some potions from Madame Pomfrey to help heal Snape. She called Kreacher to help too, and Snape himself, after he came to, was able to help her mix the right potions. 

“I made her take me there, and then I made her leave, and that's where I've been and what I've been doing. Looking after him and helping him get well, Ginny, I _have_ to. He saved my life so many times, he protected me all these years, he risked his own life for me, he sacrificed everything for me, and I can't _not_ help him! I owe it to him, but it's not just that. He loved my mother, and I was so horrible to him all these years. I never trusted him even though Dumbledore told me he did, and that should have been enough! And he is a hero, Ginny, he's the _real_ hero, not me. If it weren't for him, I probably wouldn't be here right now, and there's just no way I can not help him! You understand that, don't you?! You understand why I have to do this?! You..."

"Harry, Harry...it's alright, of course I understand," Ginny soothed gently, "I..I just can't imagine the things he must have suffered....and to be left to die like that...you and Hermione did the right thing." She pressed a kiss to his lips.

"But just helping him get better isn't enough, Gin," Harry said, "I have to clear his name. He'll never have a life otherwise, and he deserves one. He shouldn't have to hide the rest of his life, constantly be on the run, like Sirius was. I couldn't bear that."

"No," she said, "that wouldn't be right. That's no life. And what if the Death Eaters found out he was still alive? They'd hunt him down and murder him as a traitor to Voldemort."

"Right," Harry agreed firmly, "even after I get him cleared, and I _will_ , no matter what it takes. That's also why I want to be an Auror, so I can hunt them down before they hunt him down. To protect him, like he did me. I owe him that. And there's another reason," he added quietly.

"Your mother," Ginny said rather than asked. She knew her Harry.

"He loved her....and he's the only one left," Harry murmured, "and....I....want him to know that....well, that I'm not exactly like my dad. I was horrible to him, I never gave him a chance, just like my dad, and I want him to know I realise I was wrong. And....it's difficult to explain, but I can't help thinking how awful it must have been for him protecting me all these years, even though he loved my mother, knowing I'm James' son."

Ginny nodded her understanding. "Yes, he must have really loved your mother to still protect you, knowing how much you look like your father.” She paused before saying suddenly, “I want to go with you, Harry. I want to go back to Spinner's End with you and help you look after him. I can help and we can be together."

"You'll be starting school soon," Harry pointed out, "and your parents would never let you come, you know that...."

"I don't want to go back to Hogwarts," Ginny said, "I love it, the school, but right now, there's too many bad memories there, and...you won't be there."

"I wouldn't have been anyway," Harry countered, neither of them mentioning the one person who was in their minds, the Weasley who hadn’t survived the battle. 

“You have to finish your education."

"You didn't," Ginny shot back, unfazed, "neither did Ron or Hermione, and it didn't hurt any of you any. You've been asked to join the Aurors."

"Ginny," Harry sighed, putting his arm around her, "you have to finish your education, it's important and you know it. And as for coming with me to Spinner's End..."

"I know, I know," she said with her own sigh, "another noble thing you have to do. It’s just...I miss you so much, Harry, all the time. I understand why you finished with me before, even if I didn't like it, but..."

"But I'm _not_ finishing with you, Ginny," Harry insisted, "and I never _wanted_ to then, but I couldn't risk Voldemort hurting you again. When I came back to the Burrow for the wedding, it was all I could do not to run to you and hold you. That kiss you gave me for my birthday was what kept me going through everything, that and the thought that if I survived, I knew....you would be at the end of the journey." That wasn't exactly what he wanted to tell her, but this wasn't the moment.

"Oh you _knew_ that, did you?" she smiled, eyes shining.

"Well, I _hoped_ ," Harry smiled back. 

"Well, just so there's no more doubt," she said before she kissed him. "And seeing as it's nearly your birthday..." and kissed him again only this time it was like it had been then, and he eagerly returned it. He pulled her down onto the soft moss with him and they had several passionate minutes before they heard the voices of Mr. Weasley and Percy as they walked from the apparation point to the house. 

Reluctantly Harry sat them up again and said, "I didn't realise it was so late, Ginny. I have to get back."

"You'd better say goodbye to Mum or she'll never forgive you," Ginny warned smiling, "don't worry, I won't let her keep you long."

They walked back to the house hand in hand, and Harry said reassuringly, "I'll try to visit more, Ginny, and I'll write and firecall you. I don't _like_ being away from you, you know."

"It's going to be a long summer, and a horrible year at Hogwarts," she commented forlornly, "I really don't want to go back."

"I know, but...well, don't you think our kids should have at least one parent with a full education?" Harry said not able to hide the smile that thought brought.

She stopped and turned to look at him wide eyed and slightly open mouthed in wonder. They remained looking into one another's eyes, and Harry knew she understood he wasn't asking yet, but was serious nonetheless.

"Yes," she said softly, "yes, I do."

Holding hands, they walked out to the apparation point, and he kissed her again. Before turning to go, he pulled out the sheaf of parchment that was his letters to her, and handed them to her. 

"What's this?" she asked. 

"For you," he said, cupping her cheek in his hand, "you're never far from me, Ginny," and with that, he turned and apparated away.

*************************

Thanks to everyone who has reviewed so far. Please review this chapter too!


	14. Chapter 13

We own nothing Harry Potter. We make no money from this story.

 

Chapter 13

 

The next few weeks went by fairly quickly and although they didn't talk about their argument, they were on better terms. Harry had taken to helping Snape get up and out of bed for a few minutes everyday, helping the man regain some strength in his wobbly limbs. The older man seemed determined to get up and be mobile again as quickly as possible, which saddened Harry somewhat - was his company so poor? 

Each evening, after having given Snape his potion, Harry steeled himself up to ask the ill man about Lily. He ached to know more about his mother, but somehow, every evening, he let himself be distracted by the other's sarcastic comments about what was happening in the world (the _Daily Prophet_ was now reaching them through a complicated procedure orchestrated by the absent Hermione).

Harry told himself each night that he would ask on the following evening, but, even though some nights he managed to open his mouth, he never quite managed to ask.

***

“You’re not ready for this,” Harry argued for the tenth time as Snape wobbled dangerously whilst pulling a plain pair of black trousers on.

“I’m … doing this … idiot boy!” He responded, still a little breathless, although the past month had seen him improve beyond all recognition.

Harry rolled his eyes and stood near the other, subtlely offering his strength should it be required. Snape, gasping, straightened up.

“Besides, I promised…”

Harry stopped himself from responding. He and Severus had come to an unspoken agreement about their crying fit – it just wasn’t mentioned. Harry did want to bring it up, to somehow bring up his mother, to find out more about her, but now was definitely not the right time. Severus had, without Harry’s knowledge, written to Professor McGonagall (no doubt causing the witch some surprise!) and had asked to be allowed to speak to Albus’ portrait. He had directed her to speak to the picture herself for clarification about Snape’s role in the war and in Dumbledore’s death.

She had, after some delay, responded, and had invited him to visit. She had requested that he remain hidden as she was still finding things difficult, term having just begun, and she was unsure how the wizarding world would react. This, of course, suited Severus down to the ground, he had no wish to be paraded as some sort of hero, and, as he had smugly told Harry when the other had reprimanded him for his letter, “See? The world doesn’t want to know I was a _hero_.” He had explained that he had asked McGonagall to keep the information about his survival to herself, and she had readily, almost eagerly, agreed.

Severus had made it clear that whilst he would allow Harry to accompany him he would not allow the other to witness his discussion with Dumbledore. 

Harry had agreed, realising that he might be able to grab a few minutes alone with Ginny.

***

"Ahh, Severus, how delightful to see you again. And how are you feeling my dear chap?" Albus began before adding at Snape's glower, "You wanted to see me, my boy?"

"You manipulating, meddlesome, damned old fool!" Severus spat, "you promised me! _Promised_ me, Albus, you would not interfere! And yet here I am. Living another day. And another, and ANOTHER!!! With your precious Golden Boy dogging my every bloody step!!!"

"You have been given a great chance, Severus," Albus said severely, his portrait looking over his glasses and frowning in annoyance, "And I had very little to do with your rescue. It was Miss Granger who undertook it, and, really, Severus, you yourself chose to come back, no matter how much you blame Miss Granger. Further," he went on smoothly as the younger man looked like interrupting, "Mr Potter clearly feels he has some obligation towards you, it would be _churlish_ to refuse."

" _Churlish_?!," Severus sputtered, "Why you...... _churlish_ be damned, Albus! And you and Granger and Potter along with it! He may be the Boy Who Lived, but I was The Man Who Wished To DIE!! _That_ was my choice, Albus! Death! To finally be free from you and your machinations, AND your bloody Gryffindors! The only obligation that boy has to me is to Leave. Me. Alone!"

Albus said nothing, just surveyed Snape over his half-moon spectacles, as if waiting for the other to realise something blindingly obvious.

"Do NOT look at me like that!" Severus growled, glaring at the smug countenance of the former Headmaster. "And don't you DARE 'Severus, my boy' me!! You saddled me with that brat in my former life, you will NOT do so in this one!"

"'Saddled'?" Albus' voice was mild, but his expression serious. "I hardly think, my dear boy, that being able to spend time with _Lily's_ son would be such an intolerable situation."

Severus was livid with rage, temporarily speechless. And then he exploded. "You...you _bastard_!" he screeched, "You smug, insensitive bastard! I have tolerated more from _you_ than any man should have to tolerate from _anyone_ in one lifetime let alone two, but I will not tolerate _this_! Who the hell do you think you are, Albus? God?? What gives you the right to continually throw my greatest mistake, my greatest regret, my greatest _pain_ in my face to try and manipulate me into doing what you think best?!? _You_ , Albus, are not the be all and end all, and you cannot control me any longer! Do not dare to mention Lily’s name to me again, in this or _any_ other lifetime! Do _you_ understand _me_ , Albus!!?!"

Dumbledore was silent for a moment at the end of this tirade. His blue eyes blinked rather rapidly for a moment or two before he opened his mouth to speak, but nothing came out. Absurdly, Severus felt a surge of triumph, he had finally _won_! The old fool was _finally_ speechless. 

At last Albus did speak, quietly, "Very well, Severus. I shall not mention _her_ name again. However, have you not perhaps considered that there is a reason for Harry's insistence upon staying? Perhaps something he would like to discover. Something only you can tell him. Something about his mother." Albus rubbed between his eyebrows before sighing, "Oh, dear boy, I know how hurt you were by what happened, not just between her and James, but what happened when Harry was a child. Perhaps you feel you have earned the right to live as you wish, and perhaps you are right, but Harry has a right to know where he came from. He has a right to know about his mother from the person who knew her best." Dumbledore's eyes bored into Snape's. " _Please_ Severus, consider what that would mean, to you _both_."

"Untold pain for me, I assume?" Severus said acidly, "After all, isn't that my lot in life? You seem to think that _I_ owe _him_ something, do you? Well, _I_ don't! That is where _I_ beg to differ with you, Old Man! I should think that DYING for him would have been enough!"

Albus seemed to be getting milder and milder as Snape got more and more irate. "My boy," he said, "I'm not asking you to die for him, I'm asking you to make Lily _live_ for him. All his life he has been told how much he resembles his father. His only link to his mother is his eyes - as far as he knows. We _both_ know he is as much Lily's son as he is James'. Help him see that."

"I told you not to speak her name to me again! _EVER_ again! " Severus snarled, "I cannot and WILL not torture myself any further for the sake of that boy! I have given up everything, _everything_ , Albus, including my life once for that boy and I WILL not do it again! I've paid my debt! Done my penance for her death! Spent a whole lifetime of misery already for what I have done, I will not spend another resuscitating my pain! Not for you, not for him, not for anybody!! Let me, and _her_ rest in peace, you old fool!"

"And Harry?" Albus asked, incredibly gently, "Will you allow him to rest in peace?" His eyes softened, "She was a truly amazing person, Severus, as you know, and Harry deserves to learn about her. I wish there were some other way, but you can give him what no one else can - his mother. You can give him the most precious gift in the world - a family." Pleading now, the other seemed to lean forward, "Severus, I understand your wish for solitude, truly I do, but Harry doesn't deserve to be left alone in the world, alone without Lil-" he stopped when he saw Snape about to start speaking again, "without his parents, and without any knowledge of the people they were. He should get to know his mother, Severus. She should be the one telling him about her past, but that cannot happen. They can never get to know each other, but at least Harry can know her. Please, Severus. Consider it. Not for Harry, not for me, not even for her, but for yourself. Remember her with happiness, not guilt. It is time you forgave yourself."

"Stop it, Albus!," Severus howled, wounded, "....just STOP it! You don't know what you're asking! You have no idea...of what it costs to...." he trailed off, closing his eyes and shuddering, "....I can _never_ forgive myself. Ever. Every time I look into those emerald eyes....all I've done is there...all it cost us _both_.....those eyes....she is gone, and I am reminded of my part in that every time I look into that boy's eyes and see her there. I cannot bear another lifetime of that, Albus, do not ask this of me, I beg of you," the man pleaded desperately.

Albus felt almost guilty. He had one last card to play. "My dear, dear, boy," he began, almost apologetically, "you, yourself began this. You _gave_ Harry memories of his mother. You, yourself, have made him curious about her. Severus, you gave him your most precious memories, because you thought it was all, finally, over. But it isn't. You can give him all those other memories you have of her. You can finish what you started. You can learn, perhaps, to see her through his eyes, and then, perhaps, you will be able to bear those eyes."

His face a terrible mask of conflict, Severus ground out in a painful near whisper, "You.... _ruthless_...old bastard! You have no right.....no _right_ to use the most precious thing in my life against me! In the name of her son! Is _nothing_ sacred to you, Old Man?!" 

Albus said nothing more. He knew Severus, better than the other man would ever realise. There would come a time when he would _want_ to share Lily with her son, would _need_ it as much as Harry did. Therefore he did not speak, he had no need. He merely looked at Severus, blue eyes piercing into the black eyes, knowing he would not need to use his legilimency skills to read this man’s heart. Severus had loved Lily for as long as Albus had known him. She had driven everything he had done since her death. Dumbledore sighed. He only hoped that Lily would drive Severus to do what desperately needed to be done – forgive himself.

Severus shuddered again, feeling the pain as raw as ever slice through him, and then forced himself to look up at the man who had once been his salvation, to whom he'd owed his very life. The man who had taken him in, believed him and trusted him. The man he had looked upon as a father figure. He could be a cruel taskmaster, but Severus had been so grateful. He had done what he had been asked; allowed the man to manipulate him and use him, aware it was so, yet allowing it all the same. And all in the name of the son of the woman he'd loved, the boy whose orphaning was on his head. Because Albus was the only person besides Lily he had ever felt love and acceptance from.

He would do as he asked, he knew that now, and he could tell by the infernal twinkle in the other man's eyes, he knew it too. 

Albus smiled. 

Severus scowled. 

As always. 

"Thank you, Severus. My boy," Albus said softly. 

Severus drew himself up, his scowl deepening, one brow cocked. "I hate you, Old Man," he growled, turned and strode out, but Albus had heard the underlying note of affection and chuckled after him. Severus stomped down the staircase with as much dignity as his still weak legs could manage, and came across the brat who was his cross to bear waiting in the lower corridor. 

"Sir...Severus?" Harry asked, wondering what had gone on up there. 

Severus strode past him without looking at him and growled over his shoulder, "Come along, Potter. We're going home."

******************************

Reviews are highly appreciated!


	15. Chapter 14

We own nothing Harry Potter. We make no money from this story.

 

Chapter 14

 

Our version of "The Prince's Tale".....

 

****************************

 

By the time they arrived back at Spinner's End, Severus was shaking with fatigue as much as he was with anger at Albus Dumbledore. Inside the door, he made his way wearily to the old armchair, too tired to be annoyed with Harry, who insisted on helping him. He let himself fall into the chair with a heavy sigh and closed his eyes. The next thing he knew the boy was prodding him awake.

 

"Sir...Severus," Harry said insistently, "It's time for your potions again, and I think you should rest properly, in your bed."

 

He squinted up at the boy and then grunted his assent. A nap would be nice, he thought, struggling to get up.

 

Upstairs, Potter was again hovering and fussing after giving him his potions, and Severus snapped out at him to leave him alone, that he was perfectly capable of undressing himself, as his foot tangled in his trouser leg and he fell back onto the bed.

 

"Just shut up and let me help you!" Harry shot back, yanking Severus's shoes off his feet and then his trousers off his legs, "obviously this was all too much. I told you it would be! You're still weak, not surprising considering you've come back from the dead!"

 

"No thanks to _you_!" Severus hissed, glaring at him.

 

"Yeah, well, it's done, so you're just going to have to _live_ with it, aren't you?" Harry scowled back, "you'd think this time round you'd turn over a new leaf and be less of a git!"

 

Severus glared at the boy as he roughly settled him into the bed and yanked the blankets up over him, although the boy's words made him think about Albus's again and he remained silent. He watched him as he went about the room folding his trousers on the end of the bed, straightening his shoes alongside his slippers, disposing of the used potion vials. He could see the boy glancing at him surreptitiously every now and again as he did so, could feel him wanting to ask something. Severus was too tired and unprepared to speak of Lily right now, and sighed heavily as he lay back on his pillows. Eternal rest was never going to come with this hanging over his head.

 

"What was so important that you had to speak to Dumbledore's portrait today?" Harry muttered, "you should have waited until you were feeling stronger at least."

 

"Yes, well," Severus said tiredly, "I'm surprised you and your Gryffindor stubborness didn't try forcing me into the infirmary."

 

Harry's head snapped up and he stared at the man on the bed, astounded at his own stupidity. Of course! They'd been right there!

 

"I...I didn't think of it," he mumbled and waited for the jeering smirk that was sure to come at his lack of forethought. Surprisingly, however the man only shook his head.

 

"Just as well," he said, his voice laden with exhaustion, "I would have resisted. I'm not to be seen, as I'm assumed to be dead. Something else you've obviously forgotten." He was, however, lacking the usual venom and Harry considered asking about his mother but knew the man should rest.

 

"Right," he said instead, "I'll let you rest then," and went out.

 

**********

 

Much later, after Severus had finished his nap and insisted on getting up and coming downstairs, they sat across the table from one another in silence as they ate dinner. Severus could see the boy fairly burning now to ask whatever it was about his mother he wanted to ask. Could feel him trying to gather all that ridiculous Gryffindor courage and bravery. After twenty agonising minutes watching the boy squirm and pick absently at his food, Severus could no longer endure.

 

"If I had known I'd be living another lifetime, I never would have given you those memories," he said abruptly.

 

Harry nodded silently and continued to push his food around his plate. Well that was that, he thought to himself. The man wouldn't talk about his mother if he did ask, obviously regretting what he'd done. He stared at his plate, biting his lip in frustration and thinking it wasn't fair. Whether he regretted it or not, it was done and he, Harry, had every right to ask. He considered trying to goad him into an argument about it, but he was so tired of them snapping at one another. Just as he was thinking sourly to just go to bed and leave the man to tend to himself since he was so surly about taking Harry's help, the man suddenly began speaking.

 

"Your mother and her sister grew up a few streets away from here," he said, staring at his own plate, "A better part of town. I spent as much time away from this house as possible when I was a child, outside, anywhere but here, waiting for my Hogwarts letter to be able to escape. My father was a Muggle, and he did not appreciate what my mother, who was a witch, and myself were capable of..."

 

"Why did he marry her then?" Harry asked quietly, wondering if Dumbledore hadn't had something to do with that, as he had in placing himself with his magic hating relatives.

 

It was a long moment before Severus answered, "It was what was done in those days when...when one has...compromised a woman. The "honourable" thing to do. The only honourable thing my father ever did," he added grimly, "though he needn't have bothered. My mother and I would have fared far better without him."

 

"You...you mean he married her...because she was going to have a baby. You," Harry said warily.

 

"Yes," Severus snapped, and then closing his eyes, changed his tone and added, "because she found herself pregnant with me. She hadn't told him what she was, and when she did, he forbade her to use her magic, forbade her to see her family, forced her to live like the Muggle he was. My mother's family were unsympathetic to her plight, feeling that she got what she deserved, messing about with a Muggle, and disowned her. As you may have surmised, I did not have a happy childhood. I learned from a very early age that magic was forbidden around the neighbours as well as my father, particularly when he was drinking, and he was always drinking. He was a violent man, and became more so when he drank. I spent as much time as possible away from this house, outside, anywhere but here, and used to haunt the playground that was not far from here. My mother tried shielding me from my father's wrath as best she could, but the very sight of me would sometimes send him into a rage, and then he would take it out on her, blaming her for his own miserable lot in life."

 

"Did he...hit her?" Harry whispered, eyes wide, remembering what he had seen in Severus's mind the one time he'd managed to penetrate it during the misbegotten occlumancy lessons of his fifth year.

 

"When I was younger....yes," Severus said quietly. That hung in the air for several moments and then the man, seeming to shake himself to rid him of the memory, began to speak again.

 

"I had seen your mother and her sister at the playground, watched them from the bushes, long before I worked up the nerve to actually approached her. I had often seen her perform small bursts of magic, heard her sister reprimand her every time she did, and I could see no evidence that Petunia, your aunt, was capable of the same. I thought, at first, that perhaps Petunia was a squib, and that her reprimands to your mother were simply to keep the other Muggle children from discovering the secret, but I came to realise that Petunia was simply jealous of your mother, that your mother was a muggle-born witch, and that she had no idea that she was. When I heard her say that she didn't know why she could do the things she could do, I could no longer resist coming from my hiding place and telling her what she was." The man stopped and stared at the fireplace for several moments, and Harry waited patiently for him to start speaking again, hoping he would not stop here with his story. His expression was immeasurably sad, and Harry felt a pang of guilt at his own eagerness for the man to relive what he knew must be intensely painful memories, but his need to hear about his mother was too great to let him say anything.

 

Eventually, in a quiet voice, Severus began speaking again. "What she was....what she turned out to be....was far more than just a witch. She was kind, and she accepted me the way I was. She never made fun of me, she was loyal to me, even in the face of her friends making fun of her because of me. How could I not love her for that? She was my friend. My first and only true friend, and the love of my life, and I...I threw that away in a moment of rage....because of your father.... _James_." Severus's expression became grim and bitter at the mention of the hated name of Harry's father, but then changed to a sort of ironic amusement as he said seemingly to himself, "Lupin. I wonder if James ever knew?"

 

With a confused frown Harry questioned, "Knew what?"

 

Severus blinked, as if becoming aware he'd spoken aloud, and looked at the fireplace again. "Lupin.....was also in love with your mother, Harry, much for, I would imagine, the same reasons I was. She knew he was a werewolf, yet she accepted him as he was, as she did me, and he, like I, could not help but love her for that." He shook his head slowly. "He...Lupin....he wasn't like them. He never participated in the tormenting of me, or anyone for that matter, that your father and godfather were so very fond of...."

 

"He never tried stopping them," Harry interjected, not wanting to face the ugly truth of what James and Sirius had done to the man before him. 'He admitted that himself, he..."

 

"He couldn't have if he had tried," Severus said surprising Harry. Severus sighed and ran his hands over his face. "Inside....I...I couldn't blame him. After I knew what he was, a werewolf, I couldn't blame him for sticking with those who accepted him in spite of it. I knew too well what it was like to be shunned and reviled, to be alone because of what you are. Even if he couldn't stop them, he didn't participate, refused to, and that was enough. He never said, of course, anything of what he felt for your mother, but I could see it in his eyes, the way he watched her. and I doubt your father ever noticed. No, he'd noticed the way _I_ looked at her, and that was what really drove him, more than just simply my existance. I had what he wanted, and despite his constant teasing and baiting of your mother, he could not persuade her to leave me behind, and that infuriated him. Your father _was_ spoiled and coddled all his life, the apple of his doting parents' eyes, their only child as well as their only son, whom they adored. That is the truth, whether you choose to believe it or not, and he was quite unaccustomed to not getting his own way."

 

Severus caught the wounded look that briefly flashed in those emerald eyes, and rather surprised at himself, hastened to reassure the boy. "He loved her, your father loved your mother, it wasn't just that he wanted what, at the time, he could not have, he loved her. And because of that, he took his frustration out on me....and I....I let him get the better of me, I allowed him to push me too far, and I...I was as bad as he was. He took his frustration and anger out on me.......and I took mine....and my humiliation....out on your mother."

 

Harry had seen the anguish the man had went gone through, losing Lily because of what his father had driven him to, had felt the man's humiliation at it all over again when he'd caught him in the pensieve, and could now hear the pain and regret in the man's voice as he lived it again. He understood what it was like to be driven to lash out at those you cared about most because of the actions of another. After all, hadn't Draco Malfoy done the same to him, humiliating him in front of others, and hadn't Ron and Hermione borne the brunt of his anger and humiliation in the face of it?

 

"After I saw that, in the pensieve," Harry blurted out suddenly, "I asked ..I asked Sirius and Remus about that....about what my father had done to you. About why he did it. I saw what you didn't, how my father had goaded you and attacked you simply because Sirius had said he was bored. I didn't want to believe....that what you had always told me about my father was true, but when I saw that....I...I know, I tried to tell you then....I knew what it was like to be in your shoes, to be embarassed and humiliated at the hands of another, and to lash out at people because of what that one person did to you. It was Draco Malfoy for me...and I hated you because you never did anything about it when you knew what he was doing. I used to think it was because he was in your house, the son of your friend, that you were evil....but after I saw that memory in the pensieve....Sirius, he brushed it off, saying they were all ignorant berks at 15, but...he also tried justifying it, saying my father hated you because you were into the Dark Arts and my father hated everything to do with the Dark Arts. But then....I....in my heart, I couldn't quite believe it was just that. There were other people who were also into the Dark Arts, plenty of them, and so why was it you he singled out? I told myself there must be some other reason, some other memory that you kept from me, of, of you doing something to him, and you just wanted me to .......but after I saw the memories you gave me.....and what you just told me.....I know you're right. He hated you because of my mother, because he wanted her and you had her and he couldn't stand it. To not get his way, and even if he loved her, even _though_ he loved her....that doesn't make what he did to you right. And I realise now why you never did anything to Draco. Because you saw me as my father, and you as a teacher couldn't do anything to me, so you let Draco do it for you, as revenge, and I don't blame you...."

 

Severus made a sound somewhere between a strangled laugh and a grunt of pain. "Undoubtedly, I deserved that, your low opinion of my motives, in light of my own conduct, but you are wrong. It is true that I saw your father in you, you are a carbon copy of him lookswise, that cannot be denied, and yes, I admit that looking at you brought back all those old horrible memories of what he did to me. But....as I'm sure you've often been told, you have your mother's eyes....and they have been, at least to me....your saving grace. You...." 

 

Severus took in a deep breath and let it out shakily, damning Albus Dumbledore to the darkest pit of hell for making him do this, drudge up all these memories, deal with this boy. Lily's boy. Perhaps that boy had been right about him after all. Perhaps he _was_ a coward, afraid to face his pain; he'd already told the boy far more than he'd intended to and was afraid to face the responsibility he'd now incurred because of it. To give the boy his mother, his, Severus's, Lily.

 

"There is a saying....that the eyes are the window to the soul, and you.... with your mother's eyes....you are more like her than you know," Severus said painfully, "and I will admit to you now, that....I saw that from the moment I saw you but....I let your resemblance to your father harden my heart...I tried to. I refused to allow myself to see your mother in you because it was simply too painful to face. That and I could not allow myself to....be a friend to you knowing what I did...knowing what you had to face in your future. I had to keep you alive, teach you to be strong, prepare you for what was to come. Albus was allowed the luxury of caring about you, I was not. I couldn't afford to care about anybody; in begging the Dark L...begging Voldemort to spare your mother I had already displayed weakness, I could not do it again in appearing to care about you. Especially with Draco Malfoy about. I could not take the chance that he would run back to Lucius and tell him that I had shown you favour. Draco is Lucius's son, but Lucius is not my friend, and Draco is the spoiled brat he always appeared to be. Do not allow yourself to think for a moment that the war changed either of them..."

 

"Mrs. Malfoy saved my life," Harry said, "she..."

 

"I am aware of what happened after my death," Severus said, "Miss Granger told me during the time she spent here, and while Narcissa may have had a change of heart, Draco and Lucius never will. Lucius Malfoy would cut out the heart of his own mother if he thought it would benefit him, and never show a moment's remorse for doing so. Lucius will always do what's best for Lucius, no matter what that may be, and now that Voldemort is gone, you can be sure that he will try to ingratiate himself and his son with you. You are, after all, a hero, and..."

 

"Draco owes me a life debt twice over," Harry interrupted, "he can't deny that."

 

"And you owe Narcissa a life debt," Severus pointed out, "and you can be sure that Lucius is, even at this very moment, trying to find a way to twist that to his advantage, if he hasn't already."

 

"Well he won't get very far," Harry said grimly and got up to retrieve the letter he'd received from Kingsley Shacklebolt. He handed it to Severus, sitting down again. "He'll think twice about messing with me when I'm an Auror."

 

Severus read through it and then sighed as he handed it back. "Congratulations," he said, "I do believe that makes you the youngest person ever asked to join the Auror office. Usually there is a barrage of testing done before anyone is even invited to train. Obviously Shacklebolt is willing to make an exception in your case. Of course...you have already proven yourself."

 

This was said with a distinct lack of the usual malice Harry had come to expect from the man in regards to any accomplishments he managed. So....did that mean Snape had just paid him a compliment? Harry wondered.

 

"Well, I'm sure I still have to pass the training," he said modestly, "I mean...I'll be the first to admit there's a lot about the Dark Arts I don't know. Everything I did was mostly...luck, and help from others."

 

Severus made no reply. He was thinking to himself of how the boy in front of him was so   
much more like Lily than James. Despite his appearance, to Severus, this boy was Lily's son, not James'. How could he tell the boy this without it seeming as if he were running down the man who was his father?

 

Harry saved him the bother. "I ... I realised something recently, I never knew either of   
them, but just accepted other people's views of my Dad, well, not your views because   
you were ... you."

 

Snape snorted in reply to that, but made no other comment.

 

"It wasn't til I saw your memories in the pensieve that I started to think about whether I should be so happy at being called James' son. No one ever mentioned my Mum, except to say I have her eyes, really. That's not enough for me. I want to know what her favourite colour was, what subjects she liked, and which she hated, her favourite song, just... everything."

 

He turned those eyes to Severus. He said nothing. His silent appeal was eloquent   
enough.

 

Sighing to himself, Severus settled himself in his chair and told Harry what he   
wanted to know. 

 

As much, at least, as his tired brain could summon up at that time.

****************************

Please leave a review and tell us what you think!


	16. Chapter 15

We own nothing Harry Potter. We make no money from this story.

 

Chapter 15

 

Harry was deeply tired. It had been a long hard slog since he had begun caring for Severus, and having to write to Kingsley and tell him that he had other commitments until January had left him feeling slightly guilty that he hadn’t leapt at the other’s offer. Still, he had other things to think about.

Christmas was approaching and Harry was faced with a dilemma: as usual he had been invited to the Burrow and he wanted to go, of course, to spend time with Ginny, but how could he leave Severus when he'd decided to help him in the first place? And, of course, Severus couldn't go to the Burrow, not with an ear-less George there and others who had no idea he still lived.

He sank into a chair, rubbing his temples in frustration. Even as he did so, he admired the twinkling lights on the much too large Christmas tree that crowded the small living room. He smiled as he remembered Severus' reaction to what he had done.

Harry had swished and flicked like crazy, filling Spinner's End with tinsel and appallingly cheerful Father Christmases. He had ensured Severus' room had borne the brunt of his ministrations.

"If you don't like it, you can change it!" Harry had laughed, sending tinsel shooting over Snape's mostly black hair.

Gritted teeth had been Severus' response: "Actually, you infuriating infant, no I can't!"

And Harry's mouth had fallen open. Of course, Severus had lost his wand in the Shrieking Shack's fire. Which meant ... He nodded to himself, making a mental note to pay a visit to Ollivander's.

And that only left the problem of what to get Ginny. He wanted to get her something really special. In fact, he really wanted to get her a ring.

But he still hadn't solved the problem of what to do on Christmas Day. He felt torn: his love for Ginny vying with his commitment to Severus.

The older man entered. In the months since he had been under Harry’s care, Severus had really recuperated well. Although he still had very little energy, his voice was back to normal and he could move about his home without having to stop and gasp for breath.

“I’ve been invited to the Burrow for Christmas,” Harry began without preamble as the other approached.

“Yes, I imagine you wish to spend time with your little girlfriend,” Severus observed, settling himself comfortably into a chair and stretching his legs out.

Harry gaped.

“Oh, for Merlin’s sake, Potter! Don’t leave private correspondence of an intimate nature lying about in future if you don't want it read!”

“Oh.” There was a pause, then the younger man said quietly, “I _do_ want to see Ginny.”

“You truly care about her?” Severus asked, raising an eyebrow. “And what delightfully tacky gift have you bought your paramour?”

Harry blushed before speaking, “I … well, I want to get her a ring. You know, one to tell her I want to marry her, but, I don’t know, she’s still at school…” he trailed off miserably.

“You love her that much?” Came the quiet silken voice.

Harry nodded.

Severus sighed. “Then do it. Surely the one thing you have learnt from me is that love is a fragile thing, and girls are liable to run off and marry entirely unsuitable men.”

Harry gave a small smile at that. He enjoyed these little instances of Snape talking with him and giving him advice. Hidden under all that touchiness and sarcasm was a surprisingly deep person, as Harry was beginning to see. Truth be told, he was happy to have someone to confide in about Ginny, as telling Ron the things he was feeling for his baby sister was absolutely out of the question. And there was the fact that Snape was encouraging him to follow his heart in regards to Ginny. Could that possibly mean the man actually cared about Harry's happiness?

They sat in companionable silence for a long while.

Finally, he decided to visit the Weasleys for lunch on both Christmas Day and Boxing Day, but to spend his evenings with Severus. _And,_ he thought, _I'll give Ginny the ring some other time as it is bound to be mental at the Weasleys over Christmas._ So a second present was necessary.

One he could give her in front of her brothers and parents.

***

 

Harry made sure Severus was comfortable and sleeping soundly before he gathered up the gifts he had for the Weasleys and apparated to the Burrow. 

Walking up to the house from the apparition point, he could hear the noise of a crowd of people talking from within, and hesitated a moment before opening the door and stepping into the kitchen. The delicious odour of dinner cooking assaulted his nose making his mouth water, Mrs. Weasley decked out in Christmas finery was standing at the stove stirring something with her wand, and Harry suddenly felt very happy to be there, yet a tiny bit sad thinking of Severus alone in his dingy little house. 

Mrs. Weasley spotted him standing there and broke out into a big smile, coming to hug him tightly, murmuring, "Harry, dear. It's so good to see you." 

"Happy Christmas, Mrs. Weasley," he said, returning her hug.

“Molly,” she insisted.

He nodded and held her tightly, knowing she was probably thinking about Fred. 

They held one another for a few moments before letting go, and Mrs. Weasley said, her smile warm even though her eyes were still a bit sad, "Everyone is in the living room, and there's a certain someone who is waiting especially for you. Harry. "

"Right," Harry said, feeling his face flush a bit, "I'll just go say hello."

Everyone turned to greet him as he walked into the living room, and Ginny rushed up and grasped his arm tightly while he went about returning greetings and shaking hands. He found himself glancing into her warm brown eyes often, and he partly wished all these people weren't here and they could be alone. He saw there was some mistletoe hanging and wanted nothing more than to take her into his arms, kiss her and tell her how much he had missed her, but he wasn't about to do so in front of her brothers and father! So many people were a bit overwhelming at first, he wasn't used to being around this many having only Severus for company for the past few months, but gradually he relaxed and began to enjoy himself, catching up with what everyone was up to these days.

Dinner was delicious as usual, and he and Ginny sat together, entwining their hands and feet under the table where nobody could see. They all had a silent toast to the memory of Fred and all the others the war had claimed, and he put his arm around Ginny's shoulders and held her close while they did. It was George who dispelled the somewhat sombre mood that resulted, saying that Fred wouldn't want them spending their Christmas with long faces and began regaling them with funny stories of their exploits at Hogwarts. That got everyone laughing, and they retired to the living room again for presents in good spirits.

Everyone was exchanging gifts, and as Harry gave Ginny hers, he bent near her ear to whisper, "I've got something special for you later on. When we can be alone."

"I've got something special for you, too," she murmured into his ear, "for when we're alone."

The subtle suggestive quality in her voice sent a thrill through him as he drew back to look at her, and he swallowed hard, his throat dry from it. Her liquid brown eyes reflected the same suggestive note her voice had, and he leaned in and kissed her quickly on her mouth, not caring who saw. He returned to his seat across from her clutching the gift she'd put into his hands, unable to tear his eyes away from her.

He watched her as she opened his gift to her, and smiled back when she smiled at him and said, "Oh Harry! Thank you! I really needed a new pair of these. These are great! Thanks!" as she held up the Quidditch shin guards he'd chosen for her. 

He became aware of the suddenly volumes quieter room and looked up from the box Ginny had given him to see everyone looking at him rather stunned, except for Hermione, who was looking at him as if he'd lost his mind. He followed her eyes as she darted them to Ginny's shin guards and back and threw him a look of disbelief which turned to a fierce frown as she held up her wrist and showed him the gold bracelet Ron had just given her. _Wouldn't she be surprised later!_ he thought to himself as he smiled and shrugged at her. She simply rolled her eyes at him and turned back to Ron. 

A bit later he made his excuses, and thankfully, nobody asked him questions as to where he was going and what he was up to. He had the idea that Ginny had had something to do with that and smiled at her fierce expression. She was glaring at anyone who seemed as if they would ask, while she clung to his arm as he said his goodbyes. She walked out to the apparition point with him and pushed a small package at him. 

"What's this?" He asked, turning it over in his hands.

"Just a small gift for Snape," she shrugged, "I kind of thought he wouldn't be getting many gifts, so I just got him a little something."

He was quite touched by her thoughtfulness and pulled her close, murmuring, "I knew I loved you for a reason. That's so sweet of you, Ginny"

She held him tightly, her face against his neck and said, "If it weren't for him, I might not have you. I hope he's feeling better, Harry. I still wish you'd let me come help, although that's more for purely selfish reasons."

He smiled and said, "Well, as long as it's to my benefit, you can be selfish," and kissed her deeply, wishing he didn't have to go.

"I wish you didn't have to go, Harry," she said wistfully when he let her up for air. 

"I'll be back before you go back to school," he promised somewhat breathlessly, "to give you your real gift."

"Mmm...I can't wait," she said, and kissed him several more thrilling kisses before letting him go reluctantly.

"I'll be back," he said again, and then apparated home.

***

When he arrived back in Spinner's End, he found an annoyed looking Snape glowering in the armchair in the living room.

"Couldn't tear yourself away from your little girlfriend?" He growled, surprising Harry.

"What's got your knickers in a twist?" Harry blurted, annoyed at having his post Ginny good mood shattered. He didn't want to argue with the man on Christmas. "I thought you wanted me to go see her!"

"You said you'd be back for supper," Severus growled.

"I am back," Harry said, and caught sight of the table laid out festively for a Christmas supper. Did Snape do this? He wondered, surprised again, after all the fuss he put up about Christmas decorations? He found he was touched by the gesture, and felt a bit guilty that he'd left him alone on Christmas.

"I don't know what you consider the proper time for supper, Potter," the man said grumpily, "but I'm starving. Sit down, and don't tell me you're too full to eat."

"Right," Harry said, sitting. He couldn't help but feel some amusement at the contrast between the scowling man sitting across from him and all the bright Christmas lights surrounding him. "Oh, hang on...I'll be right back. Just let me wash my hands." He got up and hurried upstairs to his room to fetch the gift he had for Snape, pulling the gift Ginny had sent along out of his jacket, which he discarded on his bed.

Back at the table he said, "Before we begin eating..."

"What now?" Severus snapped.

"Happy Christmas, Severus," Harry said and set the gifts on the plate before the man.

There was a moment of silence as Severus stared in surprise at the two brightly wrapped boxes sitting on his plate. He hadn't bought the boy anything, hadn't even thought of it. Granted, he could hardly waltz into Diagon Alley and go shopping, but still, Minerva or Kreacher could have helped he supposed. He simply hadn't thought of it.

"Well open them!" Harry laughed at him, "They are for you."

"I...I don't have a gift for you," Severus said quietly.

"So? I …we didn't get them so we'd get one in return," Harry said, "Go on. Open them!"

"We?" Severus questioned

"One's from me and the other is from Ginny," Harry told him, "she gave it to me to give you and says she hopes you're feeling better." 

Severus noted the look that came across the boy's face as he spoke of his girlfriend. "That's very kind of her. To think of me," he said quietly, "she didn't have to."

"She wanted to," Harry smiled, "she's that kind of girl. _Open_ them!"

Severus opened the one from Ginny first, and found a knitted muffler and a small note saying that she'd made it for him to keep his throat warm in the cold winter.

"She made this," Severus said in a strange voice, and Harry smiled.

Severus fingered the muffler for several moments before putting it aside and picking up Harry's gift. He unwrapped the long box, opened it, and looked at it a long time before looking at Harry and asking, "Where did you find it? _How_ did you find it?"

"It's not your original," Harry said sympathetically, "but Ollivander did a good job, don't you think?"

"But...he knows then," Severus pointed out, "that I'm alive."

"He won't tell," Harry assured him, "he owed me.” In answer to Snape's questioning face, he sighed and clarified, "A life debt." 

Severus looked down at this gifts again feeling somewhat overwhelmed. That the two teenagers had taken the time and thought; Harry to call in a life debt to get him back his wand, and Ginny Weasley, making him something with her own hands. He was so unaccustomed to being given anything even resembling gifts, let alone something so thoughtful, that he didn't quite know what to say.

"I...I'm sorry I didn't..." he began.

"No, come on," Harry smiled, brushing Severus' apology aside, "you need a wand, and Ginny thought you needed to keep your throat warm after your injury,"

"Thank you," Severus said, feeling strangely close to tears to his own horror.

"You're welcome," Harry said, "Happy Christmas, Severus."

"Yes," Severus replied, clearing his throat, "I do believe it is"

 

***

 

Harry had promised Ginny he would return, and did so on the day before Ginny had to return to school, arriving at the Burrow, drawing in lungfuls of crisp winter air. He was surprisingly nervous. He knew he loved Ginny, knew she loved him, knew too that they had already discussed a future together, but he was still scared. His stomach churned as he approached the house.

Ginny must have been keeping an eye out for him, because she came rushing out of the house and ran into his arms. He just had time to smile a greeting before he was kissing her.

They clung together, their lips clinging as he slipped his tongue into her mouth, and felt the slide of hers along his. He loved this, loved kissing Ginny, even in this freezing weather! She moaned and pressed closer to him, feeling his growing arousal and rocking herself almost wantonly against it.

He groaned and rocked back, aching to be with her, to be inside her.

“G – Ginny!” He gasped at last, pulling his lips free.

“God, I’ve missed you!” she observed face flushed, eyes bright, and hips still shifting slightly against his hardness.

He fished awkwardly into his coat pocket, and brought out the box. He hadn’t imagined doing it like this, he had thought he’d get down on one knee and do it properly, but this seemed right. “This is for you.” He said, offering her the small box.

She took it and opened it. She gasped as she took in the beautiful gold ring with the simple but exquisite diamond winking at her.

“Oh! Harry!” she breathed, taking it from the box with trembling hands. It fell from her grasp and tinkled onto the ground.

Harry dived down and retrieved it for her. Suddenly aware that he was on one knee and holding up a ring to her, he blushed and coughed in embarrassment.

She queried softly, “Are you asking me?”

He nodded, unable to speak.

For answer, she took the ring from his shaking hand and slipped it on. A smile split her face in two and she dropped to the ground by him and kissed him wildly and passionately.

When at last they broke apart for air, Harry said, a huge grin lighting his face, “I’ve been thinking about us, and well, how crazy things are going to b for the next few years. I want us to have a home, Gin, somewhere just for us.” He paused, looking deep into those warm brown eyes. “What do you say?”

Her smile somehow, impossible though it seemed, got wider. “Yes!” she cried, “Yes, we can have somewhere that’s just for us, where we can spend time alone without having to worry about my parents or my brothers.” She blushed slightly but went on, “And, speaking of…” she leaned in and nibbled on one of his ears, “Mum’s gone to visit Andromeda and Teddy. There’s only me here!”

Harry felt a surge of excitement.

Ginny got up and tugged on his hand. “Want to go to my room?” she asked.

Harry did. Absolutely.

***

 

Harry sat on Ginny's bed, excited, but very nervous. This was their first time, and he loved Ginny so much, wanted her so much, that he wanted this to be special. She was sitting beside him, having just come from the bathroom where she had been ‘taking care of stuff’, and now she was gently whispering to him how much she was looking forward to what was to happen between them. That she was ready. She loved him.

 

He slid his arms tightly around her and let his lips cling to hers. He felt the soft give of her lush mouth, felt her open up for him, her tongue stroking along hers, close to her. His hands slowly roamed over her body as hers did over his and his hands travelled higher, cupping her breasts, squeezing gently as he moaned into her mouth. He could his hardness pressing against her legs, could feel his clothes clinging to his wet tip. It felt so good, better than anything he'd ever imagined. His hips were rocking a little. He had to move or go mad.

 

She spread her legs beneath him and he slipped easily into place between them. As if he belonged there. She moaned softly, feeling his hardness against her, wanting to feel him with nothing between them

 

She began pulling his shirt up over his torso, running her hands all over the warm skin of his back. She rocked up, pressing against him. He gasped, feeling a little out of control. It felt incredible. Ginny so close to him; he longed to be closer still.

 

He let out a groan as her nails lightly scratched against his skin

 

With a hot deep look into one another’s eyes, they sat up and began discarding their clothes, both eager to have nothing but skin between them. 

 

They sank back down onto the bed together. Harry finding his place between her legs again, kissing her deeply as the tip of his aching length brushed against the warm silky wetness he found there. He wasn't sure he could hold back much longer, and looked into her deep brown eyes gasping, “Ginny...” breathlessly. 

 

She opened her legs wider in response. She could feel him sliding along her wetness, and clenched inside, wanting him there. He was rubbing along her so perfectly, his blunt end just rubbing against her, sending sparks of intense desire deep within her that made her gasp softly and spread her legs still further.

 

He pushed gently, not wanting to hurt her, but no longer able to hold back from the need to be inside her.

 

He looked into her beautiful face as he did, seeing her frown slightly, and stopped pushing, thinking he was hurting her. "Gin..." 

 

"No," she said huskily, "no, don't stop. It's okay. It's good"

 

She wrapped her legs around him, pulling his hips closer, urging him on, and he began again, pushing into the exquisitely tight channel, a low moan escaping him as he sunk deeper into her warm wetness. She continued squeezing her legs around him, rocking her hips up to meet him until he was fully engulfed in warm, tight heat.

 

"Oh...Harry" she moaned, and he saw that she was no longer frowning, her eyes were liquid with desire, and he leaned down to kiss her, nibbling at her lips as he breathed her name over and over.

 

She squeezed him inside her, enjoying the feel of his hardness filling her, and he moaned loudly, gasping into her mouth as his body began to thrust against her.

 

Harry thought that nothing had ever felt this good, the tightness surrounding his throbbing shaft making him pant heavily as he screwed his eyes shut against the jolts of pleasure that shot through him. He couldn't help it, his hips moved faster involuntarily and he felt his balls drawing up, his orgasm approaching uncontrollably fast. He didn't want it to end so soon, and tried to think of anything that would stop it, but he was helpless to the sensations flooding his body

 

"Ginny..I...I can't.." he rasped and suddenly his hips jerked as he felt his seed spurt deep inside her.

 

He collapsed over her, breathing heavily, and cursing himself silently for not having better control. Obviously it had been far better for him than it had for her and he felt his face flush in embarrassment as he buried it against her neck.

 

Ginny tightened her passage, feeling him deflate and begain to soften. He moaned as she squeezed, his over stimulated length unable to endure the feel of her pressing in on him. She ached for more.

 

His face was still close against her neck, and she suddenly became aware that there was warm wetness there. He was crying. 

 

"Shh," she soothed, rubbing her hands over his back, not as a lover would, but as a friend might, "it's okay, Harry, it's okay." She repeated the phrase over and over as he gradually slipped out of her.

 

"I wanted it to be special, Ginny.” his voice was muffled against her skin and thick with suppressed tears.

 

"It was special," Ginny said softly, ignoring her own lack of completion. No, it hadn't been perfect, but it had been Harry, and that made it very special to her.

 

"But...but.. you didn't...?" he queried, sounding afraid of the answer.

 

"We've got lots and lots of time to practice." she said, still soothing, but with a touch of her mischievousness returning. “A whole lifetime.” She waited for his response. When none was forthcoming she added, “Okay?"

 

Harry snuffled and nodded. He raised his head and looked at her face..."You're still going to marry me then?"

 

Ginny glared at him. "Of course I am, you ... you prat!" she said, "It was our first time, so it's normal to expect things to not quite go according to plan. Yes, I'll still marry you,...if you still want me?" she sounded a little worried then, had it been her fault things hadn't been perfect between them?

 

Harry leaned over and kissed her passionately. "God, Ginny, I still want you. Forever."

 

***

 

"Have a nice visit, Potter?" 

Harry avoided the man's gaze, hanging his head.

"She didn't say no, did she?" Severus asked with a frown.

"What?" Harry asked, eyes confused. Then he seemed to actually focus on the man addressing him, "No, she said yes." he mumbled.

"And yet you don't seem thrilled. Having your proposal accepted is supposed to make you happy, Potter, not looking as if you'd just lost your best friend."

Harry tried to recapture the elation he had felt when Ginny had agreed. He chewed on a lip. "No, I am happy. It's just..." he paused, who on earth could he talk to about his problem? He tried to skirt around the topic, "have you ever wanted something, thought it would be amazing, and it just ... wasn't?"

 

Severus' frown returned as he said, "You don't think her saying yes to marrying you is amazing? Why, pray tell, are you marrying her then?"

 

Harry gulped. He couldn't. He just _couldn't_ ask Severus for advice about sex. He'd ask....His heart sank as he realised he had no one else to ask. Sirius, Remus, both were dead. And he could hardly ask Ron for advice on how to do his little sister better, could he? He covered his face as he realised this man was the only one he could talk to. 

"Erm....can I talk to you? About......well......something........personal?"

Severus raised a brow and tried to hide his amusement at Harry's obvious embarrassment.  
"Certainly. What's on your mind?"

"Well.....ermm....it's....," Harry said, feeling his face flush warmly,".....it's about.......sex." 

Severus' eyebrows shot for his hairline. "Oh. I see...."

Face flaming Harry said with a note of desperation, "I don't know who else to talk to about this!! I don't have a father to go to...and Sirius is gone......Remus.....I just....I mean....”

Severus repressed the urge to snap out "And you picked ME?!" He stayed silent, knowing Harry was right, he needed someone he could talk to.

"I need to talk to somebody....NOT Hermione....another man, and well......we've become close, right? I mean...you're not my father, but.....well, you could have been."

He looked down into those green eyes that pleaded with him so eloquently.

_"....but well, you could have been.....”_

Harry had no idea of the anguish he had caused with that last remark. Severus closed his eyes, savouring the thought of having a son who made him as proud as Harry did. He snapped his eyes open in surprise at his own thoughts. Where had that come from? He wondered. A son? His son? He nearly laughed out loud at himself. He was so accustomed to living under the threat of imminent death, under the iron hand of Voldemort, he forgot he was allowed to have a life now. A son, he thought, I could have a son. His eyes came to rest on the green eyes looking up at him, pleading for his help and guidance. 

Like a son would. 

Bracing himself, telling himself he could do this, Severus took a deep breath and plunged in. "What...what's on your mind?" He asked, trying to sound casual yet concerned.

Harry looked momentarily surprised, and then he too took a deep breath, "We ... well ... erm ... celebrated getting engaged." He said, and when no comment came from the other clarified, "You know ...just the two of us ... in her room." Harry's voice rose a few octaves. "But I ... I mean she ... I did ... but she ...." 

Harry swallowed hard and raised his eyes.

"What seems to be the problem.....Harry?" Severus asked in a kinder voice.

Harry noticed the change in the other's tone and felt more confident. He met the black eyes and drew strength from them. "I ... I had s-sex with Ginny. And, well, I enjoyed it, but ...erm... she didn't, not as much."

Severus looked at the boy...no, his mind amended, _young man_...and asked, "This was, I take it, ...your first time?"

Harry could feel his face flushing, and looked away from the black eyes, embarrassed. He nodded his head.

"It...erm...went rather ...quickly?" Severus asked delicately, knowing that was it when Harry actually flinched and squeezed his eyes shut, his face flushing a deeper shade of red.

"Yeah," he choked out, "..I...I w-wanted it to be special....perfect...and…but…I couldn't help myself! I couldn't help it! And...then...then it was over and..." He opened his eyes, turning to look at the older man again and said miserably, "She...she said it was alright, that we had a lifetime to…together, said she still wants to marry me, but... it's not alright! I don't want it to take a lifetime! I wanted it to be special _now_! We're going to be married! I don't want it to be just "alright" for her for the rest of our lives! Why couldn't I make it good for her?" He drew a deep breath, tears in his eyes. "It's meant to be perfect with the one you love, right? Why wasn't it perfect?" His voice dropped to a harsh whisper, "Why wasn’t it perfect, Severus?"

 

Severus thought back to his own first time, with a woman, and surprising even himself, he felt his heart go out to the boy. Where Severus had merely been embarrassed, the woman meant nothing to him, Harry was obviously deeply in love with Ginny, and was devastated. 

 

"Well, as little as I like admitting anyone other than myself is right, she is. You _do_ have a lifetime together. And, Harry, women often need a little more erm... effort to reach the same pinnacle as ourselves. Perhaps you might consider investing in a book of advice?" He shied away from saying "sex manual" knowing the other would be upset enough as it was.

 

Harry went crimson. "GOD! Severus! I couldn't do that! I need help. _Real_ help!" He paused before saying, his chest heaving, "Your help."

 

"Harry," Severus said gently, "it's not, although to you at this moment I'm sure it is, the end of the world. It was your first time, and, unfortunately, this isn't unusual for a first encounter. There's nothing wrong with you, you were simply over excited, as any young man is the first time he is with a woman. Ginevra was right. You have your entire lives ahead of you to get to know one another, to discover what works for both of you. You simply need to calm down and....believe that. It will get better, Harry. Believe me, it will." After a pause to check that his words had sunk in, Severus went on softly, "Now, there are various things you can do..."

 

Harry listened so long to different things to try, that he was quite keen to go back to Ginny and try some of them. He didn't, as he was grateful to Severus for taking the time and trouble to help him, and besides, he had a lifetime with Ginny to get it right.

 

Harry stood up silently, his head spinning with ideas. He needed a drink. As he reached the door of the room, he said, not turning around, "You would make a good father, Severus." A long, very long, pause before he added, almost whispering, "Thank you."

**********

 

Please review and let us know what you think.


	17. Chapter 16

We own nothing Harry Potter. We make no money from this story.

 

Chapter 16

 

_January 1st - I figured, what with how much is going on in my life, that I should keep a diary. Obviously, I'll still write to Ginny, but I can also show her this, to show her how VERY much I miss her. Ok, so, other resolutions? Start looking for a place for me and Ginny; study hard (hmm, get Snape to make me study hard!); talk to Snape more about Mum; and Dad; Clear Snape’s name; Clear Sirius’ name; Practice with Ginny – so it’s perfect._

In invisible ink he added: _Stop wanking off so much, leave some for Ginny._

_January 6th. Can’t believe I’ve only been training for two days – it feels like forever! My head is just spinning! I always thought I was good at DADA, but I realise all that was just child’s stuff – this is the real thing. I’ve seen things I never would have believed even six months ago! What Aurors have to be able to do is incredible!_

_I’m glad I waited til now. Ginny is back at school, and she’s got a lot on now, what with her exams coming up. I still feel awful about what happened when I proposed, but Snape was actually surprisingly helpful, even if he did make my ears bleed! He seems a lot better, even though I still see him every night. I don’t know when he became a habit, but he is one!_

_Never thought I’d say _that_ about Snape! _

 

Harry stood in the Ministry of Magic, feeling decidedly out of place in his damaged robes. He had, after all, come straight from Auror Training. Still, it was worth it, as this was the only slot that Kingsley and the Minister of Magic were both available for without having to wait for at least another two months. And this was too important to let hang.

Harry waited for Kingsley before the door that lead to the Minister's outer office, ignoring the passers by who looked at him, smiled, and then turned to whisper to their companions.

"Ah, Harry, there you are," the deep voice of Kingsley Shacklebolt boomed down the corridor to Harry. "A word before we go in?"

Harry followed the tall man who was his boss into a small alcove off the main corridor. "Thanks for helping with this and coming in with me, Kingsley," he said gratefully, “they'll have to pardon them, won't they?" he added hopefully.

"The Minister has the power to pardon Sirius without a trial, Harry," Kingsley nodded, "but as Severus Snape is still alive, I believe he'll have to stand trial to be cleared."

“That’s ridiculous! Stand trial for what?!" Harry said, a bit indignantly, "He saved my life! Hundreds of times! If it hadn't been for him, I wouldn't have been there to defeat Voldemort, and then where would everybody else be?!"

"Harry, Harry, calm down," Kingsley said putting a large paw-like hand on his shoulder, "Severus Snape killed Albus Dumbledore and..." Kingsley stopped and raised his hand when Harry made to protest, "yes, he did it because of a promise made to Dumbledore, but the fact is, he murdered, and whether or not he had the blessing of Dumbledore, he'll have to stand trial for the crime he committed. Now, the Wizengamot may very well vote in favour of Snape serving no time in Azkaban, especially in light of his role as spy for the Order, and I will be more than happy to testify to that, as well as give my recommendation as Head of the Auror Office that Snape not be sentenced. But the one thing you have to remember, Harry, is that there are proper channels to follow, and losing your temper over following them won't help Snape, and, I feel compelled, as your boss, to say, is unbecoming of potentially the best Auror I have ever seen.”

Harry nodded, telling himself sternly to keep calm, no matter what was said. Taking a deep breath, he looked up at his boss and said in a calmer tone, "Yes, you're right, Kingsley. I'm sorry.”

The Head of the Auror Office laid a heavy arm across Harry's shoulders and steered him towards the Minister's office.

They were soon inside the Minister's inner sanctum, and Harry tried to swallow down his nervousness. The man didn't frighten him, but so much depended on this going well.

Kingsley spoke first. "Minister, thank you for granting this meeting."

The other waved away his largess and settled himself in the attitude of a listener.

Harry reminded himself to let Kingsley speak. The older man carried more weight in this world of politics.

"We wish you to consider the cases of Sirius Black and Severus Snape," Kingsley said, getting straight to the heart of the matter. He had the satisfaction of seeing the other man's jaw fall open.

The Minister stammered, "B-Black? Sn-Snape? Those two traitors?"

Harry clenched his jaw, his anger building.

Kingsley shot Harry a warning glance then turned back to the Minister. "Minister, we have evidence that will clear Sirius Black of the murders of Peter Pettigrew and the 12 Muggles he allegedly murdered; as well as evidence that he was in no way connected to the betrayal of James and Lily Potter that led to their murder by Voldemort.” His calm voice went on, “Furthermore, we have evidence to prove Severus Snape was on the Side of Light, and that he was in fact a spy for The Order of The Phoenix, working under Albus Dumbledore's direction. We have a witness who can testify to this fact."

"And who might this witness be, Shacklebolt?" the Minister inquired with a frown.

Kingsley glanced at Harry before again facing the Minister. "Severus Snape himself, Minister"

The Minister's face had such a comical look of surprise that Harry nearly laughed out loud. However, what happened next wiped the smile from his face. The Minister shot to his feet. "He's ALIVE! WHERE?!" He pointed a stubby digit at Harry’s boss. "Kingsley, I hold you personally responsible for this, you are Head of the Auror office, you should know the whereabouts of all dangerous wizards!”

Harry opened his mouth, but Kingsley spoke hurriedly to cover the invective he knew the younger man would start spewing. "Minister, he is not dangerous. And he is not a traitor. Surely, you can arrange a trial? If he is found guilty, you can stick him in Azkaban until he rots."

Harry looked angry and hurt at the other's words, and felt sick at the smug smile that spread across the minister's face.

"But of course, Kingsley, a trial, by all means." He sat down and drew a piece of parchment towards him.

"And Black?" Kingsley asked.

Apparently the thought of sentencing Dumbledore's murderer had cheered up the Minister for he nodded. "You bring me the proof, and I will pardon him." He agreed.

Kingsley looked at Harry and nodded his head, signalling him he could speak.

"I have the evidence here with me, Minister," Harry said, swallowing his anger at the man's previous words.

"Well, Harry, let's see it then," the Minister said in a condescending tone.

"I need a pensive, sir," Harry said, stiffly. He didn't appreciate being talked down to as if he were still a child, or as if he were a temperamental celebrity.

The Minister's own pensieve was fetched, and Harry brought the memory of his third year and the events in the Shrieking Shack to the forefront of his mind. Concentrating on Peter Pettigrew's confession to Sirius and Remus, Harry carefully pulled the silvery strand of memory from his mind and deposited it into the pensieve. 

All three men stepped into the memory, and Harry watched again as Remus Lupin moved closer to Ron and he and Sirius told them all that Ron's rat Scabbers was really the animagus Peter Pettigrew. 

Harry felt his throat constrict as tears welled up in his eyes. Seeing them like this made his loss that much keener. This was the only way he would ever be able to see these men again – in memories. Never again could he fire call Sirius, or enjoy comfortable silence with Remus. They were gone.

The memory shifted, and they watched Sirius' explanation of what had happened on the street that Halloween night so long ago after Harry's parents had been betrayed and killed, and Pettigrew had framed Sirius. The memory shifted again, and they watched as, at last, Ron handed Scabbers over to Remus and he and Sirius forced him to transform back into his human form and confess. When they'd left the memory and returned to the Minister's office, Kingsley spoke up again.

"As you know, Minister, Sirius Black was murdered by Bellatrix Lestrange here in the Hall of Mysteries the night Voldemort returned. Peter Pettigrew was found dead later, by his own hand, after the Battle of Hogwarts, and Remus Lupin was also killed in that battle," Kingsley said solemnly, "however, clearly this memory has not been tampered with in any way, and is enough to clear the name of Sirius Black. You have the full confession of Peter Pettigrew contained therein."

The Minister sat silent behind his desk for so long that Harry was about to speak up when the man himself finally spoke. "Very well, Shacklebolt.....Harry....I will issue a full pardon posthumously to Sirius Black, and prepare a press release for the papers. But Shacklebolt.."

"Yes, Minister?" Kingsley replied, taking the piece of parchment the Minister shoved across his desk at him.

"That's a writ of arrest for Severus Snape charging him with the murder of Albus Dumbledore," the Minister said with a gleam in his eye that Harry took a distinct disliking to. "I expect the Aurors’ office, indeed, you yourself, Shacklebolt, to apprehend Snape. I'll petition the Wizengamot for an immediate hearing of the charges. The Aurors’ office will be notified of the date. I'm sure the Wizengamot will have no objection to setting a trial date for the immediate future. The public has been clamouring for avengement for Dumbledore's death for over a year now. Everybody knows Snape did it. We simply weren't able to touch him while he was under Voldemort's protection. The same as with all these other blasted Death Eaters."

Unable to stand anymore, Harry suddenly burst out, "Voldemort's _protection_?! Voldemort murdered Severus Snape in cold blood! He set his great filthy snake on him and she ripped his throat out! Voldemort stepped over him like he was no more than a piece of rubbish! He just walked away and left him there to bleed to death, alone, without even a glance back! Severus Snape is a hero! If it hadn't been for him, I never would have lived to vanquish Voldemort! _You_ wouldn't be Minister right now if it hadn't been for Severus Snape!! He..." Harry stopped in horror at what he'd just said and gazed wide eyed at Kingsley who was glaring at him dangerously. Harry turned to look at the Minister fearfully.

"Voldemort murdered Snape?" The Minister frowned, "but I thought you said....." and trailed off abruptly, a still and vacant look suddenly coming over his face.

It seemed to Harry that the next few moments hung in the air for an eternity, as if the world had suddenly stopped, and then Kingsley was nodding at a confused looking Minister and saying, "You have my word, Minister. I'll personally see to the matter of Severus Snape myself."

"Oh...erm....right, right, Shacklebolt," the Minister said faintly, "...be sure you do."

Kingsley nodded again, said "Good day, Minister," glared pointedly at Harry again, and ushered them from the office.

Kingsley Shacklebolt was a big man, with a long stride, and Harry had to hurry after him as he strode down the corridor, every muscle in his body tense with what Harry knew was anger. He knew he'd made a fatal mistake, and he knew that he was about to face the music over it. Bracing himself he followed his boss into the same alcove they'd talked in earlier. 

"I'm sorry, Kings..sir," Harry began immediately, but Kingsley cut him off abruptly.

"You don't have permission to speak, Potter!" The man said with a thunderous look, and Harry immediately shut his mouth.

"If you were a full Auror, Potter, you'd be suspended as of this instant for that little display back there, and when I did decide to reinstate you, you'd be stuck behind a desk for so long your arse and your chair would become one!" Kingsley growled menacingly.

"Yes, sir," Harry said, and something told him it would be wise to face the man as he did, rather than hang his head in shame.

"I don't have room in my office for an Auror who can't follow orders and can't control his temper, Potter," Kingsley continued, "and I especially don't have room for one who doesn't stop and think before opening his mouth. This isn't a game, Potter, it isn't Hogwarts where the only consequence your actions bring is detention. This is your career, this is real life, this is danger, and the consequence _is_ your life. I shouldn't have to tell you, of all people, this Potter!"

"Yes, sir," Harry repeated, swallowing hard. He was unaccustomed to being spoken to like this by anyone other than Snape.

"I asked you to join the Aurors for a reason, Potter, because I thought you had what it took, but I'll tell you right now, I'm not Dumbledore," Kingsley continued, "I'm not going to coddle you and cover up your mistakes for you and pat you on the back and tell you everything will be all right. Aurors can't afford stupid mistakes like the one you just made, so unless you want to spend your career rescuing kneazles from trees for Squibs, I suggest you take a long hard look at yourself, Potter, and learn to think before you act."

And wasn't that what Snape had been telling him for years? "Yes, sir," Harry said, "it won't happen again."

"See that it doesn't," Kingsley said in his normal tone of voice. He let out a heavy sigh, and let his body slump against the wall. "Go ahead and speak freely, Harry," he added.

"You aren't going to get in trouble, are you?" Harry asked tentatively, still stinging from his dressing down.

"For obliviating the Minister of Magic?" Kingsley said and gave a harsh laugh. "No, probably not. I'm Head Auror, I obliviate people all the time, it's part of the job, although usually not my own boss."

"I'm sorry, Kingsley," Harry said and this time did hang his head. 

"Remember what Dumbledore said?" Kingsley reminded him, "We're to keep Hermione Granger's part in this out of it. We don't want her charged with theft and illegal use of a Time Turner, even though between you and me, I agree with what she did. I did it for that reason, Harry, not to save your skin. If you're going to be an Auror, you're going to have to take responsibility for your own actions. And mouth."

"Yes, Sir," Harry said. 

"You're the youngest person ever to join the Aurors, Harry, and the only one ever invited to. Everyone else has to apply and then pass a load of tests just to be accepted into the training program. I fought for you to be allowed to do so, the Minister and the Wizengamot all thought you were too young, even though you defeated Voldemort," Kingsley told him.

"I had a lot of help with that, Kingsley," Harry said, "you know that. You were there."

"I didn't ask you to join because you're The Boy Who Lived, Harry, and I didn't ask you to join simply because you defeated Voldemort, because while it definitely took courage to do what you did, you and I both know it was Voldemort who ultimately defeated himself through his own...."

"Stupid mistakes," said Harry, "I do know that."

"You're a powerful wizard, Harry, you have skills and experience that nobody else does, you have good instincts that mean you usually make the right choices," Kingsley said, "that's why I invited you to join the Aurors. I hope I didn't make the wrong choice."

"No, sir," Harry said with resolve, "you didn't."

"Then we'll look on this as a learning experience," Kingsley said, clamping a hand down on Harry's shoulder and squeezing, "you are after all still in training, and you're allowed to make mistakes there. The question is, will you learn from them?"

"I think I have," Harry said, grateful not to be asked to leave. He didn't think he could have faced telling Snape and Ginny that.

"Good," Kingsley said, "now you can go to where ever you're keeping Severus and tell him that I'll be coming round tomorrow to arrest him and bring him before the Wizengamot to face murder charges. I expect you to secure his wand, and to keep him from running. This is a test, Auror Potter."

"Yes, sir," Harry said, although he couldn't help but think it was a punishment for not reigning in his big mouth more than it was a test of his skills as an Auror. He wrote down the location of Spinner's End for Kingsley on a scrap of parchment and handed it over to the man.

 

Then he went home to face Severus Snape and tell him what he'd done.

 

*************************************************************

 

"You. Did. WHAT?!" The man exploded when Harry told him, "Did I _ask_ you to clear my name, Potter?! Did I ask you to help me at _all_?! Ever?!"

"But Severus," Harry countered, "you don't deserve to have to hide for the rest of your life! That is no life! And you don't deserve to be known as a criminal, as a traitor...."

"I never wanted this life in the first place!" Snape shouted, "I was perfectly happy where I was until Granger had to interfere! Granger and Dumbledore and the blasted Boy Hero!!"

"But I'm not the hero!" Harry protested, "You're the real hero, Severus! You..."

"Silence!!!" The other thundered, reminding Harry unpleasantly of his school days. "Do you have _any_ idea of what you've done?! So the Side of Light proclaims me a hero! Do you think that will matter to the Death Eaters when they come round?! Do you think _they'll_ be calling me a hero?! Did you ever think of that?! You've just signed my death warrant, you stupid boy!! Did you think of _that_?! Do you ever think at all?!"

"I won't let the Death Eaters get you," Harry tried again, but the man turned on him, laughing harshly.

"You won't let the Death Eaters get me," he sneered venomously, "what are you going to do? Spend the rest of your life with Granger's Time Turner, bringing me back to life again and again just so you can ease your own conscience? So you can continue playing the hero over and over? So you can torture me for several more lifetimes as you've done in both so far?! You Gryffindors and your pathetic need to "make things right". Your constant meddling! Well it's only _your_ convoluted sense of what's right! I've told you again and again, Potter, life isn't fair!! Accept it and move on, but no, you never learn!"

Suddenly, Severus ran out of rage and energy, slumping into his chair in exhaustion. He rubbed his hands over his face and said in a dull voice, "You can't save me, Harry. For your own sake, face up to that, I beg you. You have your whole life ahead of you; you're engaged to be married to a beautiful and talented young woman. You've got a dream career with Shacklebolt and his Auror office. You've got the Weasleys; people who love and care about you. You've made all the right choices, and you deserve the life they'll lead you to. Concentrate on that, please. Marry Ginny Weasley, have lots of ginger haired, green eyed children and live for them and yourself. Don't throw it away in the futile attempt to save that which cannot be saved.....doesn't want to be saved."

"Don't talk like that!" Harry said, his voice choked with emotion, "How can you say you want to be dead?! Voldemort is gone, you're free! You have a whole new life ahead of you as well! You can do all the things you just told me to do! You can get married and have children, you can have a career too! I'm sure McGonagall would give you your old job back at Hogwarts! That wouldn't be so bad, would it? Or...if..if you don't want to teach anymore, you could open your own shop. People always need potions and you're a Potions Master! And as for the Death Eaters....I _won't_ let them get to you, Severus. I'm going to be an Auror, but until I am, Kingsley and the other Aurors are on the job. And…and anyway, what about me? They haven't come after me yet and I killed their boss!"

The older man just shook his head, a wry smile on his face and said quietly, "Ever the idealistic Gryffindor. Don't make me your noble cause, Harry, you don't owe me anything."

"Yes, I do," Harry said stubbornly, "no matter what you say. You spent your whole other life keeping me alive, right up until the moment Voldemort killed you, all because Dumbledore held my mother's memory over your head. You say I have a convoluted sense of what's right? Then you're being a hypocrite, aren't you? What makes it okay for you to want to help me because you think you somehow owed it to my mother, but it's not okay for me to help you when I actually do owe you? I owe you my life."

Harry stopped speaking, as two more words were hovering on his tongue, and he knew the other wouldn't react well to them. But in his mind he added: _So there!_

**********************************

Reviews are greatly appreciated!


	18. Chapter 17

We own nothing Harry Potter. We make no money from this story.

 

Chapter 17

 

Severus had sat silently staring at the fire after Harry's outburst, brooding to himself over what had been said. The boy had called him a hypocrite, and perhaps he was, but how could he ever begin to explain how immeasurably sad it made him to think that this bright boy was so willing to chain himself to him when he should be out enjoying his celebrity, concentrating on his Auror training, and planning his future with his equally bright fiancee? It was true that he was free of Voldemort's chains, but he'd been foolish to think he could ever have a real life. Marry? Have children? Who would have him? And who could he possibly want when the love of his life was cold in her grave all these years, his heart along with her? Why couldn't the boy understand that in the face of such emptiness, death was not only welcome, it was infinitely preferrable?

The boy had remained sitting at the table lost in his own thoughts while Severus pondered the wreck of both his lives, but now a strange, strangled sound brought his attention back to him. Severus looked up in time to see the boy swipe angrily at his eyes under his glasses, and his heart wrenched painfully. 

"No....Harry....," he said despairingly, "don't..."

"I'm sorry," the boy gasped, trying manfully to control his tears, "n-niether of us thought you deserved to d-die the way you did, but....Hermione, she .....she did it for me. I didn't know she was g-going to, but....even if I had........I wouldn't have stopped her. I never stopped to think how....how you might feel about it.....only how I felt about it." He took his glasses off and swiped at his eyes again, his mouth set grimly. "J-just like I didn't stop to think about h-how you'd feel about me going to the M-Minister.....or....today when I lost my temper and ......shouted at the Minister that V-Voldemort had murdered you, and....Kingsley had to obliviate the Minister, his boss, and then....dress me down in the corridor after. H-he told me....told me that he didn't have room in his office for.......for an Auror who didn't think before he acted........" A terrible sound escaped the boy, something between a gulp and a sob, and the tears flowed faster, but he continued on. "And...I realised....you'd been telling me th-the same thing...for almost h-half my life....and I still hadn't learned! I don't think first...I always just barrel in....and never stop to think about how anybody else feels! You...you always said I was.....selfish.....and a-arrogant....and you were right! Just like my f-father.....he never stopped to think about what his actions did to you either, and.....I'm sorry! I'm so sorry! I'm selfish, I was selfish and I never thought about what you wanted or what you felt about any of this,....and this is selfish too, but...." The tears couldn't be stopped now, and the boy turned to look at Severus, the emerald eyes, Lily's eyes, pleading. "You have to want to live, you have to because...because I need you! It's selfish again, but I need you, you're....you're who's looked after me all these years...who, who kept me alive...who guided me and......you're all I have left of my mother......you're all I have left of.....anything."

_Harry doesn't deserve to be left alone in the world_. 

Albus Dumbledore's words came back to Severus and he tried pushing them away, but the truth of them wouldn't let him. But what about him, Severus? He'd wanted to die, to be left in peace, unable and not wanting to face more years without his beloved Lily, endless years spent alone, unwanted and uneeded now that his duty was done. It was what he'd wanted, but that had been taken away as well, just like Lily had been taken, like everything had been taken.

_Harry doesn't deserve to be left alone in the world_.

Niether do I, Old Man! Severus thought viciously, you've taken everything, everything! All you've left me is this boy, this boy who...who....needed him. Severus looked up at the boy, the boy with his beloved's eyes, who'd said Severus was all he had left in this world of his mother, all he had left of anything, and.....Severus realised, the boy was all he too had left. 

_You can give Harry his family_

Albus had said, but maybe....maybe Harry could give Severus something too? If he did as the boy asked, and continued to guide him, look after him, continue attempting to teach him something, tell him about his mother and father, maybe the boy could give him something in return? Something _he_ needed? And he did need, he realised, he needed the boy as much as they boy needed him. For a reason to live this life that had been thrust upon him. 

To not be alone.

Silently, Severus got up and walked to the table, those emerald eyes following him all the way. He took out his wand and set it on the table in front of Harry, hoping he realised he was handing him more than just his wand. 

Harry watched the man approach him and silently lay down his wand, eyes on him the whole time. He nearly sobbed anew with relief. The man understood then, forgave him for being selfish yet again. Wouldn't abandon him.

And Harry wouldn't abandon the man either. His tears stopped, his resolve returning. 

He reached out and grasped the man's wand, looked up into those endless dark eyes and whispered, "I'll take good care of it for you. I promise," and the man nodded.

As he turned and walked off towards the stairs, Harry heard him say, "I know you will."

 

*****************

 

Harry walked slowly into the Ministry of Magic. Severus had been cleared of all charges during his hearing, which had taken place two days ago. Severus had been smuggled in and back out with the greatest of secrecy, but his wand had remained at the Ministry until the formal pardon was issued. And that was why Harry was back, rubbing his aching shoulders, he was here to collect the other's wand.

Personally, he would have been glad to not have to step foot in the place for at least another year, as the trial had been, well, a trial.

Severus' memories had been paraded and trampled on as if they were nothing of consequence. Each had been thoroughly tested to ensure no alterations had taken place, and none had seemed to acknowledge that reliving these reminicises might be upsetting for Severus, and others in the room. After nearly three hours of Snape's mind being thoroughly explored, they had retreated to deliberate. Quite what they had to think about, Harry couldn't say. The memories were genuine, Snape hadn't murdered Dumbledore, it had been a mercy killing, planned with the great wizard himself. What in the name of Merlin's beard was _wrong_ with them?

After they had discussed it for over an hour the Wizengamot had finally returned to deliver the only possible verdict. Even knowing what the outcome _must_ be, Harry had been nervous. Not one of the wizards had even looked at Severus as they had cleared him, and that, more even than the disrespect they had shown had made Harry's blood boil. Still, he remindedd himself, that had been earleir this week. Now all he had to do was get the wand, sign a receipt, and get out of there.

He bit back a sigh of irritation. He still remembered the dressing down he had received from Kingsley, and was really working hard to control his emotions, in public at least. Finally, nearly half an hour after the appointment time, a minor official had come forward, walking as if he had all the time in the world. "Mr. Potter?" he had asked, although he must have known.

Harry nodded tightly, not trusting himself not to make some sarcastic comment. 

"Follow me." The other said, his tone just veering on the edge of rudeness.

Harry forced himself to slow down, as his usual pace meant he kept catching this man's heels. After he had caught the other for a third time, and muttered a third "Sorry," the other had turned around and glared. 

"The errand you are on is of a sensitive nature. I would have thought you would have appreciated that."

Harry's jaw clenched. " _Errand_ "? It made him sound like a naughty child collecting a note form a teacher, not a trainee Auror! He swallowed angrily, and nodded.

After a long slow walk down a seemingly endless corridor, Harry had finally been ushered into a small dingy office.

"Sign here," the wizard said, holding out a piece of parchment.

"No," Harry answered, "Not until I have Severus' wand."

The official grumbled but produced the wand from a drawer in his desk. Harry took it, checked it was the one he had given Severus, and signed his name. "Thank you," he said, with only minimal sarcasm in his tone.

He spun on his heel and quickly left, hurrying back the way he had come until he could apparate away, back to Spinner's End. Back to Severus.

Harry entered the small house to find Snape sitting in the living room, sipping at a foul looking brew. "Urgh!" Harry cried, "What is that?!"

Severus raised a black brow, shaking the white locks from around his face, "Dragon Scale Tea," he responded, "I find it most soothing."

"Each to his own posion," Harry shuddered, and unceremoniously drew out the wand. "Yours, I believe?"

Severus smiled over his cup and took his wand as he took another sip.

 

***************************

Please review!


	19. Chapter 18

We own nothing Harry Potter. We make no money from this story.

 

Chapter 18

 

It was a week later. Harry was enjoying some time in Diagon Alley. Severus had mentioned casually that some of his clothes were a little threadbare, and so Harry had decided to go on a little shopping expedition and return with some items for Snape. At the same time, he had decided to fire call Hermione and spend a bit of time with her, comparing notes about the grumpy bastard he cared for. Harry grinned a little; Snape was difficult and snarky at times, but he wasn't really grumpy, not truly. Harry could tell the other was just acting as he always had, and it wasn't really directed at him at all.

So, here he was, sitting under a parasol, enjoying the bright sunshine, sipping a coffee, whilst Hermione rattling off thirteen to the dozen about all the things she had done with her parents when she had restored their memories and explained everything.

Finally, Hermione ran down, and Harry began to share some of the experiences he had had with Snape, which he knew she'd appreciate.

"...and then he said..." Harry broke off abruptly, shivering.

"What's wrong?" Hermione asked, concerned.

Harry shivered again. "I think we're being watched. Are we?" He surreptitiously let his eyes roam around the street, and noticed Hermione doing the same, looking over his shoulder.

"Nothing." she said, sounding a little worried. "You're sure?" she queried.

He nodded, chewing on his lower lip. Something felt very wrong.

After a few tense silent seconds, Harry shrugged and resumed his tale. Hermione dutifully laughed, but both felt the cold finger of unease tainting their time.

Something reflected in the glass of the cafe, and Harry did a double take, sure he had spotted something he couldn't put his finger on, something that increased his uneasiness.

"I'd best go," Hermione said, beginning to gather up her numerous bags, all filled, unsurprisingly, with books.

"Yeah," Harry said unenthusiastically, "me too." He collected his bags, opening one to check the garments he had bought were ok. He smiled as he imagined the older man's surprise.

"He'll be really pleased," Hermione said reassuringly, aware of Harry's slight uncertainty about the gift. "Severus will appreciate the thought and the time and trouble you've taken."

"I hope so," Harry said, "otherwise I'm gonna have a few frosty days at Spinner's End until he forgives me!"

Hermione rolled her eyes. "Don't be ridiculous, Harry, this is Severus we're talking about. You've spent months nursing him back to relative health, and even if he isn't strong enough to be out and about, or even if he doesn't want to be seen, he still wants to feel like he looks nice, and you're thinking about that, and about him." she paused before returning to her main point, "so, he'll love whatever you've bought." she added suddenly, "so long as it isn't that dreadful robe Ron wore to the Triwizard ball!"

Harry laughed.

His bags held tightly about him, he focused on Spinner's End, and slowly rotated on the spot, the feeling of unease following. As he reappeared in the street outside Spinner's End, he caught a flash of something that caused his heart to immediately leap into his throat. The bags fell from his suddenly nerveless hands, the surprise forgotten; he raced inside, calling frantically for the older wizard.

"Severus! Severus!" he shouted, his heart pounding.

The man appeared out of the kitchen with a scowl on his face and growled, "What in blazes are you shouting about, Potter?"

"No time," Harry panted, "no time, we have to get out! Now!"

"Wha..?" Severus began, but Harry cut him off, grabbing his shirt front.

"It's Malfoy. Lucius Malfoy. He's found us."

 

*************************************

Reviews are very much appreciated!


	20. Chapter 19

We own nothing Harry Potter. We make no money from this story.

 

Chapter 19

 

"Calm down, Potter!" Severus said sharply, and the boy stopped his frantic scrabbling at his shirtfront, gulping in a deep breath. "Now explain to me what you are on about."

Harry breathlessly told him all about coffee with Hermione and what he thought he'd seen reflected in the store window, and about the glimpse of long blonde hair, swirling robes, and the flash of silver that was, he was certain, Lucius Malfoy apparating away. He reiterated his plea of "We have to leave here, _now_!"

"Firstly," Severus said firmly, gripping the boy's shoulders and pushing him down into a chair, "you need to calm yourself and be rational. A fine Auror you're going to make if you can't do that. Secondly, all you've seen is a brief reflection in a storefront, and a flash of somebody disapparating as you yourself were apparating. You aren't certain you've seen Lucius Malfoy, or anybody else for that matter, and even if you did," Severus cocked an eyebrow, "…so what?"

"So _what_?!" Harry blurted out in disbelief, "That means he's _found_ you!"

"Again, Potter," Severus said disdainfully, "so what if he has? I appreciate all you and Shacklebolt have done to keep my existence quiet, but it was bound to come out sooner or later, unless you intend on keeping me imprisoned here for the rest of my new found life." He couldn't help the bitterness that crept into his voice at that. It wasn't as if he'd asked for this. Still, the look of guilt and worry on the boy's face made his tone less harsh as he continued, "Spinner's End is under a Fidelius Charm, Harry, as well as an Imperturbable Charm and is warded. Even if Lucius did overhear you and Granger, even if it was him disapparating in the street, he can't get in. I've been protecting you longer than I care to remember, Harry, do you honestly think I would endanger you now?"

"Wha....me?" Harry again blurted in surprise, "You're not protecting _me_ , I'm protecting _you_! What have you got to protect me from?! It's you the Death Eaters want! You've betrayed them...."

"And you vanquished their Lord and Master and sent a good many of them to Azkaban," Severus pointed out calmly, "you do not think they'll let you get away with that, do you? Without at least an attempt at revenge?"

"Then that's all the more reason to leave!" Harry said urgently, standing up, "But I don't think they're after me, Severus. From everything you've told me and everything I've seen and learned in Auror Training, they'd want the traitor more than anything. They trusted you, thought you were one of them. They never trusted me, they've always been after me, but you...you sold them all out. They're after you. Even Kingsley thinks so."

The older man snapped his head up and stared at Harry, his glittering black eyes narrowing dangerously, and his face screwing into a scowl so fierce Harry was taken aback.

"Is that why you insist on remaining here even though I've asked you repeatedly to leave?" Severus barked suddenly, "You've been assigned here by Shackelbolt? Is that it? To keep the star witness in the coming Death Eater trials alive? I'm your _job_?" He didn't want to admit to himself how deeply the thought of this wounded him. He'd taken what the boy had told him to heart, and it had given him hope for some sort of reason to make something of this life he hadn't been given a choice of living. 

Harry felt as if the man had reared back and slapped him in the face. _How could he think that?_ Harry had thought they'd reached an understanding, that he stayed because he wanted to, because they'd become friends, because their past had drawn them together, because they were all each other had. Because Severus was his family now. He felt tears begin to sting his eyes, and he swallowed them with a hard gulp as at the same time anger flared up from the pit of his stomach.

He turned and stomped towards the door, flinging it open and himself outside, where he snatched up the shopping bags he'd let fall into the street. Slamming back inside, he jammed his hands in, snatching up the contents and threw them at the surprised man's chest.

"You.... _bastard_ ," he growled wounded, "you think I would have bothered with these if you were just my job?! Who the hell would ever accept _you_ as an assignment?! There isn't a job in the entire world that fucking pays enough to make _you_ worthwhile!"

With that, he turned on his heel, quickly stomping upstairs, slamming into his room, and flung himself on the bed before the tears overcame him. 

 

*********************************

Severus sat at the table with a glass of firewhiskey from the bottle he'd sent Kreacher after earlier, brooding at his own insensitivity. It was perfectly obvious from the boy's reaction that Severus was not his job, and that he stayed because all he'd said the other day was true. The boy, _Harry_ he chastised himself angrily, Harry really did care about him and what happened to him. The frantic panic he'd displayed upon his arrival home had been genuine fear for Severus' life, and he'd gone and been a complete shit. Remorse flooded through him and he tried drowning it in another large gulp of the fiery liquid.

He sat with his head in his hands and sighed deeply. Had the facade he'd maintained so long in the face of the constant threat of Voldemort become so ingrained that he could not let it go? Let the boy know that this fragile trust they'd built actually did mean something to him? He picked up the garments Harry had bought for him, evidently intending them as a surprise, and ran the fine wool fabric through his fingers. Severus recalled muttering to himself that he really could do with some new clothing, and obviously the boy had overheard him. These weren't any of that off-the-rack stock Madam Malkin kept for casual shoppers. The woman kept a massive book full of measurements and fabric preferences for her more discerning clientele and could whip up tailor made robes in a matter of minutes, but you had to ask for an individual's preferences. The boy had obviously described Severus' preferences. That Harry had even bothered in the first place was indeed saying something, but that he'd taken care to follow Severus' tastes was strangely touching. The boy had often commented on his choice of attire, and if Severus had known Harry had intended on purchasing garments for him, he would have been cringing at what he would have assumed the boy would bring him. No, these were a very fine surprise indeed, and Severus had ruined it.

Why? _Why_ couldn't he bring himself to accept that the boy looked on him as something other than his formerly reviled Potions Professor? What was he, Severus, so afraid of? The boy's comments hurt more than he cared to admit, and the fact that they may carry some truth hurt even more. 

 

***********************************

Upstairs Harry rolled over, unburying his face from his pillow, and angrily swept a hand over his eyes. He didn't know why he let the old bastard get to him so much. He might have known that the cold and unfeeling bane of his childhood wasn't going to change. How ironic of the older man to say what he had. After all, hadn't Harry been exactly that to him? Hadn't Dumbledore assigned the job of keeping Harry alive through his childhood to Severus? Why wouldn't the man now assume the roles had been reversed? Especially since Harry had made it his personal quest to get the man cleared? Even so, that didn't mean that Harry had viewed him as a job he had to do, despite the fact that he felt he owed the man at least that. 

In the beginning, yeah, he had looked on it as more or less with a sense of duty, of repaying a debt, but that had changed the longer he'd stayed and the more time he spent with the man. They'd shared their thoughts and feelings. Severus had told Harry things about his mother that had made her seem more real than anything anyone else had ever told him about her. Severus had made Lily come alive for Harry, and he'd even tamped down his extreme dislike for James to afford Harry an objective view of him as well. They'd even talked about sex, for Merlin's sake! How could the man think that Harry viewed him as a job and that Kingsley had assigned him as Severus' guard?! 

For one thing, Harry was still a Trainee Auror, he hadn't completed his training, and was still a long way from being assigned anything. Granted, he had a slightly modified training program from the other Trainee's, but he also knew more than a lot of them did, and had faced more than they ever would, at a much younger age. And yeah, the Auror office was more or less charged with protecting Severus from any threats by renegade Death Eaters who hadn't yet been caught, or the few that had been released, like Malfoy. And, yeah, Harry and Kingsley had discussed the fact that many of them had sworn revenge on Severus as the traitor to them he was, and yeah, Kingsley had mentioned that he felt better that Harry was with Severus. But, although that had made Harry feel rather good that Kingsley had stated his trust in Harry's abilities, he had _never_ said it was Harry's job. As a matter of fact, Kingsley had specifically told Harry that if anything suspicious came up, he was to contact him immediately. But that would have been the same for anybody in the same circumstances! That Harry had told Severus none of this caused a pang of guilt to stab at him, but he quelled it, knowing that his motivation for staying and doing his best to protect the man was because he _wanted_ to, not because he _had_ to.

Suddenly, he felt ashamed of his outburst of temper. Hadn't he been told for most of his life that he needed to stop and think before acting? Hadn't Kingsley, and Severus for that matter, told him exactly that, and that it was detrimental to his chosen career? He felt awful at what he said to Severus. That no job would pay enough to make him worthwhile. That had been cruel and uncalled for, particularly when Harry knew full well from viewing Severus' memories that he'd been made to feel unworthy most of his life. When Harry himself knew better than anyone how it hurt to be made to feel like that. He hadn't forgotten the treatment the Dursley's had subjected him to, and this made him feel deeply ashamed of himself. What he'd said made him no better than them. He felt tears sting his eyes again and was filled with deep regret at what he'd done. Severus had had a much worse life than Harry had, and Harry had been partly to blame for that. Even with all Harry had told the man, he shouldn't blame the man for thinking Harry didn't view him as worthy of his caring. Harry had just told him exactly that not a few minutes ago.

He told himself to stop being such a child and be the adult he'd often told the man he was, wiping the tears from his eyes as he did. He got a grip on himself and got up from his bed, heading toward the door, intent on apologising for the appalling things he'd said, and determined to make the other man understand that his concern was genuine. And had nothing to do with his job.

He ran his hands through his unruly hair and swiped over his face again, opening the door, and running smack into the black clad man standing on the other side.

 

******************************

 

The impact sent them each reeling backwards, and they both instinctively reached out and grasped one another's arms to prevent them both from falling on their arses. 

 

"For Merlin's sake, Potter! Must you _hurl_ yourself where ever you go?!" Severus snapped and then instantly regretted it. He'd come to apologise to the boy, not shout at him. 

"I didn't know you were there! Who the bloody fuck stands outside a person's door?!" Harry fired up immediately, righting his glasses on his face. Feeling ashamed of himself all over again for this outburst, he added apologetically, "I didn't see you when I opened the door. Are you alright?" He'd meant to go and apologise to the man, not curse at him again.

"I'm fine," Severus replied in a kinder tone, "would you care to come back downstairs? I have something I'd like to say to you."

_Probably going to demand I leave again_ Harry thought as he nodded his head. "I have something I'd like to say to you too," he said quietly.

_Most likely that you're leaving_ Severus thought. "Very well," he said, his calm demeanour betraying his churning insides.

 

Back downstairs, Severus motioned for Harry to take a seat although he himself remained standing. He didn't often feel the need to apologise for his actions, but he felt that this occasion required more than just a simple "I'm sorry." Grudgingly he'd admitted to himself that the boy had grown on him, he enjoyed his company, even if he was still infuriating at times, and noisy as well, and would miss him if he were to leave. That the boy was now engaged to the Weasley girl hadn't been far from his mind since Harry had confided it had happened, and along with that had come the realisation that the boy had his own life, would be getting married and leaving Severus to find a life of his own. He had pushed the thought away when it intruded into his head, but it was there screaming at him now. Harry would eventually leave him, to begin his life with Ginny Weasley, that day would come soon enough. He did not want it to come before it was necessary.

Harry watched the man pace back and forth, scowls coming and going over his face, and realised that whatever the man had to say, it was obviously causing him some consternation. Probably thinking of the best way to tell him to get out. He was aware that the man now possessed a wand, he'd given it back to him himself, and if he wanted Harry to leave, Harry would now have no choice. He didn't want to leave Severus. It would be like leaving everything he'd come to think of as home. In fact, the thought was a little scary and made him blurt out unexpectedly.

"Look, I'm sorry for what I said. It was uncalled for and I didn't mean it! Please don't ask me to leave!" Harry exclaimed suddenly, making Severus stop in his tracks.

"Harry," Severus began, but the boy cut him off, his green eyes pleading.

"Kingsley and I...we've talked about you, about Death Eaters coming after you for betraying them, but I haven't been assigned to look after you! You aren't a job to me, I don't stay here because I think I have to," Harry said miserably, "I stay here because I want to, because what I told you before is true. When...when I first came here, yeah...then I came to look after you because I felt I owed you that much at least for looking after me all those years, and for how wrong I was about you and how badly I had treated you. But....it isn't like that now. I mean, I thought...I thought we'd become friends....more than friends, really. You're like a mentor....more than that even. I'm sorry for what I said, that you weren't worthwhile. I know what it's like to be told that, and for me to say it to you was mean and cruel and totally uncalled for and I didn't mean it. I'm so sorry, Severus."

After a moment Severus cleared his throat and said, "It is I who should be apologising to you, Harry. I was coming to do so when you...when we collided. It was unfair of me to assume that your motivation was out of duty, and I am sorry that it seemed I had doubted what you said before. I am sorry that I questioned your word."

The boy regarded him with his large green eyes then asked quietly, "Does that mean you aren't going to tell me to leave?"

 

Severus shook his head a little ruefully, and a crooked smile appeared on his care worn face. Harry saw it and felt the fear in his heart diminish. It was going to be all right. Truly.

 

Reluctant to upset the man a second time, Harry felt he had to bring up the possible threat again.

 

"Severus, really, Malfoy and the other Death Eaters are a concern, Kingsley certainly thinks so. Can't we move somewhere else? If only for a few weeks? Just whilst Kingsley and the other Aurors investigate?"

 

Snape shook his head, unwilling to discuss it. He stood up. "Might I suggest we postpone this discussion until after a meal?" he said, formally.

 

Harry raised an eyebrow, noticing the suddenly constrained atmosphere between them. He nodded, but resolved to fire call Kingsley as soon as he could and get his backing to force Severus to see reason.

"Very well," Severus said, "I'll be in the kitchen preparing dinner then," and strode off. 

It was only then that Harry realised the man had changed clothes, and was now wearing one of the new pair of trousers along with one of the one of the new shirts Harry had bought for him. He smiled to himself, shaking his head. Everything truly would be alright then, as long as they managed to stay alive. The thought furthered his determination to convince Severus they needed to move to a safer place. With that thought in mind and Severus busy in the kitchen, Harry moved over to the fireplace and threw a bit of floo powder in, quietly calling his boss' office.

 

*********************************

 

Over the dinner Harry ventured once more to bring up the subject of moving to safer quarters.

"Look, Severus," he began, noting the frown already furrowing the other man's brow, "while you were in the kitchen making dinner, I firecalled Kingsley..."

With a disgusted sigh Severus dropped his fork onto his plate and glared at the boy across from him. "Harry," he said, his tone matching his expression, "I have told you that I don't perceive a danger in staying right here where we are. You are not certain what you saw in the street!"

"But Kingsley says he thinks it a good idea to go!" Harry burst out, "and I agree! Look, it isn't just what I saw...I...I have a bad feeling, Severus. If it had just been the reflection in the store window, then maybe it wouldn't be such a big deal, but...I'm almost certain it _was_ Lucius Malfoy I saw disapparating, but even if it wasn't him, it was someone! This is a Muggle neighbourhood. What reason would any wizard or witch have to come here? Especially since almost nobody knows where you live, and hardly anyone knows you're alive?"

Grudgingly Severus had to admit, the boy had a point there. Very few people had known where he'd lived when not at Hogwarts. Dumbledore had, of course, and some of the members of the Order, but they were all dead now. Bellatrix Lestrange had known, as well as a few of the other Death Eaters, but they were also now dead. By process of elimination, Lucius Malfoy was indeed the most likely person to have come nosing about Spinner's End. But the boy was right in pointing out if not Lucius, then some other wizard, and what would a wizard be doing in a Muggle neighbourhood? 

While Severus mulled this over, Harry grew impatient and dropped his own fork, turning Lily's eyes on him.

"Severus," he said, his voice full of worry, "wouldn't it be better to be safe than sorry? I mean...please? I realise this is your home, and...maybe it is nothing, okay? But, well, I would feel a lot better if we went somewhere else for a while. Just until we're sure it's safe. Would you do it for me? Please? I...I couldn't stand it if anything happened to you. I already almost lost you once. I don't think I could take it happening again."

Sevrus looked up into the boy's face, seeing worry and concern clouding the bright emerald eyes and was deeply touched. The boy meant it. He could see it in his eyes and it caused a pang deep in his heart. It was like looking into Lily's eyes again, when she'd tried warning him about the dangerous path he'd insisted on following. If he'd listened then, he'd have had a completely different life. 

"And where exactly do you and Kingsley propose we go?" he asked and saw an almost absurd look of relief come over the boy's face before it was replaced with a somewhat wary expression.

"Erm, well....Grimmauld Place," Harry said, and waited for the explosion. The man did not disappoint.

" _Grimmauld Place_!" Severus erupted indignantly, "Have you lost your mind, Potter?! Why in the name of Merlin, God, heaven, hell _and_ all that is holy, would you delude yourself for even a _moment_ thinking that I would consider your mutt of a godfather's family home as safe haven?! I _abhor_ that place, Potter! I could barely stand to set foot in it when I had no choice! You cannot _possibly_ think I would do so voluntarily!!!"

"But..."

"No."

"Sev..."

" _No_!”

"Just..."

"This discussion is ended," Severus snapped, snatched up his plate and stalked off to the kitchen. Grimmauld Place indeed! He would rather subject himself to the fiercest Cruciatus imaginable than he would willingly set foot there again. 

The boy, however, wasn't giving up. He hurled himself into the kitchen protesting all the way.

"Just listen to me!" he said insistently, "It makes sense! They won't find us there! They won't even look there because it's so obvious! They'll think that we'll think it's the first place they'd look so we wouldn't go there, but we'll be there all the time! And even if they do figure out that we've gone there, it's protected by all manner of other charms that Kingsley and the other Aurors set up, because apparently it's a "symbol" of the resistance against Voldemort." Harry paused, and looked pleading, “I know you don't want to, I know you hate it, but it is the best place for right now, and it's only temporary until I find us another place to go. Come on, Severus, you know it makes sense!"

"Have you lost your ability to hear as well as your mind?" Severus growled dangerously, "I said no!"

"You do realise, don't you, that as an Auror, I have the authority to remove you from any dangerous place or situation for your own safety," Harry said grimly, standing his ground. Stubborn old git! he thought.

Severus snorted, cocking an eyebrow and sneered, "You do realise, don't you, that you are still a Trainee Auror and as a Trainee Auror, you have no such authority, Potter. I am not stupid, and how dare you try to pull rank on me."

"Alright!" Harry shouted, "But Kingsley Shacklebolt does! He _can_ pull rank on you and he told me to tell you he _will_ if necessary!"

"Why you insolent little...... _brat_!" Severus growled and slammed the plate he was still holding into the sink. 

"Severus, please!" Harry pleaded, not wanting the older man to be angry with him again, "it's for your own safety! I wouldn't do this if I wasn't really worried! It's just....I can't shake this feeling that something is going to happen, and....I...I can't lose you too." He silently cursed the tears he felt threatening. He didn't want to cry, but would if it would convince the other man that this was best. Losing the only person he had left from all those before was a very real fear to him. He looked at the older wizard glaring at him from across the room and saw the man's angry expression gradually soften to a less fierce scowl.

"Insufferable brat," he growled, "you're going to be the death of me, Potter."

"No I'm not," Harry said happily, "I'm going to keep you alive and torment you for another lifetime."

Severus turned towards the sink, ostensibly to mend the broken plate, but really to hide the beginnings of a smile he couldn't help.

 

Harry grinned. "You know the old saying, Severus. The best place to hide something is right in plain sight."

 

************************************

 

There you go! Enjoy! And please review!


	21. Chapter 20

We own nothing Harry Potter. We make no money from this story.

 

Chapter 20

 

Harry collapsed into the sheets beside Ginny, both of them panting heavily, and she turned to snuggle up next to him. He put his arm around her and smiled at the feel of her naked body next to his. "That was wonderful, Harry," she murmured against his neck, and he tightened his grip on her, kissing the top of her head.

"Yeah, it was," he sighed with satisfaction. They lay together in silence as their breathing returned to normal, simply enjoying the closeness of one another's warm skin.

Drowsily, Harry reflected that this was probably the best idea he'd ever had, finding this flat. He and Ginny had wanted a place of their own to be alone together in. Somewhere where her brothers or parents wouldn't be interrupting them, and somewhere near Hogwarts. Harry had found the flat, which was off one of the side streets in Hogsmeade, and it was perfect. They could, of course, only be together on Ginny's Hogsmeade weekends from school; it was the only time she could leave the grounds, but that made it even more special in Harry's view.

Even though he'd proposed and they were engaged, Severus was the only one who knew about it. Harry and Ginny had talked about it, and decided that it would maybe be better to wait to tell her family until she'd finished school, to avoid all the "Don't you think you're too young" lectures. Even Hermione didn't know yet, and certainly Ron didn't know. He and Harry hadn't spoken since Christmas, and then only barely. Hermione had briefly touched on Ron still being annoyed with Harry for, in Ron's opinion, caring about "that greasy old git" more than he cared about his sister. He, of course, didn't know just exactly how much Harry truly cared for Ginny, as he had no clue about their engagement or that they were sleeping together. Ginny, loyal to Harry,  
wasn't speaking much to Ron these days.

It did niggle at Harry that he and Ron were, at this moment, not as close as they'd once been, but, at this moment, he couldn't really be bothered to try and make it better. He had too much on his mind what with Severus, worrying about what Lucius Malfoy was up to, and besides, Ron could never give him the kind of comfort that  
Ginny did.

Harry was roused from his thoughts by the vibration against his chest of Ginny speaking.

"So, how is Snape taking it, being at Grimmauld Place?" she asked. Harry had, of course, confided in her.

"He hates it," Harry sighed, "and he doesn't have a problem whatsoever letting me know about it." He sighed again and added grudgingly, "I can't really say I blame him though. Being trapped inside is bad enough. Being trapped inside the house of his childhood enemy isn't somewhere I'd want to be either, but I don't know where else to go right now. And, you know...I know it's my house, Sirius left it to me, but...to me, it's always  
going to be Sirius' house, and it just isn't the same without him there. It makes me sad, and makes me miss him even more that he's gone and that we never got to be the family we planned on being."

Ginny said nothing, but tightened her grip on him, and Harry knew she understood.

"Yeah," he sighed again, "he was miserable there, he hated it too, Severus hates it, and really, so do I. It's nice that it's become a symbol for the resistance against Voldemort, and sort of a memorial to The Order, but....there are too many bad memories there for both of us. I just wish I had somewhere else to take him where he'd be safe, you know? Somewhere nobody knows about."

"Well," Ginny said, "why don't you bring him here? Nobody knows about this place. You can place a Fidelius Charm on here too, and cast wards. He'll be safe here, and so will you."

"But this is our place!" Harry said, "this is where _we_ go to be safe! And alone!"

"Yes," Ginny agreed, nodding her head against his chest, "but it would still be our place and we'd still be safe and still nobody would know. We do pretty much only use it on the weekends after all."

"Yeah, but....what we use it for, Gin," Harry gulped, "I mean....I don't want Severus overhearing us!"

"Harry," Ginny said pragmatically, "there are such things as silencing charms, you know."

"Yeah, but Gin," Harry began.

"And you'd be close to Hogwarts in case anything happened," she continued on, "and really, it makes sense. And, you know, I can get to know him a bit better too. I mean, obviously, he's going to be part of our lives. You aren't just going to turn your back on him after we're married, are you? He's like...your best friend now,  
isn't he? I know you've grown close."

"You're my best friend, Gin," Harry said, kissing her hair, "and the most wonderful girlfriend..."

" _Fiancée_ ," Ginny corrected with a smile and a nudge to his ribs, "even if we're keeping it a secret."

"I can't wait until you're my wife," Harry sighed and rolled her under him, kissing her deeply, ready to show her againjust how appealing that prospect was to him.

 

**********************************

 

Spending all day in Auror training left Harry exhausted when he got back to Grimmauld Place in the evening, and Severus' foul mood and even fouler glares at him over the dinner table made Harry begin to seriously consider Ginny's words.

He and Severus would both be happier out of Grimmauld Place, that much was certain. And really, Harry thought, it would be embarrassing - the first time at least - that he and Ginny disappeared into their bedroom, but it wasn't as if Severus didn't know what he and Ginny were up to anyway. The man had given him pointers after all!  
And, he'd encouraged Harry when he'd talked to him about wanting to propose to Ginny, so obviously he approved. Harry had no doubt that if he didn't, he would have made it known.

Harry considered that a moment. It was important to him that Severus and Ginny approved of Harry's relationship with the other. Ginny was right, Harry had no intention of turning his back on Severus after they were married, and he was glad that she was willing to get to know Severus better. He knew that Ginny's Christmas present to  
Severus had touched the man deeply, even if he'd never said so, and he hoped that Severus was willing to get to know Ginny better as well. It would make Harry's life a lot easier if they could be friends.

It didn't take many more tense dinners with Severus grumbling to himself while he stabbed at his dinner to convince Harry that they couldn't stay at Grimmauld Place anymore. He had a talk with Kingsley Shacklebolt to inform him that they were moving again, and after some discussion he managed to convince the man that he  
and Severus could no longer stay at Grimmauld Place. Harry went to the flat and cast the Fidelius Charm and protection wards, owled Ginny with an owl from the Hogsmeade post office, and then went back to Grimmauld Place to inform Severus.

 

***********************************

"This is our new home?" Severus said, cocking an eyebrow as he looked about the mostly empty flat.

"Look," Harry said sourly, "I know it isn't the _palace_ Spinner's End was, but you're out of Grimmauld Place, aren't you?"

The man threw him a disgusted look and said grimly, "Seeing as you are determined to "protect" me, I suppose I have no choice. I will grant you, however, that it is infinitely preferable to returning to your dear godfather's former abode. I assume Shacklebolt knows we've left?"

"Yeah," Harry said a bit uncomfortably. The older wizard picked up on it immediately and shot him a questioning look.

"Erm.....Ginny knows too," Harry said, thinking he may as well get it out.

"I would assume you would inform Miss Weasley of your whereabouts," Severus said dismissively. "A stroke of luck for you that it happens to be close to her whereabouts," he added, and Harry couldn't help the flush he felt beginning to rise in his face.

"Yeah," he said, looking away.

"I see," Severus said, and Harry saw the corners of his mouth twitch. "Quite the  
coincidence, is it not?"

"Alright," Harry said with annoyance, "it's not a coincidence. We wanted somewhere we could go, to be alone, okay? She couldn't very well get to London, could she?"

"So when you said you were meeting her in Hogsmeade, you were bringing her here," Severus said smugly. "I assume her parents are not aware of how she spends her Hogsmeade leaves?"

"No," Harry admitted grudgingly, "and they don't know we're engaged, either. You're the only one who does, actually. We thought we'd wait until she was finished with school before we told them."

"A prudent decision, I'm sure," Severus said. "And how does Miss Weasley feel about my intrusion into your... _pied a terre_?"

"About my bringing you here?" Harry replied, "actually, it was her idea." He saw the look of surprise momentarily cross the other man's face. "She suggested it because nobody knows about this place, and you'd be safe here. She doesn't mind at all. In fact, she said she wants to get to know you better, ‘cause she knows you and I....well, we've become friends, right?"

The older wizard had turned away as Harry spoke, and said nothing for several moments. Harry was about to show him where his room was when the man began speaking quietly.

"When you were gone looking for the Horcruxes, and Voldemort had installed me as Headmaster at the school. I knew it was Miss Weasley who was behind the student rebellion, that it was she who had broken into my office in an attempt to get the sword," the man said. "I did my best to protect her, not only because we were on the same side, but...because I knew how much she …” He broke off, looking uncomfortable. Harry opened his mouth to ask Severus to finish the sentence, but the older man hurried on. “She is a very admirable young woman, Harry. You have made a good choice."

"Does...does that mean you're giving us your blessing?" Harry asked, a bit surprised at just how much the man voicing his approval meant to him. He felt a warm glow in the pit of his stomach as he considered Severus’ words.

"For whatever it's worth, yes," the man said still facing away.

"It's worth more than you know, Severus," Harry told him softly.

 

******************************************************************

Please review, it's the kind thing to do! :)


	22. Chapter 21

We own nothing Harry Potter. We make no money from this story.

 

Everyone, we're not above begging - please review!

 

Chapter 21

 

"Erm...right, I'll...I'll be right there," Harry said reluctantly, and Kingsley Shacklebolt's head disappeared in a flash of green flames. "Fuck!" He swore vehemently as he turned away from the fireplace. He stood there thinking furiously.

Kingsley had just, under the guise of an invite, ordered Harry to accompany him and some of the other Aurors on an investigation. This was part of his training; all of the Trainees had been told at the beginning of the week that they would be randomly called out, and Harry had been looking forward to it. Now, however, while he was still excited about the chance, this was a Hogsmeade weekend for Ginny, who would be arriving at any moment.

Harry had been anxious and a bit nervous about this first visit of Ginny's since Severus' arrival. He desperately wanted it to go well, for Severus and Ginny to get along, so that her visits here wouldn't be tense and uncomfortable. He and Ginny had discussed through owl mail and agreed that these first few visits would consist of tea, and they would forego their usual activities. He wasn't exactly happy about that, it was bad enough being away from her one to two weeks at a time, but he was also anxious that Severus didn't feel he was intruding.

Harry sighed heavily. Well, there was nothing for it. There was no time to try and find Ginny now. The whole point of being called out randomly was to test the Trainees' response time, and he estimated he'd already wasted critical minutes mulling pointlessly. He was hurriedly grabbing his Auror robes when Severus reappeared from his room.

"I have to go, Severus," Harry explained quickly, "I've been called out on a mission, and I don't have time to tell Ginny. She'll be here any minute. Please, tell her I'm sorry, and I'll be back as soon as I can."

Before Severus could give voice to the scowl on his face, Harry said, "Just have tea as planned. Hopefully I'll be back before you're through, okay? It's work. I can't help it."

 

**********************************

 

Wonderful, thought Severus grimly as he watched Trainee Auror Potter disappear in a rush of green flame. He was already disgruntled at the thought of being forced to take tea with the boy and his girlfriend. He didn't know why they just didn't adjourn to Potter's bedroom and engage in what was obviously the point of this flat in the first place, rather than throw up false pretences. He didn't know who they thought they were fooling. They were teenagers, and engaged to boot. Of course all they wanted to do was shag!

Snorting to himself disdainfully, Severus stalked over to the sofa and sat himself down to wait for the girl. Perhaps with her paramour absent the girl would decide not to stay and he would be relieved of the obligation to make small talk over what would undoubtedly be an extremely uncomfortable tea. Damn Potter anyway! On the tail of that, he supposed it wasn't really the boy's fault after all. Damn Shacklebolt then! 

He sighed, annoyed with himself. He could simply tell the girl that Harry had been called away on Auror business and send her on her way, but he felt obligated to deliver the boy's message as he'd said, including that he hoped to return before Ginevra had to return to the school, and offer her the tea that was the "plan" for the visit. He didn't want the girl to tell Harry he had been unpleasant to her, although he'd be damned as to just exactly why it mattered to him. 

_Because the girl is important to him, and he is important to you_ , a voice in his head told him. That voice, it always sounded like a certain meddling old man, and Severus mentally scowled at it to shut up. _Leave me in peace, you old fool_ he added grimly.  
He was interrupted from his internal grousing by the sound of a key in the lock, and breathed a sigh of relief, quickly followed by a small gasp of surprise, echoed by the slight figure who came through the doorway. 

"Oh! Erm...Professor...." Ginny Weasley said, hitching up a hasty smile, "I...I thought Harry..."

"Yes," Severus drawled, attempting to rearrange his face in a more pleasant expression, "Unfortunately...Harry...has been called away by Kingsley Shacklebolt..."

"Oh," she said, "that...random thing. He told me about that. That they were being tested on readiness, but...right. Of course it would be today, wouldn't it?"

Severus couldn't help his mouth twitching at that, and she smiled in return. 

"Okay, well...." she said uncertainly, "Erm...you probably have things to do. I'll...I'll just be going then."

Wondering what possessed himself, Severus stood and said, "Don't be silly, Miss Weasley. You came for tea, and tea we shall have. Harry expressed the hope of returning before you are obliged to return to Hogwarts. You wouldn't want to miss him if he should."

She couldn't hide her expression of surprise then, but it was followed by a genuine smile, and Severus told himself he could survive this. "Thank you, Professor," the girl said, "I'd like that."

Severus fetched tea and they settled in the small living room with it while he cast about in his mind for some topic of conversation.

Silence descended as they both, somewhat desperately, struggled for something to say. 

“Were you responsible for the decorations?” Severus asked at the same time as Ginny said, 

“Our new Potions teacher is very different to you.”

They both stopped, stared at the other.

“After you,” Severus said courteously.

“No, after you,” Ginny said hurriedly.

Snape, aware of his position as guest – regardless of Harry’s nonsense that this was to be his home – wanted to make her happy. He considered the statement she had made.

“Slughorn is still potions master there, isn’t he?” A faint sneer was detectable in his voice.

Ginny nodded, an ambivalent look on her face. “He…runs this club for his favourites.” She paused, unsure how to proceed.

“Ah, the infamous ‘Slug Club’. And he is cultivating your presence?” Severus considered for a moment. “For yourself or for your known association with one Harry Potter?”

Ginny nodded again, pleased he understood. “Because I know Harry. I’m going along with it because he – Slughorn, I mean – knows Gwenog Jones, and he introduced me to her. You see,” she flustered a little then hurried on, “She’s been sort of mentoring me. She thinks I’ve got a real chance of playing professionally. I…I haven’t told Harry yet, in case nothing comes of it.” She chewed on her lip for a moment before rushing on, a harsh look on her face. “I want more than my Mum had. She is a great Mum, but that’s ALL she is.”

“So you don’t want to fill the Halls of Hogwarts with the next generation of pranking Weasleys?” Severus’ words were teasing, but his tone was serious. He was surprised at the knot of tension in his stomach as he contemplated Harry and Ginny’s mythical offspring.

 

Ginny blushed prettily. “I’d like that. But it depends on Harry. His job is quite dangerous, and I don’t want to try and raise a brood all alone. But I definitely want at least four.”

Snape, who had just been sipping his tea, took a too large gulp and nearly burnt his mouth. He coughed, eyes streaming, and shook his head when she offered assistance. “I’m fine,” he rasped. Then coughed painfully.

Ginny eyes him dubiously, the corner of her mouth twitching suspiciously.

“Go ahead and laugh,” he said tiredly, “Harry would have done.”

Ginny shook her head, although tears were streaming down her face. “Sorry,” she wheezed, wiping her eyes. “Anyway, I guess the idea of lots of children shocks you, especially given that I want to be a professional Quidditch player?”

“Not shocked,” Severus croaked; eyes narrowing as Ginny looked like she about to giggle, “just surprised that you know your own mind so thoroughly. Somehow, Miss Weasley I made the error of underestimating you.”

She sighed. “Lots of people do. ‘Cos I’m the only Weasley girl, and ‘cos I was always better at hiding my mischief than Fred or George, everyone just kind of assumed I was quiet and happy with whatever life threw at me. Mum and Dad were always busy chasing after the twins, and I kind of got, not forgotten, exactly, just…”

“You were low maintenance.” Severus put in. “I understand.”

She glanced up at Severus, saw an odd expression in his eyes. “Are you all right, sir?”

At once his eyes became inscrutable again. “I’m fine, thank you. And, as I’m no longer your teacher, ‘sir’ is hardly appropriate, is it?”

Ginny opened her mouth to speak. What the hell could she call him? Mr Snape seemed too formal considering he was going to live with them, and Severus? Well, she wasn’t ready to call him that, she wasn’t as close to him as Harry was.

He seemed to have appreciated the problem as well.

“Ah,” he said, “yes, perhaps ‘sir’ or ‘Snape’ is best. At least until we feel more comfortable with each other.”

She nodded and drained her cup. “I hope I’m not speaking out of turn here, sir, but I feel sure that one day I will call you Severus.” She stood up.

“Leaving so soon?” Severus asked, aware that there was still plenty of time remaining before students were expected to return to the school. He felt a small warmth in his heart at her words. He was quietly proud with the way their conversation had gone. Ginny was a strong young woman, who would make Harry very happy. He was surprised at how unsettled that thought made him.

“You’re sure you won’t wait for Harry?”

Ginny shook her head. “No. He could be hours yet.” She moved to the front door then turned around. “Could you tell him I’ll see him next time?”

He nodded, and watched her leave.

Alone in the house, Severus sat down in the chair he had just vacated and pondered. It seemed he was indeed going to stay here, with a newly engaged couple. One of the pair – Harry – he knew and knew he could trust and rely on. The other – the girl – he wasn’t entirely sure. He had a sneaking suspicion that he would get to like Ginny, and that he would eventually trust her.

How long he sat, musing, he couldn’t have said. He came back to himself with Harry’s arrival.

“Hi,” he said breathlessly, a smudge of ash smeared across one cheek.

Severus felt ridiculously pleased to see him. However, he merely raised an eyebrow at Harry’s dishevelled appearance. “I see you saw some action.”

“What?” Harry went over to the mirror. “Oh.” He said and began to rub the black mark off. “How’d it go?” he asked, deceptively casually, as he scrubbed at his skin.

He waited for a response. When none was forthcoming he turned around, mouth open, ready to start giving Severus a piece of his mind. But the soft, indulgent look in Snape’s eyes stopped him.

“It was fine.” Severus said quietly. “Surprisingly, I had a pleasant afternoon. Miss Weasley was most hospitable.” He quirked his thin lips into a smile. “You never told me you intended on having four children.”

“FOUR?!” Harry yelled. “We haven’t discussed it, not properly.” He paused, “She told you that?”

Severus nodded.

“She must trust you.” Harry said musingly. “That’s a good thing.”

Severus felt he had to tell Harry, “And,” he began, “I think I might be able to trust her.”

Harry gaped. Severus didn’t trust lightly or easily. It was a huge compliment to Ginny that the other man was saying that.

“Thank you,” he said quietly. Not quite sure what he was thanking the older man for. He sat down on the couch, next to Severus. His clean cheek pink and shiny.

“Thank you, Harry,” Severus replied, leaning in to rub at a spot Harry had missed. “At long last, I’m almost beginning to see this second chance as a good thing.”

*******************************

Please remember to let us know what you think!


	23. Chapter 22

We own nothing Harry Potter. We make no money from this story.

 

Chapter Twenty-Two

 

Ginny's visits to the flat proceeded amicably. Although she and Harry spent much of their time in the bedroom, she still ensured she had afternoon tea with Severus. She seemed to appreciate having someone to talk to who was somewhat removed from her life. Not that Severus _was_ now removed from her life; he had become a crucial part of it.

It was Severus who learnt that the Harpies were offering her a tryout for a place on the team, not Harry. She was keeping the news from Harry, not for malicious reasons, but purely because she didn't want to deal with his disappointment as well as her own if nothing came of it.

However, she had wanted to tell someone, and her first thought had been Severus. He understood that she wanted so much from life, and was encouraging her to seek it.

He had been the one who, once she had explained why she wasn't telling her fiancé, had said, "Yes, aim for more, don't accept anything less than what you truly want."

Severus had also taken the time to send her a "good luck" message on the day of her trial, and one requesting news upon her return.

Harry had been a little surprised at the flurry of activity from Severus - he didn't have anyone to send owls to; and had frowned a little when he had recognised Ginny's handwriting on a message.

Harry told himself that he respected Ginny's privacy, but the thought of that note rankled a little. What had she possibly got to say to Severus that she couldn’t say to him? So, when he accidentally came across the parchment, and his eyes ran across the words, he felt angry and betrayed: "Really good news! Can't wait to tell Harry! See you on Saturday."

Saturday came, and with it, Ginny. Smiling, she pushed open the door to their flat, seeing Severus over Harry’s shoulder. Then she stilled, seeing the poorly concealed anger on Harry's face.

"Harry?" she asked anxiously, "What's wrong?"

He glowered at her and said, "Is there something you need to tell me?" He shook a little, "Something you've already told Severus?"

She opened her mouth, but he cut her off. "We're engaged, Ginny, we're going to spend our lives together! And you have something that you tell Severus but not me?!"

"Only because it was supposed to be a surprise for you!" She shot back, angry herself now

He gave a humourless snort. "Funny, I thought I had a surprise for you! An important one. But maybe yours is better?" the sarcasm in his tone was unmistakable.

"Well then why don't you tell me, and we'll see, won't we?" she said, trying to quell his anger.

Harry was so frustrated. This wasn't how he'd envisaged telling Ginny this. "We can get married as soon as you leave school. I managed to get a slot that was available. Isn't that great? We can marry almost at once!"

Ginny's face registered conflict. "Harry...that's ... great. But, what about my career?"

Harry shrugged. "You don't need to work, I'm wealthy enough."

Ginny's eyes flashed. "So you want to 'keep' me?!" Her voice rose dangerously, and she looked over to Severus, who retreated to the kitchen, where he was out of sight, but not out of earshot.

Harry glared, noticing her silent appeal to Severus. "It's not keeping you! I love you! I want to look after you! You can't _want_ to work!"

Ginny snapped, "You have no idea what I want to do! You don't even care! And I suppose you'd have me stay home all day, barefoot and pregnant all the time!" 

"Oh, so now you don't want kids either?!" Harry shouted, outraged.

"That's NOT what I said!" she yelled, "But I want to have my life, Harry! I've been offered a place on the Holyhead Harpies team! It's a brilliant chance. I don't want to just be a wife and a mother; I want to see what I can do. What I can **be**!"

"I'm not enough for you? Having my children isn't good enough?!"

"Of course I want kids!" Ginny shouted back, "But it isn't the be all and end all of my life you know! I love you too, Harry, but it's pretty big-headed of you, not to mention unfair, that you expect me to just be the bearer of the great Harry Potter's children!"

"Aren't YOU the one being unfair?" he shot back, "You want to go off and prat about on a broomstick, rather than do something sensible! God, Gin, I got over my dreams of being a Quidditch player when I GREW UP!"

"Oh don't flatter yourself!" Ginny yelled, "If you were grown up, you'd take my feelings into consideration too!"

"And if you were, you'd be pleased that we could get married so quickly!" Harry retorted.

"Pleased?!" she shrieked. "Pleased that I will end up stuck with someone who doesn't give a damn about my feelings?! So I should just forget all _my_ hopes and dreams just to please _you_?"

"Doesn't matter, does it?" Harry snapped, "won't be much of a marriage of you're off playing Quidditch all the time!"

"So, for you, a marriage is the woman doing whatever the man wants? Giving up her own life to please him? And just what will _you_ give up, Harry? Marriage is about compromise!"

Harry opened his mouth, but could find nothing to say. Ginny pounced on him. "See? Now do you see how selfish you're being by expecting me to give up my career?"

"Career?!" Harry scoffed, "Chasing a ball around is hardly a career! It's a game, Ginny! It's not something you do forever, not like being my wife!"

"And what about you, Harry?" Ginny snarled, eyes flaming angrily at his slur to her chosen job, "I don't want you to be an Auror, putting yourself in danger constantly, but I'm not stopping you, am I? I want _you_ to be happy, but obviously, I don't deserve the same consideration! But then, I'm not a person, I'm just _your_ girlfriend, why should I have any feelings?!"

"You _are_ my girlfriend!" Harry said, sounding exasperated, "And you'll be my wife when we marry, so yes, I think I have the right to say that I want you to focus on our family not playing a game!"

"Yeah? Then maybe we should rethink our ideas of marriage. Maybe we should rethink MARRIAGE. Maybe..."

"Don’t say it, Ginny," Harry said warningly, a bit of fear creeping in.

"Say what? Say that I thought I knew you when I don't know you at all? Say that maybe I think we should think about what's really important before we think about anything else at all? Say that maybe we should just forget it altogether?!" she screeched, turned, and slammed the door as she left.


	24. Chapter 23

We own nothing Harry Potter. We make no money from this story.

 

Please review - we like reviews. Reviews are good.

 

Chapter Twenty-Three

 

Harry paced the flat irritably. It was a Hogsmeade weekend, and although the last time he had spoken to Ginny things hadn’t gone well (nice understatement there, Harry! His mind chided) he still had expected her to show up. But, it was nearly 2 o’clock. If she had going to turn up, she would have already been there.

There was the sound of a key in the lock, and Harry swung about hopefully. It was a polyjuiced Severus, beladen with bags, all labelled ‘Aptur’s Apothecary’. He struggled into the narrow hallway, looking pointedly at the younger man to assist him. Harry surged forward and pulled the bags haphazardly from his friend and carried them into the living room.

“Have you seen Ginny?” Harry asked, eagerly, not even letting the other sink into a chair to rest his feet.

Tiredly, Severus rolled his neck, trying to ease his cramped muscles. “No, I haven’t.” he admitted. He bent over with a groan and rummaged amongst the bags for the vials he had purchased.

“Where _is_ she?!” Harry muttered, annoyed.

The hours passed slowly. At last Harry had to accept that there was no way Ginny could see him now. Dusk was falling, and he was idly gazing out of a window which almost had a view of Hogwarts, and was imagining what Ginny was doing when he noticed a black speck nearing him.

He frowned. An owl? Now?

The owl flew unerringly to his window and dropped a letter into his waiting hand. Without even landing, it swooped around and flew back to the castle.

_Harry,_

_I’m pretty sure you’ve been waiting at the flat, expecting me to just show up as if nothing had happened between us. Well, it did. Something big happened between us and until you get things sorted in your head, and decide what it is you truly want, I’m not going to come anywhere near you._

_So, let me know what you want._

_Our future is in your hands._

_Ginny_

Harry glared angrily at the letter. She was blaming him for their argument?! She had been the one who had failed to see the sense in what he had been saying! And truly, she couldn’t _want_ to play Quidditch in all weathers. It was downright silly of her not to see that his ideas were best.

_So, she wants me to work out what I want?_ He thought viciously, _and if it isn’t what she wants she’ll call the wedding off?_ He curled his lips back. It sounded very like an ultimatum to him.

 

And Harry **hated** ultimatums.

 

*********************************


	25. Chapter 24

We own nothing Harry Potter. We make no money from this story.

 

Chapter 24

 

Harry growled and crumpled up the note from Ginny, throwing it to the floor and kicking it into the fireplace. He muttered "Incendio!" and it turned into a pile of ash.

 

"Problem?" Severus asked delicately.

 

"She's got a bloody nerve giving _me_ an ultimatum!" Harry huffed.

 

"And who would "she" be?" Severus asked, although he knew perfectly well who "she" was.

 

"Ginny!" Harry exploded, "she's sent me a fucking _ultimatum_! Told me to work out what _I_ want! I _know_ what I want! I want her to stop being so bloody stupid!"

 

Severus shot an eyebrow upwards at that, but before he could say anything, another owl landed at the window. He made to get the letter it was carrying, but Harry brushed past him and reached it first.

 

"Right," Harry said in an unpleasant tone, "she's seen the sense of it now I'll bet, and wants to apologise. Maybe I'll just let _her_ sit and stew a bit! See how _she_ likes it!"

 

Harry unfastened the letter from the owl and it left immediately again. Severus watched as he turned the letter over and froze. Harry snapped his head up and glared at Severus, walked over, slapped the letter into his hands and ground out, "It's for you."

 

Severus looked at the writing on the envelope and recognised Ginny's handwriting. That explained Harry's reaction. He turned it over and opened it, drawing out the contents.

 

_Dear Severus,_

_I sent Harry a letter just a bit ago which has probably made him angry, but I don't care at this point. As you've no doubt noticed, I didn't come to tea today, nor will I be coming until Harry sorts out just exactly what he wants concerning our future._

_I'm sorry that you had to witness the row we had last week, and I'm sorry if he's taking all this out on you. I know he's angry, but I'm standing my ground on this. I know you heard what he said to me, and I can't believe he's being so selfish and so uncaring of the things I want. I can't believe all that came out of his mouth, because that isn't the Harry I thought I knew and loved. I mean, I do still love him, but I certainly don't **like** him very much right now!_

_At any rate, I'm sorry not to have been able to visit and talk with you today. But it means a lot to me, especially right now, that you can understand how I feel about things. I hope Harry comes to his senses soon, and that he isn't being a total prat to you, whinging about everything. And I hope you know I'm not angry with **you**. I hope we can still be friends at least._

_Ginny_

 

Severus looked up from the letter to find Harry glaring daggers at him, definitely not pleased.

 

"What's it say?" he snapped belligerently.

 

"I believe that is between myself and Ginevra," Severus said evenly.

 

"What's she writing to you for?!" Harry exploded again, "what? Wants you to take _her_ side? She actually think she makes sense? She think she can just threaten to call off the wedding if I don't see her way of things?!"

 

Severus frowned and said, "Are you listening to yourself, Harry?"

 

"Yeah, I'm listening to myself!" Harry shouted, "and good thing, cause I'm the only one making sense! You heard what she said last week, what she screamed at me! Why would she want to go play a stupid game instead of get married?! What'd she take the bloody ring for if she didn't want to get married?! And why are you taking her side! You're the one who encouraged me to propose to her! Why the fuck would you support her going off to play Quidditch instead of getting married then?!"

 

"I think you should calm down," Severus said, damping down his own rising temper with difficulty.

 

"Calm down?!?" Harry shreiked, "Why the fuck should I calm down!! I..."

 

But Severus had had enough. "Because you're behaving like a spoiled child!" he thundered. " _Listen_ to yourself!! You're as arrogant and big-headed as your father ever was! You're having a temper tantrum because your fiancee has expressed the wish to be something other than the wife of the great Harry Potter!"

 

Before Harry had a chance to refute that Severus continued on as only Severus could. 

 

"Oh aren't we just so _very_ full of ourself, Mr. Potter? Why, whyever _shouldn't_ Miss Weasley be completely fulfilled with your ring on her finger and spewing out brat after Potter brat? What else could there possibly be in life that could compare to _that_? It's not enough that she's willing to marry you in the first place, no, she must do so immediately simply because the illustrious Mr. Potter deems it so. And why not? After all, why shouldn't we all bow down to you, you have, after all, saved every on of us. We all owe you our undying gratitude, why shouldn't we cater to you? She especially, since you were good enough to take her back after you returned from your quest. The one she didn't question you must do. The one she didn't _want_ you to go on, but nonetheless loved you enough to _let_ you go on. And why shouldn't she? After all, _you_ should be allowed to do anything you take it into your head to do! You're the great Harry Potter! The Wizarding World's Saviour! Yes, and why shouldn't you be an Auror? It's what _you_ want to do, nevermind that _she_ doesn't want you running around throwing yourself into danger, no, it's what _you_ want to do. But then, her opinion doesn't count, does it? She doesn't deserve the same consideration she's shown you, because she's just the little woman, isn't she? All she need concern herself with is keeping _you_ happy. That should be satisfying and fulfilling enough for any girl, shouldn't it? Especially when you deign to impregnate her with _your_ children. What woman in her right mind _wouldn't_ want to be the great Harry Potter's brat factory?"

 

Severus stopped to take a breath, looking at the boy who was now hanging his head in shame. It hurt Severus to have to be so harsh, but the boy must be shown the error of his ways. Although Severus had gotten over his hatred of James Potter, the truth was still that he had been arrogant and at times uncaring of others feelings, not just Severus'. Lily had wanted to be an Auror as well, and James had put an end to that dream for her, claiming she didn't need to work. Lily had gone along with it, because she loved James, but some of the light had gone out of her emerald eyes after. Severus didn't want Harry to be the cause of that same sort of thing in Ginny.

 

"Harry," Severus began in a gentler tone, but the boy turned away, and Severus knew he was fighting tears and mortified. "You either want to be in a partnership, or you don't. A marriage, like any partnership, is about compromise. She isn't stopping you from having your dream job, why should you stop her from hers?"

 

The younger man's face was still turned away, but he drew his arm up to swipe at his eyes. He nodded, not able to find the words to acknowledge to Severus just how immature he had been, nor able to find the words to thank the other man for helping him.

 

Severus didn't mind the silence. He understood.

 

**************************************

 

Here's the bit where you hit the "Review" button and tell us what you think! :D


	26. Chapter 25

We own nothing Harry Potter. We make no money from this story.

 

Chapter 25

 

It was the last Quidditch match of the season: Gryffindor versus Ravenclaw, and the stadium was filling as usual with the students and family members come to see their offspring. Harry felt oddly out of place amongst the happy throngs. For so many years Hogwarts had been his home, had been where he had felt safe (despite it overwhelmingly not being a safe location for him) and where he had felt happy. Now though, his stomach churned with apprehension. How quickly things changed. It wasn’t just the fear that was making Hogwarts seem hostile to him, it was the fact that Severus wasn’t with him, and the older man had become a very important part of his life. 

Over two weeks had passed since Severus had told him a few painful home truths, and Harry could honestly say he’d never given Snape’s words such close attention before. He had tried to justify his own views in his mind, but even to himself, his justifications had sounded weak. Finally, he had consciously accepted what he had unconsciously realised earlier: Severus had been right, he had been wrong and stupid to expect Ginny to give up everything she had wanted so that she could become his wife. He felt his face burn with shame as he remembered his actions and words to her.

He settled in the stands, sitting with the teaching staff rather than with the Gryffindors. House loyalties seemed so childish to him now; people had stood together and defeated the Dark Lord, what did it matter which House you had been in? His musings occupied him whilst the two teams flew out. He shook himself and looked for Ginny. She wasn’t too difficult to spot, her shining red hair was tied neatly back to prevent it whipping in her eyes. There was a determined look in those eyes that made all of Harry’s guilt and fear begin anew.

Harry enjoyed the game. Even worrying over what he would say to Ginny, he still appreciated the skill shown by her. She was easily the best flier out there, and seemed able to make her broom dance and jiggle its way out of problems that ensnared other players.

It came as no surprise to him that Gryffindor won. 

The team landed and crowded around the seeker, triumphantly holding the snitch. Ginny thumped him on his back, making him cough. The players laughed and grinned as they walked off the pitch to the cheers of their peers.

Those in the stands began to move. Harry went with them, but fought against the flow returning to school to reach Ginny who was now apart from the rest of the team, an uncertain look on her face as she talked earnestly with an older woman who held a piece of parchment.

“Harry?” she said, eyes widening as she spotted him, “I didn’t realise you were here.” She glanced at the other woman, indecision written clear across her freckled face. “Er… Harry, this is Gwenog Jones.”

“Of the Harpies?” He said enthusiastically, holding his hand out. “What an honour!”

The woman smiled lightly, “Harry Potter is honoured to meet me? Surely that should be the other way around?”

He shook his head, dismissing her words. “What I did I didn’t do alone.” A thought suddenly struck him. “Much like in Quidditch, no one person wins or loses a match, it’s a team effort. Well, it should be a team effort. Any team that wants to win had better learn to work together, right?” He looked at Ginny, hoping she understood he was trying to apologise.

Gwenog smiled. “It’s charming to hear you share the credit for You-Know-Who’s defeat. But I imagine you are right, you did not succeed alone. And, now, if I might have a word with Miss Weasley, I believe she can help the Holyhead Harpies succeed.”

Ginny glanced at Harry, her cheeks red. 

Harry met her glance and gave her a slow smile.

Her own face beamed. She reached for the quill Gwenog had produced from an inside pocket and signed the contract happily. She returned the quill and stood beside Harry, letting her hand fall into his.

“Congratulations, Miss Weasley. I look forward to practising with you in the coming months.” The older woman nodded to the pair, noticing the clasped hands, but made no comment on them. She turned away and made for the path back to the castle where Minerva McGonagall could just be seen, waiting for the guest.

Ginny squealed. “I can’t believe it! Harry! Did you see?”

“I’d be hard pressed to _not_ see,” he grinned, squeezing her hand tightly. He swallowed. “Look, Gin, I’m really sor…”

She stopped him with a ‘shush’. “I know,” she said softly.

Harry gave her a rueful smile. “It’s what I love about you, you always do.” He paused before adding, “I was such an idiot.”

She gave him a tentative smile before replying, “I know,” she waited before going on, “and I know we’ll both no doubt be idiots again in the future.” She looked vaguely concerned as she said it. After all, she wasn’t sure if they _had_ a future. 

He nodded, reassuring her, feeling the knot in his stomach ease. He leaned in to kiss her, not caring that they were in a very public place. “I love you,” he murmured, slipping his free hand around her waist.

Just before his lips touched hers, she whispered, “I know," and smiled warmly.

He gave a low laugh and repeated, "I do love you, Ginny, so much."

She kissed him for only the briefest of moments before replying, "You know I love you too, right?"

He smiled against her mouth, the fear that had gripped him completely gone with her words. He hadn’t completely ruined things with her. “I know.”

******************************


	27. Chapter 26

We own nothing Harry Potter. We make no money from this story.

 

Chapter 26

 

Later, Harry would wonder what his huge rush had been about. He'd completed Auror Training, and Ginny had made a name for herself with the Harpies in seemingly no time at all. The three years of his training had passed incredibly fast, and soon enough he found himself waking up on his wedding day. As he got out of bed, he could hardly believe it. And even though the time had passed quickly, a lot had happened since he and Ginny had argued over his selfishness. He still went cold when he considered just how close he had been to throwing everything away with Ginny. God he had been an arrogant prick!

Harry couldn't even begin to catalogue all the ways that Severus had helped him as he had prepared for the wedding, for Ginny playing her first match, his Auror exams, and all the day to day stuff that went largely unnoticed but which made his life that much more enjoyable. Severus always had a witty or scathing (sometimes both!) comment when he returned from his work, and he marvelled at how his once hated Potions Master had now become such an integral and _necessary_ part of his life.

Harry stepped into the shower pondering just how much Severus had come to mean to him. His heart lightened when he saw Severus, and he had caught himself smiling ridiculously sometimes when he thought of the older man. But Severus still had the ability to infuriate him, to challenge him, to push him to be the best that he could be. He wasn't always sure whether or not he wanted that push. He dreamed dreams sometimes where he finally managed to win a verbal argument with the man. The other dreams he couldn't remember about Snape made his stomach churn, made tension twist in his gut...

Tension twisted in Severus' gut as he contemplated the wedding. He thought about what this day meant for Harry....and for himself. He was glad Harry had someone he trusted, someone he loved, but a little voice within him wouldn't be quieted. _I could give him all that._ Sometimes, Severus dreamed that Harry won an argument with him by the simple act of kissing Severus. Other dreams, dreams he tried not to think about during the day, made his body ache with longing, and his heart pound in his chest. He wasn't quite sure when his feelings for Harry had changed, but he knew they weren't just physical. He'd, somewhere along the line, come to love the boy, not only as Lily's son, and certainly not as his own son. No matter how Harry looked upon him.  
But, he wanted him to be happy; had encouraged it. And sadly, given Severus’ own feelings, it was Ginny, not Severus, who made Harry happy in the way he deserved.

_I hope I can make Harry as happy as he deserves._

Ginny stared at herself in the mirror. Her long red hair flowed silkily down her back. She shivered a little, not sure why. Sometimes she could almost swear that Severus looked oddly at her, not like the benign father-figure he had become, but something more intense. Yet, whenever she thought she had seen that look, it was gone before she could be sure. Perhaps she was just seeing Severus looking intense over another issue.

*****************************

Harry stood beside Ginny, so pleased and proud she was to be his wife. He looked at Ron standing on the other side of him, and smiled. He was happy to have Ron there, his best friend, and even happier at Ron's delight that he was marrying his baby sister, but he couldn't help but feel a small sense of disappointment that it was Ron instead of Severus standing beside him as he took this huge step. He understood Severus' reasons -- he couldn't be there as himself for safety's sake - -but still Harry had wanted him there. Severus who had always been there for him, even when Harry hadn't realised he was. Severus who had always looked after him. Harry needed to know the older man was there. Would always be there.

The ceremony had been beautiful. Simple. Elegant. Everything it should have been. Severus was happy to be standing on the sidelines, not anyone's focus of attention. Even polyjuiced he felt exposed. He could only guess what he would have felt like had he accepted Harry's request to be best man. He had wanted it. Had wanted to stand at Harry’s side, but he had known it would be too difficult, too exposed. More than he could take.

As classical music played, the new Mr and Mrs Potter mingled with their guests, smiling and accepting congratulations. Severus avoided the general crush, he merely nodded to Harry, one eyebrow raised, a smile on his lips. Harry beamed before turning his attention back to the group about him.

Skirting around the outer edges of the crowds, Severus was able to watch the couple without being watched in return, just as he liked it to be. The band began playing a formal dance tune and the groups of chattering people dispersed into the traditional formation. He smiled indulgently as he watched Harry stumble on Ginny’s dress.

His smile faded when he realised who he was suddenly standing beside: Lucius Malfoy. Quite how the blond had managed to wangle an invitation he didn't know, nor did he care, so long as the other man didn't ruin Harry's day. Severus nodded coldly to the man.

“And how do you know the couple?” Seemingly unaware of the other man’s hostility, Malfoy asked the conventional question.

Severus bit back the expletive he was thinking. “I work with Harry,” he said, the lie tripping easily off his tongue.

“Oh?” the sound held a nuance of disbelief in it.

“And you?” Severus asked, wondering just how Malfoy had managed to get to an invite-only wedding.

“I scarcely know them,” Lucius admitted, “but the invite for Deanna Trey had “plus one”. She graciously requested that I escort her.”

Knowing Deanna, and knowing Malfoy, the poor woman had probably had no choice. Severus sneered slightly, angry that the blond was here.

“You do remind me of someone.” He tapped his bottom lip with one finger, as though struggling to remember who. 

“Oh yes, I know who you make me think of: Severus Snape.” 

Severus felt his breath leave his body in a rush.

Lucius' tone was casual, almost friendly, but his next words were not. "I have spent numerous years watching that man sneer at me. Perhaps he thought that his actions had been unnoticed, or forgotten. Malfoy's never forget. We retain all things, explore their intricacies and then … we exploit.” He dropped all pretence and directly addressed the younger man. “And now I know I can recognise you, Severus, whatever skin you may have on. Never forget that."

*****************************************

Reviews are welcomed and very much appreciated!


	28. Chapter 27

We own nothing Harry Potter. We make no money from this story.

 

Chapter 27

 

Severus sat alone in the flat that night, a glass of brandy swirling idly in his hand. Ginny and Harry had flown off together on a broomstick to their secret honeymoon destination. Secret to all but Severus, as he had helped Harry choose the perfect place.

He could still smell the fresh June air as it had come off those wild Scottish hills that Harry has selected as the perfect spot for he and Ginny to exchange their vows. His face darkened as he recalled how Lucius' unwelcome visit had tainted that pure air, but even that had had a more pleasant side-effect - Harry, in the unlikely role of knight errant, had rushed to Severus' side with:

"Lucius Malfoy, I don't recall your name on the invite list. Why are you here at my wedding, badgering my guests?" 

Lucius, in his typically arrogant way had replied "Ah. Auror Potter. Far be it for me to miss the social event of the season. After all, it isn't everyday the _saviour_ of our world takes a bride.” The blond’s lip had curled into a sneer, “And a lovely bride she is," Lucius had finished with a contemptuous look at Ginny that had set Harry's teeth on edge. 

Severus had been trapped by the sheer ferocity Harry seemed to be holding in check. His green eyes were hard and dangerous, his fists clenched, and Severus had been ridiculously pleased that Harry felt so strongly about _him_

And then Ginny had joined in.

Malfoy," Ginny's voice had been cold, as cold as Harry's had been, and she had glowered at the older man without any sign of fear or concern. "To what do we owe this ‘pleasure’? I'm sure you didn't just come here to see a pureblood sully herself by marrying a half blood. Oh, but wait...he's the Saviour. That makes _all_ the difference, doesn't it?" she had spat nastily.

"How delightfully you treat your guests," Lucius had observed lightly, almost as if he hadn't noticed the sudden drop in temperature in his immediate vicinity.

"You are no guest of ours," Ginny had started, and Harry had continued, 

"However you manipulated yourself an invite, you are no guest of ours."

Lucius had drawn himself up, sneer in place, arrogance personified as he had eyed the newlyweds before turning to Severus. “’Well, well, he was the covert'st shelter'd traitor/that ever lived’” 

Ginny had looked blank for a moment, before fury had sparked in her brown eyes. "How dare you!" she had almost shrieked, drawing some of the guests’ attentions to the group.

"I do not dare, _Mrs. Potter,_ " Lucius had scoffed, “ _I_ am a Malfoy,”

With that, he had smirked at the trio and walked away. Just before he had vanished over the crest of the hill, Severus had faintly heard more words come floating back to them, “’Letting ‘I dare not’ wait upon ‘I would’ like the poor cat in th’adage’”

 

Severus sighed. He hated it when Lucius made these cryptic comments. It always drove him insane trying to decipher what the blond had intended by them.

Even now, some six hours after, his brain was still straining for the elusive way that the quotation applied to him.

He rubbed his aching head and thought back over what he knew. The "adage" mentioned was an old one - a cat had wanted a fish, yet had been unwilling to enter a stream to catch one, not daring to wet its paws. So how did that apply to _him_?

He could not rest, turning it over and over in his mind....which had most likely been Lucius' intent all along.

Damn the man! _How_ had he managed to talk his way out of Azkaban anyway? Only to continue to torment Severus as always. And _how_ had he known it was him?

It took another three glasses of brandy before Severus thought he saw the application to him. He was the cat, afraid of getting his paws wet, or to put it another way, he was the one afraid of living his life. He was the one saying 'I dare not' when it came to actually _living_ his life.

Life. Living his life. It was still a novel idea to him. He never thought he'd live past....

He frowned into the fire. Damn Malfoy. Damn Harry. Damn damn _damn_ Ginny for taking Harry from him.

A small voice in his head - the part of him unaffected by the fine alcohol spoke up: She didn't take Harry; Severus had spent too long not daring to speak and now Ginny had won.

Damn, _damn, **damn**_ Malfoy for doing this to him!

Severus had been content to watch, to be the friend to them both, had resolved to keep his own feelings hidden away, and then Lucius Malfoy had turned everything on its head – turned Severus’ world upside down by making him dream things he had no business dreaming.

_Harry is not mine._ Severus thought. _All I ever really owned of him was the memory of his mother._

Another glass of brandy slid down his throat.

_That will have to be enough,_ he thought, even as his brain screamed at him to claim what was his.

“’Letting ‘I dare not’ wait upon ‘I would’…” Lucius words buzzed hollowly in his head. He fumed, sitting still in his chair. It wasn’t a case of “letting” something happen, the time had never been right to share what he felt. He had never had the chance to tell Harry the truth.

“’Letting ‘I dare not’ wait upon ‘I would’…” it echoed in his brain. He could almost swear someone was saying it out loud so that it distorted in the air as it twanged into his mind.

He poured the remnants of the brandy into his glass. “I fuckin’ dare!” he slurred and dashed back the last of the drink. “Lucius won’t make me into his bloody cat!”

He swayed a little and closed his eyes, anger making red dots dance before them.

And in the morning, head pounding, Severus made a stupid decision – he would no longer be the ‘poor cat’. The time had come to say ‘I would’ not ‘I dare not’ to Harry. 

 

\---

**********************  
We like reviews!


	29. Chapter 28

We own nothing Harry Potter. We make no money from this story.

 

Chapter 28

 

The time had come to say _"I would"_ , not _"I dare not"_ to Harry.

To a man who _only that day_ had married his childhood sweetheart.

What was he thinking? Harry had made his decision. Had made it clear, so who was Severus to think he had the right to indulge his own selfishness purely to spite Lucius? Still, Malofy's words had resonated, and Severus saw that he had been afraid to live his life. 

No longer.

**************************

Harry and Ginny returned to the Hogsmeade flat to find a determined looking Severus waiting to greet them. They were caught up in the glow of their holiday together, and clung to one another; both with huge, silly grins on their faces and eyes for only each other. 

Severus felt an uncharacteristic nervousness at facing them, his resolve wavering a bit in the face of their obvious happiness, yet it was that obvious happiness that made him conquer that nervousness and firm his resolve. 

Ginny's few things and most of Harry's had already been removed to the house Harry had spent the last three years planning and building as his wedding gift to his bride. Severus knew they had returned to the flat only to gather the last of Harry's things to take with them to the house that was to be their first real home. 

Severus' own things were already packed and waiting to be taken to Spinner's End. 

He wasn't exactly sure how to go about telling Harry of his true feelings, and he wasn't delusional nor naive enough to think that Harry would suddenly fly into his arms. He knew his announcement would cause deep anguish for all three of them. Ginny had begun to look on him as a friend, almost a father, and now he was going to shatter her faith in him? He was, essentially, destroying Ginny Weasley's....no..... Ginny _Potter's_.....life, but Severus hoped, perhaps fruitlessly, that she would eventually understand. And Harry? What would happen with himself and Harry? How could he – Severus – continue living with them or even seeing them knowing that Harry did not feel the same depth of affection? Worse, how could _Ginny_ stay if Severus’ feelings _were_ returned? Even if nothing ever came of his declaration, and he fervently, if selfishly, hoped that not to be true, at least he _would_ have, he would have _dared_ instead of _dared not_. 

Now all he had to do was wait for an opportune moment.

****************************

That moment came a bit later when he was in his room, assuring himself he'd packed everything, and Harry stuck his head round the door.

"Ready to go, Sev?" Harry asked, a happy smile on his face, emerald eyes gleaming.

"Yes," Severus answered after a deep breath, "I've already sent most of my things ahead to Spinner's End..."

The smile dissolved into a frown as Harry said, "Spinner's End? Why would you send your things there? You aren't going to Spinner's End."

"Of course I'm going to Spinner's End," Severus replied, his own frown creasing his features, "it is still my home. Where else would I go?"

Harry's face lit back up as he said, "Beside the fact that Ginny and I have something to show you...a surprise for you, there's no way you're going back to Spinner's End, Sev. It was dangerous enough when we were there, but with Lucius Malfoy knowing for certain you're alive now, there's no way, Sev."

"Harry," Severus began with a sigh, "I've spent more years than you've been alive evading Lucius Malfoy and all his malicious intent......"

"Severus," Harry said firmly, coming forward to put a hand on the older man's arm, "you're not going back there. Lucius Malfoy has got it in for you, you’re the ultimate traitor, and now he knows for certain you're alive. The Auror office is watching him, but that's not enough, even Kingsley agrees, and he's said as well you're not to go back there. Look, it's beside the point anyway. You're coming with us. We have something to show you."

The green eyes held his, implacably, and Severus sighed. Fine, he thought to himself, he would simply stay in the flat then. He would be closer to Harry that way at least.

"Very well," he sighed, "I will do as you ask and not return to _my home_ ," he said pointedly, not being able to resist a bit of his customary snark, "I would, however, like a word with you. There is....something I wish to tell you."

"Great!" Harry enthused, relieved that Severus wasn't going to give him a huge argument, "but tell me later. Right now, I want you to come with us to see your surprise." He tugged at the arm he still grasped, pulling Severus along towards the door, "Ginny's waiting," he added.

Into the living room they went, where a beaming Ginny was indeed waiting. 

"All ready for your surprise, Severus?" she asked him with a laugh.

"Even though I abhor "surprises", I suppose I have no choice," Severus said evenly. They were both so obviously eager to spring this "surprise" on him that even he couldn't find it in himself to inject much malice into it.

Ginny just laughed and said, "Well, I hope this one will change your mind. I think you'll like it, Severus. We hope you do." 

She smiled at Harry, and Severus could see her love for him shine through. It made his heart hurt, and he couldn't help but feel a twinge of jealousy; however, behind that he also felt the fondness that had grown in him for the girl. He wished he didn't have to hurt her like he was going to.

"Hold on!" Harry said exultantly, and disapparated himself and Severus away. 

*****************************

They apparated into a large, comfortable looking living room, the smell of new paint and furniture sharp in Severus' nose. Ginny appeared beside them a moment later.

"We're still calling it the Shrieking Shack for the moment," Harry told Severus, "until we think of something better."

"Isn't it beautiful?" Ginny said softly, next to him. "I can't believe this is our _home_!" she said wonderingly, "it's so big, and.....it's _ours_!"

Severus couldn't help but feel a bit slighted and jealous that Harry would bring him to his and Ginny's new home, but he swallowed his feelings and forced a smile. "Yes..." he said faintly, "quite lovely. Harry's wedding gift for you."

She beamed back at him, and Severus felt slightly sick. 

"That's not the best part though," she said smugly, "come on. Have the grand tour and we'll show you the _best_ part." 

Severus' mind instantly revolted at the thought that she would show him their bedroom. He didn't think he could bear _that_.

As they walked him through, Ginny chattering the whole while about each room, Severus tried gallantly to brace himself for the inevitable. At last they stood in front of one of only two closed doors. 

"We saved the best for last," Harry said quietly, with a meaningful look at his wife. He reached in front of Severus to open the door, and Severus caught himself holding his breath, staving off the pain and jealousy he knew would come stabbing through him.

The dreaded door opened, not to reveal a massive double bed as expected, but a rather cosy sitting room lined with bookshelves and smelling of the obviously new and handsome leather chair and sofa sitting in front of an equally cosy fireplace.

Harry pulled him inside, Ginny bringing up the rear, and said, pointing as he went, "This is the sitting room, there's a bedroom through there, a small kitchen through there, the loo and bath, and.....this." He crossed the room and threw open a door leading into......a potion's lab??

Seeing the confusion Severus could feel on his own face, Harry smiled, putting his arm around Ginny, drawing her close and said, "It's for you, Sev. Your own suite. Ours is through the door next to yours."

For several moments all Severus could do was stare at them, stunned speechless. They wanted him to live _with_ them??

As Severus continued to gape, both Harry and Ginny laughed delightedly, Ginny commented jokingly, "Well we've finally done it, Harry. We've actually left our grumpy old Potions Master speechless. Not a snark in sight!"

That sparked something in Severus and he blurted, "No...this...this is ....very kind of you both. Very thoughtful, but......" He trailed off, not knowing what to say, touched by the kindness of these two beautiful young people, and also feeling his resolve at what he wished to tell Harry slipping. 

He closed his eyes momentarily, gathering his courage, determined to keep his resolve. He would decline, retreat to the flat, and later ask Harry for a private word. He made a plan, and steeled himself against anything they might say. Having satisfied himself, he opened his eyes and cleared his throat.

"This is very kind of you both," he said evenly, "however, I cannot accept. You've just married. You do not want me living here with you...."

"Told you he'd say that," Ginny snickered to Harry, who scowled at her good naturedly.

Severus' ire was raised at that. How dare they joke about him! He didn't need their charity, he could make his own way, and Lucius Malfoy be damned! He looked at Ginny smiling at him with that "I told you so" look and felt a vicious jab streak through his mind. Just you wait, girl, he thought maliciously.

"Come on, Sev," Harry said, "you're not going back to Spinner's End. You can't, the Auror office won't allow it. Where else are you going to go?"

"I do _not_ need your charity, Mr. Potter," Severus said icily, feeling horribly betrayed. He _was_ just a job to the boy then. "Nor do I need your precious Auror office's _protection_. As I told you, I have been evading an evil far greater than Lucius Malfoy and his pathetic maliciousness for longer than you've been alive, _Auror_ Potter. I am quite capable of taking care of myself. I do not need the Saviour and his wife to take pity on me!"

Harry's hand on his arm pulling him back stopped his dramatic exit, and forced Severus to turn, intending to shoot his best glare. The hurt in those beloved green eyes caused him to falter however, and then he was trapped.

"It's not pity for you, Severus," Harry said quietly, "if anything, it's pity for me. I can't just let you go, turn my back on you. You....you're my past...the closest thing I have to my parents....my mother.....you're.....you're my _family_. I want you here where I can be with you and take care of you, and not have to worry that someone will take you away from me."

Severus found himself breathless at those words, his heart swelling and pounding in his chest. But he wouldn't say such things in front of his wife and mean them in the way that Severus wanted him to. He tore his gaze away from Harry to look quickly at Ginny.

She stepped closer and said, "You and I have become good friends, Severus, and Harry loves you. You're _our_ family, and we both want you here with us. It isn't pity, it's love. We love you and care about you, and we want you here with us. Both of us. We're doing this because we want to, not because we feel sorry for you, or we think we owe you something. We want you here because you're part of our family. Simple as that."

Severus stared at her, a terrible flood of guilt crashing through him. He looked back at Harry, who said simply, "Please don't go, Severus."

How could he refuse those green eyes? Lily's eyes, and for a moment Severus was transported back in time to when it _had_ been Lily's eyes. She too had beseeched him not to go, not to make the biggest mistake of his life, but he had anyway. As it had then, his resolve wavered. 

But unlike then, it didn't buck itself up again. This time, in the face of Harry's eyes and the risk of perhaps the second biggest mistake of his life, it crashed completely. 

They both read it in his face, and Harry said, a hopeful note in his voice, "You'll stay then? With your family?"

After a moment Severus finally told him, "Yes, I'll stay, Harry. You are my family."

He ignored the waning moans of his resolve, and found himself with an armful of happy Ginny Potter as she laughed and hugged him tightly, gasping in shock, not at the suddenness of her attack, but at what he felt entwined through her magic.

"Severus?" Harry frowned at him, "are you alright?"

Ginny drew back from Severus, whose arms were now rigid around her. "Severus?" she asked, "did I hurt you?"

Severus could only look at her, his inner resolve now consigning itself to a painful death, before he blurted, "You're pregnant."

******************************

Please review and let us know what you think!


	30. Chapter 29

We own nothing Harry Potter. We make no money from this story.

 

Thank you to all our reviewers! A special thanks to Christina for your lovely review, and a _very_ special thanks to Black Phoenix for all your reviews! We both appreciate very much your taking the time to review each and every chapter and letting us know what you think. Really, we're simply speechless! You are _awesome_!

 

Chapter 29

 

Ginny drew back from Severus to look at him, a curious smile on her face. He hurriedly let go of her, his eyes darting to Harry, then down before he quickly schooled his features into something, he hoped, less shocked.

"I...I'm sorry," he said faintly, "you most likely..."

Severus swayed very slightly on the spot, as if feeling faint. He mastered himself abruptly and tried to appear in control, although he felt anything but.

Ginny glanced at her husband, who seemed frozen to the spot, then back at Severus. With a small laugh she said, "I...well...I mean...I don't think so.” She sounded almost apologetic as she refuted his claim. “I mean.....Well, I would _know_ if I am, right? And I don't think I am. I...I don't have...I don't feel sick, or...anything."

"You _could_ be," Harry said after an audible gulp, "I mean..." He couldn't help the rather loopy grin that started across his face, along with the flush of embarrassment.

"Well.. _yeah_ ," Ginny replied, a similar smile and flush spreading across her face. She cut her eyes to Severus, then back to her husband and said, "But… I don't think I am."

Severus’ stomach churned. A violent mixture of emotions were roiling in his gut. He identified embarrassment, regret, sharp jealousy, and yet still others he struggled to name. He tried to excuse himself to his rooms where he wished to lie down and slowly die, but this release was not granted.

Harry cleared his throat, and in an attempt to sound adult and in control of the situation, swallowed his embarrassment and asked, "Why do you think she is, Sev?"

Pulling his face to rights, and sternly telling his rebellious stomach to _stop_ trying to expel his food, Severus sighed deeply and said, "I…felt the child's magical signature when you embraced me, Ginny. I'm terribly sorry for ...ruining what should be... a private moment. I am quite sure you did not wish to learn of your impending motherhood like this.”

Ginny flashed a look to Harry, her face twisting slightly into a grimace. “No…” she said hesitantly, “not at all. I’m… I’m glad you’re here to share this news with us. Even if it _is_ news to us too!”

Severus felt the world’s worst man alive. He had ruined this special moment for Ginny and Harry. “I’m sorry,” he said fervently.

Ginny saw the slump in his shoulders and gently touched the side of his face. “No, Severus, don’t be. This is wonderful news,” she spoke softly and with conviction, “I’m glad my _family_ is here to share it with me. You just caught me a little off guard is all.”

She paused before adding, a mischievous smile on his face, "But you won't mind I check it out with Madam Pomfrey as well, will you?"

"By all means," Severus said, struggling to hide his own desolation, and smile.

"We should go now," Harry blurted suddenly.

"Go now?" Ginny laughed.

"Yes!" Harry said, coming to life, "we should go and have her check you out now! If you are pregnant we should find out as quickly as possible. Don’t you agree, Sev?”

Severus felt his heart squeeze at the repetition of his shorter name – the name only Harry used. The only person allowed to use the diminutive. Severus felt a burst of possessiveness wash through him. It was _theirs_. 

He forced another smile to his face and said, "Yes. Of course. You should go."

Harry's brow furrowed momentarily as the emerald eyes gazed at him, but smoothed themselves as Ginny laughed again and said, "Alright, alright. You may be wrong though. I don't _feel_ any different. At all."

_I wish_ , Severus thought sourly, _I wish I were wrong!_

"Still," Harry said, looking back at Severus fondly, "Sev's a powerful wizard, Gin. If he says you are, I'll bet you are."

Severus just wanted them to go, or for himself to abandon all dignity and run and hide. He couldn't bear this. It made his head ache and his heart clench painfully, and all he wanted was to be alone with his anguish.

He knew what he had felt when the girl had embraced him, and he knew Poppy would confirm what he'd already blurted out, and his heart was bleeding over it. A baby. Ginny and his Harry's baby. Even though Harry didn't know of Severus' true feelings for him, Severus still couldn't help feeling betrayed that _his_ chance with Harry had been stopped before it could even have possibly begun. His throat closed over as he considered all the 'might have beens', if only Ginny hadn't married Harry, if only Ginny hadn't become pregnant...

He had lost his chance, he would have to accept that and reserve this longings for dreams only; he would never break up a family. And, even if he was the type of person to do so, Harry clearly didn't feel the same way. A deep friendship, a close bond, was the closest thing Severus would ever have with Harry. It would have to be enough. Severus' impassive face showed nothing of the torment he felt, watching the couple and knowing his own heart was being crushed and stamped on.

He watched the happy couple as they flooed off to have the news confirmed, and wondered what he'd do now.

Alone, Severus prowled the rooms, hating his own restlessness. He knew that Poppy would be confirming what he had already said. He knew he was right. The magical signature had been obvious to him – a mixture of Ginny’s unique trail mixed with his Harry’s familiar sense. It had made his heart stop for a moment, sensing Harry within Ginny – sensing the proof of their love.

His lip curled. Even in his mind he was sounding like an idiotic school girl! He chided himself strongly: What had he expected? That Harry would have gone on his _honeymoon_ and come back hating the woman?

His mind circled uselessly, going back over and over the same ground. His own feelings were going to have to be locked away forever. He would become a friend and nothing more – which was how Harry viewed him. Frustration welled within him at the sheer unfairness of life. He had lost Lily to James Potter, and Harry, who he had despised as child, who had grown into a fine young man, was taken from him before he had even had a chance to stake his claim.

And, what made it worse was that he _liked_ Ginny. He didn’t want to hurt her. Unlike James Potter, whom he had detested. He wanted her to be happy – just not with Harry.

His mind still whirled on and on, re-treading the same points, the same grievances until the noise of the fire startled him.

They were back.

Harry appeared first, staggering a little as he strode from the fireplace. He turned at once and waited for Ginny. Carefully, as if she were a hot house flower, he assisted her from the floo.

That was all the confirmation Severus needed.

\---

********************


	31. Chapter 30

We own nothing Harry Potter. We make no money from this story.

 

Chapter 30

 

Harry held Ginny’s elbow as he helped her sit down. Severus’s heart was quietly  
shattering. Up until that moment he had hoped, desperately, stupidly, that he had been  
wrong, that Ginny wasn’t pregnant, and that he could tell Harry the truth.

But all of that had been destroyed in that moment when Severus had realised that Ginny  
was indeed carrying Harry’s baby.

 

"You were right, Sev," Harry said excitedly as he settled Ginny onto the sofa, "Poppy says she's just barely two weeks along, which is why Ginny couldn't tell herself, but the test is positive. I'm going to be a _father_!"

“Congratulations,” Severus said quietly, feeling very weary and hoping it didn't show in his actions. The excitement and awe in Harry's voice dug at his heart. He knew how important family was to Harry. It had been all he'd ever wanted. 

 

And now he had it.

 

 

*********************************

 

 

The months passed, and Harry was the perfect husband--caring and considerate, and always solicitous of Ginny's comfort and well being. He worried incessantly when the morning sickness came, he rubbed her back and feet when they began to swell, he hurried out to get her the odd concoctions she desired when the cravings appeared. In short, he treated her as what she was, his beloved wife who was carrying his future family, and it made Severus' heart burn with envy that Harry's devotion and attention was lavished on someone other than himself.

Severus would never have believed that he could learn to tolerate the awful situation he  
now found himself in, his feelings were so strong, but on the other hand he couldn't make himself leave. They didn't want him to, and, truth told, he didn't want to either, even though the pain in his heart took up permanent residence. At least he was near Harry, could see him daily, and when things became too much, he could retreat to his rooms and read, or to his lab and brew, until the chaos inside once again calmed.

 

Yes, Harry was the perfect husband, and Ginny was the perfect wife, Severus couldn't deny that, and he also couldn't deny that, except for the thrall she held Harry in, he _liked_ Ginny. As much as he would like to hate her, he simply couldn't do it, and so when she came to him to confide her fears, he listened.

 

“I don’t want to be like my Mum,” she confessed one evening whilst the two waited for  
Harry, who had said he would home late from work. “I don’t want a massive family. I have everything I want,... well, I will when this baby is born,” she rubbed her stomach fondly, “I’ll have all I want.” She paused and searched Severus’ stoic face, “But … Harry, he wants a big family. Lots of kids. I think because he has always felt like he’s been robbed of his family. But _I’m_ his family now. Well, me and you.”

 

Her eyes were filling with tears, and Severus felt his heart tugging at the pain clear on  
the woman’s face.

 

“Have you tried to speaking to Harry about this?” he asked, knowing the answer already  
and wishing he was callous enough to deliberately sabotage Ginny and Harry’s  
relationship.

 

She shook her head, red hair gleaming in the early evening light that spilled into the  
kitchen. “I’m kind of scared to. Last time we talked about it we…” she trailed off.

 

Severus nodded, remembering how close the two had been to breaking up. He tried, but  
couldn’t quite suppress the flash of vindictive anger that he hadn’t broken them up then  
and claimed Harry for his own.

 

“If I have to have lots of children to keep Harry, I’ll do it. But, I want my life too.”

 

Silence fell for a few moments as Severus pondered what to do. Ginny had stopped  
playing Quidditch as soon as Poppy had confirmed her pregnancy. Still, it hadn’t  
been quick enough for Harry who had had to watch her play her last match of the season  
with his heart in his mouth in case anyone got too close to her and knocked her off her broom, or she got hit by a bludger.

 

Of course, the _Daily Prophet_ had broken the news of the pregnancy improbably  
quickly.

 

The _Daily Prophet_ …

 

“Have you considered remaining in the field of Quidditch but reporting upon it, rather than  
playing it? I’m sure the _Daily Prophet_ would welcome you with open arms. Quite  
apart from your name, you are a star player in your own right.”

 

A small smile showed on her face. “That’s a good idea, Severus,” she said softly, “thank  
you. I think I'll check that out." She reached out and squeezed his arm. "What would we do without you?” she said warmly.

 

_What could **I** do without **you**?_

 

They passed onto more everyday conversation, but that awful thought of Severus’ just  
wouldn’t leave him: 

 

_What could **I** do without **you**?_

 

************************************

 

 

That thought flew through his mind ever more viciously when Harry came to him as well. They had settled in Severus' sitting room with a drink after Harry had put an enormously pregnant and exhausted Ginny to bed.

 

"Thanks," Harry said quietly, taking the glass of firewhiskey Severus handed him.

 

Severus sat across from him at the other end of the sofa, watching him from over the rim of his own glass. Something seemed to be on Harry's mind, and he waited for him to voice his thoughts.

 

Finally Severus could stand the young man's fidgeting no longer. "Harry? Is there something you wish to discuss?"

 

Harry continued staring into the glass in his hands, then cleared his throat to speak. "Just...I want to tell you how much it means to me to have you here, Sev. Especially now. I mean......I'm an adult now, grown. I'm married and I'm going to be a father soon." He shook his head slightly and looked up, spearing Severus with those emerald eyes. "I just....," he gulped and Severus could see tears well up. "It's what I've wanted, but I never thought I'd get it, cause I never thought I'd survive the war. All...all that I've come through..to get here....and you've been by my side all the time, even when I didn't know it, and you're still here now, and I just....I feel like I can't find the right words, can't say it enough, to thank you and tell you what it means to me."

 

The words should have brought joy to Severus, and they did to an extent, but they also brought back his pain more sharply than ever. The pain of loss, the pain of never having what he wanted most. "Harry....," he managed, his throat tight with that pain.

 

"I could never begin to say all that you mean to me, Sev," Harry said quietly, "we came such a long way to get to where we are togther, and... you're so much more than just a mentor or a friend....." He stopped and swiped his eyes, giving a little laugh. "Ginny's pregnancy hormones must be rubbing off on me." He looked at Severus again and said, "Just....thanks for being here for me. Thanks for everything."

 

Suddenly, he put his glass down and moved forward, throwing his arms around Severus and embracing him tightly, surprising the older man. 

 

Severus hesitated for only a moment before setting his glass aside and tentatively sliding his arms around the younger man and returning the embrace, knowing it would be over all too soon, but to his further surprise, Harry didn't immediately pull away again, instead resting his head against Severus' shoulder with a contented sigh.

 

Before he could begin to question his own or Harry's motives in this, the moment was shattered by Ginny's frantic voice calling "Harry? Harry! I think my water broke! I think it's _time_!"

 

 

**************************

 

 

Harry and Severus sprang apart rushing to the stairs and up, finding a pale and shaky Ginny hunched over at the top. She turned pain filled eyes on them and stuttered out, "I th-think this is....a c-contraction. C-can you....help me back to bed?"

 

"Ginny," Harry said pleadingly, "I know you wanted to have the baby at home, but....please, I think we should go to St. Mungo's."

 

"But..Harry!," Ginny gasped.

 

"I think Harry is right, Ginny," Severus interrupted, "St. Mungo's would be best for a first birth."

 

"B-but...my mum.." Ginny began.

 

"But you are _not_ your mother," Severus said chidingly, knowing that would turn the tide. She looked at him a few seconds, then nodded. They waited until her contraction had passed, then Harry helped her downstairs while Severus went ahead to activate the Floo and alert St. Mungo's.

 

Harry helped Ginny into the Floo and then frowned at Severus, who remained in the living room.

 

"You're coming too," he said, his panic showing in his voice, "you _have_ to......please?!"

 

"Yes, please," Ginny said with an amused glance at her husband, "I think Harry's going to need the support."

 

Why he insisted on torturing himself, Severus would never know, but he couldn't resist the pleading look on Harry's face, and so stepped into the Floo. With Harry on one side of Ginny grasping one arm and Severus on the other, he called out, "St. Mungo's!"

 

 

********************************

 

 

Severus paused in his pacing back and forth in the waiting room, to glare once again at the student mediwizard who kept eyeing him, and wondered, despite himself, how things were going in the delivery room. He felt a vague sense of unease, but attributed it to the situation he found himself in. The student mediwizard hurried off after Severus sent him a particularly scathing scowl, and he resumed his pacing.

 

 

******************************

 

 

"Please?" Harry said again to the Mediwitch who was standing with her hand on Ginny's distended stomach, looking at her watch. "Can't you give her something for the pain?"

 

The Mediwitch chuckled and said, "Mr. Potter.....your wife is doing fine. If the pain gets to be too much, we'll give her a potion, but really, it's best not to if we don't have to."

 

"I'm fine, Harry," Ginny said tiredly from her bed, "I've had worse pain from bludgers. This has only begun."

 

Harry stared at her, completely baffled as to how she could be so calm. "I hate to see you in pain," he said, aware that his voice had taken on a whiny edge. The Mediwitch smiled at him from the other side of the bed and he could almost hear her "awww!" He cleared his throat in annoyance and tried to sound more adult, saying, "I don't want you to suffer, Ginny."

 

They were interrupted by the arrival of a student mediwizard, who levitated a tray with him. "I thought perhaps a cool cloth might help," he said with a pleasant smile.

 

Ginny smiled at him while Harry grabbed at the tray, soaking a cloth in the cool water and dabbing at Ginny's forehead with it, grateful to be doing something. Again the Mediwitch chuckled, and turned to the student. 

 

"You may go tell Healer Smethwyk that I believe Mrs. Potter is ready for her exam and potions. We're coming along beautifully."

 

The student nodded and disappeared, and the Meditwitch turned back to Harry and Ginny. "Healer Smethwyk will need to examine you, Mrs. Potter, as he will perform the actual delivery of your baby. The potions are routine potions we give every labouring mother to help in a safe delivery."

 

"Pain potions?" Harry asked hopefully, and scowled at the Meditwitch when she smiled and said, "If need be, Mr. Potter."

 

 

****************************

 

 

In the waiting room, Severus felt eyes on him again, and turned to glare once more at the annoying student mediwizard.

 

"Do you have something to say to me?" he barked suddenly, making the young man jump.

 

"I merely wondered if there was anything I could get you," the student said blandly, "while you're waiting, Sir."

 

Severus' feelings of unease had increased, and so he gave in to them and said, "Perhaps you can find out how things are progressing with...Mrs. Potter?"

 

"Oh, I was just in there," the younger man said, "she's doing fine. Healer Smethwyk will be attending her now. No need to worry."

 

Severus studied the young man for a moment before saying, "Very well. I require nothing at this time." 

 

The young man nodded and wandered off. Severus watched him go, his feeling of unease remaining despite the student's reassuring words.

 

 

****************************

 

 

Healer Smethwyk strode into the room, all smiles, the student mediwitch behind him levitating another tray, this one full of potion vials. He examined Ginny, pronounced her doing splendidly, clapped Harry on the shoulder heartily, and set about explaining each of the potions.

 

"We give these potions to all labouring mothers as a matter of course. There's a strengthening potion, a blood replenishing potion, a nutrient potion, and a mild calming draught. They're perfectly safe for mummy and baby. Nothing to worry about," he said, giving Harry a reassuring smile.

 

"What about pain?" Harry asked, not being able to help himself.

 

"There's that too, if needed, but we like to try and get by without it," the man said, turning to Ginny, "now then, Mrs. Potter, if you would swallow these please."

 

The Mediwitch helped Ginny sit up to swallow the potions while Healer Smethwyk took Harry aside for a word. 

 

"I understand your concern, Mr. Potter," he said, his reassuring voice becoming annoying to Harry. "And believe me, if the pain gets to be too much, we'll certainly give your wife something for it. After all, we don't want her to _suffer_ , do we?"

 

He was interrupted from saying more by the Mediwitch calling to him rather frantically. Harry turned to see Ginny lying pale and still against the sheets of her bed. His heart lept into his mouth as he rushed to her side.

 

"Ginny? _Ginny_!" he screeched, panicking.

 

"What happened?" Healer Smethwyk demanded of the Mediwitch, who looked rather stunned.

 

"I..I don't know!" she gasped, "She was fine a moment ago!"

 

Both the Healer and the Meditiwtch began frantically casting spell after diagnostic spell, words that Harry was too terrified to comprehend flying between them. 

 

"I just don't understand...!"

 

"Perhaps an allergy...."

 

"Cast the ..."

 

"Hurry......"

 

Harry paced back and forth at the end of the bed, biting back the urge to scream, trying desperately to gulp back his terror, but he could feel it overwhelming him. Desperately he wished for Severus, he would know, but he was too terrified to leave the room to get him. He shakily aimed his wand toward the door and tried to cast his Patronus to send a message to Severus, but he couldn't think of the happy memory needed to cast it. His mind cried out for Severus even as his head snapped towards Ginny's bed at the Healer's frantic words.

 

"Quickly! We're losing them!" the Healer shouted.

 

Harry's wail filled the room and he rushed to Ginny's side, tears falling down his face as he grasped his wife's limp hand.

 

****************************

 

Review please!


	32. Chapter 31

We own nothing Harry Potter. We make no money from this story.

 

Chapter 31

 

Harry slumped bonelessly on Severus' slender shoulder. His green eyes   
spilled tears unashamedly. "Oh," he groaned as Severus held him and shushed him.

"I know, Harry, I know," he murmured, knowing the words were a lie.

 

Harry caught his breath on a sob. "I - I can't believe it!" he shuddered and clung more tightly to Severus' black robes. "I-I just can't believe it! How could this happen? _How_?" His voice was agonised.

 

"One of the potions was tampered with," Severus' voice was grim, "I'm sure an investigation will reveal the culprit."

"But why?" Harry queried, voice as bewildered and hurt as a small child's, "Why?"

Severus tightened his grip on Harry. "Because you are you," he expalined quietly, "and some would like to see you suffer."

 

"And my child?" Harry gasped, "They'd attack my unborn child? And my wife?!"

 

The older man nodded and rubbed his hands over the other man's tense back. He shouldn't have been enjoying this, he knew, but having Harry in his arms, clinging to him, was a dream. "Anyone they thought would hurt you the most. To leave you vulnerable."

Harry looked up at Severus, the emerald eyes wide. "Then it could have been you too, Sev" he whispered, his voice shaky.

 

Severus' heart leapt within him.

 

"When you came bursting through that door, as if you just knew Ginny was in trouble, I ..."

Severus cut him off. "I didn't just know," he said, sounding puzzled, "You sent your patronus."

 

Harry clutched at Severus' robes again. "I - I _tried_ to send my patronus, but... but I couldn't think of anything happy. God, Sev, I was so scared, and I wanted to run to find you,....then there you were! I..I thought..." He pressed his flaming face into the front of Severus' robes."I.... don't know what I thought," he mumbled.

 

Severus wished he could force a response from Harry. Wished he could find out just what the younger man had been thinking in those moments when Severus had burst through the door, a terrifying presence who shattered medi-withces and wizards in his wake. One look at the convulsing figure of Ginny in the bed had been enough for him. He had known - as a potions expert how could he not know? - what had happened, and he had turned on his heel. He had spun so sharply he knocked the student healer who had so vexed him earlier and sent him flying across the room.

 

"Nobody touch her!" Severus had snarled, and had then hurried out of the room. 

 

Harry whimpered against his friend. "I thought at first... you'd deserted me," he admitted in a small voice, "when...when you left. But...you wouldn't leave me....would you?." His voice trembled slightly at the last word and Severus pulled the young man tighter into his embrace. "I'm sorry I thought that."

 

Never! Severus thought, "I'd never just leave on you alone, Harry I knew what had happened to...Ginny," he said, "I recognised it. And I knew that I had the antidote in my stores at home. I made a set of all the potions a woman in labour would need weeks ago, to keep at home in case of emergency, along with the antidotes in case she reacted badly to any of them." He paused, and swallowed audibly. "I'm s-sorry, Harry," he swallowed again, "sorry I took so long."

 

Harry cried, "Why did you? I could hardly bear it, to watching her get weaker and weaker, knowing there was nothing I could do! I kept glancing at the door hoping you'd be standing there. God, Sev, I've never felt so alone in my life! And the healers just stood there!" he screamed, "They stood there and watched her _dying_ right in front of their eyes!"

Severus thought back to those frantic moments after he had left Harry to cope alone with what was happening to Ginny. Never had a fireplace seemed so difficult to find, and never had a floo journey seemed to take so long. He had arrived back at the house and literally ran to his suite and to the potions cupboard he kept locked and warded agianst intruders. He had ignored the slam of the doors as they had hit the walls and bounced back, rattling. He had shouted the spells that would lift the wards, had wrenched the door open, and quickly scanned the shelves for the bottle he knew would be there.

 

It wasn't.

 

He had looked again. 

 

And again.

 

In desperation he had begun shoving bottles aside, searching for that elusive vial that could save a woman's life. Even now, Severus could feel his heart racing as he lived again those   
terrible moments before his brain had kicked in.

 

You moved them, his mind had reminded him, put them in a logical place. 

 

 

But Severus couldn't remember where. He had considered at least three different locations for the potions. But which one had been his final choice? He had paced in front of the cupboard, feelng panic swelling within him. Ginny and her child needed him. Their lives hung in the balance. Not even with that thought in his head did he pause in his search. Idly he might have wished her dead, in some vague way, but now, with the very real possibility staring him in the face, he found that he was desperate to save her. He remembered thinking of Harry, thinking of his pain if Ginny and her child died. Remembered thinking he -Severus - would do anythign to spare his Harry that grief.

 

If only he could find that damned vial!

 

 

Harry pressed closer to Severus, momentarily de-railing his train of thought. The warmth of the body clinging to his was distracting to say the least. The feel of the hard muscles under his hands was rather ... diverting. He willed down his reaction to Harry, knowing now was defintiely not the time to act upon his attraction, having the grace to feel at least a bit guilty. But the distraught young man seemed oblvious Severus' quiet struggle and unknowingly added more problems by sliding his arms around Severus' back and burying his face more firmly into the damp material covering his chest.

 

Don't react. Don't react. His mind chanted the mantra over and over again even as he felt himself stiffening. Angrily he forced his attention back to remembering the previous day. As unpleasant as the memories were, they needed to be faced.

 

He had raced to his bedside table - to the small shelf there, remembering that he had contemplated placing the potions there so that if Ginny went into labour in the night they would be at hand. Even as he narrowly avoided crashing into his bed, he knew the bottles   
weren't there. His black eyes scoured the shelf vainly anyway. He even dropped to his   
knees and plunged one hand into the shadows to ascertain that the potions were definitely  
not there. Frustrated at his own ineptitude, Severus struggled to his feet. His   
robes twisted about his feet and it took a tortuous eternity (or so it seemed) to free   
himself. Fighting to keep his balance as his robes threatened to floor him again, Severus pelted to the small shelf near the entrance to his suite. It was the logical place for the bottles to be - right by the door in case of need. But they weren't there either.

 

Which left one place.

Severus, even thinking back on it, couldn't quite establish just how long he had spent searching for the bottles. Poor Harry had had to wait, hoping against hope that Severus would reappear and save the day.

 

Sadly, Severus thought, he has to learn I have feet of clay.

 

With only one place left to search, Severus hadd felt confident. And then flummoxed that the vials weren't sitting on the mantelpiece. Rage had driven him around his suite sweeping items from shelves, throwing open cupboards, scouring under any object or in any dark corner. Long minutes had passed in this manner. Minutes in which Ginny's life had slowly trickled away.

 

Harry, in Severus' arms, seemed to be rememerbing the same moments as he began to sob softly. "I kept waiting," Harry muttered, "waiting. Waiting. Hoping you'd come back. But you didn't." A cry seemed to well out from his very soul. "I've never felt so helpless, so hopeless, so alone as I did without you there."

Harry's words struck Severus to his core. His heart squeezed as he considered all that Harry must have gone through waiting for the older man to save Ginny. Severus focused on his own guilt, rather than on how wonderful Harry felt in his arms, and remembered back to the triumph he had felt when he had finally scooped up the bottles, which had been sitting in his bathroom staring at him every day for the past three weeks.

 

He had rammed them roughly into his robes and raced for the main fireplace, hoping he'd be in time. His own wasn't connected to the floo network, at his own request. How he had cursed that decision in those fraught moments!

 

"I kept waiting," Harry repeated, almost to himself. "And, just when I couldn't bear it any longer, there you were! You...you came Severus! You came back to me!"

 

Severus unconsciously clenched his fingers at those words of Harry's. How he wished they were true! How he wished that he had come back to his Harry, and that Harry had been waiting for his return through love for Severus, not love and concern for Ginny.

"The - the healers didn't dare do anything, even though she was dying! I - I watched you, and you were like an angel as you bent over her and tried to help." Harry broke down and wept. 

 

"Oh Severus," he whispered, and his voice trailed off into helpless sobs that tore at Severus' heart and soul.

 

"It'll be alright, Harry," Severus whispered into the messy black locks, trying to give what comfort he could to ease his Harry's pain and fear. "I'm always here for you."

 

**********************************

Like it? Hate it? Let us know!!


	33. Chapter 32

We own nothing Harry Potter. We make no money from this story.

 

Chapter 32

 

"Oh my God, Sev," Harry breathed reverently, "I...I can't believe he's mine! He's so tiny and perfect!"

Harry stood over the crib in the nursery, his eyes still shining with tears. Severus had his arms around Harry and tried to tell himself it was because he was being supportive. It definitely wasn't because he liked the feel of Harry in them - no, of course not. Severus knew that now, with Harry a father, his own feelings would have to be choked down.

So he'd better start fooling himself.

"He is a fine specimen indeed, Harry," Severus replied, his carefully neutral voice concealing the complete turmoil and pain within.

"He's...he's got Ginny's eyes" Harry said, his voice cracking a little.

Severus tightened his grip on Harry and murmured, "It's over, Harry. You must try to forget and move on. For your son's sake."

There was a quiet pause, then Severus spoke again. "You don't want to taint him with this."

Harry didn’t react, so Severus tried a different approach, "You can't let this bad experience control you. And you don't want your son growing up with the shadow of death hanging over him. He didn't die."

Harry nodded. The motion made his body shift a little in Severus arms, and he tightened his grip to hold the younger man more closely.

"I couldn't deal with this without you, Sev," he whispered, one hand stroking along an arm that held him. Severus felt his throat tighten. He wanted Harry, would always want Harry. His new responsibilities made no difference to Severus. Severus wanted to hold Harry forever, never let the other man go to become a father.

"You are stronger than you think, Harry," Severus murmured into the beloved messy mop. "Look at all you've come through. Look at what you've done."

"But it was because you were behind me the whole way, Sev," Harry said, tilting his head up to fix the older man with green eyes which sparkled with unshed tears.

Severus felt desire rush through him, but sternly held himself in check. Only his raspy voice let on how touched he was by Harry’s words. "I would never leave you alone, Harry," Severus croaked, "not after all we've been through together."

"And you'll be here for us? Me and my son? You'll help me guide him, like you guided me?" Harry asked plaintively.

"I'll never leave you alone, Harry," Severus repeated, feeling a twinge of pain. It was Harry's son. Something Severus himself would never have. Harry's child. Proof that - for a brief moment in time at least - Harry had wanted him.

The two men were silent for a while as they watched the tiny baby wave his fists in the air before blowing his breath out in almost a sigh and snuggling back down.

Severus felt agony slice through his heart as Harry leaned forward, pulling free of the embrace and bent low over his son.

"I'm going to give you everything I didn't have, Little One," Harry murmured to his son. "The best life. The best of everything. You'll never be without anything."

"And I'm going to love you with all I am," Harry added, "all the love I never knew."  
Severus closed his eyes and listened to Harry's words. He pretended they were him. That Harry was declaring his true feelings at last. He felt tears pricking his eyes, knowing that Harry was oblivious to Severus, oblivious to what he - Severus - had to offer. All the love you have, and don't even know about, Severus thought ruefully, forcing away melancholia with difficulty.

"You're going to hate this, Sev, but I want to name him James," Harry said, stroking his son's cheek. 

Severus set his jaw. Harry was right - he did hate it. "You are correct," Severus said, "he is, however, your son. You must name him what you think best."

"I know my father wasn't the hero I thought him to be....but that's sort of it," Harry said, "if I name him James, and teach him kindness, it will sort of redeem that. At least I like to think it will."  
He paused before saying quietly, "And, I never...never got to love my father. I'll love my son, and that'll make up for never loving the other James. Kind of."

"And _this_ James will grow up loving you, Sev," Harry added, "Because he'll know the real you, which my father never did." His eyes stayed firmly fixed upon his son as he finished, “And love you as much as I do.”

Severus managed a gruff "Thank you," as he looked at the man he wanted. It took him a few attempts to make his suddenly dry throat work. "You...you know I have deep feelings for you as well, don't you?"

Harry nodded, a smile lighting his face. "I'd have to be blind not to know you love me, Sev..."

Severus felt panic and wild hope rise in his chest.

"...no way would you have put up with me this long if you didn't!"

Severus felt some of the tension leave his body, but was also conscious of a feeling of disappointment. Sadly, Harry would never see that the feelings Severus had for him ran deeper than platonic love. Severus wanted to be Harry's mentor and friend and lover and partner and mate and trusted confidant and ... everything to the other man.

In spite of himself and his longing, Severus squeezed Harry's shoulders and said "Indeed. It seems you shall always be my particular cross to bear.”

"And you'll always be there to remind me of it," Harry laughed softly, his affection for the older man showing in his eyes.

They stared fixedly at each for a long moment, the laughter dying out of Harry's eyes and transmuting into something else. For a long time neither spoke. At last, awkward, Harry broke the silence.

"Lets hope James will be easier on you," he commented lightly, cheeks flaming.

Still blushing, Harry turned at a noise from the doorway.

He stared in surprise at the person standing there, instantly hurrying away from the closeness of Severus' embrace to help the delicate figure, leaving Severus cold and alone. "You should be resting,” he said softly. 

Harry slid a solicitous arm around the figure and led the way to the cot.

Severus felt resentment course through him, not at Harry's words, but at the way he looked at the other person. He stood next to the couple, and had never felt more alone. Turning on his heel, outsider again, he left the husband and wife with their child.

*****************************

 

We like reviews... even if this didn't go the way you expected...

Please.


	34. Chapter 33

We own nothing Harry Potter. We make no money from this story.

 

Chapter 33

 

The young man looked up at the imposing structure that housed his new lord. He was hesitant about the news he was bringing, fearing the worst, but knew he had no choice but to face his failure bravely. He waited impatiently until admittance was granted, and warily faced the man he was about to disappoint.

"Well?," came the hard voice, "what have you to tell me?"

"I'm afraid I have failed you, sir," the young man said, "Ginevra Potter and her baby live." When no reaction was forthcoming, he hastened to add. "It was the Potions Master...Snape. He figured it out and had an antidote. He saved them," the pseudo student mediwizard said, "I couldn't try again. He would have guessed. As it is, Potter will be heading up the Auror investigation. I left before I could be discovered." He took a deep breath and prepared himself for the wrath of the tall man.

"Very well," came the icy reply, "then we shall simply have to attempt again, but with a different angle of attack. Leave me."

The student didn't need to be told twice, and beat a hasty retreat. 

When he had gone, the tall man's anger was betrayed in the shattering of the glass of brandy he held in his hand. "Severus Snape" he hissed, an expression of loathing marring his features. He threw the remaining bits of his glass into the fireplace and went to tend to his bleeding hand.

**********************

Little James grew like a weed, like the resentment Severus felt swelling in his heart. He didn't begrudge saving Ginny, he simply wished she weren't an issue. 

His already conflicting feelings weren't helped by the fact that she was pathetically grateful to him for saving her and James, and thanked him incessantly. And told everyone she could of his heroism and forethought. The consequence of this was that not only were there crowds of people visiting baby James, there were crowds of people wanting to shake his hand or speak to him as well. He'd taken to hiding in his lab with the door made Imperturbable.

He only felt safe coming out at night, when everyone was gone and Ginny insisted he show his face at the dinner table. She'd apparently taken to channelling her mother in that food seemed to be another way she showed gratitude. She cooked enormous meals for him and insisted he eat, clucking about him like a mother hen, saying he needed to put some meat on his bones. 

: He was at once grateful for her concern and yet annoyed beyond reason at her mothering of him. He vastly preferred her to coddle James rather than himself, although he felt couldn't very well refuse. It wasn't that he disliked Ginny herself. He just disliked her as Harry's wife

Harry, for his part, was mad about his infant son and assured him again and again that "Daddy will find the bad man, James. Don't you worry. Nobody harms my boy and Mummy."

Hearing this made Severus both cringe and feel a sort of pride all at once. Harry was a devoted and conscientious father, Severus was proud of him for that considering what his own childhood had been like. It made him cringe, however, to have the proof of what could never be for them thrown persistently in his face.

Severus couldn't help but resent Ginny then, for taking his Harry away from him. If only he hadn't encouraged him to pursue his relationship with the girl, he often thought, and then chastised himself severely telling himself that Harry may love Severus, but not in the way that Severus loved him. It could never be.

That, however, did not stop him seeking out Harry's company in the evenings after James had been put to bed and Ginny, no doubt exhausted from caring for James as well as stuffing Severus full of food, had retired early.

Severus' only consolation at these times was that apparently Harry and Ginny hadn't yet resumed intimate relations, judging by the fact that Harry was keeping Severus company in the evenings rather than in bed with his wife.

Severus' contentment with that came to a shattering end one evening when Harry asked if he could speak to him.

"Certainly," Severus replied, "you know you can speak to me about anything."

He immediately regretted his words when Harry said, "Right, I know, you've been helpful on this subject before, too. Erm.....I was wondering if you knew when......well, you know.....Ginny's just had a baby and she nearly died. She's recovered now, and so I was just wondering if...well.....if it would be too soon to approach her.....you know.....to make love."

Severus stood there stunned beyond words. He felt as if he'd been turned to ice and would shatter any moment with the slightest knock or jar; with the slightest breath.

When he didn't answer, Harry flushed and began stammering, "I...I don't know....I mean....I don't want her to think I'm ...you know...some sort of pig or anything...that I only want sex from her.....but...well....it's _been_ awhile....you know?"

Severus stood there, his stomach roiling around the meal _she'd_ fed him, and tried to get a grip on himself. In his mind's eye he saw himself grasping Harry and shaking him, hard, screaming so he'd understand, "Not her! Not her!! Me! Come to _me_!! _I'll_ give you what you need!! _I'll_ be the one to make love to you!" 

Instead he swallowed the nausea he felt rising, cleared his throat and said, "Perhaps.....if she hasn't approached the subject......you would do better to wait."

He couldn't help it!!! _Not this time! She had everything! She didn't need that too! Not yet!_ his heart cried

Harry frowned, studying Severus face intently and Severus hoped to Merlin his face didn't betray what he felt inside.

Then the beloved face softened, and Harry smiled sheepishly. "Yeah....I…I guess that if she were ready, she would have let me know. I mean......she did just push a baby out of her body......and I know she's tired looking after James all day......he's a handful already......I suppose the only thing on her mind right now is a good night's sleep."

Quelling his guilt, Severus relaxed a bit and let the ghost of a smile cross his face. "Indeed. It is not uncommon for new mothers to feel that way."

Harry's expression of resignation sparked a flame of anger in Severus, which he also quelled, ruthlessly. He resisted again shouting out that _he_ could be the one to satisfy Harry's needs.

"Guess it's back to wanking in the shower," Harry said, and Severus felt a stab of raw lust at the thought.

"Indeed," Severus said in a strained voice. Harry laughed then and said, "What about you, Sev? Don't tell me you don't wank in the shower too. I mean....." Harry looked at Severus wonderingly and the older man knew his cheeks were flushing.

"You do!" Harry chortled.

Just as suddenly he stopped and turned rather pink himself. "Erm....yeah.....I don't think I want to know who you think about when you do," he said uncomfortably.

_No!_ Severus screamed inside, _not Lily!!!! You! **You!**_

Again Severus was torn, trying frantically to think of a way to assure Harry it wasn't Lily and suggest who it really was, but still make it ambiguous enough that he wouldn't be embarrassed if Harry didn't want the same - which Severus knew he didn't. Merlin! What a mess!

In the end he decided to avoid the subject altogether and said, "Perhaps we can change the subject now," turning away to pour himself another drink. 

"Yeah," Harry said thoughtfully, his green eyes intent on Severus once again.

When he noticed Severus looking back just as intently, he flushed once again and went to pour himself a drink.

The younger man was distracted by something, Severus could tell by the chattering of glass on glass as Harry shakily poured his drink. When he joined Severus on the sofa, Severus couldn't help himself touching the boy, grasping his knee carefully. The contact sated his lust somewhat and enabled him to enquire calmly, "Harry? Was there something else you wished to talk about?"

The green eyes were a bit muddled when they made contact with his own, the cheeks still pink. "N-No...nothing....nothing in particular," Harry said a bit too loudly.

Severus, however, thought he knew what was plaguing the boy. "Harry," he said gently, "I loved Lily, however...." 

"Right!" Harry burst out, "I know you did....I know. That's......I don't really want to talk about you and anyone, and certainly not you and my _mother_. Okay?"

_...don't want to talk about you and anyone..._ Severus' mind latched on to. Without meaning to, he squeezed the knee under his hand.

Folly though it may be for him to think that perhaps Harry could be jealous, he indulged himself anyway.

Harry, confused by a rush of feelings he didn't understand, and acutely aware of the warm hand on his knee, laughed lightly and said, "I would hate to think of some lady coming along and taking you away from me, Sev."

"Never," said Severus seriously; voice one that brooked no arguments. "Never."

Harry couldn't stop the swell of pleasure he felt as he heard the sincerity in Severus' tone. Harry felt his cheeks begin to burn - suddenly very aware of Severus hand resting upon his leg. To his disquietude, Harry had a sudden vision of that hand....in other places, and wondered if it would feel as warm. 

And as right.


	35. Chapter 34

We own nothing Harry Potter. We make no money from this story.

 

Chapter 34

 

It seemed, to Harry's suddenly hyper sensitive mind, that Severus was _everywhere_. Ok, they lived in the same house, but even so, Severus had his own suite, so why was Harry seeing so much of the older man? His mind was filled with thoughts of Severus, and his skin tingled at the idea of touching Severus, and his cock throbbed at the notion of being touched by Severus...

 

_God! This has **got** to stop!_ Harry told himself firmly. _I'm married. **Happily** married. It's just obsession, just lust cos I'm not able to be with Ginny. It's nothing else._

 

But still, he always knew when Severus came into a room, and he noticed the huffs of annoyance the other man would make as he read the _Daily Prophet_ , and he identified the little ways Severus showed his approval and pleasure - the slight lilt at the corner of his mouth, the erasing of the scowl; and he saw just how happy Severus was - in his quiet way - to be living with them.

 

But better, far better, was when Severus sat beside him and would happen to brush against Harry. Harry liked the feeling, liked it very much, but wasn't sure what it meant. He knew he loved Severus, as a friend, as a confidante, as a ... what? He enjoyed being touched by the ex-teacher, and tried to justify it that he had been starved of touches as a child, and had always liked being touched as an adult. He justified it by thinking that he hadn't slept with Ginny for a long time, and that was making him overly sensitive to touching.

 

Having justified it, Harry relaxed on the sofa.

 

Severus had been aware of some subtle change in Harry over the past few days, and rather liked it. His ‘accidental’ brushes against Harry’s body were always met with an involuntary move closer, and a slight, very slight, reaction of pleasure. Severus was a master at spotting small gestures, and he spotted just how often Harry began to lean in when Severus stroked an arm or leg, or ran his fingers across Harry's shoulders, brushing unruly hair aside.

 

The tiny shiver at that last action made Severus heart (and prick!) lurch. Harry was so sensitive to touches. Harry didn't seem to realise just how dependant he was upon them. As, now, when he sat down, just four days after this weird thing had begun, Harry shuffled until he was resting against Severus' side, and he had done so without realising what it was he had done.

 

Silence fell between them. Harry was lost in an internal struggle, trying not to notice the incredible shininess of Sev’s raven black hair; or the stark contrast provided by the white streak; or the way that Sev’s hair had blue and almost purple tints to it; or the creases in the worn face, especially the one that slid around Severus’ mouth; or the deep blackness of the onyx eyes…

 

Severus snorted and brought the paper close to Harry's face. "Read that!" he growled.

 

Harry did, only too aware of the long fingers curled delicately around the paper, holding it steady for him; aware too of the surprisingly soft brush of the white streak against his cheek as Severus leaned close. He could hear the other breathing; could feel his chest moving up and down. He was very aware of the press of Severus’ thigh against his own; the heat that came from the other man...he mentally shook himself - he was meant to be reading the article!

 

The words on the page made no kind of sense to him, so he shook his head in mock outrage after pretending to have understood it.

 

Luckily, Severus made no comment, and settled back onto his own part of the couch, leaving Harry with a vague feeling of loneliness.

 

He noticed the older man looking at him thoughtfully, and felt his face heat up. He felt so hot pressed against Severus, but couldn’t seem to make himself move away.

 

The low rumble of Severus chuckling reached his ears, and he looked up, a little unnerved at how close the other’s lips were to him; feeling as if those endless black eyes were looking straight through him, seeing his secret.

 

"Your mind seems to be elsewhere," that chocolate rich voice murmured.

 

Harry had been focusing on the shapes the mouth made, and it took him a moment or two to process the words. When he did he felt his cheeks burn hotter.

 

The faint note of amusement in the man’s tone only enhanced the feeling of being caught out in his little fantasies. He gulped audibly and said shakily, "N-No…I just ...I..."

 

The man laughed softly again and said almost teasingly, "You used to dither like that in school when you'd been caught doing something you shouldn't have, Harry. Have you been doing something you … shouldn't?"

 

Again Harry gulped, jolts of panic shooting through him. _He couldn't possibly know! He wouldn't...he wouldn't use Legilimency on me...he wouldn't....and I'd feel it if he did! He doesn't know! He can't!_ Harry's mind spat feverishly. "No...I've been a good boy," he said, looking anywhere but at the eyes (and that sinful mouth!) that he could now feel boring into him. _Stop it!_ He admonished himself.

 

Then Sev's hand was on his, clasping it warmly as he said gently, "I know you, Harry. You're hiding something. You can tell me, you know. It'll be our secret."

 

_Secret,_ Harry thought, _it would definitely have to be that!_

_Wait! What am I thinking?! I'm married. And a man. A married man! Oh Merlin, this is **so** wrong! _

 

"Harry," Severus said, slipping an arm around Harry's shoulders nudging him out of his own betraying thoughts, "when you keep things inside, they tend to swell until what was once perhaps…small… grows to become monstrous, straining to be released, desperate for attention. Something like that can drive you mad, you know."

 

Harry felt his mouth grow dry listening to the man's words. _Oh Merlin...it was straining alright!_

 

"Ex-excuse me, S-Sev," Harry stammered, "...loo....I need...the loo!"

 

He bolted from the sofa, rushing to his destination and slamming the door behind him. He leaned against the door, closing his eyes and panting heavily.

 

_Oh fuck, oh fuck, oh **FUCK!**_ he thought, bewildered, _How did this happen?! When did Sev...his Sev, go from being his mentor and friend to being the object of forbidden lust?! When did he become so....sexy!? What is **wrong** with me??!?_

 

At that moment there was nothing he wanted more than to take out his straining cock and wank himself raw to the image of those black eyes and that mouth and the sound of that _voice_!

 

He caught his own hand inching lower and wrenched it back, guilt flooding him instantly. _No! You can't do this! You're married! You love your wife! She's just given you a son and **this** is what you're thinking of?!_

 

Harry's hand clenched into a fist and he thumped a wall dejectedly. _What the hell is wrong with me?_ he thought, tears pricking at the back of his eyes. _What is wrong with me?!_

_You love Ginny! And James! And this is wrong, **so** wrong! So just stop it! It's...it's just because you want Ginny so much!_

_It's been so long and you're just frustrated. That's all. You'd hump anything you could right now! And Sev...he doesn’t want **you**! What are you thinking?! _

 

Harry made his shaky way to the sink and ran the water until it was freezing, splashing his face, trying to cool the heat in his cheeks and the guilt in his heart.

 

He suddenly jerked upright, splashing water all about, at the soft knock at the door.

 

"Harry?" came the voice he both loved and, at that moment, dreaded to hear. "Are you alright?"

 

**********************************

 

Please review! 

 

Btw....Smut alert next chapter!


	36. Chapter 35

We own nothing Harry Potter. We make no money from this story.

 

Chapter 35

 

Harry swallowed hard, hardly daring to breathe. Would the other go away and leave him alone to process this?

The knock was repeated.

Coming to a decision, Harry moved slowly and quietly to the door, his hands shaking slightly. He drew back the bolt and, taking his time, pulled open the door.

He looked into the face he knew so well, and loved so much and couldn't stop himself. He took a long step forwards and held the face between his suddenly steady hands and kissed the lips he had dreamed about so often.

 

Harry felt the other gasp in surprise and took the chance to slide his tongue into that warm and welcoming cavern. His insistent tongue laved the inside of the mouth, tasting and exploring every bit of it. He slid his fingers up, entwining them in the long, silky hair, revelling in the softness and scent. Bodies pressed together, heat rising between them, growing so hot Harry was sure they were glowing with it. Certainly his erection burned with need. He rocked against the accommodating body, glorying in the tightening grip on his own, the need he could feel from the other making his heart pound erratically.

It was agony to be clothed, or to even think about being separated, but at last, the need for air defeated them.

"Merlin! Harry!" Ginny gasped as they broke apart. "That was....was..."

"Bed. Now," Harry said, passion clearly written on his face.

Ginny moaned softly, her soft brown eyes glowing, then gasped again as Harry grasped her hand and pulled her off to their suite.

Once inside he pressed her up against the door, attacking her mouth again with renewed fervor. Ginny felt her husband's hardness grinding against her hip and moaned into his mouth. His wicked tongue, the possessive way he claimed her with it, filling her own mouth only inflamed her own desire. She had been worried that he hadn't touched her in so long, afraid that she wasn't attractive to him anymore since giving birth, that her body didn't turn him on anymore, but she'd evidently been wrong. He wouldn't be kissing her so passionately, with need she could feel, if he didn't.

Harry left off her sweet mouth, panting heavily, placing tiny kisses along her jaw, down her neck, his tongue darting out to taste her soft, warm skin, breathing in the scent of her as he did, moaning loudly. "Gin..," he gasped, "it's been so long....are you.......can you?"

"Oh God, Harry!" she gasped back, "if you stop now...I'll....b-bat bogey hex.... you!"

"Won't stop.....c-can't stop!" Harry managed to squeak out before he began ravaging her mouth again, holding her tightly against himself as he stumbled them both to their bed.

The heat of his kiss, the feel of his hard body against hers set Ginny's own desire to full flame. As they hit the mattress, she quickly rolled them over, straddling her husband, battling with his tongue until she won. Now she was ravaging his mouth. 

Harry moaned loudly again, very pleased indeed at this new development

He grasped her hips, pushing down as he thrust his hips up, grinding into the heat he could feel coming from her, creating delicious friction against his throbbing cock.

She tightened her thighs around him, letting go of his mouth to gasp delightedly. She smiled down at him wickedly as she ground down into his upward thrusts. 

Suddenly she leaned forward and yanked his shirt open, sending buttons flying everywhere, making Harry yelp in pleasant surprise at her eagerness. She was most definitely ready to resume their sex life, he thought deliriously. 

He slid his hands up her sides and across the front of the gown she was wearing, his palms brushing over her nipples. He felt them stiffen immediately, the thought making his mouth water. Impulsively, he grasped the front edges of the gown and, returning the gesture, ripped it open, exposing full, creamy breasts capped off by jutting pink peaks. 

"Oh, that's how it is, is it?" Ginny murmured slyly, that wicked smile back. She flinched back when Harry reached for, slowly shaking her head no. His disappointment didn't last long, however, and he watched, mesmerised, as she slid her own hands up her body to caress and squeeze her own breasts.

Harry watched her with hungry appreciation, delighting in this bold display she was giving him. She squeezed and massaged her breasts, fingers pinching and tugging at her own reddened nipples, all the while writhing in obvious pleasure on top of him, her movements making his prick harder than ever. After a few more minutes watching her, Harry was breathless with want, his mouth salivating madly with the need to taste those hard, pink nubs. With a low growl he bucked his hips hard, throwing her to the side, then lunged in over her, clamping his mouth onto one pebbled peak, sucking hard, fingers pinching and pulling the other. At the same time he kneed his way between her legs, spreading them wide and rutted his swollen cock against the prize between.

He could feel her wetness through his jeans, then suddenly there was nothing keeping him from claiming it. His hard flesh battered against her hot, wet flesh, and he tore his attention away from his wife's breasts to see her dropping her wand an instant before he felt her legs wrap round his hips.

"Harry..." Ginny gasped, "in me...... _now_....hard!"

He didn't need to be told twice and frantically shifted his hips about, seeking and finally finding what he'd been waiting for. Ginny let out a loud gasp as he invaded her, and he froze, his green eyes locked on her brown ones. _Is she...tighter...than before?_ he wondered. 

_Is he.....bigger...than before?_ she wondered at the same time. As her body adjusted, a smile crept over her face. _If he is, I'm not complaining!_ she thought, seeing a similar smile cross her husband's face. 

_Oh God!_ Harry thought as he felt her opening to him, _...heaven.....fucking heaven!_

"Fuck me, Harry!" Ginny moaned beneath him, "Now..... _hard_....make it good!"

He did as she asked, pounding into her with all his pent up lust, adding his own moans and cries to hers as they echoed around the room, rocking the bed madly as they clung to one another.

"Oh fuck....Gin...so good...missed this....," Harry groaned, trying to hold back the monstrous orgasm he felt rising, not wanting to give in just yet.

“Harry.... _Harry_!" Ginny wailed, her fingers tugging viciously at his hair. She pulled his mouth to hers, and he thrust his tongue into the wet warmth again and again, fucking her mouth as he fucked her body. She clamped down on his tongue as she clamped down on his cock, sending them both over the edge, and they rode it out, clutching and straining against one another, pulling apart only to shout out one another's names.

After they both finally caught their breath and peeled themselves apart, Ginny led Harry by the hand into their bath and pulled him into the shower with her. As she was soaping up his back for him, she gave a small laugh and said, "I hope we weren't too loud. I don't hear James though, so hopefully he's still asleep. I need some shut eye after _that_ ," she added, squeezing his bum playfully.

"Yeah, me too," he replied, his voice covering the sudden awful thought that occurred to him.

_What if Sev had heard?_

Lying next to Ginny, Harry felt the wash of satisfaction dull his reflexes and wrap his brain in lassitude. Still, despite the pleasure he had shared with Ginny, he felt a nagging in his body, a pull towards …

He covered his face.

He still wanted Severus.

Harry groaned mentally, hating himself for not being content with the woman who lay at his side. A woman he loved and adored. So why wasn’t she enough for him? What was drawing him to Severus?

Idly, he slid his hand onto his cock, feeling it shift and tingle at the touch. He glanced at Ginny. She was sleeping, a soft smile on her lips. She looked so beautiful there that Harry felt his length swell. He tugged at it, enjoying the feel of his prick in his hand.

His thumb rolled over his tip and he gasped with pleasure. The rough pad had felt wonderful. And he knew that Severus’ thumb would feel rough, would stimulate him like that.

_NO! You will not think of Sev! You’re lying beside your **wife** , who’ve you’ve just made love with! What the hell is **wrong** with you?!_

Even mentally chastising himself, Harry couldn’t stop the thoughts that passed through his mind: Severus hair brushing against his cheek, a hand stroking softly along his thigh, eyes that penetrated deep into his soul, arms that held him safely, a mouth that could say such hurtful things, yet look so sinful…

His hand sped up as his imagination took hold. Severus’ hand wrapping around Harry’s dick and pulling hard on it. Somehow, Severus would know exactly how Harry liked to be jerked off, and would do it perfectly. He bit back a moan as fluid seeped out of his tip and eased his grip.

Ginny snorted beside him and he stopped, feeling horribly guilty.

“Harry?” she said sluggishly, moving slowly. She took in his erection and smiled. “Again? Already? You must have really missed me!”

With his gut twisting he nodded and rolled to face her.

She rolled too and took his length into her hand. “I want to,” she said softly, “but I’m a little sore, Harry. Having James made everything…”

“It felt different.” Harry admitted. “Tighter.”

“Yes,” she answered. “It felt wonderful, having you inside me, Harry, it always does. I just wish you could understand how good it feels to be filled like that. To feel physical love within you. It’s amazing!”

He leaned in and kissed her. “Sleep,” he whispered.

She twisted her grip on his shaft and he shuddered. “What about this?”

“It’ll keep. Sleep.”

She smiled, kissed him lazily and dozed off.

Harry watched her for a few minutes, cock and balls throbbing, but content just to look over her. Then her words began to sink in. What would it be like to be on the receiving end? Her climax always happened so differently to his. A slow build up, the tension that filled her body, drawing him deeper and deeper – what did that feel like? The hot burn he felt in the pit of stomach flowed straight out of his prick. What was it like for a woman?

He wanted to know. And somehow, he couldn’t help thinking of Severus. 

What would it feel like to have Severus within him? Have Severus making him climax?

His cock jerked and twitched as he imagined spreading his legs and feeling Severus holding him down. Knowing he was about to be possessed. Feeling himself being taken – but taken as a woman, knowing the passion that grew and blossomed slowly rather than burst out in a flood.

Untouched, Harry spurted over his chest. Aware that he'd just come at the thought of being fucked by another man, he hastily grabbed his wand and cleaned himself up.

He lay back, one arm flung over his eyes, but the image of the other man wouldn't leave his mind.

_Did he hear anything?_ Harry wondered once again. _What if he had?_ the rational part of his brain asked, _you yourself asked him about sex with your wife earlier this evening! He's not stupid! He must have figured out where you went when you didn't return from the loo! If he heard, so what? You're entitled to shag your wife!_

Harry groaned softly, but refused to go further and ask himself why the thought bothered him so much.

_Maybe because you feel sorry for him._ the logical part of his brain said, _After all, he doesn't have this, does he? Just a lonely wank in the shower now and then. The love of his life is long gone._

Harry thought about all the years the man had spent at the beck and call of both Dumbledore and Voldemort. All the years teaching. All the years spent keeping him, Harry, safe. How could he possibly have had time to have a relationship?

He recalled Sev telling him that he'd never expected to live very long. Never thought he'd have a life or a family, or indeed, even be happy.

He recalled the memories the man had given him. Cherished memories of Lily. His lost love. Harry doubted Severus had ever had the chance to get up to anything with Lily, not with James around, and at any rate, Lily hadn't seemed half as gone over Sev as he had been over her. Harry wondered if she'd ever loved Sev as more than a close friend. 

Yet, obviously it was Lily the man wanted. He'd admitted to wanking in the shower, and Harry was willing to bet the flush in the man's cheeks had been because of Lily.

Harry thought briefly about the Resurrection Stone he'd once possessed. That had brought Lily back for him, and she'd comforted him when he thought he was walking to his death. If he still had it, and brought her back again...

No, Harry thought ruefully, remembering the fairy tale. They were changed when they came back. And really, did Harry want a ghoulish version of his dead mother about?

Maybe he could just.....treat Severus to a whore? He'd heard that there were places where the girls, or men he supposed, would polyjuice into anyone the customer wanted. He could hire one of those girls, polyjuice her into Lily, and have her meet Sev at their old flat in Hogsmeade. 

Still, Harry sighed, he'd need something of Lily's to make the polyjuice transformation work and he didn't have anything of hers. Another idea struck him. What about a metamorphmagus?

Sadly, he thought that he didn't know any. Not anymore.

Harry felt a strange jab in his chest at the thought anyway. Did he really want to think of Severus with someone else? Making love to a stranger.....no matter who she looked like?

_Stop it!_ his rational mind growled. _You have no right to be jealous! You have a wife!_

The other part of his mind, the one that kept his secrets, spoke up then.

_**You may not have anything of Lily's, but perhaps Severus might?** _

********************************


	37. Chapter 36

We own nothing Harry Potter. We make no money from this story.

 

Thank you to all who reviewed, and a very special thanks to Black Phoenix. You've reviewed _every chapter_ , and we cannot thank you enough, nor tell you how much we appreciate it. We will respond, we will, but it's going to take a bit. In the meantime, we hope you'll keep reading and letting us know what you think. 

 

Chapter 36

 

Harry arrived home before Ginny that evening, so he greeted Severus, and then set about laying the table for dinner. Since Ginny had begun working for the Daily Prophet as Quidditch correspondent, they'd had a shift in household duties. Molly looked after James while Harry and Ginny went to work, and they traded off cooking duties between themselves and Severus. Harry was surprised the man was a fair cook; after all, when they'd lived at Spinner's End, Harry had done all the cooking.

"What's for dinner, Sev?" Harry teased. This was a sort of routine they'd developed when the man cooked. Severus liked to surprise them, but Harry liked to see if he could tease him into telling before he unveiled it at table.

"You shall see when we sit down to eat," Severus said, mock annoyed. 

"Aw, c'mon Sev," Harry wheedled, placing a hand on Severus’ bare arm, eyes intense, "tell me what's for dinner! It smells delicious." 

"You shall see when we sit down to eat," the man said sternly, although his face had flushed a little at the touch. Harry laughed and nudge’s Sev’s thigh with his own hip. He told himself he was just playing, but the truth was, he liked the way his skin tingled whenever he brushed against Sev. 

"Hmm," Harry said, hip still pressed against his friend, "Do I smell a little turnip in the mix?"

Severus knocked against Harry's hip, pushing it out of the way so that he could go to the oven and check the meal. "Only if you are stupid," Severus said, bending over to peer into the oven. 

Harry felt heat flame through him, Merlin Severus looked good! His legs were straight as he bent at the waist, and Harry could just make out the outline of them against the black robe. They looked strong and powerful and ... Harry's mouth started watering.

"Ah, I see you can hardly wait for me!" Severus said, turning with a large dish held safely in the air, held in place by his wand.

_Fuck! I'm hard waiting all right!_ Harry groaned internally, images of Severus pressing him into the table filling his mind.

He shook his head and tried to peek - as he always did - into the container to see what was bubbling there, but, as usual, Severus was holding it too high.

"Awww, come on!" he moaned, a deliberate annoying whinge in his tone, "I set the table and everything!"

"It was your own stupidity that led to that state of affairs." Severus said, then clarified at Harry's baffled look, "You told Kreacher to be ‘curator’ of Grimmauld Place, so don't complain to me when you have to do your own house work!"

Harry pouted, thrusting out his lower lip in a sullen expression.

Severus looked at him, onyx eyes intense, and suddenly the laughter vanished, and the kitchen felt much smaller and warmer. Suddenly the heat from the oven seemed insignificant compared to that coming from Harry.

As Severus lowered the dish onto the table, the tension snapped. Ginny's voice rang through the house, gaining in volume as she hurried towards them.

"Harry! Severus!" She burst into the kitchen, almost dancing, "I can't believe it! You'll never guess!"

Both men turned to face her. Instinctively they stood side by side, bodies pressed together.

"What is it?" Harry asked, smiling, feeling a burst of guilt and loss as he stepped away from Severus to kiss his wife.

She kissed him and turned to Severus, a wide grin on her face. "I've got good news and bad news," she said, "which do you want first?"

"Good," said Harry.

"Bad," said Severus.

She giggled. "The Prophet want me to cover a Quidditch match already! They were going to ask Lema Beenes to cover it, as their celebrity guest, but she can't make it. Something to do with prior commitments, so they've asked me to cover it instead!" She laughed, "The Bats versus the Magpies!" It's the game of the season! And I'm covering it!" This time she did dance.

Harry hugged her. "So, what's the bad news?" he asked.

Her face fell, and she chewed on her lower lip. “Oh, well, the match is on Saturday, so I’ve only got four days to prepare for it. And Bats/Magpies games are always really long, so the Prophet has just about managed to book me a room in the nearest hotel, on the Isle of Skye.” She explained for Severus’ benefit, “The Bats and the Magpies are the top two teams in the League, so their matches are always played at a neutral location. This time it’s at the Pride of Portree’s grounds.”

Harry tried to look happy, although his mind was in a whirl. Ginny was going to be away overnight. He would be alone with Severus. He gulped.

Harry stood outside himself as he congratulated Ginny, as they sat down to eat the meal Severus had prepared, and whilst he listened to her excited burble. All his mind kept focusing on was _Four days_ and _A night alone with Severus._

He could give Severus the present Harry wanted to give him. Let Severus sleep with Lily. But, that only gave him _four days_ to find some way of finding something of hers. Polyjuice potion he could … borrow … from work. No one would notice if one of the thousands of vials went missing.

Work. That brought on another pang of guilt. They hadn't been making much headway in finding out who was responsible for what had happened to Ginny and James.

Harry resolved to talk to Severus about the incident again. Maybe something would come back to him, something that Harry could use.

He cursed the fact that even a pensieve wouldn't help if no one knew anything. He just hoped that something Severus had seen or heard or even imagined would make sense, would spark some new line of enquiry.

It was a frustrating three hours later that Harry realised Severus really didn’t know anything else that could help.

“I’m sorry, Harry,” Severus said, rubbing the other’s head, fingers luxuriating in the messy black hair. “I wish I did remember something, but I was too focused on trying to save …”

“I know,” Harry sighed, rubbing his aching forehead and giving a soft “mmm” to the head rub. He leaned into the massage, eyes closing.

“Keep still,” Severus’ voice was soft, a chocolate rumble in his ear. Delicate fingers touched his cheek briefly. “Eye lash,” Severus explained as Harry opened his eyes.

Harry smiled happily. How had he ever thought that Severus’ eyes made you think of dark tunnels? They were warm when you knew what to look for.

“Lily always had eye lashes on her cheeks,” Severus said, a smile on his lips as he remembered. “I was forever picking them off and …” he trailed off, blushing.

Harry wanted to pursue the conversation, but something told him that Severus would not say anything further. Besides, Harry had plenty to think about. He was sure, from Severus’ embarrassment, that that meant he had kept Lily’s lashes. Still had them hidden somewhere.

_He kept them_ Harry thought, his excitement mounting. _> He **does** have something of hers!_

***********************************


	38. Chapter 37

We own nothing Harry Potter. We make no money from this story.

 

Chapter 37

 

Harry swallowed hard. It felt like a gang of pixies was having a party in his stomach. He crept forward slowly, scarcely daring to breathe. Downstairs he heard the clatter of pots ad pans and knew Severus was occupied for a few minutes. Drawing a deep breath he pushed open the door and stepped into Sev's suite.

He remembered, from those long ago days when he had been caring for Severus at Spinner's End, that there had been a photograph of Lily in Severus' bedroom. That would be the logical place to keep any mementos of her – with that picture. Surely he had brought it with him when he moved?

At Spinner’s End, he had spent so many hours staring at that picture, never quite daring to remove it and take a closer look. As close as they were now, Harry knew it wouldn't be a problem now, had he asked. But he hadn't asked, he had crept in, and was searching Severus' room without his consent or knowledge.

He just hoped that Severus had brought the pict...ah! There it was! On a low table, facing a pair of high backed, comfortable chairs.

Harry glanced at the door, hoping whatever Severus was cooking was complicated.

Kneeling down, he stared hungrily at the picture. It was a torn photo, half of the picture he had found in Grimmauld Place so many years ago, back when Voldemort had still been alive. There was spellotape along the ragged edge, and, across the bottom corner of the image was the faded signature, long ago torn from a letter written by Lily.

Eyes pricking with tears for a loss he could never fully appreciate, Harry tilted the frame forward and unhooked the back.

The wood slid off and he found himself staring at his own face!

Harry noticed that his own face didn't move. Curious, he nudged it with a finger, and was surprised at the total lack of reaction. 

Harry had never seen a magical photo that didn't react when touched. He wondered if perhaps a spell had been cast to keep it still. 

But that made no sense! Why would Severus have a picture of Harry hidden so that it never appeared?

Confused, Harry opened out the photograph, and had to suppress a cry of triumph. He had known it! There, sandwiched between his own visage and Lily’s, was a tiny glowing bubble containing six dark red eye lashes.

Feeling sweat break out on his brow, Harry delicately pointed his wand at one of teh lashes and summoned it. It made the side of the bubble bulge before it poked through. Then it floated gently into Harry's wet hand.

He stared in amazement and wonder at this tiny remnant of Lily Potter. This had been part of her, and soon, Harry would use it to give Severus that which he most desired...

Downstairs, Severus was quite content to cook the evening meal. He knew how hard Ginny and Harry worked, and, to be honest, he enjoyed the measuring and mixing. It as like potion making! He thought about his picture of Lily, which sat, facing him when he settled in the evenings. And of course, the picture hid a secret... 

It had taken him some time to correctly spellotape the two different pictures together so that Lily could move into Harry's photo, and vice versa. Severus, not being a total idiot, had charmed the image of Harry to only move when Severus was alone. Thus, in an evening, alone with his drink, he could look at the man he ached for, with none being any the wiser.

Harry stared at the eyelash. It wasn't too late. He could return it, now, put the frame back together and Severus would never know.

And Severus would never get his one time with Lily.

Harry gulped. Could he do this?

_Alcohol_ he thought, _Definitely alcohol Sev will know it's not really Lily, and, will probably go mental, if he's sober. But... if he's drunk, then his self control will be less..._

Harry flushed a little at the idea of a drunk Severus - one whose self control was lowered. Harry wanted to take advantage of that state, and, he was, really, with his plan.

Harry tiptoed out of Severus' room, after he had put the photo back into its frame, and went into his own room. He grinned as he pulled a vial from his battered rucksack. The vial was full of green sluggishly moving liquid.

"Severus..." he said softly, "you're going to have a night to remember!"

*****************

The days until Ginny left were busy for Harry, but also never ending! He could hardly wait until his wife had left, yet knew he would miss her, and was apprehensive about what might happen.

Ginny had arranged for James to stay with her mother, saying, "You boys won't want o be bothered with a baby!" 

Harry had argued, but not too strenuously! And now, Ginny was due to depart in twenty minutes – her hotel reservation was booked to begin then. Her bags were packed, her notebooks stuck out of her back pocket, and a meal was sitting on the table, waiting for the two men to eat it after she'd gone. Ginny herself was too excited to eat, and Severus had thoughtfully made himself scarce so that the husband and wife could have a few moments privacy before she departed.

It seemed hours and seconds to Harry's tortured mind before she was leaning in for a kiss, which he returned with barely concealed fury, confusion making him more passionate than normal. Then she was twirling on the spot and telling Harry not to worry about her. Abruptly, in a heartbeat, she was gone.

The house seemed suddenly very still, and much too small to contain the two men.

Severus had entered just as Ginny had left and had waved to her. Now he slid an arm around Harry's back. "She'll be just fine, you know." Severus reassured Harry.

The younger man nodded and tried not to relax into Severus' arms. "Food?"

Normally, Severus and Harry had no problem conversing, but for some reason, tonight, they struggled. Long gaps were filled with the sounds of knives and forks being pushed across plates. Neither lifted their forks to their mouths. 

Harry fidgeted endlessly; Rising and fetching bread, then butter, before returning them untouched. He picked up his fork. Put it back down, reached for his glass. Drained it and rose to re-fill it. The jug on the table was empty. Harry had drunk glass after glass, seeking to wet his arid throat.

Severus watched the younger man with intense eyes. He followed every movement that Harry made. Watched as the glass went again and again to those lips. It made his own throat dry to look at that wet mouth. He picked up his glass, relishing the coldness of it against his overheated skin, and took a gulp.

Harry's head flashed towards him, staring at those thin lips as they stretched around the tumbler.

The meal, as lovely as it was, was inedible to those two men, facing a night without Ginny. Facing a night with just the two of them. 

Alone. 

Together.

**************************************


	39. Chapter 38

We own nothing Harry Potter. We make no money from this story.

 

Chapter 38

 

After the meal, which had barely been touched, Harry reached for a bottle of something strong and two glasses and walked into the living room. Severus followed, intrigued. Generally, Harry wasn’t a big drinker, but something in the younger man’s stance told him the dark haired man was planning a session.

The first two glasses were drunk in almost total silence. Harry watched Severus drink, trying to sip at his own glass to prevent himself getting too drunk, but at the same time, every time he thought about what might happen that night he took a gulp, trying to drink himself to bravery.

Severus enjoyed the alcohol; it was good quality. And sitting companionably with Harry was certainly pleasurable, despite the tension that seemed to thicken between them.

The tension began to ease somewhat as the third glass of firewhiskey slid down their throats.

“S-Sev,” Harry said suddenly, horribly aware that his voice held a squeak in it, “if, if you could be with anyone you wished, dead or alive, who would it be?”

Severus felt suddenly much too hot. His face flamed as he considered his possible responses to Harry’s question. He could hardly admit the truth, could he? Tell the beautiful young man opposite he wanted to throw him down on a bed and fuck him til neither could move again. And he could hardly reply with the name Harry was clearly expecting, as it simply wasn’t true. In the end he reached forward and refilled both of their glasses.

“Are you trying to get me drunk?” Harry asked, a slight giggle following his words.

_YES! Maybe that way I can finally get some relief, some peace, even if it does wreck our friendship!_

Severus bit back his thoughts. One night with Harry wouldn’t make up for the destruction of a relationship. He loved the other too much to just be content with one night of passion and then nothing ever again.

Harry, for his part, was drinking the alcohol, wishing he’d kept his mouth shut. An uncomfortable image of Severus leaning over and kissing him was making his trousers too tight. He wanted Severus, in ways in which he knew he shouldn’t, and still was desperately unsure. If tonight went to plan, would it ruin their friendship? Would the atmosphere between them become intolerable? Would Severus have to leave? Harry’s mind revolted at the thought. Even at the cost of sating his physical desire, he couldn’t bring himself to ruin what they currently had.

The evening wore on, Harry drinking more than his body could truly handle whilst Severus kept up with him, better able to hold his liquor than Harry. With the easing of alcohol, their talk became almost natural again, except for the loss of the innuendoes. Neither quite dared to start a tease that might lead down a dangerous path.

Sitting on the floor, drinking glass after glass, Harry didn’t quite realise how drunk he was becoming. 

Severus tilted the bottle and a few dribbles of honey coloured liquid poured in Harry’s tumbler. Severus raised an eyebrow, surprised that between them they had finished the bottle. 

Harry stared at the tiny puddle of whiskey in his glass and tossed it back. The time had come. He could no longer prevaricate. Rising unsteadily to his feet, Harry weaved across the room and made his slow, overly careful way to the bathroom.

The cool of the tiled area made his own skin seem hotter in comparison. He stared at himself in the mirror, surprised at his flushed cheeks and slightly glassy eyes. He gripped the basin firmly as he swayed helplessly. He pulled open the door of the cabinet next to the mirror, fumbling a little with the small handle, and knocked over bottles and containers searching for a glass vial. At last he held it in his hand. He clenched his fist tightly around it, terrified in case he dropped it. Inside, the liquid had already changed colour to a rich, deep russet that would have made Harry think of autumn had he not been so drunk.

He carefully put the tube into the sink, so that it could not roll off and smash and stared fixedly at it. Could he do this? He had kept telling himself, for days now, that he would hire someone to take the polyjuice potion, but he had known that he was lying to himself. He wanted Severus to have his one time with Lily but was selfish enough to also take this chance to have _his_ one chance with Severus. After all, the man had adored Harry’s mother, no way did Severus feel what Harry felt.

Harry glanced down at the bulge between his legs. He idly rubbed at it, then sharply pulled his hand away. This wasn’t about _him_ , whatever he was foolishly thinking. It was about _Severus_. He was doing this for _Severus_ not for his own gratification. Having argued his brain into submission, he now ignored his traitorous body which seemed determined to remind him of how much he was looking forward to this.

_For Severus_ he thought sternly and fuzzily, _Severus._

He reached into the sink, hand missing the bottle on his first attempt. On his second he grasped it and held it shakily in his grip. He looked inot the mirror, realising that, for one short hour, he was going to be a woman, going to know how it felt to be penetrated…

_Ginny!_ He thought with a surge of guilt. It was she who had unwittingly put this longing into his head. Ginny who had made him think of being taken by Severus. And it was Ginny who would benefit. He would know better how to please her, and the awkward tension between himself and Severus would be gone. He would again focus exclusively upon his wife and son. And after all, it was only going to happen once.

_Yes, just the once. Just to give Severus his one time with Lily._

Having justified to himself what he was about to do, he uncorked the vial. The cork he placed carefully next to the soap. He brought the tube to his lips. He swallowed his nerves down. It wasn’t too late. He could still change his mind…

***************************


	40. Chapter 39

We own nothing Harry Potter. We make no money from this story.

 

Chapter 39

 

Severus glanced up as Harry returned from the bathroom. He felt his heart leap at the so familiar sight, although, at the same time, his brain struggled to process what he was staring at. He mouthed one word silently, eyes filled with pain, before a single tear tracked down his cheek. "Harry," he choked out, overcome.

"Oh God!" Harry's mind wailed. "He knows!" Utterly distraught, he turned and fled from the house, not even considering magic. Blinded by tears and still drunk, it took Harry some ten minutes to reach the quiet and solitude of the nearby woods. He stumbled among the trees, tripping and staggering a little, unused to this body, to being a girl. At last he simply stopped, legs shaking with effort, and slid down a thick old oak tree, the rough bark almost painful against the sensitive skin on 'his' back.

His chest hurt. He had breasts. He was in his _mother’s_ skin! It was all getting a bit too Grecian.

A hysterical sob broke from him.

Sev had rejected him. Severus didn't want him, not as Lily, anyway. Had Sev lied all this time, saying he had loved Lily? Surely he must have done, otherwise how could he have resisted?

Harry bent over, one hand clenching into the mulch of leaves at the base of the tree. The cold, almost slimy material helped him focus, helped him ground himself. 

He could leave. Simply apparate away for a few days, claim he was needed at work. He could avoid Severus until this painful incident was forgotten between them. Harry felt his face begin to burn again with humiliation. He began to shiver, whether with cold or reaction he couldn't have said, but soon 'his' teeth were chattering together so badly he couldn't speak. He shuddered, annoyed with himself for his weakness. Angered, he reached into the robe for his wand, and it wasn't there. He cursed. What the hell else was going to go wrong?

"Harry?"

_Oh fuckohfuckohfuckofuck!_ thought Harry.

Harry hid his face in his hands, wanting nothing more than to curl up in his mother's arms. Clutching at the rough bark, he pulled himself unsteadily to his feet. He couldn't stay here, not and let Severus find him and _pity_ him. But, he wasn't a child any longer, Snape wasn't his teacher. They were both men, both adults, and it was time Harry started acting like it.

He wasn't afraid of Snape's anger, he was afraid of the other's disapproval, of somehow being seen as "less" in the older man's eyes.

He _wanted_ Sev's approval, wanted ... he didn't know how to phrase it, but knew there was something he wanted from Severus, something that he himself wasn't yet ready to admit. How could he approach Severus and speak to him as a man when he felt so insecure and lost?

Harry squared his shoulders and turned to face the black cloaked figure approaching through the trees.

"Harry." Severus' voice seemed almost entirely expressionless.

He came close enough for the younger man to make out the concern on his face, close enough that he saw what Severus held in his hand - Harry's wand.

An awkward stillness descended.

Severus felt his breath leave him. Lily, standing looking at him with those eyes, so unsure of herself, so lost. No, not Lily. She had never looked at him like that. This was Harry. _His_ Harry.

And then Severus wanted the effects of the potion to end - wanted to see _Harry’s_ face, Harry's body, Harry's eyes looking out at him.

His voice gravelly, Severus said, "You dropped this."

And then everything changed.

Harry was babbling at him, apologies spilling relentlessly from his lips, eyes big and pleading and desperate, so desperate that Severus ached to hold the other.

So he did.

Severus pulled Harry to him. Felt the softness of Lily's curves against his chest, felt tears that were Harry's alone wetting his shirt.

He bent his head, smelling the red hair, but it was Harry he smelt, not his long remembered scent of Lily. And now his arms were filled with hard plains, tense muscles, angular bones. The hair he was smelling was shorter, was black, was sticking out as it always did. His Harry was back.

"Harry," he said, softly, gently, "Look at me”

Tear filled green eyes gazed into his deep black ones. Harry seemed so lost, and Severus knew the way home. He bent his head to show Harry what it was he had been searching for.

His lips just touched the younger man's. Harry's eyes widened, but he didn't pull away. He felt the surprisingly soft lips press against his, felt them feather kisses across his lips. It was so different to how Ginny kissed him, and yet it felt so good.

_Ginny!_

Harry wrenched free and began to run again. But Severus' voice stopped him. "You can't keep running Harry." He waited for the other to turn towards him once more. "You're no longer a child. You are an adult. Come back to the house and we can discuss this like adults, instead of chasing all over the forest like seven year olds." Despite trying, some of his usual snarkiness crept into his tone and Harry reacted to it. He gave a small smile - this was his Sev, the one he knew and loved.

He nodded, accepting that yes, he was grown up, and yes, he did have to talk about this whatever-it-was going on between him and Snape.

Walking unwillingly back to the house, Harry couldn't help again feeling utterly mortified and foolish about what he'd done, and found he couldn't look at Severus. His face burnt with remembered embarrassment, but he also felt unsettled thinking of the man's warm, soft lips caressing his own. That had been a moment out of time, and it had felt just ... wonderful. On the heels of that came a twinge of guilt over Ginny. What the hell was he playing at? Severus was their friend! He had no business even thinking the things he was thinking! 

But his mind raced away from him.

He fought to bring it to heel with thoughts of his wife and son, so that, by the time they reached the study, Harry's emotions were in a roiling mess of confusion, humiliation and pain again and his legs felt shaky.

What he desperately wanted to do was run and hide, just as Severus had accused him of doing, but he knew that he could also no longer bear this constant state of confusion. 

Something had to give.

He crossed the threshold of his house, feeling that it should look different, so much had changed in the past hour, but it didn't. The bottle they had shared earlier still stood boldly on the small table. He stepped over to it pour himself a shot of liquid courage, but the bottle was empty, he remembered too late. He took a deep breath, telling himself he was an adult and adults didn't hide, not even from snarky former Potions professors. Even ones that had the ability to instantly make him feel like a stupid little boy again. Even when they kissed him. Steeling himself, he lifted his chin and turned around to face the music. He found those endless black eyes watching him with affection, compassion, and a trace of amusement, and it was the amusement that caused his face to flush warmly with embarrassment along with a flare of indignant ire.

Harry opened his mouth, to explain, to accuse, to scream, he really didn't know. But Severus' next question stopped him before he even got started.

"Which of us are you angry at, Harry?" the man asked quietly.

Biting back the instinctive "you!" and the diatribe that would have followed it, Harry fought past his embarrassment to the core of the emotion. He swallowed hard and said grudgingly, "....me..." 

"Harry...," Severus began, his voice soft and understanding, warm and kind. Harry had done a kind thing for Severus, however misguided, and he tried to convey his appreciation of the gesture in the calm gentle tone of his voice.

It served the opposite effect, and Harry couldn't contain his anger and humiliation any longer. "Do you have any idea of how ..stupid ...I feel?!" he choked out. He felt strangely like crying, but forced it back harshly, hiding it under a swell of rage: "Why didn't you want me … her?!" he screamed, almost hysterical, "Why didn't you touch her?! I thought that was what you wanted!"

Severus made no answer, which made Harry more furious, yet growing in him, diffusing the anger, was an impossible problem: "Why did you do that...out there? What you did...why did you do that?!"

"I thought that's what you wanted," Severus replied calmly, "why you pretended to be Lily. Wasn't it what you wanted? Why you did what you did?" The ex-professor held his breath, hoping.

"No!" Harry yelped, "I...I just thought to...do something for you! Because you loved her, and I thought you might want to ...to have...what you didn't.....have...". He trailed off with the feeling that he would never be able to explain his reasons adequately, especially when he was still lying to himself.

The black eyes were bottomless as the man looked silently back at him, waiting.

"Don't look at me like that!" Harry growled, but the black eyes remained implacable, and Harry squirmed feeling like a second year caught stealing potions.

"Harry," Severus said after watching the younger man fidget, "you can tell me the truth." He waited, watching the younger man steadily. 

When he felt Harry had had enough space he continued, "I appreciate what you said you were trying to do, but....that isn't the whole of it...is it?"

Harry couldn't seem to pull his gaze away from Severus'. Severus, who had always demanded the best from him, who had never allowed Harry's name or "position" to make a difference, who had always been someone that Harry had been able to rely on (if only by knowing the other would be horrible!). This man didn't see "The Boy-Who-Lived" or the Wizarding World's Saviour, or Ginny's husband, or James' father, or Hermione and Ron's friend, he saw Harry. 

And Harry finally saw himself.

Harry looked up into fathomless black eyes, only they weren't fathomless, he could see Severus in a way he'd never seen him before.

Harry drew strength from the dark eyes, strength enough to speak. "You...you kissed me." he stated, voice odd. "We kissed." His voice now held a hint of wonder. "But," he went on, "we're men, I'm married! You, you encouraged me to marry! And we've kissed! I thought…you loved my mother…" Harry was confused.

"And you love Ginny," Severus replied infuriatingly.

"Then how can this be right?!" Harry burst out, “I'm married, _Happily_ , to a girl _you_ said was perfect for me! And now my world is being turned upside down! _By **you!**_ ”

"Harry," Severus sighed, "Can we please talk about this as adults? Like we agreed? Without the histrionics?"

Harry glared at the man. Dammit! How did he always do that?! Make him feel as if he were an errant boy again?! Biting back any further outburst, Harry got a grip on himself and said, "Yeah...you're right.....it's just....I'm really confused!"

"Of course you're confused," Severus said, not helping at all.

"And you're not?!" Harry shot back hotly "This doesn't confuse you at _all_?!"

"Yes, Harry, it does," Severus conceded gently.

*********************************************


	41. Chapter 40

We own nothing Harry Potter. We make no money from this story.

 

Chapter 40

 

The two men sat in silence. Severus was touched by what Harry had done, although a little disturbed at the idea as well.

“Sev?” Harry’s voice was tentative.

“Hmm?”

“How could you have not… you know… with me when you saw Lily? You, you kept her eyelashes all these years. Why do that if you didn’t really love her?”

“I kept them.” He spoke softly. “At first I kept them because I thought I loved her, but eventually I realised that whilst I loved her, I wasn’t _in love_ with her. By that time, of course, James had carried her off, and I couldn’t even be her friend, so I kept them, as they were all I had of her.”

“But…” Harry’s face wrinkled into a puzzled frown. “All these years. I thought you were crazy about her!”

Severus smiled slightly. “Hardly, Harry. Not when I finally accepted a truth about myself.”

“What truth?”

“I prefer to be physical with men rather than with women.”

“You’re…you’re _gay_?!” Harry breathed, eyes wide. “How can you be sure?” he began babbling, “Maybe you never had sex with a woman, maybe…”

“I have slept with a woman, Harry. And it was that experience which finally forced me to accept my sexuality. I thought I could make myself ‘straight’ by doing what was expected. I couldn’t. I am what I am, Harry.” His final comment seemed rather pointed, and Harry’s face flamed.

“I’m not gay,” Harry said defensively, “I’m married. I have a _son_!”

Severus merely commented dryly, “If you allow yourself to be kissed by another man, and seem, if I may be so bold, to be enjoying it, I would suggest that perhaps you _are_ that way inclined.”

He paused for a few minutes, awaiting a rebuttal from Harry, but none came. He went on gently, “And if you are willing to be penetrated by another man – regardless of the body it was _you_ which desired it – then most people would say that you are, rather definitely, _gay_.” Severus almost snarled the last word. He hated the term. He hated being defined by his sexual preference.

Harry blushed vividly and chewed on his lower lip. His head was pounding horribly. Alcohol, combined with the physical and emotional drain of the past hour, was conspiring to make his head hurt. “I…I did it for you,” he said in a small voice.

Severus shook his head. “The truth please, Harry, you owe _yourself_ that much.”

Tears in his eyes, Harry stared resolutely at the floor. “I…I wanted to know what it would be like to be taken. I wanted to experience that. And I wanted it to be _you_ doing that to me” He gulped, wiped his running nose, “I…I love Ginny. I do, Sev. I _really_ do, and I love sleeping with her, but, but I can’t stop myself from wanting you, from wanting to sleep with _you_ too.” He choked back a sob. “What’s _wrong_ with me?” Finally he looked into warm black eyes. “What’s wrong with me, Sev?”

Severus’ heart leapt at the pain and confusion in Harry’s tone. “Nothing,” he said firmly, “There is _nothing_ wrong with you. People are capable of great love, capable of loving more than one person. That you want to be physical with more than one person only shows the depth of your ability to love. I think some people are not really gay or straight, rather than can see love in all its guises and can enjoy the physical pleasures, regardless of the gender of the person they feel attracted to.”

He sighed, before slipping out of his own chair and to his knees in front of Harry. He gently put one finger under Harry’s downcast chin and tilted it up until their eyes met and held. “You are not gay, or straight, or bisexual.” He said softly, “You are Harry.”

Green eyes shining with further unshed tears, Harry managed a wobbly smile at the love in Severus’ voice. He looked at the mouth that had spoken such kind words and ached to feel it on him again. He wanted to kiss Severus and feel the lips gently caressing his face, his neck, his body. He blushed with embarrassment, but didn’t shy away from the feeling. Harry licked his lips.

"Tell me what you want, Harry," Severus murmured.

Harry's gaze was fixed upon Severus' lips, a noticeable flush staining his cheeks.

Severus felt the change in Harry, saw the desire blazing in those emerald eyes. He closed the gap between them and let himself sample the lips of his beloved for the second time that night.

Harry gasped a little at the feel of that mouth again upon his. He pressed forward, keen to feel greater pressure, to be consumed by this man.

Severus longed to lay claim to Harry, to kiss every inch of his body, to possess him, but needed to begin slowly. He nibbled temptingly at the younger man’s bottom lip, drawing it into his own mouth and sucking hard on it.

Harry moaned, deep in his throat and opened his mouth to let Severus invade it.

The older man slid his tongue easily inside Harry’s warm cavern, loving the taste and feeling of kissing him so completely. His body was filled with the taste and smell and _feel_ of Harry, and Harry was addictive. He plundered the mouth, tongue twisting in and rubbing along Harry’s muscle, tangling with it and drawing it into his own mouth, nearly panting as he felt Harry lick the inside of _his_ mouth and begin learning Severus’ taste.

Need made them shift closer together. Severus settling between Harry’s legs, hands sliding down the back to grab at the buttocks and pull Harry against him so that their aching erections could rub together. One hand tangled in Harry’s messy hair as Severus again pressed into the delicious mouth. He revelled in the feel of the hard body pressed so tightly against his, the feel of Harry yielding to his mouth. He slid his hands up from the taut bottom, along Harry's sides, his fingers memorising each inch of toned muscle along the way.

He'd hoped and dreamed of this for so long, waited so long, and it was difficult not to give in to his baser desires, but he didn't want to scare Harry, he wanted to make sure that Harry truly wanted this.

Still, his desire for the other was strong, and he allowed his hands to indulge themselves, sliding back up to cup the heated cheeks of his Harry once again, deepening their kiss even more.

A muffled moan from Harry set his hands into motion again, his fingers tracing down along Harry's throat, pausing over the throbbing pulse point, caressing it, before continuing down to the firm and muscled chest pressed against his own. Slight pressure from his fingers caused Harry to lean back just enough to enable Severus' questing fingers to reach the hardened nubs they were seeking.

A light tug and pinch hardened them into even stiffer peaks, and cause another delicious moan to be released into his mouth, which he lapped up and devoured hungrily, stoking a desire so fierce he wanted to _consume_ Harry.

Harry whimpered, making Severus' desire increase a hundredfold. Then a thousandfold as Harry wrapped legs and arms around Severus' body, his own telltale stiffness pressing against Severus'. Harry rocked his hips, and their shafts ground together.

Again Severus' lust clouded mind thought about how easy it would be to take what was offered, simply press Harry back into the cushions, rip the clothing from his body and loose himself in the glory of finally making his dreams come true.

Now it was Severus whimpering, his needs and desire waging an internal battle with his rational mind and more sensible self. He wanted Harry to want it too, to not regret it, to not hate Severus in the morning.

Yet, the body thrusting against his clearly said he _did_ want it. Harry had said so; he _wanted_ Severus to be the one to show him.

Severus ripped his mouth away from Harry's, gasping for air, his entire body shaking with long suppressed need, temptation making him weak. He clutched the warm and pliable body of his Harry, gulping audibly, his fingers twitching across the taut chest, peaked nipples, itching to rip away the cloth that separated them.

Helplessly he looked into lust-laden emerald eyes, raking down to the wet, lush mouth that begged to be possessed again, and felt himself falling before temptation, helpless to resist. 

"....bed....," Harry breathed, and Severus froze, unable to believe what he'd heard.

_Harry was asking for him to take him to bed!_ his mind sang deliriously.

"Bed," Severus agreed, and Harry nodded.

"I think....I need bed.....too...too much....to drink..." Harry slurred, and Severus froze in disbelief once again.

It took several moments for Severus to cool his heated mind, but the rational, sensible side of him ultimately won the battle, and he found himself glad for it. He wanted Harry, badly, but taking advantage of him was no way to do it. They'd made progress tonight. Harry had at last admitted his attraction to Severus, had admitted he wanted to be kissed by him, had enjoyed it. That in itself was more than Severus had any right to hope for. He could be patient. His Harry was worth the wait. 

Swallowing audibly to wet his dry throat, Severus placed a soft kiss on those oh-so-desirable lips then said, "Yes, Harry. Bed."

***********************************


	42. Chapter 41

We own nothing Harry Potter. We make no money from this story.

 

Chapter 41

 

Morning came. And with it a troll sized hangover. 

Harry rolled off his bed, groaning, wishing to heaven that the room would stop spinning. He staggered into his bathroom and peered blearily at himself in the mirror. Neatly taped to the glass was a message in Severus’ neat handwriting. Seeing it made the previous night rush back…

Two minutes later, his stomach empty, Harry clutched at the cool porcelain of the toilet bowl and tried to stop the sickening swirling in his mind.

_It’s not like I really cheated on Ginny. Is it? I mean...it was just a kiss....or two. Erm.......maybe a little more than a kiss, but.......it's not like we slept together! No. I didn't cheat. I love her. And she knows I love Severus. She doesn't mind when we hug. A kiss isn't that different. Right? It's not like this would ever go any further. Even if I....No! It will not. I love Ginny. I would never cheat on her! I didn't cheat on her. I didn't, and I never will._

_It was only a kiss, nothing else. It’s not like we slept together or anything._

_And we’re not going to._

Having calmed the guilt twisting his already troubled stomach, he struggled to his feet and saw again the message. 

_Harry,_

_I imagine you are feeling quite delicate this morning. I left a Hang-Over Cure on the mantelpiece near your bed. **Sip** it, don’t gulp._

_Severus_

A rush of warmth and affection for the older man raced through Harry. It was typical of him to have considered Harry’s well being. 

It took Harry nearly a minute to work up the energy to push off from the sink and stagger to the bedroom and the potion awaiting him there.

Nearly stumbling on his own feet, Harry made a grab for the shelf, fingers just catching it, but he managed to smack his head on the wood.

“Fucking retarded bastard thing!” he shouted and instantly regretted it.

He rubbed the dent in his forehead where the wood had connected with his already throbbing head and reached for the small bottle. A quantity of silver blue liquid swirled within. It looked appealing to Harry’s queasy body. He made it to the bed and slumped on it before he uncorked the bottle and began sipping the fluid.

It tasted vaguely of mint and began to instantly soothe his delicate stomach and sore head.

Sadly it didn’t make his memory of the previous night diminish. Harry still felt incredibly stupid when he considered the plan he had attempted. What _had_ he been thinking? Still, the kissing had been…

_Spectacular? Superb? Amazing? Perfect?_

Harry blushed as he remembered the slick pressure of Severus’ tongue on his. He felt a tingle in his chest where his nipples had been touched, and …

_God, I’m hard again! This has got to stop!_

He resolutely ignored his erection as he dressed and readied himself for the day. Finally, after mentally and physically squaring his shoulders he opened the door and went down to the living room.

Severus sat on a sofa, newspaper open, and he seemed, from what Harry could make out from a man’s posture, to be scowling.

Some subtle sound must have alerted Severus to Harry’s presence, or maybe they were that attuned to each other. His head snapped around, eyes seeming to scour Harry deeply.

Harry blushed but took a shaky step forward. He was seeing again the night before, feeling how Severus had felt pressing between his legs. His dick twitched in his pants at the sight of the man he loved. _Wait! What?! Man I love? I mean....I do love him.....but.......I do… **love** him........oh fuck!! _

_Ohmygod, ohmygod, ohmygod!!_ he thought frantically, the events from the night before hitting him with full force.

His next thought was to run, hide, anything rather than face up to what he'd done. The things he'd said. _I told him I enjoyed it!_ his mind screamed. _I told him I wanted it!_

_We were rubbing our cocks together!_ There was hysterical quality to Harry's thoughts by now. _Oh fuck_ he wailed inside, closing his eyes. _Not to mention the ass you made of yourself with the polyjuice_ that nasty little inside voice prodded. _What the fuck were you thinking!_

_And you said you were going to be **adult**_ the voice continued to mock.

Harry felt the urge to retreat growing in him. He even half turned away, but something made him stop. He suddenly realised Severus was staring at him with puzzled amusement and concern and imagined the picture he presented, standing there with his dick hard and a stupid look on his face.

"Harry," Severus said softly, letting the paper drop into his lap.

Feeling oddly as though he were about to cry, Harry shook his head, trying to deny the emotions he saw in Sev’s face.

“We need to talk, Harry.”

“About what? About how you’ve made me feel things I have no business feeling? How you’ve made me gay like you? How you’re trying to have me for yourself?!” Harry was screaming, unable to hold back all of the tension and confusion and guilt and self-loathing he felt.

“I want you out of our house!” He shouted, tears standing in his eyes.

Severus neatly folded the paper and stood up. “If that is what you wish,” he said evenly, even as his heart shattered. He began to move past Harry but the other grabbed at his arm, a sob in his throat.

“NO! No! You can’t just leave me! You can’t leave me like this! I…I don’t know what to do Sev! Help me! Oh, god, help me!” He sobbed then, bitter tears of pain and longing and need.

Severus let the other cling to him as he wept.

"Harry, Harry," Severus soothed, embracing the boy. "It's alright. It's alright. Come sit down and we'll talk about this."

He hugged Harry tightly, feeling the younger man clinging to him desperately. They settled on the sofa, Harry huddled into Severus’ arms.

"This....thing...between us, it won't go away just because you want it to. Part of being a grown up is facing unpleasantness, and this is obviously unpleasant for you...." 

"Isn't it for you?!" Harry burst out belligerently, pushing away from the older man.

What happened between us was not unpleasant for me, no," Severus said calmly, "however, seeing you this way is. I want us to talk about this, Harry, calmly and as adults."

"But how can you be _calm_?!" Harry wailed, "There's _nothing_ calm about this! Don't you get that?! I'm thinking about cheating on my _wife_!"

All at once Harry stopped, shocked at his own admission. He pulled further away from the other man, eyes wide, mouth open in astonishment, and stared.

"You _do_ want this," Severus said softly, damningly "just as I have, for a very long time now. That is why, despite the guilt we are both feeling, I cannot say it was unpleasant."

Harry felt the tears threatening again. This was so _confusing_!

"B-but...Ginny....." Harry whispered, "what about Ginny?"

"It is possible to love more than one person, Harry," Severus said, pushing the guilt he felt trying to take root aside, "you love Ginny, yes....but I think you also love me."

"And how can it be wrong to want to be with someone you love?" he added. He knew he was being manipulative, but he wanted Harry to admit to his feelings.

He knew it was true. Harry did love him. And Severus had waited so long.

So very long. All he wanted in this moment was for Harry to face up to the truth, to admit his feelings. Although sex would be lovely, and was very much hoped for, it wasn't his chief motivation. Severus wanted more for Harry to face facts so that they could live with the situation they were in - live with the feelings that bound them together.

Harry looked at the older man, the man he loved, it was true, he did love him. He thought about what Severus had said last night, and what he himself had said he'd do. Be a man. A grown up. An adult. Drawing strength, and a deep breath, Harry looked Severus, Sev, in the eye and said, "You're right, Sev. I do love you. And what we did last night wasn't unpleasant for me either. I wanted it, just as much as you did, and deep inside, I'm not sorry for what happened." Harry paused and drew in another breath. "But....even if I want it....I don't know if I can do this. I love you, but I love Ginny too, and I'm married to her, she trusts me, so.......yes, I love you, yes, I want you....at least I want to kiss you, but.........that's all I can say right now." 

Severus looked into the beloved emerald eyes and knew not to try and push the boy farther. Harry had done what he'd wanted, admitted his feelings, and no matter how much more he wanted to hear other things fall from those lips he craved, pushing him for more right now would only frighten him away.

"Thank you for telling me this, Harry," Severus said, pulling the boy close again. "Thank you for being man enough to admit to your feelings. And I will admit to mine. I love you and I want you, but where it goes from here is up to you. All I really want is for you to be happy. This is a difficult situation for you, and I want you to make a decision _you_ are happy with." 

Harry smiled softly and leaned forward for a kiss. He was surprised when Severus pulled away from him. Confused he asked, “Won’t you…?”

"No, Harry, I don't think that would be a smart thing to do. Not when I want you so very much." Severus retreated to his suite, leaving Harry alone with his words ringing through his head while he waited for Ginny's return.

_Ginny_ Harry thought _if you only knew what I just did.......I'm so confused.......I wish I could talk to you about this......but **how** can I talk to you about this?! How do I tell you that although I love and want you, I also love and want another man?! Would you understand? How could you? How could you possibly understand when I don't understand it myself?_

_**How** did this happen?! How could I ever have seen this coming?! I love Severus.....I want Severus.....another man........just like I love and want you, Ginny! I thought with you by my side, my wife, our son, our family, my life was perfect! How the hell did my perfect life get so fucked up?! **How?!** I want so badly to talk to you about this, Ginny. I **always** talk to you about stuff!_

_How do I tell you, my precious wife, that I want to cheat on you and fuck a man?! That I want to break your heart and your trust and everything we have together so that I can love and fuck another man and not lose you?!_

_How do I tell you that I'm not sure I can stop myself?_

*************************************


	43. Chapter 42

We own nothing Harry Potter. We make no money from this story.

 

Chapter 42

 

Three hours later, Ginny reappeared, a huge grin on her face. “Hey guys!” she called out, dumping her bag to the kitchen floor and hurrying through the house to look for the two men.

She found them sitting in the living room, a strained silence between them.

“What happened?” She asked, half exasperated, well knowing what the two men were like when their tempers were roused. “What on earth did you get up to whilst I was gone?”

Severus rose smoothly and smiled warmly at her. “What _could_ we get up to, without you?” he queried, as she pulled him close for a hug.

Harry rose, looking a little pink, but he too joined in the hug. All three stood together, revelling in their closeness.

At last Ginny pulled away, “Oh, I needed that,” she admitted as she returned to the kitchen for her luggage.

Harry followed her and pulled her close for a gentle kiss that stretched on and on. 

“Wow!” she murmured, as they at last drew apart.

“I missed you,” Harry said truthfully. “How was the match?”

She shrugged. “Complete whitewash, which I knew it would be the minute I learned Dex Flewwell was ill and had been replaced. It’s really difficult to make a match sound interesting when one team is being flattened. Still, I got some good interviews in the evening at the hotel to make up for it, and learned some really interesting gossip!” She waggled her eyebrows at him suggestively, knowing he wouldn’t ask. Sometimes she missed not having vast numbers of girl friends to share news with. Men just weren’t that interested in who was secretly seeing whom.

“Will your report be in the evening edition?” Harry asked. He picked up her bag and followed her out of the kitchen and up the stairs to their room.

“Yes, but I’ll need to go into the office for a bit this afternoon, just to check everything is ok.”

They talked normally together as they walked, and left Severus standing in the living room feeling more wretched than he’d felt in a long time. Was this how it would be now? Whenever Ginny was around he would be ignored and Harry would devote all his attention to her to somehow try and make up for his treacherous feelings? Severus wished he could hate Ginny, wished it was possible to ignore her good qualities, the happiness she brought Harry, and the happiness she brought him, and _hate_ her.

Severus fought to control his rising bitterness. He had received the admission he had wanted from Harry, an admission which had made his soul sing when he had heard those words. So what if he had to share Harry? Harry was having to balance his feelings for two people he loved, an awful task Severus would not have wanted to attempt. He supposed that he could wait for a few stolen moments with Harry, when Ginny wasn’t around. And, his feelings for Harry weren’t just about sex, although he did long to be physical with the younger man, it was _love_ , as annoying and inconvenient as that was.

 

All the time that Harry spent with Ginny, he was thinking of how wonderful it felt to be close to her again but also of the time when she would leave him and Severus alone and the kisses he planned to give the older man to apologise for having to ignore him now.

He blushed a little, feeling dreadful. He stood next to his wife, listening happily to her babbling and was imagining another man’s lips. He had wanted her here, had wanted to share all the confusion he had felt whilst she had been away, but now he felt no confusion. Guilt, yes, but no confusion. He loved Severus, and wanted Severus, and surely his wife would understand that? Surely she could see how happy Severus made Harry? How special Harry felt with Severus? How could that feeling be wrong? And how could it be wrong for a physical expression of their love to be desired?

His flamed further as he realised just what it was he was wishing for. He was wishing to have sex with Severus. To lie under the older man and know how it felt to be possessed. To feel physical love within him. The thought filled him with longing and terrified him at the same time.

Severus had said he wanted Harry to be happy. And suddenly Harry knew what he wanted. He loved Ginny, yes, very much so, and desired her, but he loved Sev too, and desired him. It would make him happy to have them both. And, as difficult as that might be for him to deal with, he would do it as the rewards would be worth it. He would be able to be loved by two wonderful people.

 

When Ginny at last left to go the Prophet’s office, Harry returned thoughtfully downstairs. Severus was settled once again on the sofa, newspaper open. Harry had the sneaking suspicion it was still on the same page it had been on that morning and that Sev wasn’t really reading at all, he was hiding, putting a barrier up to prevent him being hurt. Gently, Harry sat on the sofa and tugged the paper out of Severus’ hands.

“I think we need to talk,” Harry began quietly, eyes warm and filled with the love he no longer had to hide.

He saw the concern in Sev’s face and felt terrible. _He thinks I’m going to reject him!_ Harry realised.

“I want you to be happy, Sev. As happy as I am. You make me happy, and I want to make you happy too.” He leaned in and kissed Severus, noting contentedly that this time Sev hadn’t pulled away.

“H-Harry?” Severus choked out around the lips.

Harry pulled back. Not far, but far enough to be able to see his love’s face. “I…I don’t understand this at all, Sev. Don’t know how we’re even going to go about this thing, but I want you. I…I want to make love with you, but I don’t really think I’m ready. Not yet.” He looked frightened, concerned, lost.

Severus pulled him gently into his arms. “I understand this thing, Harry, I understand it very well. Let me show you how well I understand.” 

 

 

*********

Reviews are inspiring!


	44. Chapter 43

We own nothing Harry Potter. We make no money from this story.

 

Chapter 43

 

Lucius sat in his study, sipping an excellent brandy and idly considering ways to ruin Severus Snape, and Harry Bloody Potter. He stared intently into the fire, aware that the investigation into Ginny Weasley’s poisoning was going very badly. A small smile curled his lips and warmed the cold grey of his eyes. He watched the flames flickering without really seeing. There was so much still to do before he could relax.

Certain plans had been put into place that would not reach fruition for a full six months or so. The careful cultivating of certain people, the training involved, the thorough plotting. All of it took time and resources. Patience was supposedly a virtue, and Lucius could be very patient when he needed to be; however, he did so want Snape to suffer, and thus, the Potter brat too as well.

There were so many angles of attack. Sometimes the direct one was the best...

 

*********

 

Severus slid a hand up to cup a heated cheek and bring their lips together in another gentle kiss. It was different now, now that he knew Harry really wanted this. He increased the pressure on the warm mouth under his, one hand pressing the equally warm body more tightly against his, and felt Harry's heart pounding in his chest. 

That pounding...just for him...thrilled Severus and he plundered the welcoming mouth of the younger man, tongue sliding against the firm, silky softness of Harry's, skimming over teeth, tasting every corner, memorising the unique taste of his Harry.

A muffled moan sounded into his mouth, and Severus swallowed it eagerly, his own heart beginning to pound in time with Harry's. He felt arms slip over his shoulders as Harry entwined him in a returned embrace, returning Severus' kiss, the firm muscle of Harry's tongue slipping and sliding against his own, making Severus' pounding heart beat faster still.

Severus' hot hands slid lower, to Harry's chest, fingers revelling in the feel of hard, taut muscles, rubbing the raised peaks of Harry's nipples. Another delicious moan was offered up and Severus devoured it with equal relish.

Severus pinched and tugged, and Harry ripped his mouth away, gsping loudly, throwing his head back, eyes screwed shut, panting heavily, pushing his chest towards Severus fingers as he did.

"F-feels good...." Harry gasped, "so good....b-but....."

"Do you wish me to stop?" Severus growled, pinching slightly harder.

"N-No!" Harry cried "J-just....I don't know what....wh-what to do with a.....man!"

"Do anything you wish," Severus whispered against the pulse spot of Harry's neck. " _Anything_ ," Severus repeated, almost harshly.

Harry whimpered, his mind flooding with image after image of possibilities.

"Touch me as I touch you," Severus said, his voice a low, and to Harry a gut-wrenching growl.

"Use your hands and fingers, mouth and tongue," Severus continued, sending shivers of lust through Harry, " _explore_ me. Taste me....touch me....," Severus went on, "... _make love to me_..." Severus breathed and Harry nearly swooned with the desire to do just that.

Suddenly warm hands were sliding up bare skin, and Harry's breath caught again, this time in anticipation, imagining those rough and calloused fingers on his nipples, twisting and tugging the hard nubs. 

His imagination, however, was nothing compared to the reality, and Harry groaned aloud with the pleasurable realisation. He panted and his hips rocked forward. 

Severus' eyes rolled into his head at the delicious feeling of Harry's hardness rubbing against his own.

All at once, Harry found himself seized with the need to see Severus' skin, to touch, taste, feel, and his hands flew to the broad chest, his desire causing his fingers to fumble with buttons, another groan falling from his lips, this one of frustration. "Too....many....buttons!" he muttered, the vibration of Severus' deep chuckle thrumming through his questing fingers.

His hands were denied their prize by Severus' taking them up, bringing them to his lips, and Harry was assaulted with the new sensation of having his fingers kissed and delicately licked. "No need to rush, Harry," Severus murmured, his deep black gaze intense on Harry "take your time." Harry swallowed audibly, his head nodding shakily in agreement, and he took a deep breath to calm the riot of feelings raging through himself. 'I...I want this...." he whispered, "but.....it's...a little scary....I didn't know....how _much_ I wanted this." 

Severus nodded, and replied gently, "I do know how much I want this, Harry, but it must be at your pace; we have time, plenty of it." He paused before adding, “And you’re worth the wait.”

 

Harry threw himself against the man's chest, fingers sure now as he loosened buttons, pressing his mouth against the warm neck to nibble and taste. Severus' words paid off as Harry's fingers revealed the pale and smooth skin of the other man's collarbone, and Harry whimpered again at the sight. His lips kissed along the ridge of the bone, wet tongue darting out to taste the creamy flesh, his mind singing in delight at hearing the soft moans his mouth enticed out of the man.

The thrill of anticipation built in Harry as each conquered button revealed a tiny bit more, his greedy tongue and lips licking and nipping at each delicious morsel that greeted his eyes, and he had to fight back the temptation to start shredding the cloth as he would when opening a much desired gift.

Severus moaned throatily. He'd dreamed of this so often, of his Harry's hands and mouth freely roaming his body, of the taut body of the younger man pressed against his own, of feeling harry's arousal match his own.

He slid his hands around to the hard mounds of the younger man's buttocks and pulled him closer, revelling in the feel of his young and eager cock pressed against his own.

He lay back on the sofa drawing Harry with him, sinking his fingers into Harry's cheeks flexing his own hips to increase the mouthwatering friction of their throbbing cocks

Harry mewled against Severus' chest and thrust back, grinding his hips down against the man who was now under him. The bolt of pure lust the sensation jolted through him caused him to bite and suck hard at the flesh beneath his mouth. Severus gasped at the sharp teeth and moaned loudly as Harry sucked the tiny torture he'd inflicted on Severus' needy skin.

Engaged as they were in pleasantries, it took a few seconds before the familiar spluttering from the fire broke through.

“Fuck!” Harry squeaked and leapt off Severus’ body, face crimson with embarrassment and guilt. His mind began rushing through possible explanations for Ginny.

A bored voice said, “Message for Auror Potter. Message for Auror Potter.”

Harry’s shoulders sagged with relief. It was work, and the messenger, through custom, never looked into the house he was contacting. 

“Auror Potter available.” He said, kneeling beside the flames.

He had to wait for a few moments. Moments during which he tried to dampen the guilt and disappointment he felt. His stomach was a roiling mix of confusion by the time Kingsley’s head popped through.

“Harry! I knew you’d want to know right away. We’ve finally traced the student medi-wizard who was attending Ginny when she had her …” He coughed, a little uncomfortable, “Anyway, we’ve brought him in for questioning, and I thought you’d want to be here.”

Harry nodded eagerly. Maybe the student knew something, had seen something. He was very hopeful as all other leads had proved fruitless. In fact, it was only because the investigating team had gone back over every statement that they had noticed one missing one and all efforts had been put into finding the young man who had been a crucial witness and who had seemingly vanished.

Severus, who had swung himself into a sitting position as Harry had jumped off him, and subtlely begun re-dressing himself now shifted to gain Kingsley’s attention. “Perhaps I may be permitted to attend? In that way it will be quicker if you wish to re examine my statement, and I can provide support for his comments.”

Shacklebolt’s face showed him to be considering the suggestion. Finally he nodded. “I think that makes sense, Severus, thank you. Will you both come through now?”

Harry turned to Sev, who nodded. “Just give us time to leave a note for Ginny and we’ll be right there.”


	45. Chapter 44

We own nothing Harry Potter. We make no money from this story.

 

Chapter 44

 

Harry sat down in a chair facing the student medi-wizard. Severus followed and took the chair next to Harry, shifting it slightly closer as if to allow more room for Kingsley to squeeze past in the small room. Harry just briefly touched his knee to Sev’s thigh, drawing on the older man’s closeness for strength before beginning to question the young wizard.

“What’s your name?” Harry began, consulting a sheet of paper Kingsley passed him.

“H-Howard Fairncombe,” the student stuttered, looking very young and very scared.

“Do you know why we’ve brought you here to be questioned?”

“I – I imagine it’s to do with your w - wife,” Fairncombe said, addressing Harry, “and what h-happened when she gave birth to y-your son.”

“Yes,” Severus cut in smoothly, face stern. Both Kingsley and Harry were surprised at his intervention. “Why has it taken so long for you to be questioned?” his black eyes were intense on the boy’s face.

“I-I g-got ill im-immediately a-after.” He stammered, getting worse, “I w-went to m-my uncle’s in Aus-Australia t-to recover. I-I only c-came b-back yesterday.”

Severus eyes remained fixed upon Fairncombe’s. His mouth was pursed into a thin line. He looked more and more like the Potions Master Harry had hated at school.

After asking questions and re-asking, and subtlely re-phrasing them to ensure nothing had been left out, Fairncombe was left alone whilst the three men left.

“He’s lying,” Severus said at once.

Kingsley secretly agreed, but needed to know the reasons. “What makes you say that?”

“Look at his statement,” here Severus pointed to the scroll of parchment on which an enchanted quill had noted down the questions and answers. “See, here, at the start, he stammers badly, yet here,” he scooped up part of the manuscript and pointed to a long paragraph, “he says almost the same thing without stammering, despite him being _more_ aware of how serious the investigation is.” He paused, looking at Harry, “He’s playing a role.”

Shacklebolt gave a slow grave nod. “I think you are right, Snape. He certainly seems to grow in confidence.”

“Yes!” Harry cut in excitedly, “Did you notice? When we said we hadn’t been able to trace all the ingredients from the potion, he relaxed. It was subtle, but he _relaxed_. He knows that if we can find who bought the Albino Murtlap Tentacles we can intensify the investigation.”

Severus asked, “Do we have enough to request he answers questions under veritaserum?”

The head of the Auror Office shook his head. “We have suspicions, but someone could say he stopped stammering because he became more used to us, or that Harry imagined the lad relaxing, or that I imagined the look in his eyes when he answered the question about the potions’ ingredients.”

“And a pensieve would be no good as he would select the memories he gave us.” Harry mused, brows drawing together.

Shacklebolt sighed. “I don’t think we can keep him.” He turned away, “I’ll do what I can about obtaining an extension for further questioning, but I doubt it’ll be granted.” He paced away, looking more like a grizzled lion than ever.

Harry and Severus were alone in the small room they had been using for their conference. The door was open, showing them the doorway into the questioning room. Harry’s shoulders were slumped, and he looked bone weary. Severus reached down and squeezed Harry’s hand. The younger man looked up, his eyes dull with disappointment.

“I – I thought we’d finally be able to get somewhere, Sev,” he choked out, his voice bitter, “I thought we’d find who did this to Ginny.”

“Shhh,” Severus whispered softly, pulling Harry into an embrace. “Shhh,” He glanced around and listened, the corridor seemed deserted. “Everything will be fine. We’ll find out what happened, I promise.”

Harry nodded and murmured, “You were looking at him intently,” he began, Severus listened, knowing who the _him_ referred to, “Were you using Legilimency?”

Sev squeezed Harry more tightly to him. He sometimes forgot that Harry was no idiot, that he had a dangerous and responsible job, and that he did it well. “I did,” he admitted.

“And?”

Sev allowed himself a moment of weakness to kiss Harry’s black hair, “He was shielding something, and doing so skilfully.” He felt himself hardening and wished devoutly for it to go away; now was not the time, “That makes me suspect him all the more. Why else would he need to shield his thoughts? And how could he do so with such little apparent effort? He knows something important.”

Harry pulled away with a gasp. “Then, can’t we tell Kingsley that and use it allow us to administer veritaserum?”

He knew, even as he said it, that the answer would be no, and slumped forward once more, settling his head against Sev’s chest, soothed by the steady thump of his love’s heart beat.

“On what grounds?” Sev answered, talking more to himself than to Harry. “If Kingsley was merely _imagining_ that look in his eye, and you were merely _imagining_ the way he relaxed, then obviously I am merely _imagining_ what I am sensing. And, anyway, what I did was thoroughly illegal. Had Fairncombe been slightly cleverer he would have declared he knew he was being Probed and had me arrested. No doubt he didn’t as whoever is controlling him has something else planned for us. And that concerns me, Harry, it concerns me deeply.”

Severus’ keen ears caught the sound of footsteps and gently but quickly disentangled himself from Harry. Harry looked up at him in dismay, hurt clear in those green eyes, until he too heard the footsteps and turned to face his boss.

“The Minister is rather annoyed with this investigation, Harry, and did not appreciate being disturbed during his lunch hour to be asked for a questioning extension. He …er… he has ordered that we release Fairncombe at once and drop this investigation. I am very sorry, but the case is being closed.”

“He’s been got at!” Harry cried, angry and betrayed.

Shacklebolt stepped into the small room and spoke quietly but urgently. “Very possibly, but keep that thought to yourself, for Merlin’s sake Potter!”

He span and went into the room opposite. The door closed and Harry let his head thump against the door jamb of his own room. “He’s getting away with it, Sev,” Harry moaned.

Severus slid his arms around Harry, pulling his back to Severus’ own chest. He let one hand, hidden from casual sight, drop to rub Harry’s groin. Harry moaned, but this time with desire.

“Is this…safe?” he gasped.

“No,” admitted Severus and slowed his movement. “It’s a distraction.”

“I like it!” Harry said, a small smile beginning to lighten his face.

The door opposite them opened, causing Severus to hastily pull away. Howard Fairncombe’s eyes took in the two men, took in their body language, and took in their general air of guilt and lust.

Howard Fairncombe walked out of the Ministry building and smiled.

*******************************


	46. Chapter 45

We own nothing Harry Potter. We make no money from this story.

 

Chapter 45

 

Harry stepped through the floo into his living room and suddenly stopped, motionless and guilt stricken at the scene before him.

There, on the sofa, the same sofa he and Severus had tussled on just a few hours before, lay his wife and child cuddled together and sleeping peacefully, obviously awaiting his return.

He felt his heart wrench, the love he felt for them tainted with the guilt that threatened to overtake him.

_Oh God,_ he thought _Oh God, Oh God!!!!_ He tried getting a grip on himself, but he was shaking, his body and mind revolting, and he felt sick to his stomach 

_What have I done?! What have I **done**?!?_ His heart was pounding madly and he fought off the urge to turn round and escape through the floo again.

It flared behind him and Severus stepped through and into the back of him, causing him to lurch forward with a surprised yelp. Severus automatically reached out to steady him, drawing him back against himself so he wouldn't fall forward. 

"Mm...Harry?" Ginny murmured sleepily from the sofa, "...is that you?" Harry and Severus stood there petrified, both of them keenly aware that Harry was cradled in Severus' arms. Harry swallowed audibly and prepared for the worst. 

Ginny stood up, adjusting a yawning James in her arms, and looked at them both, a frown creasing her beautiful face. Harry began to shake, his mind careening madly, searching for something, anything that would make a plausible explanation for this. 

"Well?" Ginny said, her frown deepening, "are you two just going to stand there holding each other up or are you going to come into dinner? Warming spells don't last forever you know."

As she turned and headed toward the dining room, Harry was glad Severus' arms were around him. He thought he may actually faint. He heard the breath the older man had been holding puff out next to his ear, and sagged in relief. _Oh my God!_ he breathed, ready to collapse.

"Harry," Severus said, his voice low, "we must go into dinner. Get a hold of yourself."

Harry groaned as the man's voice conjured up images of getting a hold of himself, then angrily shook it from his mind. _What the **fuck** is wrong with you?!! That was too fucking close to be **joking** about!_

"Fuck, fuck, fuck!" he whispered again and again. 

"Harry!" Severus said, his fingers digging into Harry's shoulders, "we will discuss this later. Now, it is time for dinner." The even firmness and no nonsense tone of Severus' voice, like back in his schooldays, helped Harry focus, and after a deep sigh, nodded his head.

Harry forced himself to step forward and walk to the dining room, where Ginny was waiting, a full Sunday dinner on the table. He walked over to where his son lay in his crib, kissed his sleeping son’s head, and then bent down to kiss his wife's cheek before taking his place across the table from her. How he managed, he wasn't sure, but he'd done it, and breathed out another sigh of relief.

He dared a glance at Severus, who nodded back nearly imperceptibly, and became aware that Ginny was speaking to him.

"Huh?" he said stupidly, turning his gaze to her.

"Harry," she said, her tone patient, but a small frown in her face, "what happened? What’s wrong with you? You look as if you're going to be sick!"

"Harry has had....a rather rude surprise, Ginevra," Severus said smoothly, "he had thought some progress had been made with the investigation into what happened to you and James at St. Mungo's, but, in the end, he had to let the suspect go. Naturally he is upset, my dear, as am I. We had both hoped that the culprit that tried to take you and James from us had been caught."

Harry stared across the table in astonishment. Severus hadn't lied… yet he hadn't exactly told the truth either. Harry was once again caught between relief and guilt. He snapped his attention to his wife. 

Ginny leaned forward, her small hand warm as it covered his, her voice sympathetic and encouraging and full of love all at once when she said, "Oh, Harry…I'm sorry, love, but I know you'll find him, I know you will. You're good at what you do, Harry, you're the top Auror. You're mine and James' hero. I know you'll get him."

Harry blinked back the rapidly forming tears and fought off the urge to throw himself into her lap and beg her forgiveness. _Some hero you are_ , the nasty voice inside said, _not 4 hours ago you were ready to spread your legs like a Knockturn Alley whore, and for another man!_

Harry didn't know how he would have made it through dinner if it weren't for Severus. He'd turned the conversation away from Harry's work and onto Ginny's, and listened with genuine interest as she happily told him all about the match and her article. Occasionally Harry felt the sharp tip of Severus' boot making contact with his shin, jarring him out of his inner brooding long enough to nod or smile at his wife. That was one of the great things about Ginny: she knew his work was important to him, how much it meant, and assumed that that was what he was brooding on, and so left him to it.

James woke just as they were finishing, and Severus said, his intense gaze on Harry, "Ginevra, you and Harry tend to James, and I'll do the clearing up. I'm sure you have missed each other while you were away." 

Harry threw a panicked look at Severus as Ginny bent over the baby's cot, and Severus threw him a sharp one back before taking out his wand to levitate the dishes to the kitchen.

They sat on the sofa, his arm around his wife as she snuggled in against him whilst nursing James. Harry watched his son suckle greedily and resolutely put all thoughts of Severus, what they'd been doing that afternoon, and anything else from his mind; concentrating solely on the feelings that being with his wife and son stirred in him.

 

A small mewl from James was the next thing he was aware of, and he came to with a start, realising they'd all drifted off. "Gin," he said softly, nudging his wife, "c'mon, Sweetheart, you're sleeping. Time for bed." Ginny stirred, sighed, and tilted her head up, opening sleepy brown eyes to him. "Mm...come with me?" she said drowsily. 

"Yeah," he said, feeling a rush of love and comfort engulf him, "I'm coming with you.”

He followed his wife up the stairs, helped her tuck their son in for the night, then watched her appreciatively as they undressed for bed. "I'm....so....tired!." she said around a yawn as they climbed in. 

"It's okay," he said, relishing the feel of her cuddling into him. She was asleep immediately, but he didn't mind. He lay there in her warmth, thinking about how happy she made him. He sighed and kissed her forehead, turning to his side, curling around her. His mind began drifting, thinking about how happy Severus also made him…

_This is where I belong._

 

It was much later and Harry lay completely still on Severus’ bed, feeling the pressure of the other man above him. He groaned, arms reaching out to hold the other. “That’s good,” he moaned as Severus rubbed against his prick, “So good!”

He let his head fall back, exposing his throat to the older man’s attentions. He shuddered as a firm grip enclosed his cock and began tugging forcefully whilst, as a counter-point, gentle lips barely traced over his neck, delicately wetting his skin and making him ache further.

“More!” he panted, “Oh, please, more!”

Severus’ teeth bit into his neck and he trembled. “Please!” he moaned, head thrashing from side to side with pleasure.

The grip on his cock was a steady, relentless, _delicious_ pressure. He writhed delightedly, wanting the touch to continue, to stop, to increase, to _something_.

“AH!” he wailed, hips bucking into that tortuous grasp. “Too much!” he panted, “Oh God, it hurts! It’s so good it hurts! Oh god! Please!”

He whimpered, hips jerking in uncontrolled lurches, as his length was played with by an expert hand.

A hand stroked up and down his side, softly rubbing over his ribs. He groaned. _How does Severus know I like that?_ he thought, then panic blossomed in his brain as a gentle voice, a very female voice, whispered in his ear, “Harry? Harry, wake up. You’re just dreaming.”

He thrashed wildly away from her, eyes starting out of his head. “Ginny?” he squeaked, disorientated.

“Yes, who else?” she sounded puzzled a bit put out. 

“I’m sorry,” he offered, lying back down and pulling her into his arms, I got confused when you woke me.”

“I noticed,” she observed dryly, “Still, it doesn’t seem to have affected you too badly.” She swiped between his legs as she spoke, and his erection jumped towards her hand.

“You’re so silly,” she said seductively, firmly pumping him, “dreaming of me when I’m right here…” she kissed her way down his chest and expertly sucked his cock into her mouth.

Harry groaned, Ginny was so very good as pleasuring him, but still, how could he admit to her that actually he hadn’t been dreaming of her; hadn’t even been dreaming of another woman?

_I was dreaming about the man who is sleeping in the next room at this moment!_ He thought with a weird hysterical panic gripping his heart even as he climaxed into her mouth.

****************************


	47. Chapter 46

We own nothing Harry Potter. We make no money from this story.

 

We'd like to apologise for the long waits between postings. RL has been kicking both our arses lately, leaving us with very little time, but hopefully that will be remedied soon. Also too, our apologies for being so damnably slow to reply to our reviewers, but our greatest thanks for taking the time to review. It is very much appreciated!

 

Chapter 46

 

Harry fidgeted restlessly, watching as Ginny gathered up some last minute items.

“What is wrong with you, Harry?” she exclaimed, “You’re a bundle of nerves.”

“Sorry,” Harry muttered, fiddling with his t-shirt. “I dunno, I guess I’m just restless.”

Ginny sighed. She hadn’t told Harry where she was going, and that, possibly, was what was making him nervous. “You know I wouldn’t do anything dangerous, don’t you?” she said softly, “Not when I have James with me?”

"We're... we're just going to go and to Diagon Alley, and do some shopping. Maybe have a little stroll to the cafe and have a leisurely afternoon tea. We'll be back no later than seven."

Harry gave her a look and she sighed. "We've had this conversation before," she said, "If I stay in the house then I may as well have been killed! I'll be safe in Diagon Alley, Harry, there are lots of people around."

Ginny smiled as she jangled her bracelet, "I'll be quite all right, Harry, honestly. You know yourself exactly how protected I am with this!"

He nodded, pleased at the present he had given her some two weeks previously. 

She grinned at him and recited confidently: “The bracelet is a Dark Devices Detector, and if it spots anything it’ll put up a Protego shield around me and James. The house will portkey here if I say ‘Home’ at the same time. This safety pin is in case James is taken, it’ll trace him wherever he is. Hold it and say ‘James’ to activate it. The mini Marauders’ Map will activate the ‘Point Me’ charm for me if I say ‘Find me’ as I touch it. The horse’s head will portkey me to the Burrow. I just say ‘The Burrow’ as I hold it. The broomstick, when I hold it and say ‘Harry’ will alert you and Severus that there’s a problem, and will automatically start tracing me.” She now mimicked Harry, recalling what he had said when he presented it to her, “The potion bottle is the really clever one – it’s really a bezoar, so if I get poisoned, or someone else does, all I need to do is grab it and say – or _think_ Severus - and it’ll transfigure. And now it’s on my wrist, only _I_ can remove it.”

He knew she was safe. Still, he couldn’t help the churning in his stomach. “I…I don’t know what’s got into me.” He admitted. “Maybe it’s the weather.”

She glanced out of the window at the heavy black sky. “Dammit! I’ll have to pack extra clothes in case James gets wet!”

Ginny bustled off, leaving Harry studying his misshapen t-shirt. He wanted so much to be honest with her, to tell her about the confusing feelings going through his mind, but he couldn’t. Their relationship was better than ever, as they were making love more – Harry’s dreams had consequences that they both enjoyed! – but how could he admit to her how much he desired Severus?

Severus himself was in his suite, bending over a bubbling cauldron. He sighed, pushing his white lock behind one ear. It was no good. The potion was ruined. He knew his attention had been wandering during the making of it, but had hoped it would still be suitable. He was wrong.

And he knew just what he had been thinking of: Harry. The feel of Harry’s lips on his, the taste of Harry, the smooth skin under his hands, the hard cock rubbing against his own. He growled, rubbing between his legs at the problem that was growing there. He sighed again. He knew that he should leave, just walk away and leave the married couple to live out their lives. But Severus wasn’t that strong, and besides, he _liked_ Ginny and enjoyed her company.

Which made their situation a thousand times worse.

There was a soft knock at the door. He hurried to it and opened it.

“She’s gone,” Harry said tonelessly, although his eyes were bright with hope.

Severus drew the younger man towards him, curling strong fingers into the crumpled top. His lips descended onto Harry, who willingly opened his own and tangled their tongues together.

Their kiss went on and on; Harry pressing close to Severus and pushing the other man into his apartment. He managed to kick the door shut before wrapping his limbs about Severus, his legs about Sev’s waist (which nearly knocked the older man over), cocks causing delicious friction against one another.

“H-Harry! Wait!” Severus gasped out, voice strangled, hands gripping Harry’s buttocks desperately.

The younger man ignored him, and began sucking on an ear lobe.

“Oh….Merlin!” Severus shuddered and carried his love to his bedroom.

 

*******************************

“They believed you?” Lucius Malfoy asked coldly, looking down at the young man kneeling before him.

“No,” Howard Fairncombe admitted. “Snape was there. He used Legilimency…”

“AH!” Lucius sounded pleased, “I was right. Go on.”

The student went on, “Well, of course, he Probed, but thanks to the training you provided he didn’t find out anything, and they had to let me go.”

“Hmm, but I imagine you are being followed?”

“N-no, I don’t think so. I heard them talking when they went out of the room, and I think the case has been closed.”

Lucius hissed with pleasure. “Anything further?” he queried, recognising from the lad’s manner that there was _something._

Fairncombe spoke eagerly, a twisted smile on his face. “My lord, Snape and Potter are…involved.”

Malfoy’s face twisted into the same smile as was on the younger man’s face. “In-deed.” He drawled, stretching out the two syllables. “Well, that is certainly knowledge worth acquiring. You are sure?”

The youth let his eyes meet Malfoy’s. “Why not examine it for yourself?” he offered.

Lucius slid into the other’s mind, watching what Howard had seen, seeing the way the two men stood together, and the way they jerked apart. He blinked as he left the youngster’s mind.

“I see.”

He dismissed the boy without too much further trouble. A large amount of money had already changed hands, and now more did. Lucius thought it worth it just for that snippet of information.

Lucius thought about his plan – this new datum rather changed it, oh, not dramatically, but enough that he had to re-consider certain items. “Which of them?” he mused, “Which of them?”

***************************

Harry had his hands stuck under Severus’ plain black shirt and was busily stroking the skin. “Please!” he moaned, noticing how little Severus was involved in what they were doing.

“Harry,” Severus moaned, “wait! Please! I need to talk to you.”

“Talk later,” The younger man groaned.

“NO!” Severus pushed off the bed and paced. “I cannot help but feel this rush on your behalf is to force yourself further than you are truly ready to go, and to force some irrevocable change between us.” He rubbed his forehead. “Harry, if I believed that you had forgotten Ginny entirely, I would be most upset, and disappointed. She has been your wife far longer than this thing has been acknowledged between us. You cannot hope to delay the guilt by losing yourself in passion. It doesn’t work like that!” His tone softened, “It doesn’t work like that, Harry.”

The younger man looked up at him. “But, I want you, Sev. I do.” He shook slightly, “I haven’t forgotten Ginny. But I want _you_.”

Severus nodded gravely. “Say we make love, Harry, you understand how that happens between two men?”

The other wizard gulped and nodded. “Yes, you’d put your … cock in my … ass.”

“Indeed,” Severus felt rather heated at that faltering explanation but carried on, “And, no doubt you are aware that there will be stiffness and discomfort on the following day?”

“I’m stiff and uncomfortable now!” Harry joked, but stopped at the look on Sev’s face. “Yeah, Sev, I figured as much.”

“So,” Severus went on inexorably, “precisely _how_ did you intend to explain that to Ginny? She is no idiot and is no doubt familiar with the consequences of anal sex, what with Charlie’s sexual orientation being what it is, and his predilection to display his conquests at the Weasley homestead?!”

Harry gaped.

“An excellent impression of a goldfish,” Severus said.

“You mean,” the Auror gasped, sounding distraught, “we’ll _never_ be able to have sex?”

“Not at all,” Severus said, seeing the relief in Harry’s face, and feeling it in his own body. “Merely that to couple you will need thorough preparation. Perhaps stretching over several days, before I feel you are ready for full penetration.”

Harry grabbed his cock, feeling it throb. Even with Severus being as clinical as he was, it was still deeply arousing. And he knew Sev felt the same way. It was clear in the tenting in his trousers, the unconscious clenching of his hands, the flush across his cheek bones.

“So…” Harry began, “you can start preparing me today, at least, right?” he sounded hopeful.

Severus sat on the bed and pulled Harry towards him for a gentle kiss. “Nothing would please me more at this moment than to do just that,” he affirmed, sliding one hand over the rumpled t-shirt and rubbing at the stiff nub showing there.

Harry let his own hands glide under Sev’s silky shirt and fondle the older man’s nipples. His fingers rubbed softly over them, rubbing deliciously, gently.

Severus panted, “I’m not a woman, Harry; you can be rougher with me.”

Harry whimpered and did as suggested. He pinched Sev’s nubs, rolling them tightly between finger and thumb, tugging them away from the chest, amazed at how far they distended. At last he pushed the shirt up, impatient to see what he was touching. He gazed at the swollen red lumps and felt a stab of guilt…but then Severus leaned in and kissed Harry.

“Carry on,” Severus breathed. He slid his hands onto Harry’s waistband and left them there, aware of the sudden tension in the younger man’s body.

Harry pulled his lips away. “Go on,” he whispered, placing one hand over Severus’. “I trust you.”

The older man bent his head and kissed Harry’s cheek, overcome by the few words Harry had just said. He worked at the trousers; lowering the zip and undoing the button. The material collapsed, exposing Harry’s black boxers. The hole at the front gaped at little, giving Severus a tempting view of the other man's cock. As tempting as it was, Severus didn’t lean in to touch it, instead he returned his attention to the golden chest, stroking tenderly over front and sides, tracing every rib. 

Under his caress, Harry shuddered. “I…I love that,” he whispered, eyes full of love for Severus.

Severus smiled, feeling his own emotions swelling. “I think you’ll love something else just as much.” He said seductively and walked one hand into Harry’s underwear.

“Oh…..GOD!” Harry panted as his length was engulfed in a calloused hand.

“Relax,“ Severus instructed although he was tugging firmly at the twitching prick.

“H-how?” Harry whimpered, hips jerking.

Severus eyed the dick he held. It was so silky smooth, so hot, so hard, so throbbing with life. He could scarcely believe that Harry was here, with him, doing _this_.

“I want more,” Severus spoke quietly, hand still gripping Harry firmly. “Will you trust me further?”

“To the ends of the …earth!” Harry moaned.

He didn’t resist when Severus gently pushed him to lie on the bed. Nor did he try and stop the other man from pulling the boxers off. In fact, he lifted his hips to aid their passage.

Severus stared down at the golden skin, glowing with health. He gazed hungrily at the twitching cock, shining with dribbles of fluid already. He swallowed hard and reached around the youth to snatch up a small bottle filed with viscous pale pink liquid. 

“I need you to spread your legs,” he said hesitantly.

Harry lifted his head, eyes a little frightened, but he slowly parted his thighs.

Severus felt a lump in his throat at the trust Harry was showing him. He popped the lid off the bottle and smeared some of the fluid over one finger. His digit glistened with the generous application of lubricant.

Severus eyed the small puckered entrance and _ached_ with longing. He placed his finger against the hole and stroked there over and over. He soothed as much as he could, as he was aware of just how tense and nervous Harry was. The younger man’s breathing was coming in harsh gasps, and his cock had wilted slightly.

“If you’re not ready, Harry…” Severus let the sentence remain unfinished.

The younger man shook his head, throat working. “No, no, I want this, I _do_ , but…I’m scared, Sev. I’m scared of what it’ll mean to you, to me, to Ginny.” He paused before saying in a different tone, “And I’m scared it’ll hurt!”

Severus bit back his smile and spoke, “I can’t promise it won’t hurt at all, Harry, but, the preparation that we’re doing will help to minimise the pain.”

“What preparation?” Harry asked, “You haven’t put anything into me yet!”

The finger still encircled Harry’s entrance, and he was becoming used to the feeling. 

“I want you to relax, otherwise this will hurt you far more than necessary.” Severus pressed against the entrance before resuming his gentle rubbing of it. Then he pressed again, then rubbed. Press. Rub. Press. Rub.

“I like that,” Harry said, shifting his legs a little wider.

Severus breathed out a carefully held breath and pressed his digit in harder than before, just beginning to breach the entrance. He watched Harry’s face closely for signs of distress, but the younger man, although a little flushed, seemed comfortable. 

He wormed a little more of his finger in. His whole nail had now penetrated Harry. Severus felt the urge to shove his whole digit (and more!) in, but suppressed it fiercely. Harry needed to become used to this; to accept it.

He wriggled more of his finger in, pleased at the tight hot grip about it, and pleased too at how slickly his digit moved. He now had half of it in, and decided to shift it a little from side to side.

Harry gasped and his hips hitched just the tiniest amount at the feeling.

Severus pressed the rest in, longing to have his prick squeezed as tightly as his finger was.

“I…I…” Harry panted, chest heaving, “It’s incredible, Sev! I can feel you so deep inside me, and it feels so natural, so _right_!”

The older man’s own hips jerked at the words, but he controlled his hand, and just gently began working the finger back and forth, pushing in and pulling out in a steady rhythm to arouse Harry and make him long for more.

Harry slid one hand down over his stomach and grabbed his dick. “Want to…come…” he moaned, legs shaking a little with the feeling building within him.

“Let me,” Severus said smoothly and wrapped his free hand around and began rubbing along that length in time with the movements within Harry’s body.

Harry’s head thrashed from side to side and his hips jerked up and down helplessly. His ass clenched on the finger and he howled, his seed spattering Sev’s hand and Harry’s own chest.

Neither spoke or moved for a long time.

“Oh…..God,” Harry managed weakly at last. He was suddenly uncomfortably aware of the finger still buried within him.

Severus leaned over the younger man, his own penis sated too, and kissed him gently, and began shifting inside Harry again.

“No….more….” Harry gasped, sensitive body twitching. He groaned as Severus pulled free.

Harry had never been so aware of his ass before. He rather liked the feeling of discomfort.

“I think, next time,” Severus said, a wicked glint in his eyes, “we’ll try two fingers.”

 

***********************************

Let us know what you think please!


	48. Chapter 47

We own nothing Harry Potter. We make no money from this story.

 

Chapter 47

 

Harry gasped at the thought of "next time" and the promised two fingers, the pleasant ache in his ass making him wonder how much better it would be then. Even if it were slightly more uncomfortable, he found he couldn't wait. He became aware of Severus' deep voice in his ear, prodding him out of his thoughts.

"Follow me," the other man growled, his low and sexy voice turning Harry's mind into mush. He followed Severus, stumbling stupidly after the man as he lead Harry by the hand into this bathroom. Severus spelled the taps on and the tub rapidly filled with steaming, fragrant water. He stepped in, and held his hand out for Harry to join him. 

_Oh, it was heaven,_ Harry thought as his slid into the warmth and leaned back into Severus' arms. The hot water, the feel of Severus holding him, the firm planes of his body, the feel of all that skin soon served to make Harry hard again, his stiff cock rising up out of the water like a periscope. 

He whimpered quietly, turning himself over in Severus' arms, and put his own arms around the man, drawing them closer. He licked and kissed droplets of water from his lover's neck and chest, revelling in the feeling of Severus' cock lengthening and hardening to press against his own eager organ.

Severus made a noise between a groan and that sexy growl and pulled Harry's face up, attacking and plundering his willing mouth while his hands slid down to grip and squeeze his ass cheeks. He crooked one digit around the globes and pushed into the hot channel. Harry let out a long moan of his own and didn't know whether to push back against that delightful invasion, or rub his cock against the equally delightful and rigid one pressing his. He treated himself and did both, his hips making waves in the water as they undulated ecstatically between both.

Suddenly Severus gasped loudly, pulling his mouth away, his hands moved onto Harry's shoulders, and he pushed the younger man back into a kneeling position. "Stay there," Severus said breathlessly and lifted himself out of the water to perch on the rim of the tub. He spread his legs wide, giving Harry a full and open view of his large, hard cock and heavy, hanging balls and growled bluntly, "Suck me." His tone softened a little as he saw Harry's face. "You don't have to if you don't want to, if you're not ready," he said, although his body ached to be drawn into that hot mouth. 

Despite the warmth of the bath, Harry couldn't help shivering in arousal at the low command, feeling his mouth water in anticipation of tasting the man, but there was one problem. "I...erm...I want to, but.....I don't really know how..." he stammered, suddenly feeling embarrassingly young and inexperienced. 

"Then it’s high time you learned how," the other man said silkily, making Harry all at once ridiculously eager to learn. "Come closer," Severus urged and Harry didn't need to be told twice. He positioned himself between the long legs, staring hungrily at the thick, stiff prick nestled in its patch of dark curls throbbing tantalisingly before his eyes. His mouth watered again at the thought of feeling it against his tongue, and he marvelled at himself and his own enthusiasm at the notion of taking cock into his mouth.

"Take hold of me," Severus said, and Harry reached out to do so, eliciting a small moan from the older man. "Touch me the way you like to be touched yourself," he directed breathlessly.

_Of course,_ Harry thought, _I know how to do this....at least to myself_.

This, however, was Severus' cock, and Harry took a moment to simply enjoy the weight and feel of it in his hand before slowly closing his fingers tighter and moving his hand up and down. Doing it to someone else was different to doing it to himself, he quickly realised, but he enjoyed the feeling of the velvety soft skin sliding back and forth over the stiffness it sheathed. Severus moaned again, and Harry tightened his grip a little more. 

"Your..." Severus gulped, "use your other hand.....my....my balls..." 

Harry brought his other hand up to cup the heavy orbs, weighing them in his hand before gently caressing and tugging on them. Severus moaned again, loudly this time, and Harry felt his long fingers slide through his hair, gently pulling his head forward. 

"Use your mouth," Severus said in a low, strained voice, "mind your teeth.....use your tongue.....taste me....." 

Harry had a pretty good idea of what to do now. He'd do to Severus what......right....what he liked done to himself. He leaned forward, sliding out his tongue and drawing it up the length of Severus until he reached the leaking tip. He lapped at the fluid there, tasting, finding he liked it, and that spurred him on. He ran his tongue around the crown, grasping the shaft again and moving his hand up and down slowly, enjoying the feel of the smooth tip as his tongue brushed it. To Harry's satisfaction, after a few minutes of this Severus was breathless and moaning loudly again.

"Suck it," Severus gasped, "take me into your mouth and......suck me.... _hard_!"

Again, Harry didn't need to be told twice. Mouth watering more than ever, he leaned forward and closed his mouth around the head of Severus' cock. He drew the red tip in, laving it with his tongue, then sucked.

Above him, Severus’ hands tightened into the messy black hair, his body shaking with the delicious pleasure Harry was giving him.

Harry squeezed the balls lightly and fed more of the length in. His lips stretched around the thick girth, and his tongue slicked along the length, tasting the pulsating organ, ridiculously aroused at the feel of another man’s dick in his mouth.

_No, not another man’s. **Sev’s**_ His mind reminded him. And that made all the difference.

He tightened his grip on the shaft, knowing how much he enjoyed the intense suction on his own cock. The older man almost wailed. Certainly his breath caught and he seemed to struggle to draw another.

Harry let his mouth pull back, freeing some of the dick. He hungrily devoured it again before moving off it a little. 

Severus was moaning continuously, saying silly, incoherent inanities. “God! Har-! Need! Oh! Gah!”

Harry marvelled at the power he held over Severus. This strong independent man was reduced to nonsense through the abilities of Harry’s mouth.

Feeling rather pleased with himself he increased the rhythm of his bobbing head, sucking hard on the throbbing, jerking, twitching prick.

“Gon-! Oh! Can’t!” Severus croaked, head thrown back, shudders wracking his entire body.

Harry lapped at the dripping head, revelling in the taste of the liquid there.

Severus hips were moving in a frantic rhythm, almost hurting Harry as the other man shoved his needy erection into the wet cavern, his climax building to unbearable levels. Harry gagged a little, and Severus, realising what he was doing, tried slowing his hips. It was so good, however, and he'd waited so long, that he couldn't help himself, his climax unstoppable at this point. He managed a barely intelligible, "H-Harry! ...C-coming!" before he began spurting hot jets into the willing mouth he was ravishing. 

Harry's mouth was suddenly filled with the slightly bitter fluid of Severus' climax, and he struggled to gulp it down and not choke. 

For long moments, the sounds in the bathroom consisted of pants, gasps and splashes as they shifted in the warm water. Slowly, the two men's breathing steadied.

Severus carded his fingers through Harry's hair with one hand, reaching down to stroke his throat soothingly with the other, whispering, "That was....wonderful....Harry.....w-wonderful…"

They lay together contentedly for a bit, until Severus gently nudged Harry up. He spelled the cooled water away and turned the warm shower on them both, and they washed each other, another erotic experience for Harry, his fingers slipping and sliding over the hard and taut muscles of his lover. Too soon and he began to worry about the time, seeing it in Severus' eyes as well, although they left it unspoken. They finished the shower and Harry reluctantly returned to his own room to dress and put on a straight face in preparation of Ginny's imminent arrival home.

 

**************************************


	49. Chapter 48

Chapter 48

 

“Ginny’s gone to Hermione’s ‘to talk about girly stuff’,” Harry said some three days later.

Severus, in the middle of bottling a potion, barely reacted visibly. His left hand shook very  
slightly, but quickly steadied itself. “Oh?” he commented, a slight query in his tone.

Harry walked closer, feeling his desire grow with every step closer to Sev. “Yes, gone for  
two hours _at least_ she said. And, last time, she ended up staying overnight.”

“James?” Severus asked, corking the bottle he had just filled.

“With her,” Harry looked a little depressed. He loved spending time with his son, and  
never seemed to get enough of James’ company, still… there were compensations.  
“So…” he drew out the word, his breath beginning to quicken, “the house is all ours.”

Severus turned his back slightly, carefully placing the filled bottles on a shelf to cool  
before they would be moved to one of his many cupboards. He glanced into the  
cauldron. “Hmm, not really enough for another,” he muttered and quickly magicked the  
remnants away.

Harry glowered at him in annoyance. They had two precious hours together, and here  
was Sev pratting about with potions!

“God!” Harry growled, “Jump me already!”

Severus, his cock throbbing in his trousers, nevertheless took the time to school his  
expression into blankness before facing the younger man. “Harry, you know I desire you,  
but time alone does not necessarily mean time spent making love. Two hours is ample  
time for us to talk and relax in one another’s company. I am not entirely comfortable with  
the notion that every time your _wife_ goes out, you come to me for intimacy.”

Harry’s face paled a little as he listened to Sev’s words. The other man was right, it  
seemed so sordid that Harry was creeping around behind Ginny’s back just to have sex  
with Sev. There was more to their feelings than just the physical. “You’re right,” he  
whispered, “but I can’t stop wanting you.”

“Merlin help me,” Severus groaned, pacing towards Harry, his dark eyes filled with love  
and lust, “nor can I.” He bent his head and kissed Harry, his arms sliding around to pull  
his love tightly within his embrace.

Harry shifted eagerly, arms rising to stroke Sev’s chest, to seek out the nipples and  
torment them. He sighed softly as the kiss deepened and opened his mouth, desperate  
for that taste of Sev and for the feel of the muscle pushing into his mouth and claiming  
him. He groaned, hands sliding up to cup the other man’s cheeks tenderly, then grab  
roughly at the hair and force closer contact between them.

Severus finally broke the kiss, gasping. His cock was pressed firmly against Harry’s  
body, and he rocked slightly, rubbing his length against his willing lover. “Do you feel  
ready for more?” he asked.

Harry knew to what Sev was referring. After their previous session, Harry had felt a little  
uncomfortable on the following day. He had hidden his soreness well from Ginny, but  
Severus had noticed it, and had arousingly massaged Harry’s buttocks whilst Ginny had  
been out in the garden chasing after a gnome who had cheekily stolen one of James’  
toys.

Even so, despite the discomfort that Harry knew would follow, he couldn’t make himself  
say no. He wanted to be filled by Severus. In fact, he wanted it so much he wished the  
other would stop this foolish notion of ‘thorough preparation’ and just fuck him into the  
ground now, and blow the consequences!

He let his body answer Sev’s question. He rocked his own hips into that delicious  
hardness and tightened his hold on the black and white hair.

Severus bowed his head and tenderly kissed Harry’s cheeks. The tenderness was  
counterpointed by his almost rough grab at Harry’s backside, his hands squeezing the  
mounds and encouraging Harry to jump up and be supported by Severus.

Harry didn’t, but he did lift one leg and wrap it around the older man’s waist, enjoying the  
rub of the other’s erection against his cock. The feel as it slid along the length, and then  
under, to jab at his balls, was wonderful. The shaft was between his thighs, and it felt  
perfect for it to be there. It was where it belonged. Nearly.

He panted as he clutched at Severus, “Touch me. Please, Sev, touch me _there_!”

Severus slid one hand over the stretched material of the trousers, and rubbed a finger  
firmly down the seam. Harry shuddered with pleasure and rocked his hips back to push  
against that finger.

“This would be easier if you were naked,” Severus breathed, and both their cocks jerked  
at the image.

Harry tugged himself free and pulled off his t-shirt, blushing a little when he stood before  
Severus topless.

The older man didn’t say anything, but his eyes showed just how delightful he found the  
sight. He closed the gap between them, hands going to Harry’s trousers, and he undid  
them, uncaring where they fell, and then manoeuvred the younger man onto the bed.

Harry tried to pull Severus to him, but the other sat back on his heels and admired the  
glowing skin, the rapidly rising chest, and the bulge in the boxers, showing how very  
much Harry desired him.

His breath caught as that last thought trailed across his brain. _Harry desires me_.

He slid one hand expertly under the waistband and gripped the hot shaft. He moved the  
fabric out of the way, freeing the cock and the dangling balls. A deep groan filled his ears  
as he set to work on the delightful length he held.

Harry couldn’t believe such pleasure existed. His dick was held in a tight, almost painful  
grip, and rough skin was sloughing over his sensitive, delicate organ. His slit was  
pressed _hard_ and he squealed and rammed his hips up.

Severus used his free hand to pull the underwear completely off Harry, something which  
the Auror clearly wanted, as he used his hands to push the material off.

As soon as the boxers were off, he spread his legs and begged breathlessly, “Sev,  
please! I need you _in_ me!”

It took a great deal of will power for Severus to resist the temptation to force his cock  
inside and rut away until he achieved climax. He controlled himself, his love for the other  
overcoming his animal urges.

Still, he hurried to dip two fingers into the jar of lubricant and used one to circle around  
the younger man’s entrance, barely pausing before he pushed the tip of the digit in.

A belly deep groan from Harry made him pause. Was he hurting the very person he  
never wanted to hurt?

He stilled, digit unmoving. He was afraid to tug it out, in case he caused another of those  
moans.

“God!” Harry croaked, and there was wonder in his voice, “Why do I need that so much?”

Severus felt the tension bleed out of him, and wriggled more of himself into the Auror.

Once one finger was fully embedded, he fucked his love, even bending his digit within  
Harry to stretch the channel for more. He pulled almost entirely free and this time  
returned with a second length.

Harry’s moan made a spurt of fluid dribble from Sev’s cock. He realised that he was  
neglecting to fondle Harry’s dick, although he still gripped it.

The older man began tugging at the shaft, and eased his second finger fully into Harry’s  
passage.

A frenzied ten minutes of finger fucking and of a hand pulling on his dick had Harry  
writhing helplessly and gasping his lover’s name over and over.  
“Sev…Sev…Sev…Sev…Sev..Sev..Sev..Sev.Sev.Sev.Sev.Sev.Se-Se-Se-Se-S-S-S-S…”

His back arched, and his hips snapped up and down, ass tightening around the stimulus  
within it, and he opened his mouth and screamed silently.

Severus watched with his heart pounding fit to burst at the beautiful man on his bed.  
Semen had spattered Harry’s chest and stomach. Some had even reached into his hair.  
He now lay utterly limply on the bed, breath coming in harsh rasps, eyes closed as he  
came down from the high of his peak.

The potions expert worked his fingers out of the relaxed arse, feeling almost sorry for the  
gasp of pain Harry gave as his over-stimulated body was aroused by the touch.

His own cock throbbing, Severus crawled onto the bed next to Harry and softly kissed  
the sweaty face.

Harry shook, but managed to open his eyes. The green orbs looked a little glassy, but  
Harry smiled gently at the other man. He licked his lips, trying to work some moisture into  
his throat. He wanted to tell Sev how much that had made him feel.

“Shush,” Severus said, cutting Harry off before he could start, “you don’t have to say. I  
 _know_.”

Harry smiled again.

He rolled onto his side and pressed his dry lips to Severus’ ones. They kissed for long,  
lazy moments, enjoying the closeness. Harry’s eyes had fluttered closed, and he roamed  
his hands over Sev’s body, especially down over the stomach and between the legs.

Shocked, he opened his eyes. “You didn’t…” he gasped.

The older man had a soft smile on his face. “I will,” he murmured, kissing Harry’s  
forehead.

Harry frowned. He took the long thick shaft into hand, feeling the weight and heat of it as  
it rested in his palm. He slid his other hand onto the hot sacs and rolled them around,  
loving the graon that was pulled from Severus.

“I’m…too…close…” he gasped.

Harry grinned and wrapped his hand tightly about the hard shaft and _tugged_.

Severus howled and snapped his hips forward, his seed bursting out of him to spatter  
over himself and onto Harry’s stomach too.

He sagged, resting his forehead against Harry’s shoulder.

They lay together, quietly enjoying the pleasure they had received, and enjoying the other  
man’s company.

It was Severus who reluctantly broke the silence. “We should get cleaned up,” he said,  
sounding regretful, “Ginny might be home soon.”

Harry shook his head, denying the truth of Severus’ statement. He didn’t want to go, not  
after such an amazing time. He lay still, trying to hold onto the joy he had been feeling.

It was Severus again who broke the silence that again had stretched between them.  
“This is most difficult on you, Harry, I am aware. I would never expect you to make a  
choice between Ginny and myself. If it ever comes to that choice, choose her. I can live  
with the memories of what we have had, even if this is the last time I ever hold you. I  
could not live with the thought of splitting up your family.”

Harry had tears in his eyes. “No,” he said, voice shaky, “don’t say that. I couldn’t live with  
the thought of never holding you again.” His lip trembled.

Severus felt the heaviness in his soul lift. He pressed his lips lightly to Harry’s forehead.  
“I love you,” he whispered.

Harry’s eyes spilled their tears.

 

********************************

 

Please let us know what you think!


	50. Chapter 49

We own nothing Harry Potter. We make no money from this story.

 

Chapter 49

 

_I love you._

It echoed through Harry's mind over and over again. 

He lay there watching Ginny sleep with Severus' words running through his mind, guilt making his heart heavy, not knowing what to do. If he told her about Severus and she left him, he would be devastated. But not telling her was killing him. 

He didn't like keeping secrets from Ginny. He'd hated not being able to tell her what he was doing when he'd been off searching for the Horcurxes. All that time he'd been gone, watching her on the Marauder's Map as she went about her day at Hogwarts, he made a silent promise to himself that when he returned, if she'd still have him, he'd never keep anything from her again. He'd promptly broken that promise when he'd stayed a Spinner's End for months helping Severus recuperate and not telling her where he was and what he was doing. But she'd waited for him, and was understanding when he did finally tell her. That was what he loved about her so much. She was so understanding of the things he wanted, of the things he felt he needed to do. When they'd rowed and he'd nearly lost her because of his own stupidity and selfishness, when they had got back together, he had vowed then he would never keep anything from her again. And now he'd broken that vow as well. 

_And Oh my God, had it been sweet!_ Even afterwards when the guilt had set in viciously, he still remembered how his body had sang. It _wasn't_ just about sex, he loved Severus deeply, with the same burning intensity he loved Ginny, but _my God_ the man turned him on!! His hunger for Severus was becoming insatiable. Harry closed his eyes, and his mind was instantly filled with images of himself and Severus caught up in the abandon of the afternoon they'd spent together.

He'd been working on the investigation in the room he and Ginny used for an office, going over the witness reports again and again, hoping to catch something, anything, that they may have overlooked. Suddenly he'd felt cool hands caressing his neck, sliding down to knead his shoulders. He leaned his head back and looked into deep obsidian eyes.

"Ginny is out," Severus told him, "she's taken James to the Burrow. She asked me to tell you. She didn't want to disturb you while you were working. I, however, have no such qualms."

He knew Severus had felt the shiver that had run through him; he could tell by the lustful look that came up in his eyes, which made Harry shiver again and his breath come short.

"All work and no play makes Harry a dull boy," Severus murmured, pulling Harry out of his chair and into his arms, claiming his mouth in a kiss that took Harry's breath completely away.

He followed Severus on legs that felt like jelly, so overcome with raw lust and desire was he, and Harry thought that in that moment he'd have followed the man to the ends of the earth just to be able to be near him. 

He saw where they were headed and, not that he was protesting, far from it, had managed to squeak out, "I thought it wasn't all about sex..."

"It isn't," Severus growled silkily, turning around, "but in this instance, I'll make an exception. Or would you rather I didn't?"

"You want me..." Harry had uttered, unaware he'd said it aloud until he saw the evil grin spread across the other man's face. He could feel his own begin to flush.

"Indeed I do," Severus said and pulled the younger man forward into another mind searing kiss. "Do you object?" he asked when he let Harry up for air.

"N-no...." The Auror rasped out, his throat desert dry with excitement, "not at all."

Severus' reply was a low, "Then come along," that sent more delicious shivers along his spine. Harry didn't argue.

They'd undressed one another in a hurried rush of tangled fingers and hot kisses, Harry nearly screaming in frustration at all the goddamned _buttons_ the man insisted on. He'd mewled loudly when he finally reached the bare skin he craved to touch and taste. 

Severus had pushed him back onto the bed, climbing on top of him, kissing, nipping, licking him seemingly everywhere all at once, and Harry eagerly reciprocated. The potions expert paid keen attention to his nipples, sucking them hard, pinching and tugging while Harry had writhed in pleasure beneath him, grinding his stiff and leaking cock into the equally rigid one above him. 

Severus had used his arms and legs to hold Harry still and spread eagled on the bed, then used his tongue and lips to nibble, kiss and lick his way down his lover's burning body. He stopped to lave his navel before going lower to nip and suck on Harry's hip bones, the crease where his leg met his body, and to lick a hot trail around his balls. The wicked tongue flickered briefly lower, over the hidden puckered opening, making his partner gasp in surprise and lust.

"I believe three is the number of the day," Severus growled into his groin and Harry felt the slick slide of one long digit as it breached his waiting hole. He wondered when Severus had managed to lubricate his digits, but only wondered it idly, The rest of his mind was hazed with desire. 

"Oohh...Sev," Harry had moaned shakily. He was used to one finger now, but that didn't make the tingling in his veins and the pounding of his heart any less. He clenched down on the finger as it slid in and out with agonising slowness, biting his lower lip in an effort to shout for more. He knew Severus would ignore him and take his time anyway, so it was useless, and Harry moaned again at the knowledge.

After long moments of what felt like teasing to Harry, the other finger slid in, and he groaned in appreciation. "Sev..." he said breathlessly, "so good....faster!" and pushed into the digits, impaling himself further, clenching the muscles of his channel, revelling in the full feeling.

He felt the stretch when the fingers began scissoring within his needy passage, and felt his excitement wrench in his gut at the thought of what the man was doing. He groaned loudly, and Severus said, "You may feel discomfort....."

"I don't care!" Harry gasped, "Do it, Sev. I _want_ it!"

He felt the stretch even more as the third finger slid in, a burning feeling along with it, almost pain, but he was immediately distracted from that by the sensation of his balls being washed with a hot and wet tongue. He clutched the bedclothes in his fingers, arching his body up to get more of that glorious tongue, his entrance clenching madly around the three fingers as he pushed down on them.

"Oh fuck!" he gulped, "Oh!...FUCK!" he shouted as his balls were sucked into the warm, wet cavern of Severus' mouth. He'd never had this done to him before, and he whimpered at the exquisite feeling of the older man's firm tongue gently rolling his balls in all that heat. 

It was too much; the three fingers sliding in and out of his body, his balls awash in Severus' mouth; just as he was about to shout he was near climaxing, Severus' other hand grasped his cock firmly, delaying his release.

Harry lay there panting heavily, nibbling on his lower lip, and swallowing harshly as Severus popped one, then the other of his balls loose and waited for him to calm down. When he had, he heard a quiet snicker and then Severus' low rumble. "Ah...the eagerness of youth..."

"You've....got...your fingers in....my ass...and my balls in....your mouth...what…what _else_ am I supposed......to _do_?!" Harry whined "Please, Sev..... _please_ just....fuck me!!"

Severus' answer was to crook those three fingers, brushing against that magic spot inside, while he plunged his mouth down over Harry's straining cock, sucking nearly the whole shaft in at once. Harry fairly howled in surprise and ecstasy. 

"Oh...holy _fuck_!!" he sang as Severus' wicked mouth went to work on him, long fingers caressing his prostate, driving Harry mad with pleasure. He couldn't help it, his hips thrust his leaking, throbbing prick deeper and deeper, feeling the head hit the back of Severus' throat, but the man took it all.

"Gonna...gonna....," he wailed helplessly, thrashing about under the onslaught of sensations. Clenching, writhing, moaning and gasping, Harry felt his release rush up his cock and out, spurting into all that heat and wet in gut wrenching spasms that made his entire body twitch convulsively.

He had lain there afterwards, limp and boneless all over while Severus untangled them and crawled up onto the bed to hold him closely, kissing his face and brushing back his hair, whispering calming words that Harry's brain in its current mush-like state couldn't process.

 

He looked over at Ginny lying beside him, sleeping peacefully in her ignorance of his betrayal. He hated keeping secrets from her. He hated keeping anything from her. But this...how could he ever tell her about this?

******************************************


	51. Chapter 50

We own nothing Harry Potter. We make no money from this story.

 

Chapter 50

 

Harry was feeling very frustrated. Ginny had been working from home for the past few days, and, as much as he loved her and wanted her, he was aware of the growing tension between himself and Severus – there was unfinished business between them. Harry felt sure that once he and Sev had made love he would stop feeling so edgy and so annoyed by her presence.

So it was that when she announced that there was a problem at the Prophet Harry had to hide a sigh of relief and school his face into one of concern. He trailed after her as she headed towards the fireplace and grabbed a handful of floo powder.

“I’ll be … Merlin, I don’t know how long!” she cried out as she stepped into the green flames.

Severus, sitting in the kitchen and enjoying a cup of tea quietly, turned at her words. He stood smoothly and moved towards Harry. The silence between them was thick with promise and lust.

The younger man let his head drop against the hard chest and have his back rubbed soothingly. The long fingers dug into his tense muscles and turned his legs to jelly. He felt almost entirely limp, apart from one key part of his anatomy.

“Can we … go further?” Harry asked in a small voice, knowing Sev would understand what he was asking for.

For a brief moment, Harry was held too tightly as Severus clenched him close. The potions expert became aware of his embrace and loosened it before saying, “I – if you’re sure.” His mouth was suddenly very dry. As much as he had wanted this, he was now deeply unsure that it would be wise to pursue this relationship. He wished he could just walk away, but Harry was a drug, _his_ drug, and Severus could no more walk away than he could breathe underwater.

For answer, Harry tilted his face up, his eyes shining with tears. Severus lifted his hands to remove the glasses, wanting to see those beautiful orbs without the barrier of the glass. He leaned his face closer, staring intently into the emerald globes.

“You know, it looks like you two are about to snog!” Ginny’s laughing voice made their balls shrivel and their hearts freeze. 

Both turned to face the witch who had just stumbled out of the fire.

Severus shifted at once from Harry and went to assist the lady. “The problem has been so swiftly resolved?” he asked, hand under her arm to help her adjust her balance as she caught one foot in the hearthside rug.

“Hardly!” Ginny snorted, nodding her thanks to him, “They want to see my notes as there’s been a right balls up!”

“Can I assist at all?”

“Oh, no, I know where they are. Besides, Harry looks like he’s about to faint. What on earth were you _doing_ to him?” she didn’t wait for a response and instead bustled off to find the elusive parchment.

Harry was swaying very slightly, a sick look on his face.

When Ginny returned clutching the paper she saw her husband’s expression and paused. “You look _awful_ Harry!” she cried.

“As I was telling him when you arrived,” Severus said calmly, his hands going to steady Harry. “his eyes seemed a little unfocused and I was attempting a closer inspection.”

Severus, in his many years as a spy knew that too many people had been caught out purely because they had gone into too much information. He let the silence fall, his fingers squeezing tightly into Harry to help him hold himself together.

Ginny turned concerned brown eyes to her husband. “Why don’t you lie down? I’m sure Severus will take good care of you.” She addressed the older man, “If he doesn’t get better, contact me at the office. Sod the lot of them, if Harry’s ill that’s more important than one stupid article!”

The potions expert nodded gravely, touched, as he always was, by the deep love Ginny obviously felt for Harry. “I’m … sure he’ll be fine. He just needs some rest. I’ll make sure he does nothing strenuous,” he said slowly, hating the lie even as he said it.

Ginny smiled warmly at him, her eyes full of gratitude. “Thank you, Severus, I know how much you care for Harry, and I appreciate all that you do for us.” She squeezed his arm and then moved back to the fireplace. She picked up a pinch of floo powder and gasped. “Oh! Don’t forget to feed and change James,” she said before using the powder and vanishing again. 

The silence left behind was … painful.

Harry’s shoulders sagged with relief once Ginny had left, but instead of feeling happy, he felt anger flaring in him.

“Why?!” he yelled suddenly, surprising Sev. “Why do I have to love two people? I’d be perfectly happy if I just loved Ginny. I’d be perfectly happy if I just loved you! But both?!” His voice cracked, “I don’t want that!”

Severus kneaded the younger man’s shoulders. “Don’t say such things,” he murmured, his voice soothing, “Would you truly want to deny yourself James? Or would you truly want to deny yourself what we have?”

Harry slumped, hating himself for his own weakness but knowing the other was right. How could he live without Ginny in his life? But how could he live without Sev in his life as well?

“It’s so risky,” he whispered, voice throbbing with misery.

Severus lightly kissed the neck. “Would you rather there was no need for the risk? That Ginny had left you?”

Harry groaned, dropping his head into his hands. “Merlin help me,” he moaned, “but it would make life easier.”

“But you don’t want it.”

“But I don’t want it, not really.” 

He considered that moment when he had heard Ginny’s voice. His heart had stopped for a brief moment and a sharp stabbing had pierced him. And the feeling had not become any better. In fact, as she had moved about the house Harry had felt himself retreating from the world around him, focusing internally. It had _hurt_ to be trapped between two such wonderful people. Even as he had thought it, he had felt ashamed. He wasn’t trapped. Or, if he was, it was a trap of his own choosing.

He turned a wretched face to Severus, “I … I think I’ll go and check on James,” he said, wondering if Sev would push the issue and make Harry forget his guilt and pain in sexual pleasure.

But now, Severus wasn’t like that. “That … seems wise,” he commented before taking Harry’s hand in his own and tenderly kissing it.

“It doesn’t seem fair, that you’re having to wait so long to get what you want.”

Severus spoke quietly, but Harry didn’t mistake the intensity and truth coming from the older man, “I have what I want, right now.”

 

\------

Review? Pwease?


	52. Chapter 51

We own nothing Harry Potter. We make no money from this story.

 

Chapter 51

 

He was going crazy. He knew it. Harry was sure of it and if by some slight chance he wasn't there yet, he knew he soon would be. 

 

He'd been guilt-stricken when Ginny had nearly caught him and Severus out, but for all his guilt, he also felt an all consuming lust for the other man, which in turn brought on _more_ guilt, not helped by the fact that Harry couldn't seem to wrench his mind off what he and Severus had been about to get up to. It was all exacerbated by the fact that Ginny had been doing most of her work from home lately, Harry was still at a dead end with the St. Mungo's investigation, and Severus' intent gaze made his cock twitch and fill at the most inopportune moments. All of this roiling through Harry at the same time made him feel as if his mind were teetering at the edge of bolting completely at any second.

 

Just when Harry's overwrought mind had taken to concocting succeedingly more and more outrageously nonsensical scenarios in order to be alone with Severus, Ginny came and told him about the Quidditch division finals the _Prophet_ wanted her to cover. 

 

"Okay," Harry said, not understanding what she was telling him, "it's your job, Gin."

 

"Right," she answered, "but I'd have to be gone from Friday night until Sunday evening. The matches start early Saturday morning, but I want to be there early for interviews and photos before the start. I'd rather leave Friday evening so I have as much time as possible. Of course, I'd send James to Mum's, even though it's the weekend, so you wouldn't have to worry about him in case you get called to work or something."

 

Even as his heart was singing at the thought of finally getting some time alone with Severus, the guilt at wanting it was seeping in along with a flare of deep love for her.

 

"Gin....you don't have to ask my permission to go away for your job," Harry said gently, feeling like a bastard for making her think she did. It brought to mind nasty, sharp echoes of his younger, more selfish days. _You still are selfish_ his conscience snapped, _What the hell is this whole thing with Severus if not the epitome of selfishness on your part? You haven't changed a bit and you know it!_

 

She smiled indulgently, kissed his nose and said gently, "Right...well, I'm _not_ really asking permission, Harry. I'm just letting you know."

 

He felt like a huge idiot then, taking it for granted she _was_ asking permission. "I'm sorry," he mumbled, "that was...."

 

"Harry," she interrupted softly, her big brown eyes as soft as her voice. "Just say you'll miss me."

 

Those doe-like eyes held a trace of amusement as well and Harry felt himself come all undone. 

 

"I'll miss you," he said quite truthfully, just before his mouth closed over hers.

 

*******************************************

 

They were the longest two days of Harry's life, those two days before Ginny left for the weekend, and he didn't think even his guilt at wishing her gone would redeem him, not in the face of the wanton lust he felt for Severus.

 

Finally, however, Friday evening arrived, and Harry stepped through the floo into the Burrow behind Ginny and James to see his wife and son off for the weekend before returning home where Severus would be waiting. Harry tried not to be obvious in his desire to get back to the Shack, as the Weasley's had taken to referring to Harry and Ginny's much more spacious home, but he was finding it difficult to keep his mounting excitement to himself. 

 

At long last he was stepping back through the floo in to his own home, tripping as he always did, and strong arms reached out to catch him before he fell.

 

He looked up into deep and bottomless black eyes, intending on melding his mouth to his lover's without further hesitation, and the raw longing he saw there made him nearly cry with desire. Severus swept him up more tightly in his arms, holding him closely and plunged his own mouth over Harry's, his tongue swiftly gaining entrance into the welcoming mouth. He let himself melt against the older man, whimpering and breathless as he did, letting himself fall completely into the searing kiss.

 

Severus broke the kiss and took Harry's hand, and words seemed unneeded and pointless as they both knew what was going to happen. 

 

In Severus' room they undressed one other slowly and reverently, lips and tongues greeting each newly revealed expanse of skin, breathing in the heady scent of the other, intoxicated with the knowledge that there was no rush, no risk. Just them. Alone. Together.

 

Harry lay back on the bed, eager arms pulling his lover down with him, anxious to feel all that delicious skin against his own. He spread his legs and Severus lay over him, between them, and Harry marvelled at how well they fit together. How right it felt. 

 

Hard cock met hard cock and Harry held back the urge to begin thrusting already, not wanting to lose himself so soon. Severus attacking his neck with hot mouth and tongue whilst pressing his thick and equally hot shaft against Harry's did nothing to quell that urge, but Harry resisted temptation and endured the sweet torture.

 

Rough, calloused fingers on his nipples, _who knew those could be so sensitive!_ , tugging and pinching them into hard nubs made him groan with pleasure. He quickly returned the favour, loving the feel of Severus' hard points skimming against his palms and the hissing sound of breath being drawn in. Harry leaned up to lap at one, teasing with his tongue, drawing wet circles around it before sucking it in. Severus groaned loudly and ground his leaking prick against Harry's in appreciation, so he happily repeated the action on the twin.

 

Harry's enjoyment of Severus' pleasure was soon to be suddenly and excruciatingly refocused on his _own_ pleasure however. Severus unexpectedly tore himself from his grip and lunged down, sucking Harry's throbbing cock into his mouth in one fell swoop. 

 

Yelping in surprise Harry finally gave in to the urge to thrust madly, but found himself stopped in that exhilarating endeavor by Severus' firm hands on his hips, holding him down. Probably a good thing, Harry thought raggedly. Left to his own devices, he'd have shoved his cock straight down the other man's throat and spurted til he screamed in relief.

 

As it was, Harry couldn't hold back crying out as he felt his climax come barreling on, but Severus either didn't care or wasn't listening, although from the increased sensations that wicked mouth wreaked on Harry, he suspected the former. Fingers plunged down into silky black hair, clenching tightly and Harry did scream his release after all.

 

He lay there, panting harshly, his limbs feeling watery and weak, and tried to make his dry throat work, wanting to know why Severus had made him come already. He didn't want to believe that the man could possibly be thinking that Harry wasn't ready for actual sex yet. He could take three fingers! He wanted to feel Severus' cock inside him, wanted to feel what it was like to be fucked by a man, to be loved that way. 

 

He felt Severus move up the bed, to lie beside him, his arms reaching out to pull Harry close, mouth covering his once again, tongue questing for entrance. Harry returned the kiss, his fingers skittering down Severus' long, hard body to grasp the stiff and leaking cock jutting between them.

 

"I want this...you...in me, Sev," he told the older man, pulling his mouth away, "I want you to fuck me.....I want to feel your cock in me. I want it so much."

 

Another hotly passionate kiss was his answer and then he was being eased over onto his stomach. He felt the weight of the other man as he moved over Harry, straddling him. The heat of hot tongue and lips atttacking the back of his neck produced a breathy moan instead of the protest Harry had been about to voice, then a distinct groan of pleasure as long fingers stroked his sensitive skin.

 

Gradually, with exquisite slowness and deliberation, the mouth and fingers travelled down his back, caressing every plane and muscle as they went, making Harry moan and sigh in bliss.

 

Strong hands began kneading his bottom, fingers digging into his rounded cheeks, forcing the muscles to relax happily, eliciting another low groan of appreciation from a slowly melting Harry. Gently his mounds were spread, the air cool on his exposed entrance, making it twitch involuntarily. It was soon warmed, however, bathed in wet warmth as that sinful tongue began swirling around it.

 

The wicked appendage laved his opening, each stroke more firm, creating a riot of sensation that thrummed through Harry's body. "Oh.... _Sev_!" Harry exhaled shakily, "....so.....f-feels _so_.....g-good!"

 

Harry then felt a whole new barrage of sensations go tingling through his veins as the lapping muscle that was his lover's tongue transformed to a blunt point and breached his grasping pucker, driving in to nestle wetly inside his channel. 

 

The urge to thrust back, to impale himself as deeply as possible on that sweetly torturous invader overwhelmed Harry. Firm hands gripping his spread buttocks denied him that desired activity, and he had no choice but to submit to the thorough plundering, spewing out a nonsensical stream of babble all the while.

 

He felt his balls tighten excruciatingly, felt a powerful orgasm building, his body shaking with the force, and he moaned throatily, "C-can't.....Sev......gonna...!" He was denied this as well; his lover's hand letting his cheek go to plunge between his legs and grasp his dribbling cock, staving off the explosion.

 

Harry had barely regained his senses when the next sensation assaulted him. Two lube-slick fingers slid into his loosened hole, filling and stretching, and an electric thrill coursed through Harry. A third finger soon joined it's companions, filling him even more, brushing against that magical spot inside, making Harry's toes curl, making him cry out his lover's name once again.

 

The thought that Sev's long awaited cock would be next drove Harry wild with anticipation, and he began to beg the older man, his voice breathless and whining with need. "P-please, Sev........ _please_........your cock.......I want your _cock_!"

 

"Far be it for me to deny my Harry what he begs so prettily for," Severus murmured, the low, growly quality of his voice making Harry's cock throb.

 

The fingers slid out of Harry's hot channel, a long moan of loss escaping him as they did. His cock was released, and Harry looked over his shoulder at the breathtaking sight of Severus caressing his own stiff cock as he lubed it up liberally. "Oh God," Harry groaned, his eyes staring hungrily, "want it....so much.... _hurry_....please!"

 

He made to turn over and spread his legs, surprised when Severus stopped him. One firm hand pulled his hips higher while knees spread his legs wider, gentle pressure from the other hand guiding his head and chest down to the mattress. "Wha...?" Harry began, but hands on his cheeks once more exposing his twitching hole and the firm nudge of thick cock lodging against it momentarily silenced him.

 

_Wait_ , he thought, _is this how he means to take me?!_

 

As if sensing his consternation, Severus rubbed his prick over Harry's hole, stroking his fingers over his back in calming sweeps and said reassuringly, "Relax, Harry......just relax...."

 

Harry gulped in air thinking _this is the moment I've been wanting, waiting for_ and made his body relax. He breathed out and nodded, folding his arms under his head, his teeth grasping his bottom lip nervously.

 

Slowly Severus began pressing his massive cock into Harry's waiting passage, and Harry fought to remain calm and relaxed. This was definitely not the same as fingers, his mind said at the startling realisation. This was pressure, this was pain, this was _burning_! 

 

He hissed his breath out between clenched teeth, feeling a sheen of sweat begin to breakout all over, then gasped more air back in, fighting the urge to pull away from the iron rod that was invading his shaking body.

 

"Relax......relax...." came Severus' soft voice as he continued to push his enormous length up Harry's tight passage. "Push back, Harry," he said, his voice slightly strained, "it will help." The sense of this was lost on Harry, he could barely make out the words, so intently was he focusing on remaining relaxed.

 

Despite his efforts, however, he couldn't help the clenching of his burning rim as he tried desperately to adjust to the hard and unrelenting staff that was slowly but surely wedging itself inside him. He felt tears begin to sting his eyes, and shut them tightly, a whimper of pain escaping him. 

 

Doubts as to whether or not this could truly ever be enjoyable began to drift through his mind, and he gritted his teeth against them, determined to cast them off. This was made more difficult however, the deeper Severus' cock penetrated. _How could you ever have thought you wanted that monster pole inside you_?? an indignant voice in his head asked. 

 

Finally he felt Severus' thighs meet the back of his, his heavy balls brushing against Harry's dangling ones. That along with the deep and satisfied groan the man uttered went a long way toward quelling the rebellious thoughts running through Harry's mind. His hole still burned, he felt fuller and more open than he ever had before in his life, and he was still sweating and shaking a bit, but some of the pain dissapated as Severus began stroking his back again, soothing him.

 

The thick shaft remained still in his passage, but Harry couldn't help clenching around it even though it burned some, his body trying to make itself comfortable around the intruder. Fingers stroked down his back and over his spread cheeks, down the back of his thighs and around to cup his balls warmly, gently manipulating the encased orbs. Harry's focus was diverted away from his aching ass to this welcome respite, and he felt his limp cock twitch with newly awakened interest.

 

Severus felt Harry's body finally acclimate itself as Harry did, his muscles untensed themselves a bit, and a deep sighing breath ran out of him, prompting the man to ask solicitously, "Alright, Harry?" 

 

Harry nodded his head again, trying not to seize up again at knowing what was coming next. He lifted his head to look back at Severus, and saw the raw lust in those black eyes, the strain of his facial muscles, the rapid rise and fall of his chest as he panted lightly. The sight of his lover's need and desire drove Harry to an equal need and desire to satisfy it, and he gasped out, "Fuck me, Sev......I want it......do it."

 

The low growl of Severus' acknowledgement shot straight to Harry's cock, making it stand up as Severus began to slide his own cock in within Harry. It still hurt, but not as much, and the loud groan that issued from the man behind him made the pain bearable.

 

Harry clenched the bedcovers as he was reamed at a steadily increasing pace, gasping breaths wrenched from his body in time with each thrust into his ass, his lover groaning out his pleasure, the hot huffs of his breath heating the skin of Harry's back.

 

Harry again turned his head to look at the man, thinking this would be so much more pleasurable for him if he could only look into Severus' endless black eyes. He wanted to be able to hold him, cling to him, shower his pale skin with kisses and have his own skin tattoed with returned nips and licks. He wanted the thick wetness of Severus' tongue invading his mouth while his thick prick invaded his body, and he whimpered loudly at the thought. 

 

He didn't like this position much, he thought. Too impersonal. He loved Severus, deeply, he knew that, and he'd thought that this act would be more intimate. He wanted to touch and taste and breathe in the scent of the man. He whimpered again, rising up on his knees and one arm, throwing the other back over himself, desperate for more contact that simply cock to hole. 

 

Several things happened at once then, sensation again assaulting Harry and carrying him away. Severus leaned forward to grasp Harry's hand tightly in his own, his head coming forward to kiss his fingers. The action caused him to thrust deeper, the head of his prick giving a firm stroke to Harry's sweet spot. Harry's eyes shot open wide as a jolt of pure pleasure shot through him, his cock twitching back to glorious life. Severus grasped it with his other hand and began stroking in time to the pounding he was giving Harry's ass and prostate. Harry was completely undone by this riot of different feelings coursing through him; the love he felt for this man making tears sting his eyes again, the deep throb of ecstasy the stiff shaft in his ass and the firm grip on his cock were sending through him, it all overwhelmed him. 

 

"H-Harry....my Harry...." Severus ground out, his thrusts increasing in both strength and speed. 

 

Harry could feel heavy balls slapping against his, pushing them forward to be squeezed pleasantly against the hand that was pumping his prick frantically, a rough thumb rubbing the leaking tip, encouraging the raging orgasm that was about to burst out the end.

 

" _Fuck_!!" Severus shouted out as his body tensed. His cock throbbed and jerked inside Harry's clenching passage, pulsing out spurt after spurt of hot liquid, bathing Harry's nub, while Harry's own prick baptised Severus' hand and the bed below them with thick ropes of seed.

 

Knees weak and body shaking, Harry collapsed into a trembling and teary heap, his breath coming in tortured gasps. He felt Severus slowly and carefully remove his huge, now limp cock from his outraged and burning hole, and lie down behind him. 

 

Severus pulled the trembling body of his young lover close, encasing him protectively in his embrace, lifting a shaky hand to stroke the unruly mass of hair as he kissed the beloved face of his Harry. "Shh....," he soothed, "relax, Harry."

 

Harry turned in his lover's arms, wincing as a bolt of pain sliced through his abused ass, whimpered once and closed his eyes, exhausted but revelling in the skin on skin contact. "Love you...Sev...," he breathed and was instantly asleep.

**************************************


	53. Chapter 52

We own nothing Harry Potter. We make no money from this story.

 

 

OK, this chapter has been a long time in coming because our muse abruptly went on holiday without our permission, and RL intruded rather painfully. Still, it's here now! And, more happy news, dirty_darella has bestowed upon us a lovely piece of fanart! We were both so thrilled and honoured with this gift, and we want everybody to go have a look! You can find it here:

 

http://i535.photobucket.com/albums/ee355/dirty-darella/final.jpg

 

How awesome is that?! So a very, _very_ special thanks to dirty_darella, as well as to everyone who reviewed. Please remember to review this chapter as well! Now, on to the story.......

 

Chapter 52

 

*************************************

 

 

"Father?" 

 

Lucius Malfoy was roused out of his own thoughts by his son's voice. He looked up to see his son, his son's wife, and his own wife peering at him with concerned looks on their faces. 

 

 

"Yes, Draco?" Lucius enquired of his son, pretending not to see the confused look on his heir's face. 

 

 

"You've been staring at me all evening long, Father," Draco said slowly, "you haven't heard a word I've said." 

 

 

"And what have you said, Draco?" Lucius replied pleasantly. He _hadn't_ been listening, but his thoughts had been on Draco nonetheless. 

 

 

Draco huffed out an exasperated sigh. "I _said_ Astoria and I will take our leave now. And I think you could do with some sleep, Father," he added with annoyance, "you seem to be off in your own little world this evening!" 

 

 

Lucius said nothing, only rose to kiss the cheek of his daughter-in-law and smile benignly at his peeved son, who shook his head as he escorted his wife to the floo. 

 

 

He returned to his chair and brandy in front of the library fireplace, barely aware of Narcissa's softly murmured goodnight and the kiss she brushed across his cheek. He sat deeply occupied by his own thoughts, sipping his brandy occaisionally, his long fingers tapping the the leather covered arm of the chair he was ensconsed in. It was the only outward sign of his inner agitation. 

 

 

His mind kept returning to two things. The information Howard Fairncombe had given him about what he saw between Severus Snape and Harry Potter, and the thin scars that marred the face and chest of his only child. That they were barely visible mattered not. What mattered was that the visage of his son carried them, a lasting reminder that Potter had bested a Malfoy, and that Lucius could not forgive. 

 

 

The traitor Snape would pay, Lucius had made it his own personal crusade to make sure, and along with him Potter must also be made to pay. 

 

 

Killing was good, always, but Lucius wanted suffering. He wanted a constant, lifelong reminder that would torment and cause grief. 

 

 

Besides, he couldn't very well kill Potter. "The Saviour". Even though he deserved it. 

 

 

Lucius hadn't yet forgotten the humiliations and indignities he himself had suffered in Azkaban, the ruination of the Malfoy name, another scar Draco would have to carry. 

 

 

More Malfoy suffering at the hands of Potter. And Snape, come to that. Potter never would have stood a chance without Snape behind him to cover his stupidity. 

 

 

Lucius rose from his seat, took a pinch of powder from the ornate box on the mantle and threw it into the fire, calling out as he did. When Harold Fairncombe's face appeared in the green flames Lucius smiled evilly. 

 

 

Yes, both Snape and Potter would pay. 

 

 

Lucius would go to the grave making sure. 

 

 

*************************************** 

 

 

Harry woke, feeling warm and loved and happy. Then he turned over and stretched luxuriously, drawing in a sharp breath as the burn of tortured muscles assaulted him. 

 

The arm around him tightened slightly and he felt his face burn as he remembered the previous night. For long moments, there was stillness but for the soothing touch of calloused finger tips rubbing over his stomach. Harry began to wish that the digits would creep a little lower to where a certain part of his anatomy was beginning to become interested. He clenched his ass in longing, and bit back a gasp of discomfort. 

 

Several things happened all at once then. Severus leaned in to kiss the back of Harry’s neck, as Harry himself turned over. The _thunk_ of their heads hitting went a long way towards easing the tension Harry had felt growing within him. 

 

“Good morning,” Severus said in a slow sexy voice that made Harry’s toes curl. 

 

The younger wizard smiled, a little unsure of what to do. Of course, he knew what to do with women, but, in this situation, _he_ was the woman, so what would Ginny have done? 

 

_Ginny._

 

The guilt came flooding back. 

 

“Oh god!” he cried, struggling free of the arm. He rolled into a foetal position, welcoming the burn from overused muscles. He _deserved_ this pain. Look what he had done! 

 

_You can't fool yourself any longer. You can't tell yourself it isn't really cheating anymore. It is; it always was! And now you can't deny it. You've cheated on your wife. With a man. You let a man fuck you, and the fact that you've fallen in love with that man doesn’t make it any better. In fact it only makes it **worse**._

 

His mind screamed at him as he lay on the comfortable bed. 

 

_You promised to love Ginny forever, forsaking all others. No where did it say that you could screw your closest friend, with **her** friend. You’ve betrayed her in the worst possible way. You’ve shared your heart and your body with someone else, to someone she trusts and respects._

 

"Oh God," he whimpered brokenly, "how did this happen!? How the fuck did this happen?!" 

 

Severus spoke, interrupting his self-loathing. His voice was carefully neutral as he asked, “Are you regretting last night, Harry?” 

 

He hoped not, he _really_ hoped not. He had waited for Harry for years, and the wait had been more than worth it. Yes, he would have preferred to enter his love looking into those green eyes, but he had placed Harry’s comfort above his needs. And was he now going to be rejected? Told to leave? 

 

Harry gulped before facing the man he had fallen for. He licked dry lips, keeping his eyes firmly on the bed, rather than on the taller man lying near him. 

 

“S-Sev,” he began, chewing on his lower lip as he scrambled for something to say, “I…I…” 

 

The older man sighed deeply, jaw clenching as he contemplated his next words, “Do you wish me to leave?” 

 

“ **NO!** ” The vehemence in Harry’s tone reassured the older wizard. It also surprised him. It seemed to have surprised his partner too. 

 

“No,” Harry repeated in a more normal voice, “Never leave me, but, but I don’t know what to do, Sev. What about Ginny? I can’t carry on like this, living a lie, cheating on her, wanting her to go out so that we can be together, but I don’t want to lose you. I _can’t_ lose you.” He swallowed before whispering, “I can’t lose _you_.” 

 

A strong hand touched his face with surprising gentleness and brushed away the wetness on his cheeks. 

 

“You may have to, Harry,” Severus said softly, “I care too much for Ginevra to want to harm her. I care too much for _you_ to want to harm you. If you are not strong enough to make the decision, I may have to.” 

 

Even as he said it, he knew he would never willingly leave Harry. 

 

The younger man seemed to realise this as he shuffled closer. “Leaving me would do more than _harm_ me, Sev, it would _kill_ me!” He leaned in and touched his lips to his lover’s. “Stay forever,” he whispered as he kissed Severus. 

 

Severus returned the caress, his tongue swiping over red lips. He gave his full attention to the delightful creature sharing his bed, deciding to worry about the future at some other time.

 

And Harry seemed amenable to that. His response was quick and appreciated, opening his mouth in welcome to Severus' probing tongue, kissing back with fervor. It was as if they couldn't help themselves, despite their previous words. The hunger for each other was a living thing between them, and they partook of one another greedily.

 

Hands roamed over hot, firm skin, tongues lapped eagerly, and soon Severus was groaning as he slid once again into the hot, tight channel, avidly devouring the green gaze below him.

 

Harry hissed at the pain, but welcomed it nonetheless, caught up in the bottomless black gaze of his lover above him. He felt tears sting his eyes once again, tears of pain at the thought of ever giving up this man he felt such deep love for.

 

Severus thrust slowly, carefully, with devotion, and lowered himself toward his young lover, wanting to lose himself in the sweet warmth of Harry's mouth, to drown himself in Harry. Their mouths connected with passion, tongues probing and Severus tried to put all he felt into the actions of his body, willing Harry to understand how much he felt for him.

 

Harry whimpered helplessly at the sweet assault, the possession of his body, and the thought of it revved his desire. He wrapped arms and legs around Severus, pulling him as close as possible, revelling in the feel of the other man's body surrounding his, overtaking his senses, until he was crying out in gasping moans of pleasure, his cock, snug between them, coating them both with his release.

 

Severus let out a long, low groan, pounding his hips faster as Harry's body clenched all around him, impossibly tight. This is what he'd waited for, had wanted for so long. He felt the warm sticky spurts of Harry's come seep between them, and pulled away from the wet warmth of his mouth to gaze into the adored emerald eyes as he pumped his own release into the depths of Harry. His Harry. At least in this moment.

 

He withdrew slowly and then quickly rolled to the side, wrapping his arms around Harry and holding him close, raining kisses down on the beloved face and head, stroking the trembling body that clung to him.

 

_I could die now a completely happy and fulfilled man_ , Severus thought as he ran his fingers idly through the mess of Harry's hair.

 

_I love, and am loved._

 

 

************************************

Love it? Hate it? Review and let us know!


	54. Chapter 53

We own nothing Harry Potter. We make no money from this story.

 

Chapter 53

 

"Harry?" 

 

"Harry." 

 

 

Hands were carding through his hair...it felt so good. He was lying against something warm and firm-soft and......moving? 

 

 

Harry blearily opened his eyes and found himself staring directly at the wet and leaking tip of Severus' rapidly filling cock. He remembered falling asleep, sated and happy, snuggled alongside the man, but now found his head pillowed on Severus' warm and gently undulating stomach as the man breathed in and out. Not wanting to have his eye put out by hard cock, he shifted his head and enclosed the dangerous length securely in his mouth. 

 

 

_"Harry!"_ Severus throatily groaned his name again. 

 

 

Harry shifted again, insinuating his body between Severus' legs, forcing them wider apart, bringing one hand up to squeeze the hard shaft, stroking up until his fingers met his lips, then back down again, causing more of those throaty groans to escape the man. With the other hand, he gently kneaded the heavy balls beneath, enjoying the weight and feel of them in his hand. He felt his own cock ballooning between his body and the sheets under him. 

 

 

Severus drew his knees up on either side of Harry and dug his heels into the mattress, carefully thrusting his hips a little to nudge his cock just a tiny bit deeper into the heat and wetnesss of Harry's mouth. Harry sped up his motions a bit faster, sucked a bit harder, and Severus moaned long and low, his fingers crunching up fistfuls of messy hair, tugging gently. He wouldn't be able to take much more of this. 

 

 

Inexperienced as he was at sucking cock, there was an artless sort of finesse to the way Harry did it, and it brought Severus to excruciating heights of arousal. The pink mouth stretched around his thickness, the luminous green eyes gauging Severus' enjoyment, the tongue firm against the underside of his cockhead. That Harry obviously enjoyed what he was doing made it all the more arousing in Severus' estimation. 

 

 

He glanced at the bedside clock and nearly swore at the time. I was mid afternoon already on Sunday, which meant......his heart gave a painful lurch, and he quickly brushed that thought from his mind. He refused to think about this glorious weekend coming to an end, when his Harry would no longer be only his. 

 

 

"Sev?" Harry murmured, his voice soft and somewhat worried as he let go of Severus' now deflating cock. "Am I.....not good at this?" 

 

 

Severus' heart surged with a deep affection for this beautiful young man. How lucky he was to have him at all. Wasting their remaining time mourning the fact that he wasn't his exclusively would only hurt them both, and he never wanted to hurt Harry. 

 

 

"Of course you're good at it," Severus said, leaning forward and gathering him into his arms, pulling him forward so Harry straddled him. "I would much rather come while fucking you until you scream is all," he growled. He wrapped his arms around Harry and captured his mouth in a kiss, drowning any further doubts the boy may have about his ability to arouse. 

 

 

When they broke the kiss, Severus saw Harry's eyes cut to the clock on the bedside table and silently cursed himself for not thinking to vanish it. Harry said nothing, but the rudely surprised, stricken look was plain there in his wide green eyes. 

 

 

"No..no..." Severus began, but his own throat betrayed him, threatening to close up, choking off his words. He couldn't speak, the tears that stood in Harry's eyes stabbing him, robbing him of comforting words. 

 

 

_It's not fair! I love him! I want him! He should be mine!_ Severus' heart protested. 

 

 

He reached out, his hands sliding over Harry's smooth skin, trying to soothe where his voice and words failed, pulling Harry as close as possible, claiming his mouth again, putting all his passion and love into the kiss in a deperate attempt to stave off the inevitable. 

 

 

Harry relaxed against him and began to kiss back at last, his arms sliding up around Severus' neck, clinging to him in his own desperation, and it fueled Severus' desire to make this last. 

 

 

He plundered Harry's hot mouth with abandon, then let go to kiss and nibble along his jawline, down his throat to nip at collarbones while Harry gasped with desire, his young cock hard and jutting between them while Severus' hands pulled the squirming younger man into his lap. 

 

 

His hands slid down Harry's muscled back, fingers skimming over the dips and curves of taut muscle until he'd reached the enticing globes of his ass. He squeezed, caressing and massaging, and Harry obligingly wrapped his legs around Severus' waist, clinging tighter as the heat between them increased. 

 

 

Harry loosened an arm from Severus' neck, his hand coming down to grasp both hard shafts, pumping slowly, moaning loudly as Severus' long fingers kneaded his cheeks with his strong hands, fingers slipping between to tease his twitching pucker. He was suddenly seized, awash in a wave of combined lust, desire, and overwhelming love, all he wanted was to be taken by this man, Severus, possessed and never let go of again. 

 

 

"Please..." he whispered, begging pitifully, "please...Sev....take me.......fill me up....make it only....only you....make it last.......make me....yours." 

 

 

Wordlessly, wandlessly, his heart too full to speak, his hands unwilling to let Harry go, Severus cast the charms preparing Harry, and placed the boy over his aching cock. Harry thrust himself downwards, taking Severus in all at once, the shock of being filled so abruptly, the pain of it, making his emerald eyes go impossibly wide, a loud gasp escaping his wet, red mouth. 

 

 

"Harry..." 

 

 

"No..." Harry whispered, "just...." 

 

 

The green eyes implored him, and Severus made it as memorable, as lasting as he could, and eyes locked, they shuddered out their climax together, clinging together, neither wanting to let go. 

 

 

Harry held on so tightly, and regretfully, Severus nudged him toward the inevitable parting. Those emerald eyes were his undoing, however, and he relented, his own desire to spend every last possible minute with Harry overtaking his better judgement. 

 

 

 

Silently, he led the stricken boy into his shower, holding him tightly as the hot water cascaded over them both, Harry's tears against his chest hotter yet. 

 

 

************************************** 

 

 

Harry looked into the mirror over the sink in his own bathroom, scrutinising his own reflection. He'd quickly showered again upon returning to his own room, scrubbing himself roughly with the soap he usually used, shampooing his hair with the shampoo Ginny bought for him, and brushing his teeth until his gums stung. He realised he was being a bit paranoid, but he couldn't take the chance that Ginny would see or smell any sign of Severus on him. Just to be sure, he cast a Scourgify charm over himself, and went out into the main bedroom. 

 

 

He chose fresh clothing and slowly dressed, trying to ignore the recriminations his mind insisted on screaming at him, but it was no use. They demanded to be heard, even over the pangs of grief shooting through his heart at having to leave Severus, and his insides writhed painfully with the chaos of his conflicting feelings. 

 

 

_You deserve the pain! Look what you've done and you can't go back now! You can't change it! You cheated! You cheated on your wife and nothing, not your feelings for Severus, not your feelings for Ginny and James, not anything ever again can change that!_

 

 

Harry groaned and gave up trying to button his shirt, bringing his shaky hands up to cover his face as he squeezed his eyes tightly shut. 

 

 

_How could you have let this happen?! Let it go this far?! And what the fuck are you going to do??_

 

 

He rushed back into the bathroom, nausea rising, his stomach in a roil but nothing came up. He stood on shaky legs, gripping the vanity, willing himself to get a grip on himself. 

 

 

"This can't go on," he whispered to his reflection. "You're cheating Ginny with Severus, you're cheating Severus with Ginny." He hung his head and willed away the tears that threatened. 

 

 

After a moment he lifted his head, shaking it, refusing to look at his reflection, muttering, "I can't choose. I _can't_!", then turned away to prepare for his wife's return. 

 

 

*************************************** 

 

 

Severus looked up from the book he was reading, and frowned upon hearing Harry's whisper once again. He saw the slight wince that shuddered through Harry, and his frown deepened. The younger man had cast "Scourgify" on himself so many times his skin must be stinging, Severus thought. Harry's nerves unsettled Severus, yet, he supposed, he would feel just as unsettled if Harry were able to be completely calm and collected in the face of his wife's return after the weekend they'd just spent. 

 

 

Severus himself was feeling deeply guilty, but he was better at hiding his feelings, better at lying through his teeth, pretending things were anything but what they were, thanks to all his years as a spy. Briefly he wondered what that said about himself, that he could remain calm and collected, and lying, even to somebody he cared about. Because he did care about Ginny, more and more everyday, and he did not wish to hurt her, no matter how deep his feelings for her husband. 

 

 

Harry paced, sat down, got up, paced again, trying vainly to get a grip on himself. Severus watched him, and sighed deeply as Harry once again muttered a "Scourgify" and winced. 

 

 

"Harry," he said, and the younger man visibly startled. "Would you like me to go to my rooms?" 

 

 

"No!," Harry yelped quickly. "No...I'm...I'm fine." 

 

 

"If you cast "Scourgify" on yourself one more time you'll begin bleeding," Severus said drily. 

 

 

"I'm sorry!," Harry said, "just...." He felt awful. Trapped. He didn't want to hurt Severus' feelings, and felt guilty that his lover had heard him cast the cleansing spells. 

 

 

"Harry," Severus said carefully, "if this is going to cause you such...." 

 

 

" _No_ ," Harry said sharply, "don't say it. I don't regret it. Not at _all_. Even if .....even if I feel guilty, I don't _regret_ it." 

 

 

"While I am glad to hear that, still...." Severus began, but was cut off by Harry. 

 

 

"No." Harry said with finality. "Don't say it's over. I'm not giving you up, Severus. I love you. No matter what else....even if I feel guilty over......Ginny......I love you and.....I'm not giving you up." Harry surprised himself with the vehemence with which this popped out. He knew now that he could not give Severus up. 

 

 

Before Severus could add anything to that, the floo flared up, and Ginny, James in her arms, stepped through. 

 

 

"Oh!," she said with happiness and relief, "it's good to be home!" She tipped James into Harry's arms and leaned in for a kiss. Harry obliged, conscious of Severus' presence, and then kissed his son, cuddling him tightly until the boy squealed and tried squirming away. 

 

 

"Severus," Ginny said, stepping over to peck his cheek. "So. How did my boys survive the weekend without me?" she asked with a smile. 

 

 

"Erm.....we managed," Harry said, not daring to look at Severus. 

 

 

"You must be exhausted," Severus said to Ginny, stepping in smoothly. "Why don't you settle James and your things in, and then come to the kitchen. I've taken the liberty of relieving you of dinner duty." 

 

 

"Oh Severus," Ginny sighed happily, pecking his cheek again, "I love you! I am a bit worn and I'm starving. Mum wanted us to stay for dinner, but I wanted to get home to my boys. Thank you!" 

 

 

She stepped back over to Harry, taking James back, and gave him a frankly suggestive look, and murmured, "Then _after_ dinner, we'll get James sorted and then maybe we can relax. I've missed you." 

 

 

"I've missed you too," Harry gulped, feeling his face flush. He ventured a quick peek at Severus out of the corner of his eye, and saw the man's jaw tighten slightly before he pulled his usual mask back on. 

 

 

"Why don't you help Ginny unpack, Harry, and I'll get dinner," he said and disappeared into the kitchen. 

 

 

********************************* 

 

 

Dinner was an uncomfortable affair for Harry. Severus engaged Ginny in talk about the Quidditch matches she'd covered and the interviews she'd conducted and her writing, and all the while Ginny, though talking animatedly, was stroking her foot up and down Harry's leg, making it clear that she couldn't wait for dinner to be over. Admittedly, Harry couldn't wait to be alone with her, he had missed her and she did turn him on, but he also couldn't help worrying about whether he could stand another tumble in the sheets. Severus had so thoroughly wrung him out on that score, and Harry, although aroused, wasn't sure he'd be able to carry through. That, combined with the feeling that he was somehow cheating on Severus with his lustful thoughts of Ginny, left Harry without much appetite at all. 

 

 

_Oh my God,_ he thought frantically, _you must be mad! How do you think you're **ever** going to survive this?! You don't want to give Severus up, but the truth is, you never should have got involved in the first place!_

 

 

He continued to internally castigate himself until he was drawn out of his own thoughts by Ginny's warm hand on his arm. "Just leave the clearing up, Severus," she said, her warm brown eyes on Harry all the while, "I'll do it in the morning. There's more important things to tend to than the washing up." 

 

 

Harry gulped, his throat dry, and was afraid to even glance at Severus. He squeezed Ginny's hand instead cast about frantically for something to say. He was rescued by Severus himself, who said lightly, "I'm sure you and Harry have plenty to talk about, Ginny, and I am rather tired myself. If you don't mind, I'll excuse myself and retire to my rooms. Good night then." 

 

 

Harry ventured a look at him as he said good night, but Severus' face was as inscrutable as ever, and Harry felt a deep pang of guilt. 

 

 

_Stop it!_ he told himself harshly. _He knew you were married. He knew what he was getting into. Both of you did! You can feel guilty about what you're doing to Ginny, but it's wrong to feel guilty over Severus! She's your **wife**! He's your secret **male** lover!_

 

 

"Good night, Severus," Ginny said, and headed for the bedroom. 

 

 

Without looking back, Harry followed. 

 

 

************************************ 

 

Please review, it's the kind thing to do and highly appreciated! We _want_ to know what you think!


	55. Chapter 54

We own nothing Harry Potter. We make no money from this story.

 

Chapter 54

 

Severus had to grit his teeth every time he remembered the satisfied look on Ginny's face the day after she had came home. It made his head hurt, and his balls ache with longing for his Harry, in _his_ bed. 

Since that wonderful stolen weekend, he and Harry had had no chance to be together. Nearly two weeks had passed, and Severus was spending more and more of his time fighting down erections when he beheld or thought of Harry and what they had done together. His only consolation was that it was even worse for Harry. The younger man was walking around with a tent in his trousers and was having to pretend it was for Ginny.

The ex-teacher knew that Harry did desire his wife, and did sleep with her, but the lust he felt currently wasn’t for her, it was for their house-mate. That thought made Severus feel both smug and guilty all at the same time.

Harry himself was feeling guilt, guilt and despair, along with lust. During long evenings when Ginny was bustling about, he sat in their rooms, quill in hand, tired from his day but still trying to calm his tumultuous thoughts by writing. But it didn’t work. He wanted Severus. He wanted Ginny.

Severus was fighting his own body more and more. It wanted what it wanted, and Harry was so close, and yet a million miles away whilst Ginny was there. And so it was that his body crowed in victory when she announced she was reporting upon another Quidditch match, this time in Romania, and would take the opportunity to visit Charlie afterwards, “And show off little James,” as she had put it. 

Since the announcement, Harry had seemed to change. He had begun subtly flirting with Severus: touching him on his arm, leg, head; massaging his shoulders claiming he looked tense; bringing his head close to the older man’s ears and whispering how hard he was; bending over in front of Severus, apparently picking something from off the floor. 

Spending three days with his teeth grinding and his cock jerking was slowly eating away at Severus’ resolve. In fact, whilst Ginny had been outside reading one afternoon, he had grabbed Harry’s arse and ground their hips together. The soft moaning he had heard had made his aching prick even worse and he had fled to his own quarters, desperate to relieve the tension in his body.

Still, Harry would pay for grabbing a dragon by its tail once they were alone, Severus was sure about that!

“Have you got everything?” Harry asked for the fifth time as Ginny stood by the fireplace, James held securely in her arms and a small bag slung across her chest.

She rolled her eyes at him, “Yes, Harry, I’m sure. Even if I forget something, it’ll only be a few minutes to get here and retrieve it. No one would even know I was gone!”

“But you could miss some crucial piece of information, or the snitch’s capture!” Harry whined.

She smiled and turned to Severus. “How do you put up with him?” she asked, “He drives me crazy and I’m _married_ to him! I have to love him! You don’t.” she paused before saying, “So, what’s your secret, Severus? How do you keep him under control?”

“I tie him up and gag him,” Severus dead-panned, feeling heat in the pit of his stomach, and was glad that she had her back to Harry, who was flushed with arousal. 

“Good idea!” she grinned and glanced at her husband, “Oh, there’s no need to look like that! I’m sure he wouldn’t really!” She picked up a pinch of floo powder and dropped it into the flames, “Well, not unless you really deserved it!” and with that she was off, stating her destination clearly, amusement still obvious in her voice.

For a long moment after her departure there was silence.

“Oh god…” Harry moaned and got no further.

Severus pounced – there was no other word for it – and within moments he had the younger man on the floor naked and eagerly spread, his legs wide whilst they kissed frantically, hands clutching at heated skin. Hips thrusting, neither lasted long, and with mouths still conjoined, gasped as their climaxes swept over them.

They lay together panting. Harry naked, Severus still clothed.

“Bed, I think,” the potions expert said once they had recovered their breath somewhat.

 

****************************************************

 

Harry lay on Severus’ bed, naked, his legs spread and a cheeky grin on his face. “Like anything you see?” he asked as he noticed the intensity of Severus’ gaze.

“Perhaps,” Severus responded, moving, not towards the bed, but instead to an arm chair.

“What do you think you’re doing?” Harry asked, annoyance creeping into his tone.

“Reading,” the answer was said so innocently and yet the face was so filled with lust that it made Harry groan with desire.

“Can’t you do that, you know, later?”

“Knowledge is the most powerful weapon we have.” Severus looked serious for a moment.

Harry felt his passion recede somewhat. It sounded like the type of thing Dumbledore might have said. Again, he felt that clenching of his heart as he realised that Dumbledore was gone. It had been years, and yet he still missed the older wizard. Severus seemed to be lost in reminisces too.

Keen to move their minds from grief, Harry said, “Can’t you get to know _me_ more? That’s knowledge!”

Severus rose and peeled his clothing off. “You do have a point,” he observed before joining Harry on the bed, his penis hard and thick between his legs.

He lay next to the younger man, struggling to control the trembling in his hands. He wanted Harry so very much and wanted this to last. Unacknowledged to his conscious self was the worry he had felt the previous fortnight – that Harry would have changed his mind. But now, lying beside the man he loved, the fear melted away and was replaced with emotions so strong he felt almost physical pain.

The younger wizard seemed to feel just as deeply, as he gently touched one of Severus’ cheeks with a calloused hand, sighing as he did so.

Not wanting to, and with no need to, resist, he leant down and kissed Harry softly. Their lips brushed together before clinging, and again Severus was swept away by the magic of Harry. Tongues poked out and flicked together, then tangled, duelling for power, but not really wanting it. Instead the battle was its own reward, especially when Harry pulled Severus firmly down onto him, sliding one hand down the pale back to rub a rounded buttock. Severus returned the gesture, feeling at once Harry’s response. His tongue moved more aggressively, and his legs parted further. One hooked over Severus’ back so that their erections were perfectly aligned.

Seeing spots before his eyes, it took Severus a second or two to realise that sensation wasn’t causing it, lack of oxygen was. He pulled free, took a gulp of air and feathered kisses tenderly across the swollen lips.

Harry moaned and lifted his head, seeking to capture the mouth again. But Severus wouldn’t allow it. He scrabbled with his free hand on the bedside table, silently cheering when his fingers closed around an incredibly cold glass jar.

Feeling mischievous, he placed the cold container onto Harry’s heated chest. Harry yelped and tried to twist away from the searing numbness.

“Ba-bastard!” he stuttered as his teeth chattered.

“I need to warm the ointment, otherwise this is how your insides will feel.” Severus explained, rolling the bottle along the heaving chest.

“Git! Use a fucking spell!” Harry sobbed, his skin prickling.

At last, Severus removed the jar and placed it under a pillow. He bent his head to the goose-pimpled flesh and lapped at it with his tongue, sweeping his hot muscle over and over the cool skin.

“Oooooooh,” Harry groaned as his body warmed under the deliciously wet assault. His fingers threaded into black and white hair as one nipple was captured and laved thoroughly. “Sev!” he panted, hips moving.

The elder man reached under the pillow for the ointment. Awkwardly – as his face was still pressed against the golden chest – he removed the lid and dipped three fingers into the cool fluid. He shivered a little as he rubbed his digits together, ensuring complete coverage and warming the liquid at the same time.

Harry thrashed his head from side to side once Severus’ head was between his legs, the sinful mouth sucking on his leaking dick. The fingers slowly but steadily working into him only increased his pleasure, and his hips jerked again and again as his body was played perfectly; brought to the very pinnacle and then held there quivering whilst Severus pressed his throbbing cock into the spasming channel.

Both men gasped, eyes locked together as they joined. For Severus, it was exquisite torture, the tight feel of the body around him, and yet knowing in the back of his mind that Harry was not solely his. For Harry it brought ecstasy and despair. He wanted this, wanted it with almost every fibre of his being, but his very need made him despair – he was married, how could he want another person when he had such a wonderful wife?

And then all doubts were cast aside as their bodies began to move in perfect sync; Harry moving enough to feel the ache of the thrust of Severus’ body, Severus rolling his groin as he thumped in, jabbing at the spot within Harry.

“Going to… Going to..!” Harry wailed, hands locked in a death grip on Severus’ back.

Severus bit back a cry as his dick jumped inside Harry, his own climax taking him by surprise.

“Oh GOD!” Harry screamed as his hot seed spurted between them.

They slumped together, mouths open, panting for breath. 

Harry barely managed a weak moan a few minutes later as Severus slowly removed his spent length from his wet hole. 

Severus rolled so that he was next to his lover and pulled him tightly into his arms.

“Never let me go,” Harry mumbled just before a huge yawn split his face.

“Never,” Severus agreed, ignoring the ache in his heart that told him he was uttering a lie.

************************************


	56. Chapter 55

We own nothing Harry Potter. We make no money from this story.

 

Chapter 55

 

Ginny had contacted Harry via floo to tell him that she was having such fun at Charlie’s that she would be staying for a few days longer than expected. He pretended to be upset at this news, but was genuine as he told her he loved and missed her.

Severus was in his quarters, brewing potions. He knew that Ginny was due to return that day, and didn’t think he could bear to watch her touching Harry. So it was that he’d strategically retreated, thinking to give them their privacy and save him some heartache.

The knock at his door surprised him. Checking his potions were safe for a few minutes, he moved towards his entrance.

“Yes?”

Harry stood there, face flushed, eyes bright. “She’s away a few more days.” He began, but managed nothing more. He was gathered up into his lover’s arms and crushed beneath a passionate kiss.

Clothes were pulled haphazardly off and Severus plunged into Harry after accio-ing the lubricant from his bedside table. Harry wrapped his legs around Severus’ hips, and clung on as he was pressed against the door frame, impaled upon the desired shaft.

Their coupling had little to do with love making, and more to do with animal passion. A very few minutes sufficed to have Harry crying out his completion, closely followed by Severus. 

A lingering shower, filled with touches and tasting had them both eager for more. 

Harry threw a wicked grin back over his shoulder as he exited Severus’ rooms, heading, naked, downstairs. Severus followed, chasing the younger man, a towel hastily wrapped around his waist, and another slung across his shoulders.

“Cock tease!” Severus growled as he cornered Harry and delivered a bruising kiss.

Harry sniggered and wriggled so that his face was to the wall, his ass pressing against the cotton covered erection.

“Is this teasing?” he gasped breathily as he rubbed his ass against the material. “I’m not going to say no, you know!”

Severus growled and nipped lightly at Harry’s shoulder, shaking himself to loosen the towel. It puddle around his ankles, forgotten as his fingers dug into delightful buttocks, spreading the mounds to reveal the hidden entrance. Knowing that Harry was still slick with his previous release, he wasted no time in entering the slippery passage.

“God, Sev!” Harry moaned as once again he was filled, “God!”

His partner slid one hand onto a hip, and the other encircled the chest, pulling Harry’s back flush against his own front. The younger man turned his head and kissed the tense jaw line.

“Fuck me,” he whispered softly, ”fuck me,”

Severus did.

 

*******************************************************

 

The unexpected extension to their time together did something to them. On the following morning, after a frantic coupling, neither could be bothered to dress, so Harry scampered down the stairs to fetch some breakfast (he had been unable to use accio as he was not entirely sure what food was in the kitchen) and returned with a tray laden with items, a smile on his face, and not a stitch covering his body.

Severus threw back the bed covers, and let the other man see how affected he was by the sight.

That led to a renewed bout of sex, lasting well into the afternoon. For the two men, it was difficult to tell where one bout ended and another began, as the afterplay became foreplay very quickly. Desire, and an awareness that time was running out, fuelled their lust.

The evening became night, became morning, became afternoon.

At last neither man was capable of hardening, and they lay gasping together. Harry whimpered a little as he looked at his limp cock, trying feebly to twitch.

“God, Sev! That was incredible! I wish we could do that more often.”

Severus kissed Harry’s cheek, and rubbed one trembling hand over the semen coated stomach. “I fear I would not have the stamina to repeat the past twenty-four hours very often.” He said ruefully, glancing down to his own tingling and sated dick.

Harry snickered, “No, me either really. Still, it was nice whilst it lasted. A day out of time, almost.” He felt sad suddenly. Today would have to end. He would have to leave Severus and re-join Ginny. He wanted it to last, wanted to know that he and Severus would always be together; would one day be able to prove their love. And that Ginny would understand.

_Yeah. Fat chance!_

Severus traced patterns in the drying semen on Harry’s belly, wishing that one day they could tell Ginny, that she would be happy for them, and would share Harry with him.

_If only there was some way she could see how much we love each other. Perhaps she would be happy for us. Perhaps she wouldn’t hate me._

Severus knew it could never happen. The only way that he could have Harry was at the expense of Ginny. He could not keep both in his life. And he loved Ginny, as almost a surrogate daughter, as the child he would never have. How could he lose her? But how could he lose Harry?

 

**********************************************************************

 

When Ginny came home, tired but happy some six hours later, she found the two men sitting in the living room, a tension between them. Harry gave a start of surprise when she appeared, and the document he had been working on was slid under a pile of papers. She wasn’t upset or curious. Harry often had to bring work home and she understood that he couldn’t let anyone see it.

He leapt up, a big smile on his face for her, and for his son. “How has he grown in just those few days?” he asked, as he pulled her close for a hug.

She smiled at him wearily and turned to Severus. “Did he behave himself?” she asked, teasing.

“Mostly,” he responded, “only once did I have to bind him.”

She grinned and hugged Harry again, pleased at the hardness she felt against her. She snuggled against his chest, eyes closing. “Oh, I’ve missed this,” she commented blissfully. 

"Me too," Harry murmured into her hair as she nuzzled her face into his neck. He was acutely aware of Severus' dark gaze burning into him. 

"Mmm, but I'm dying for a nice soak in a hot bath," Ginny said. "Maybe you could tuck James up...and then join me?" The suggestive quality in her voice, as well as the promise her words held, had parts of Harry that he didn't think could stir, stirring. 

"I'll be right there," he whispered back, and she went upstairs after saying goodnight to Severus. Harry swallowed audibly, his nerves humming, and turned toward his lover, his own guilt at possibly making Severus feel less wanted gnawing at him. "Binding me up, hmm?" he said in what he hoped was a suggestive voice, "You'd like that, wouldn't you? Me, tied to your bed, helpless and at your mercy? I can't wait." 

And with that, he turned and headed upstairs, thoughts of being tied up and helpless, as well as thoughts of a hot bath and a naked Ginny tenting his trousers as he climbed the stairs. He didn't see the scowl that crossed the man's face. Severus' jaw tightened and he opened his mouth to speak, then snapped it shut. Really, what was there that he could say? He had known, going into this relationship, that Harry was married. He had known the other man would stay with his wife. What could he say? He stalked off to his rooms.

Alone.

**********************************


	57. Chapter 56

We own nothing Harry Potter. We make no money from this story.

 

Chapter 56

 

Harry lay on Severus’ bed, his hands magically tied to the head board. He was completely naked, and very, _very_ hard.

 

“Come on!” he groaned as Severus undressed with a slowness that bordered on cruelty. “I want to see you! Hurry up! Oh, please, Sev!” 

 

“Stop whining,” Severus scolded, a smile on his lips as he finally removed the last article of clothing. He moved towards the bed and stopped between Harry’s eagerly spread legs. 

 

Severus knelt and eyed the erection he knew so well, and the puckered entrance he had claimed so many times already. He felt excitement growing within him as he realised that once again, Harry still desired him, still wanted this thing between them to continue, still longed to be possessed by Severus. 

 

He bent his head and gently kissed the soft skin of the inner thighs, his soft hair just skimming Harry’s twitching shaft. 

 

“Merlin….” Harry panted, tugged against his invisible restraints, “Please, Sev, please, touch me!” 

 

Severus, feeling particularly wicked, followed the instruction literally. He poked Harry’s dick once before pulling away. 

 

“N-No!” Harry choked, “You know what I want, you bastard! Come on!” 

 

“Manners cost nothing,” Severus chided, awaiting the request. 

 

“Oh, God, Sev, I can’t,” Harry blushed, “I can’t ask you to…to…” he writhed, trying to ease the ache between his legs, but also to entice Severus to touch him as he ached to be touched. 

 

“I am not a mind reader,“ Severus said, still waiting, although his own cock was slick with the fluid that had already leaked from him. 

 

Harry squeezed his eyes shut, face burning, “Suck me, ok?!” he almost shouted. 

 

Severus shrugged and moved his head in between Harry’s trembling legs. He placed his lips on the inner thigh and sucked at the skin there. 

 

“NO!” Harry wailed, balls aching, “You…you’re doing this deliberately! God, just suck me off, already!” 

 

“I have sucked you,” Severus responded, “Or, did you intend another part of your anatomy to receive my attentions?” 

 

“ASSHOLE!” Harry ground out, teeth gritted. 

 

“I’d have some difficulty sucking your asshole,” Severus said, a touch of snarkiness creeping into his voice. 

 

“Oh, you’re fucking _loving_ this, aren’t you?” Harry snarled, “Just suck my **cock**!” He screamed the last word, shaking with lust and rage. 

 

Severus smiled, he did enjoy pushing Harry, and he did, he admitted it, enjoy the taste of Harry’s dick in his mouth. 

 

He lowered himself onto the jerking length, noting with pleasure the stifled cry wrung from Harry as his shaft was engulfed in that familiar and desired wetness. 

 

Severus’ hands moved between the legs. One hand cupped the dangling heavy balls and stroked them, pulling more gasps and moans from Harry, and the other hand slid lower, to the entrance he ached to invade. 

 

His tongue roamed around the wet tip, sliding along the slit, tasting the fluid there, then it swirled lower, to just behind the head, to stab at the sensitive skin there. He sucked his cheeks in, drawing more of Harry into him, and tightening the suction about the painfully hard dick. 

 

“Gonna…” Harry panted, hands clenched into fists, eyes open but unseeing. 

 

Severus reached to the floor for the lubricant he had left there earlier and smeared some on his fingers. He returned his hands back to their former positions – one rubbing Harry’s balls, the other tormenting Harry’s entrance. Now he drove one digit in … hard and felt the boy buck beneath him semen spurting from his prick into Severus’ mouth. 

 

“Oh….God,” Harry groaned weakly as he slumped down, exhausted. He didn’t even have the energy to respond to Severus’ finger driving into him. 

 

A second digit pushed in and joined the first in stroking him inside. Tendrils of lust burst inside him as he was thoroughly prepared for his lover’s throbbing penis. 

 

“Sev,” he groaned, low and needy and tired. His dick was still in Sev’s mouth and was hurting, the pleasure was so intense. 

 

A third finger pressed in and now Harry spread his legs still further, wanting that thick presence within him. He always wanted Severus, but this moment, just before he was taken, was always the best: knowing the ecstasy that was to follow, knowing the love he would feel bursting out of his soul as they joined. 

 

Unashamedly, he begged. “Fuck me, oh Merlin, fuck me! Fuck me!” His voice rose on each repetition until he shouted “Fuck me! FUCK ME! **FUCK ME!** ” His hips were pushing back against the pressure within him, his channel grabbed tight onto those fingers, drawing them further in. 

 

Severus whimpered with raw need as his digits were _squeezed_. Shaking, he tugged them free and rose, rest his knees on the bed, and aimed his prick at the hole he burned to fill. 

 

He put one hand about himself as he guided his length in, and the other went up to tweak a nipple. He felt the resistance he always felt, then the wonderful tightness as he breached the outside, and settled inside Harry. 

 

Harry’s hips lifted to meet him, spread legs high about Sev’s ribs. The older man let his body lower until he was pressed against Harry’s chest, the younger man’s second erection trapped between their shaking bodies. 

 

Severus settled his knees firmly on the bed so that he was buried inside Harry. His balls pressed against the other man, hot and sensitive to touch. He walked his fingers up over the shaking, taut arms, until they reached Harry’s clenched hands. Severus threaded his fingers with Harry’s, feeling almost a death grip on his fingers as he leaned in for a kiss, his dick nudging that tiny bit further inside. 

 

Their lips met, tongues tangling, desperate and needy. Harry’s tongue fucked back and forth, showing his own fraught longing to be claimed. 

 

Severus remained still within Harry, fighting the urge to just start fucking, as he wanted, as he always wanted, these moments with his lover to last. Each time with Harry was precious. Severus was well aware that one day the guilt would become too much for the younger man and Harry would tell Ginny everything. And that would be that. 

 

So he tried to make each time last. Tried to make each time so perfect that it would assuage the guilt for a little longer. 

 

But he couldn’t. 

 

His body screamed at him to move. Every motion of Harry was screaming at him to move. 

 

He pulled back before snapping his hips forward. 

 

Harry wailed into Severus’ mouth. 

 

He tugged loose and thumped back inside, jabbing at that secret place within Harry. 

 

The grip on his fingers nearly broke them. 

 

His control snapped and Severus did what he was so good at: pleasuring Harry. 

 

He again and again filled his lover with his twitching length, stabbing over and over at the nub within Harry that made him shake and howl. 

 

Their bodies ground together time and time again as Severus claimed his Harry. 

 

Harry had to pull his lips free at last, and throw his head back, whimpering incoherently, his cock lurched between them, and his ass ached in that familiar and wonderful way it always did. His Severus was once again taking him, claiming him, leaving something of himself behind. He groaned, if only it could be like this always. 

 

Whilst with Severus, Harry resolutely pushed all thoughts of his wife aside. But still, there was that nagging sensation of guilt, just for a moment, before intense lust and desire and passion swept it aside as if it had never been. 

 

He bucked up, almost throwing Sev off, squealing as his second climax shot out of him, his ass clenching around the thick intruder. 

 

Severus shuddered, unable to hang on. His own pinnacle was achieved and his seed burst out of him, coating Harry’s passage thoroughly, claiming his dear boy. 

 

*******************************

Like it? Hate it? Hit the review button and let us know!


	58. Chapter 57

We own nothing Harry Potter. We make no money from this story.

 

Chapter 57

 

James' wailing brought Harry and Ginny both out of the depths of sleep, both groaning into one another's shoulder. They lay entwined, warm and comfortable in the lingering afterglow from the night before, for a few more moments before Ginny sighed and made to get up. 

 

"No," Harry whispered, kissing her temple, "I'll go. You stay here and catch a few more minutes." 

 

"Sure?" she mumbled, her eyes already starting to flutter closed again. 

 

Harry smiled, kissed her again, and gently extricated himself. "Yeah, it's fine. You deserve a break. We'll be fine." 

 

He pulled on his pyjamas and went to calm his now screeching son, closing the door to his and Ginny's room quietly. 

 

He quietly opened the door to James' room and peeked inside. James sat in his cot wailing lustily at the top of his lungs, but stopped abruptly upon catching sight of his father. Tears and drool dripped down his little face as he smiled wetly at his father and hiccuped. 

 

Harry laughed, and James did too, holding his chubby arms out to be picked up, gurgling excitedly, and bouncing himself up and down. Harry crossed over to the cot and picked his soggy son up, cuddling him close despite the drool and, he wrinkled his nose, the smell. 

 

"James, I think the Ministry could put that nappy of yours to use as a weapon of torture," Harry chuckled, eyes watering. He carried his son over to the changing table and braced himself. 

 

"Aaarrgghh!" he grimaced, turning his head away when James' nappy was opened. "Good God, James! That's disgusting! How can someone so small produce something so.....lethal?!" 

 

James only laughed merrily at his father's face and tried turning over to escape. 

 

"Oh no you don't!" Harry said, wrestling the small and wriggling body back, "we don't need _that_ mess spread!" After a short, but sincere effort on James' part to escape once again, he finally lay still and allowed his father to clean him up and re-nappy him. Harry sat James up, one hand on him, the other delving through the drawers of the changing table for a bib to sop up some of the relentless drool his son was spewing forth. He'd popped his two bottom teeth through a week or so ago, and was now working on the top two, which was the cause of the flood that seemed to constantly flow from his mouth. Harry snagged a bib, fastened it on his son and picked him up, heading downstairs to prepare some breakfast. "Are you hungry, James?" he asked, and James smiled, gurgling his agreement with that idea. 

 

Evidently James had thought he was now being taken to his mother, and began to squawk when Harry headed past his and Ginny's room and down the stairs. He began waving his arms and hands energetically, trying to escape over Harry's shoulder, burbling "MumumumUM!" as they went. 

 

"Mum is having a lie in, James," Harry told him, "let's be quiet and let her sleep a bit, hmm?" James, however, was having none of that, and began to fret, then outright cry when Harry reached the bottom of the stairs. 

 

Harry jiggled James a bit on his hip, trying to soothe him, then put him in his high chair so he could put the kettle on and prepare the mush Ginny fed their son for breakfast. James momentarily stopped crying, watching Harry's movements with interest for a few moments, but then began to fret again. 

 

"Don't worry, James," Harry said comfortingly, "Daddy can handle your cereal as well as Mummy can," but James didn't seem reassured. 

 

He continued to fret, and began banging his hands on the tray of his chair, blubbering, "Mumumum....mumumum..mumum.." again, over and over. 

 

"Come on, James," Harry said, glancing at his son, "give Daddy a break here. We're trying to let Mummy have a few minutes to herself, okay? Daddy can do this, I promise." James remained looking doubtful however, and Harry sighed as he grabbed a baby spoon, the bowl of baby cereal, a mug of tea for himself, and settled down at the table to feed his son. 

 

He scooped up a bit of the cereal and James dutifully opened his mouth. Harry spooned the mush in, feeling rather chuffed with himself, and sipped his tea. James closed his mouth, pulled a face, promptly spit it all back out, and began to wail loudly. "James!" Harry sputtered in surprise, and went to get a towel to wipe his glasses off with. 

 

James stopped his blubbering long enough to laugh at his handiwork, then laugh harder at his father's scowl, and clapped his hands merrily, evidently feeing rather pleased with himself. 

 

"Oh, you think that's funny, do you?" Harry asked a bit sourly. 

 

"Dadadadada!" James replied, banging his hands on his tray again. 

 

In spite of himself, Harry couldn't help smiling at that, and sat down once again. Now that James was in a better mood, hopefully he would eat. Harry spooned up more cereal, and paused before giving it to James. "Okay, I suppose that probably was funny," he chided his son gently, "and I probably would have done the same. But that's it, okay? You need to eat, and you need to let me feed you. So let's work together here, okay?" James smiled wetly again. Harry tried spooning some cereal into him. James clamped his mouth shut and refused to budge. 

 

"Come on, James," Harry wheedled, "open up. Say "ahh"." James did no such thing, only looked at his father accusingly, his little face already screwing up to cry again. "No, no..come on, James," Harry said hurriedly, trying to stave off the imminent wail, "look, open up and Daddy will give you some cereal, just like Mummy does! See? I can do it!" 

 

James wasn't listening however. He began wailing lustily again, shaking his head from side to side, trying to avoid the spoon Harry was trying to shove into his mouth. "James....come.....there!" Harry crowed triumphantly. 

 

It was short lived, however. James spit the cereal back out, spattering himself and his father once more, and continued to cry quickly escalating to mournful howls of "Mumumum....mumumum...mumum!" 

 

No matter what Harry tried, James was determined he wasn't going to eat the cereal, and he and his father were at an impasse, Harry frowning in distress, James crying mournfully, when a voice sounded from the doorway. 

 

"What seems to be the problem here?" Severus asked, eyeing a besmirched Harry and his equally spattered and smeared progeny. He took out his wand, spelled the kettle hot again and reached for a cup. 

 

Harry shrugged, still frowning at his son, and said, "He won't eat for me. Keeps wailing for Ginny. Apparently she's got something I don't." 

 

"Where is she?" Severus asked non- committally. He would have liked to kiss Harry good morning, but not in front of James. Although it was unlikely the baby would even take notice, it just seemed wrong. The child should grow up to images of his parents kissing, not his father and his dirty little secret of a lover. Severus bit back a sigh and sat across from Harry, pushing all thoughts of what they did when they were alone together from his mind, and focusing on the problem at hand. 

 

"I thought I'd give her a break and let her rest awhile longer," Harry said somewhat resentfully, "spend some time with my son, but.....I guess he doesn't agree." 

 

"Harry," Severus said, a little surprised by his lover's tone, "Don't be ridiculous." 

 

"Well.....he's hungry, but he won't eat!" Harry said in frustration, "just keeps spitting it back at me and wailing for Ginny.” Harry sighed and said woundedly, "I just wanted to spend some father son time with him, and give Ginny a break. I thought we'd have a good time, but......well, I should have known better.....I'm at work all the time, and when Ginny goes, he usually goes to the Burrow......I suppose I'm a stranger to him." 

 

“Harry," Severus said, "I think you're being rather harsh on yourself. Did you change him first?” 

 

"Yes," Harry said, wrinkling his nose in remembrance, "and he was fine through that. He was fine when I got him up. He started crying for Ginny on the way downstairs, but I thought he'd cheer up when I started feeding him. But he won't eat. I guess I don't do it the same as Ginny." 

 

Severus chuckled and said, "I do believe you were right the first time, Harry. Ginny does indeed have something you don't. He wants to nurse. Ginny nurses him first, then feeds him his cereal. Of course he wants his mother." 

 

" _Oh_!" Harry exclaimed happily. "So you don't resent Daddy then!" he said to James, picking him up and cuddling him. "You just want a drink along with your food! Well, I certainly don't blame you for _that_!" 

 

He laughed, and so did James, and they went off back upstairs, leaving Severus in the kitchen alone, never noticing the scowl on the man's face.

 

*************************************


	59. Chapter 58

We own nothing Harry Potter. We make no money from this story.

 

Chapter 58

 

Lucius Malfoy woke from a dream and stretched, feeling supremely satisfied with himself. His agile brain had finally worked out the final stages of the plot that would _at last_ see him avenged on the Potter brat and on the traitor Snape. He lay still and revelled in the feeling of simply _being_ a Malfoy. Of course, that had caused problems for him in the past, and was doing so currently, as some of the Dark Lord’s followers felt that Lucius had escaped his just punishment through his position and wealth. He snorted quietly. As though they would not have done the same, had they been able! 

 

Even so, he had not escaped. His son was scarred thanks to the Potter brat’s actions. Imperceptible though they were, Lucius knew they were there, knew that Potter had bested his son, and that could not, _would_ not, be tolerated. That his plan would place him at the head of any Death Eater organisation, as the natural successor to the Dark Lord was merely a benefit to his eyes. The key part, the essential part, was that he had misery planned for Potter and Snape. 

 

He closed his grey eyes, a smug, satisfied smirk on his face. _Misery._

 

Reaching Hogwarts through the secret passage, he made his way calmly to the foyer, having already alerted Minerva of his impending visit. He paced up to Dumbledore's former domain and found himself face to painted face with his mentor. His heart clenched at seeing the familiar blue eyes. wrinkled face, and long white beard again, but that did not dissuade him from speaking. 

 

 

“Albus, this has been against my better judgement from the very start” he declared, “I had intended on staying at Spinner's End, or at the flat in Hogsmeade. I did not intend to _live_ with them, and cannot go on hiding away with the Potters. I want to be doing something with my life. With this second, no, third, chance.” 

 

The portrait nodded sagely, knowing Severus was referring to the night he had begged Albus to save Lily. Although Albus had failed, Severus’ first life had ended in that moment, and his new one had started, that of an honest man. And now he was on his third, and wondering what to do with it. “Have you considered brewing potions?” he suggested softly. 

 

“I do brew potions, some for the Aurors' use,” the other wizard admitted, “but it hardly occupies me day and night. Besides, I need somewhere to go that isn’t that house. I cannot bear being confined there any longer. It’s too difficult." Severus found he could no longer look into those damnedly twinkling blue eyes, and rose from his seat. He began to pace back and forth distractedly, wanting very much to confide his misery over the situation with Harry, yet not willing to bear the inevitable look of disappointment that was sure to cloud Dumbledore's blue gaze.

 

"Severus?" came the old man's kindly voice, "I thought you and Harry had become close." 

 

Severus swallowed audibly, thinking his answer through carefully. "We have, Albus. Closer than I ever thought possible," he said equally carefully, "I have come to.....care for him. Deeply." He ventured a covert glance at the portrait, trying to gauge the man's reaction. 

 

"And yet you find it difficult to live in the same home as he and his wife," Dumbledore said thoughtfully. 

 

"I...care about Ginevra as well," Severus whispered painfully, "she is, perhaps, like a daughter of sorts to me. She's an admirable young woman, and...." 

 

"Just what Harry needs," Dumbledore interceded, "she is able to give him the love and family he never had." 

 

Severus cringed inwardly at the firm tone of the older wizard's voice. Did he know? Could he had guessed?! When he had been alive, Dumbledore often "knew" things without any perceivable cause. Surely his portrait could not also perform this mysterious feat? 

 

Severus covered his face with his hands. “I know,” he groaned, “I care deeply for Ginevra, but, Albus, Harry and I…” he stopped, unable to choke out the words. 

 

“I am aware of the depth of your feelings, Severus, ” His tone became more brisk, “But we are not here to discuss that, instead, we should be discussing your future, as you have stated. 

 

Suddenly, Severus realised that, although he did want to talk about his ideas, he wanted this man’s counsel more. “It’s so ridiculously complicated,” he said, angry at himself to hear the sudden raspiness of his voice, “I had resigned myself to being his friend, and nothing more, but......it became more. I encouraged him to marry Ginevra, and yet.....I cannot help but regret that decision now. I.....cannot help but feel.......loss....and that feeling colours every moment I have with him. I see him with her and have to walk away. I cannot trust myself not to hurt her. I’ve _tried_ to walk away, Albus, knowing if I stayed I would yell at her that she is intruding on what I have with Harry, and I am horrified that I can wish to hurt her like that. I never thought I would......that it would.....come to this. He's....he's all I have, all that is important, all that means anything. I am not, however, all that he has. And certainly not the most important. He has a child with her, has a _family_ , and he won’t lose that for me.” 

 

Albus spoke very kindly, “I think you are doing him a disservice. Perhaps, in the end, he would choose Ginny, as she is the mother of his child, but do not doubt the depth of his feelings for you, Severus." 

 

Severus could almost feel Albus’ wrinkled hand on his arm, the sensation, and knowing it was false, made him feel the loss of him more acutely than ever before. 

 

“Harry is bound to you in ways that he isn’t bound to Ginny. Your shared past is so much more complicated and tangled than, I think, _anyone_ realises. You have saved him numerous times through what you have said, untruthfully, and what you have not said when Voldemort lived. He, in his way, gave you a reason to live. Do not underestimate what binds you. It is strong.” 

 

There was a lengthy pause before Albus spoke more brightly, “And now, dear boy, your future?” 

 

*********************************

Please remember to review!


	60. Chapter 59

We own nothing Harry Potter. We make no money from this story.

 

Chapter 59

 

Harry was standing in the hallway, waiting to go into a meeting when he caught of glimpse of familiar black and white hair. His heart pounding, he moved away from the clump of Aurors he had been standing with, and followed the elusive figure, a moth drawn to a deadly flame. 

 

At the end of a long corridor, a familiar figure was knocking politely on an office door. 

 

Harry frowned, brows drawn close together. What on earth was Sev doing visiting Kingsley? Harry paced closer as the door opened and his lover stepped inside. It hurt to see Sev here, to see that beloved face and body and not be expecting it. His body had betrayed him: had followed Severus, had become aroused. And now he had a meeting to go to, where it was vital he listened and focused, and he knew that more than half of his mind would be wondering about Severus. 

 

He bit back a growl of frustration and lust and stalked back to the waiting group of Aurors. Belatedly, he realised that his actions would have seemed a little odd to them and he readied excuses to hide the truth. 

 

**************************************** 

 

"Harry," Ginny sighed in exasperation, "I'm not going to stand here holding this bowl forever!" 

 

"H-Huh?" Harry blinked, her voice bringing him out of his musing. 

 

"I've asked you, for...oh, about the fifth time now...to please bring this bowl of potatoes to the table!" She shook her head, a frown creasing her beautiful face. "Honestly, Harry, what has got into you? Did something happen at work today?" 

 

"Yeah, actually, it did," Harry said slowly. "Did Severus tell you he was going to see Kingsley Shacklebolt today?" 

 

Ginny stared at her husband a moment, frown still in place, and said, "He said he had an appointment this afternoon, but he didn't say where. Why? Can't he speak to Kingsley if he wishes to? Really Harry, you don't own the man." 

 

"Of course not," Harry said hastily, "only.....I just thought he'd mention it if he was going to be at the Ministry. I mean.....well...Kingsley is my boss....." he trailed off, feeling slightly foolish. 

 

"Seriously, Harry," Ginny said, her brown eyes full of amusement, "he only lives with us. He's a big boy. He can go to the Ministry by himself. You're not his father, you know." 

 

"Yeah, I know, Gin," he replied, his own frown forming. "I just think it's strange that he wouldn't tell me he was coming to the Ministry today, knowing I would be there. That's all." 

 

"Take the potatoes to the table and get your knickers out of a twist," Ginny said, "I'm sure if it's important, or some sort of earth-shattering reason, he'll tell us. Cast a warming spell on those too, will you?" She went off back into the kitchen shaking her head as she went. 

 

"You don't understand," Harry muttered to himself, doing as she asked. As he was putting his wand away, he heard the rush of flames from the Floo in the living room, and went to greet his errant lover. 

 

Annoyed as he was with the man, he still couldn't help the smile he felt creeping across his face as he watched Severus brush soot from his clothes. "Oh, there you are," he said nonchalantly, "I'd wondered where you'd gone." 

 

"Out," Severus said bluntly, eyeing his young lover. He smiled inwardly at the brief scowl that crossed his Harry's face. 

 

"Out where?" Harry asked, trying to keep the annoyance out of his voice. He was keenly aware of Ginny's previous words to him. He was starting to sound like exactly what he was. A jealous lover. 

 

Severus raised a brow and gave Harry a look that was frighteningly reminiscent of Severus' days as Harry's Potions Master. "I was not aware that I was required to inform you of my every move," he purred dangerously. He felt no real ire at Harry, rather, amusement and some elation at his obvious possessiveness. He sounded almost jealous, an arousing notion. 

 

"You aren’t," Harry said, feeling rather put out. If they were truly alone, he was sure he'd be able to seduce a real answer out of the man. 

 

Severus snickered inwardly at Harry's pretty little pout, and licked his lips at the thought of kissing it off his face. Those thoughts, however, wouldn't do just now. Regrettably. 

 

"Oh, Severus," Ginny said, pausing in the doorway to the dining room, "good thing you're back. Harry's about to wet himself wondering where you've been. Dinner is ready by the way." 

 

Harry turned and scowled darkly at his wife, feeling his face flush, but she just laughed and went off back to the kitchen. Severus took pity on his boy, and reached out to give his arm a quick squeeze, saying, "Come along, Harry. I have something to tell you both." 

 

Harry felt the tiny sizzle of attraction as they touched, and fought it down. He was still a little upset that Severus had kept something from him, and was almost annoyed at the arousal that fizzed between them. 

 

When they had all settled at table and were eating, Severus still hadn't said anything, and Harry was consumed with curiosity. Finally, unable to endure the man's stoic silence any longer, and not knowing if what he had to say had anything to do with why he had been at the Ministry, Harry blurted out, "I saw you today. At the Ministry. Going into Kingsley's office." 

 

"Please, Severus," Ginny piped up with a laugh, "tell Harry what you were doing there before he explodes." 

 

"Merlin forbid you should....explode, Harry," Severus murmured, then added in his normal voice, "Indeed I was to see Kingsley Shacklebolt today. We had very fruitful conversation, and you both now have the distinct pleasure of dining with the newly created Dark Arts Consultant to the Auror Office." 

 

After a moment's silence when two pairs of eyes, one warm brown, one strikingly green, stared at him in surprise, the brown eyes began to smile. "Severus! Really?" Ginny said excitedly, "Kingsley offered you a job? That's fabulous!" 

 

She got up from her place and went round th etable to throw her arms around the man, kissing his cheek as she did. "Congratulations! I had a feeling you must be bored out of your mind stuck in this house with nothing to do all day. I'm so happy for you!" 

 

She sat down again after Severus returned her embrace and thanked her, even pecked her cheek in return, he was feeling so pleased with himself, and turned to look at Harry, who had yet to say anything. 

 

Harry, who had been trying to quell the excited pounding of his heart, swallowed his potatoes and asked thickly, "Does...does that mean you'll be....coming to work with me?" 

 

"Amongst other things," Severus said cagily, raising a brow. "Unless, of course, you object?" 

 

"Oh no...no.....I don't object. Not at all," Harry said, a smile threatening to split his face. Inside, he was singing. 

 

_Amongst other things indeed!_

 

****************************************


	61. Chapter 60

We own nothing Harry Potter. We make no money from this story.

 

Chapter 60

 

Severus gave what passed for a smile, and nodded his head, acknowledging the greetings various Ministry lackeys sent his way. He had to admit, even to himself, that he was rather surprised. For the first time in his life, people seemed actually pleased to see his brooding countenance, a few of them had even stopped to shake his hand, even this long after the war had ended. He had scowled when he had come across the portrait of himself hanging in the Atrium next to Harry's and Dumbledore's, but inside he'd been secretly pleased. It was, he was loathe to admit even to himself, gratifying and yes, vindicating to know people saw him as a hero, even as he was very quickly becoming annoyed with the attention he was receiving. Still, he had brought it upon himself by coming here and offering up his services, and although he felt somewhat wary, not being used to this much _positive_ attention, he did feel safe. He was, after all, in the midst of a veritable nest of Aurors, with Kingsley Shacklebolt and Harry at their head. If he wasn't safe here, then nowhere was safe.

 

Even as this thought concluded in his mind, he felt the tingle of magic and found himself suddenly immobile and sightless, the victim of Binding and Blinding curses. A hand clamped over his mouth rendering him nearly speechless, momentarily surprising rational thought out of his head, and he felt himself being dragged backwards by two strong arms.

 

Scarcely able to believe that he had been attacked HERE of all places, Severus allowed himself to be manuevred. Whoever had infiltrated here knew what he was doing, and Severus felt that it would be better to wait and gauge the situation carefully before attempting any movement. He was pulled from the deserted corridor into a shadowy alcove. How he knew it was dark in his sightless state, he couldn't have said, other than that years of experience made him very aware of his surroundings, whatever his physical condition.

 

Unable to reach his own wand, unable to shout for help, he let himself be dragged, concentrating on mustering his own magic together enough to enable him to use wandless, speechless magic to break his bonds and subdue his attacker.

 

The hand was removed from his mouth, but before he could utter either _Reducto_ or _Relashio_ , his mouth was covered again, this time with warm, soft lips, then filled with a wet and questing tongue bent on sucking his own tongue from his incapacitated mouth.

 

Using his own magic to break the spells keeping him bound, his attacker was suddenly and rudely forced back against the opposite wall, his head making a satisfying crack as it made contact. Severus drew his wand as he advanced on his stunned attacker, casting _Incarcerous_ , _Silencio_ and _Rictusempra_ in quick succession. He crossed his arms and glared as he watched his victim writhe silent and helpless against the cords keeping him bound in place to the wall.

 

Severus' victim writhed awkwardly, his face reddened, and although his mouth opened, no sound issued. A glare tried to make its way onto the face, but didn't quite make it to the surface before Severus spoke.

 

"I believe the spells will wear off in approximately ten minutes. Of course, someone may find you in that time."

 

His victim's eyes opened wide.

 

"Perhaps this will teach you to not attempt such foolishness in the future."

 

Severus watched the emotional figure calmly for a few moments, no expression on his face. He opened his mouth to speak, but decided against it, and simply spun sharply on his heel and strode away, leaving his attacker helplessly bound to the wall.

 

*****************************

 

Green flames flared in the massive fireplace, and Lucius Malfoy sipped his cognac as he watched the wiry figure of Howard Fairncombe emerge onto his hearth.

 

"Sir," Fairncombe spoke, "I came as soon as I got your owl......I destroyed the message." 

 

"Very good, Mr. Fairncombe," Lucius nodded. "Please...have a seat." 

 

Fairncombe was a bit startled at this gesture of hospitality, and gingerly sat on the edge of the chair across from the intimidating man, hoping there was no soot clinging to his arse. 

 

"Cognac, Mr. Fairncombe?" Lucius enquired, inwardly amused at the other man's obvious consternation. _By the time he leaves here, he'll be grovelling at my feet_ he thought with a slight contempt. 

 

"Erm....sure, Sir. Thank you," Fairncombe said warily, feeling completely thrown by this unprecedented display of generosity. He had a feeling that was what the man intended, but was thrown nonetheless.

 

"Mr. Fairncombe," Lucius began as he poured another cognac and handed the glass to the man, "I've asked you here today because we have something to discuss." 

 

"We do?" Fairncombe muttered, distracted by the elegant crystal glass in the elegant fingers of the elegant hand reaching toward him. "Sir?" he added hastily, taking the pro-offered glass. 

 

"Yes, Mr. Fairncombe," Lucius replied keeping the sneer of contempt he again felt to himself. This man was crucial to all his wishes and it wouldn't do to alienate him. Lucius had learned his lesson well with the traitor Snape. These half-blood creatures never did understand the subtilites of power and control. Even the Dark Lord hadn't been able to fully control his pets, and one of them had turned around and bitten him. Snape. The traitor. The _real_ snake in the grass. Lucius was determined that it would not happen to him. 

 

"Indeed we do, Mr. Fairncombe," Lucius said in his elegant, measured tones, "but first, what do you have for me?"

 

***************************

 

Severus stared out at the sea of eyes directed his way, cleared his throat, and began speaking. 

 

"I am certain most of you remember me from your school days at Hogwarts when we all had the dubious pleasure of one another's company for Potions class." He eyed them all with a slight frown, for effect.

 

"Now, however, you do not need me to remind you of the delicate power of liquids that can creep through human veins.....bewitchng the mind....ensnaring the senses......" He paused, looking at his audience once again, before continuing, "You know...or should know by now, what powdered root of asphodel added to and infusion of wormwood results in. You know where to look for a bezoar. You know what the difference is between......" 

 

He was interrupted in his lecture by the noisy arrival of a huffing, red-faced Harry, who hurried to a seat beside Ron. Severus smirked inwardly, his black eyes glinting in evil amusement outwardly.

 

"Ah yes. There he is. Harry Potter. Our resident.....celebrity." Harry glared at Severus mutinously, then around the room as the hushed snickers of his fellow Aurors.

 

Severus threw him one small look of amusement, crossed his arms, and began his lecture in earnest, pacing back and forth with a slow, measured gait, as he spoke. He wasn't, of course, wearing his teaching robes, but it wasn't difficult to see them billowing out behind him anyway, he slipped back into the ghost of his former occupation so flawlessly.

 

"You, as Aurors, know, the Dark Arts remain many, varied, ever-changing, and eternal. It is your job to face and fight them every day, protecting and preserving this world we have fought so boldly and bravely for. The fact remains, however, that evil always exists, will always persist, and the Dark Arts remain unfixed, ever mutating, indestructible."

 

Severus paused in his pacing, glancing once more at his audience, and felt gratified to see every eye focused on him. Unlike at Hogwarts lessons, where a certain amount of fidgeting was to be expected, this group of students, children no longer, were hanging on his every word, listening with rapt attention, and he smiled inwardly, pleased at having captivated his audience so thoroughly.

 

"Therefore, your defenses must be as flexible and inventive as the arts you seek to undo....."

 

******************************

 

"I did exactly as you asked, Sir," Fairncombe said after a large gulp of the cognac. He cleared his throat, trying to quell his nerves. The man, for all that Howard admired him, set his nerves to fluttering like a butterfly in a rose garden. "She....erm......Mrs. Potter...she follows the Quidditch season fixture, mostly the two top teams, to report for the Daily Prophet, so she travels quite a bit. But when she isn't travelling to cover Quidditch, she sticks to a schedule of sorts. She visits her mother at her home in Ottery St. Catchpole every Monday morning. On Wednesday mornings, she does her shopping in Hogsmeade. On Friday afternoons, she attends a staff meeting at the Daily Prophet. She usually brings her son along with her wherever she goes, other than when she is travelling. She occaisionally......"

 

Lucius had stopped listening when Fairncombe had mentioned the Friday afternoon staff meeting Ginny Potter attended. The Daily Prophet offices were in Diagon Alley, which was always full of people.......which was perfect.

 

"Mr. Fairncombe......Howard....." Lucius interrupted with a smile, "you've done quite well. Just as I've asked. Now, I'm afraid I've got a small problem, and I'm goiing to have to ask your assistance. Just a small favour."

 

"Of course, Sir," Howard hastened to assure the man. Again, he felt rather chuffed with himself to be so trusted. "Anything I can do for you, just ask."

 

*****************************

 

"...and of these three last mentioned, I would suggest that teh greatest factor in determining another's potential for Dark behaviour is ambition. And this is what you are up against, why you must never underestimate what an enemy might be capable of."

 

Severus looked out at the roomful of impassive Aurors. Dead silence. Long moments went by, and Severus began to feel unnerved.

 

Severus had begun going over his key points in his head, wondering what exactly in his lecture would provoke such a reaction when suddenly applause erupted in the room. He glanced up at the witches and wizards facing him, and gradually the realisation sank in: they were applauding him. They were aplauding his words.

 

Harry, green eyes shining with love and pride, was clapping harder than anyone. He stood there for a moment, uncertain as to what to do, but then was enveloped in a sea of Aurors, all wanting to shake his hand and expressing their approval of his lecture.

 

They filed out, chattering amongst themselves as they went, leaving Severus and Harry alone in the room.

 

"That was...fabulous, Severus!" Harry said, leaving his seat and grasping Severus' arm. "Honestly, it was the best lecture you've ever given! I was riveted!" He tried drawing the older man into an embrace, intending on showing him his appreciation with a kiss, and was surprised when Severus drew back. Feeling confused, he made another attempt and again found himself thwarted.

 

"Sev?" he said, somewhat disbelievingly.

 

"Did our earlier encounter teach you nothing?" Severus asked harshly.

 

"Are you kidding?!" Harry exclaimed, his disbelief evident on his face now. "It's not like I want a shag here and now! I just wanted to give you a kiss! I mean...earlier.....well, I thought you were just being...well, you. Difficult." He tried to smile, but it was only half-heartedly. 

 

"Do you understand that this is where you work?" Severus said, "Do you understand that you are a married man? Do you understand that this is a risk too great for even the great Harry Potter to take?"

 

It's just a kiss!" Harry yelped, feeling wounded.

 

"Listen to me!" Severus said, grasping Harry's shoulders. "Your father-in-law works here! People talk! Surely you must have realised that by now?! What can you possibly be thinking in that head of yours, that even a simple kiss would be alright?? There can be none of that here! No kisses, no embraces, and certainly never again anything like the stunt you pulled earlier! If you cannot control yourself, I will have no choice but to resign this position. As you are so fond of reminding me, Auror Potter, you are an adult now. I suggest you begin to behave as one."

 

"This isn't school," he went on inexorably, "you won't have the headmaster twinkling kindly at you should you mess up, this is real life, and you can not mess up here. Too much depends upon it. Your happiness, Ginevra's. Not to mention my new role here!"

 

"What we do behind closed doors is one thing. But these are most definitely not closed doors. I will not tell you again. There can be nothing between us here. This is not the place!" Although it wounded Severus to see the hurt in those green eyes, he hardened his gaze, and stalked from the room leaving a pale and trembling Harry standing there alone.

 

***************************

 

"Next month, I must attend a function at the Ministry of Magic, one of those frightfully boring luncheon things, you know, but there's a problem with that, you see," Lucius said smoothly, watching the other man gulp his good cognac.

 

"You see," Lucius continued, inwardly grinding his teeth at the heathen abusing his good drink, "it's very important that I attend this Ministry affair, must be seen to be doing my part and all that. Divert attention away from our....shall we say...less 'noble' activities, and make the Ministry think that I'm being a good boy in their new world."

 

"I understand, Sir," Fairncombe said smugly. Less 'noble' activities indeed! Only in the eyes of the Ministry would they be seen as less than noble.

 

"The problem is," Lucius went on, "I have a contact I am desirous of meeting on that same day, but that is the only day he is available at the moment. I cannot impress upon you enough how important it is that I court this contact properly, as he could very well prove invaluable to furthering our cause."

 

"I understand, Sir," Fairncombe repeated, hoping that Malfoy would soon notice the diminished contents of his glass and pour more of his expensive tipple.

 

Lucius, fuming inwardly at the lack of manners Fairncombe displayed, picked up the cognac decanter once again, filling the sot's glass. Imagine gulping 100 year old cognac as if it were butterbeer! He repressed a shudder, gritted his teeth and continued in a honeyed voice. "The favour I require of you, Howard, involves you taking my place at the Ministry function, enabling me to meet with my contact. You needn't stay long, perhaps an hour at the most, and I will coach you in possible conversation topics. I will procure Polyjiuce Potion to enable us to carry out this endeavor. You will consume it, become me, attend the Ministry function, and no one will be the wiser."

 

"I get to be you, Sir?" Fairncombe said stupidly, then quickly added, "of course I'll be happy to do as you ask, Sir!"

 

_I'm sure you will_ Lucius thought disgustedly. He put on a smile and said, "Very good, Howard. The plan is in motion then." His smile became somewhat chilling, not that Fairncombe noticed, as a pleasing thought formed in his mind.

 

_And very soon the Traitor and his little paramour shall be made to pay._

 

*******************************


End file.
